Mean intrusive thoughts (Trigger warning for content)

@Di4raye

 Many years ago, I was talking to a therapist. He told me, "whatever you do for the next week, absolutely do not think about monkeys." I asked him why not, he shouted back "just do as I say!" Well, thoughts of monkeys kept coming to mind for the entire week. I even woke up at night, and my first thought would be, "what's all this about monkeys?"

The next week, I told him how I failed miserably in avoiding thoughts about monkeys. He told me that was what he expected to happen. He chose monkeys because they are not something that comes to mind during the course of a typical day for most people. However, when told not to think about them, the possibility of doing so became a huge issue. Because such thoughts were to be avoided, the possibility of them occurring felt a bit threatening.

I believe that since the dawn of humanity, thoughts of potential threats trigger "hypervigilance." That means that a person is likely to dwell on such thoughts, whether they want to or not.

It sounds like you are describing unwanted and intrusive thoughts, which "threaten" your sense of self, and the person you wish to be. As a result, being on the lookout for such thoughts, can actually reinforce their presence. In addition, it's possible that the more intensely you fight against them, the stronger the suggestion to your subconscious is that such thoughts are overwhelmingly powerful.

The same thing is true when it comes to overcoming negative habits. Though more a person is convinced that overcoming the habit will be an extreme struggle, the more powerful the habit itself is perceived in the mind. In other words, a person can "give power" to negative habits, simply by how they perceive them.

I often say, the more you fight a habit, the more it fights you back. The same is true for thoughts. The more you resist them, the more they struggle to survive.

For that reason, I like to "turn away from" negative habits and thoughts, rather than fight them. When turning away from something, it's important to decide what you will be turning towards. Therefore, when turning away from a negative thought, it makes sense to choose another direction for your thoughts. It could be reading, going to meetings, meditation, or whatever. The same is true for other habits as well. To stop a habit, and leave an empty void in its place, tends not to end well.

Consider also, you are not your thoughts. Thoughts are like clouds. Some are light, fluffy and fun to watch. Others are dark, scary and quite possibly depressing. In truth, you are the person who is observing your thoughts. Like clouds, thoughts come and go. The trick is to observe them, and decide whether or not they have anything positive to offer.

Your thoughts don't determine what kind of person you are. Your will, intentions and actions are what determines your character. Some thoughts will resonate with the heart, others won't.

What you have written is evidence that you are a good person, and a courageous one as well, as you have reached out and shared this very challenging issue with us.

I grew up in a culture in which the thoughts that you have described were prevalent. My family was racist, sexist, and had a cruel attitude towards my autistic stepsister. Many times, I felt my thoughts drifting in the same direction, but I got around to putting myself in the position of those victims of such attitudes.

Perhaps you grew up in the presence of such cultural conditioning. Unfortunately, many of us have.

Emotional pain can trigger thoughts that are unwelcome, troubling and far from rational.

I feel that it is far more heroic to have dealt with such thoughts, and maintained integrity, then it is to have lived without such challenges.

The authentic you has power. Your thoughts only have the power that you decide to give them.

Thank u so so much , this means everything to me I hope I have an excellent day