POCD ( I’m lost )

I’m coming here yet again , as I’m dealing with evil mean intrusive thoughts, I am now convinced that I’m a pedophile or committed pedophilic acts and the guilt is eating me alive and I’m really stress right now so I’m going to rent about recents events : 2 years ago , when I were 15 , I remember seeing on social media the news announcing the death of a 14 yo Asian kid who used to be known since she was 9 year old as an “ influencer “ / troll who 3 years earlier had revealed being abused by her parents/ family I didn’t paid much attention before but the death news shocked me and stucked with me . I felt kind of bad/ sad , starting making research about the case and kind of got obsessed, to the point where it was in my mind almost all day , watching videos about the case , the old videos of the kid ( no one had any recent image of her , as she has not made a return to social medial or public apparition) , always having an image of the kid in my head , even when listening to sad music I would think about it , or truly doing anything ( nothing weird or s€xual ) I remember even when watching tik tok dances ( with weird lyrics ( ex : pop smoke )/ nostalgic ***’s reminiscing of that time or others influencers she were around, after all it were revealed to be an death hoax made by her father but in this story what bothers me the most is to think why was I so invested in this case ? Was I attracted to the child ? ( she was normal pretty cute looking child ) What made me so interested? Even worse , I remember one time I were watching a video idk how but it got me to imagining the sexuality of the kid now ( I really don’t know how to explain or how I even got to it ) and then feeling an anxious feeling as a disgusting pedophile lusting over an child ( like a gay pedophile wishing for child to become gay in the future as this give him more of an “ chance “ that is just weird and idk how could anyone imagine that . I feel very very weird . The girl is not 18 so 1 year older but that doesn’t make it any okay I have other things to say but I’ll make an other thread or this will be too long