Relationship OCD? Needing constant reassurance & overthinking my feelings
Hey, I think I might be dealing with some form of relationship OCD or anxiety, and I’m hoping someone out there can relate.
I’m in a long-term relationship with someone I love and trust. We’ve been through a lot together and have grown so much, but recently something just shifted in my brain. One day out of nowhere, it felt like this fog came over me, and I started questioning everything.
Now, I constantly get stuck in my head — obsessing over whether my feelings are “right,” or if I’m feeling “enough,” or even weird thoughts like “What if I want to be with someone else?” These thoughts don’t feel like me, but they still really freak me out. And every time I get one, I feel like I need someone to tell me it’s normal or that it doesn’t mean anything bad.
If I get reassurance, I feel okay for a while… but if I don’t, I spiral — thinking about it for hours or days, trying to figure out what it means. I hate that I do this because it feels like I’m doubting something I actually care so deeply about.
Has anyone else experienced this in a relationship? How do you cope with needing reassurance but not wanting to depend on it constantly? I’m like terrified it’s all a sign and it’s telling me the truth so like I need to do what my thoughts are saying
@TrustGod11
You mentioned that something shifted in your brain. Can you identify any changes in your life at that time? I'm asking because it's possible for a change in circumstances, medications, environment, nutrition, health, or any number of things, to affect how the brain functions. I've known many people who were bright and cheerful until they became tired, then their thoughts would begin to turn negative. For some, a change in blood sugar changes mood.
It's possible that even a temporary change in such factors, can trigger an ongoing shift in thoughts and feelings. You mentioned "obsession,” and I think that may be in one way of putting it, but could also be described as a preoccupation? How about instead of obsession, maybe feeling insecure?
I've had very similar thoughts at times over the years, and sometimes I could correlate it with how I was feeling physically. I also had negative romantic experiences, which led me to worrying for quite some time about how successful my current relationship would turn out to be.
So, maybe something happened that reminds you of something that happened in the past, and that initiated this cascade of thoughts and insecurities.
You want someone to tell you that such concerns and seeming obsessions are normal? I can tell you that in my experience, I've met very few people who have not had such thoughts and feelings.
Sometimes, such feelings can result in "seeing" something negative about the relationship that really doesn't exist. "Signs" may seem to present themselves, but in actual fact have no relevance.
When it comes to negative perceptions, it's worth asking, what is the evidence that those perceptions are valid? Another question, what other factors may have led to the perception, for example, not feeling well, or misunderstanding something said by your partner?
When I notice that I am "ruminating," that's when the same or similar thoughts keep repeating, I take a moment to stop, and let my mind clear. Basically, it's like a momentary meditation. Then I ask myself, can I see the situation in a different way? I also tell myself, "you've already thought that thought, now it's time to move on." I may have to repeat those efforts a few times, but it does end up working.
Feel free to message me if you would like to talk about it some more.
