Family dynamics/OCD guilt
I have an incredibly toxic family dynamic. Due to my current financial situation I have no other choice but to live with said toxic family. Have anyone else here had to deal with the guilt and anxiety of actually standing up to their abusive parents? I always feel so guilty for being upset with them or fighting with them because I’m so scared they could die right after and it’s the last thing I ever said to them. It gets so frustrating because I want to stand on being upset so they would actually respect my boundaries and how I feel, but I always cave because I could not live with the guilt of our last interaction being an argument. They aren’t typically kind to me and I can’t understand logically why I just can’t bring myself to treat them the same way.
@sociableTurtle9080
My family was a toxic mess as well. It really sucks to have to deal with that. However, is it really necessary to feel guilty for being emotionally abused? In other words, should you feel guilt because they are making your life difficult?
Please consider, there is a difference between standing up to them and fighting with them. It sounds as though everyone gets upset when there is fighting. Because of that, there are no new boundaries established, and there is no progress.
“I can’t understand logically why I just can’t bring myself to treat them the same way.”
I think that's because you are not the same kind of person. You are a better person, therefore behaving as they do probably would feel like a self betrayal. Besides, behaving as they do isn't likely to bring about anything positive.
I don't know what your circumstances are, but I'm reminded of how my mom used to follow me around and scream at me. It usually had nothing to do with my behavior, but instead, things I'd refused to believe. She was hyper religious and super judgmental. She acted like it was killing her that I had a mind of my own.
The only thing that helped manage her behavior was when I walked away. Gradually, I could be with her for longer periods of time before she decided to act crazy. Then, I just leave the room.
If you keyword "assertiveness training" in a browser, you might find a method of keeping your own emotions under control while standing firm with your boundaries. When both you and they know that you will not "cave," it's entirely possible that they will begin treating you with greater respect.
I can imagine you as a lighthouse, standing firm in the midst of the storm of your parents’ bad behavior, and while they are offering you stress, you are returning to them calm certainty.
