Supporting Hoarders to Make Positive Change
Supporting Hoarders to Make Positive Change
Do you have a friend or family member whose life is spinning out of control because they collect, store, or cant seem to get rid of excess junk? Would you like to help them, but dont know how? Im hoping that this post provides some helpful suggestions for dealing with this challenging behavior.
What Is Hoarding?
Hoarding is the excess accumulation of objects or pets (animal hoarding) that causes social and environmental problems for the sufferer. Hoarding Disorder has recently been adopted as a clinical term by the American Psychiatric Association, and is listed in the latest revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) as a subset of obsessive compulsive disorders.
Why is Hoarding Harmful?
Hoarding causing environmental hazards by creating fall risks, fire hazards, and poor living conditions. Often times hoarders navigate their home via goat trails—small paths through stacks of boxes and other items. Animal hoarding poses special risks to animals and people due to inadequate disposal of feces, and other health issues associated with multiple pets living in an enclosed space. Hoarding can cause social isolation due to family exasperation with the behavior, and the shame caused by the stigma from the behavior.
Understanding the Psychology of Hoarding
Often times, hoarders know they have a problem, but feel overwhelmed and unable to tackle it. Problems with hoarding do not occur overnight, but become evident over months and years. In other cases, hoarders are not able to see or admit to having a problem, and may be greatly offended by the term hoarder and the negative stigma it can imply.
Why Do People Hoard?
There are many possible, complicated reasons for hoarding. People who grow up experiencing poverty, hunger or deprivation may feel an intense need to maintain excessive stocks of food supplies for fear of going hungry.
Similarly, some people may feel that the idea of giving away or throwing away unused objects is wasteful and that there is always a use for something, even if it cannot be clearly articulated.
Others may self-medicate inadequately treated depression and anxiety by shopping and spending money on objects.
Pet hoarders may feel the need to rescue animals when their own life feels out of control. Similarly, people may feel the need to rescue items they find at thrift stores and estate sales. They may rationalize their behavior with the belief that these items are being purchased and saved for friends or family members.
Cultural and societal values sometimes encourage hoarding, such as the status gained through consumer spending an acquisition of material objects to display ones wealth.
Whatever the reasons, and whether or not sufferers of this condition realize they have a problem, hoarders cannot let go of the objects in their life, and feel compelled to accumulate more. They face feelings of anxiety and depression when confronted by the idea of disposing of the objects in their life. What others see as waste or junk, the hoarder perceives as valuable objects that cannot be parted with. This is a fundamental difference that must be respected when addressing the behavior.
How Can We Help?
Hoarding is a behavior wrought with shame that occurs behind closed-doors. Frustration with this behavior is natural for friends and family members, but expressing frustration and judgment will only driver the hoarder deeper into the closet. Due to the personal and highly charged nature of confronting a family members hoarding behavior, it may be a good idea to enlist the help of a neutral, outsider, professional perspective, such as a counselor or social worker who has experience addressing the issue. This isnt to suggest that you should not express your concerns on the issue, but that obtaining help outside the family circle can make you, and your hoarding family member feel more supported in productively addressing the behavior.
It is important to realize that sometimes our anger as well as our concern are often expressed at the same time. It is natural and necessary to express your anger or frustration as part of the healing process. Hearing and seeing the effect of their actions on loved ones can be the beginning of the process of helping the hoarding family member understand and change their behavior. But love and positive support are necessary if long-term progress is to be made.
Some Ideas for Fostering Positive Change
1. Consult with professionals who have experience treating hoarding behavior.
2. Begin at the beginning: help the hoarding loved one create an inventory or list of everything in the house, along with a reason why they own it.
3. Once the inventory is created, set small, realistic goals: no accumulation of new items, throw or give away three items per week. Start small. Trying to make sweeping, overnight changes will not address the reasons why the hoarding is occurring. Problematic hoarding occurs over a period of months or years. Permanent, positive changes will be small, incremental and take place over time. It will be a long-term effort. Family support for reaching even small goals will help the hoarding family member feel more in control and give them the confidence to tackle larger goals.
4. Cognitive behavioral therapy for the sufferer may be helpful in identifying problems and changing behaviors. Whether privately, in therapy, with family or a support group, the sufferer must explore and come to an understanding of why they engage in hoarding behavior for real change to occur.
5. Hoarding behavior cannot change if the individual who hoards is unwilling to see the need for change. Throwing away items behind their back, accusations, family interventions, and name-calling are aggressive approaches that may not lead to long-term positive change. Real change is difficult, and it only takes place when we are willing to change and see a need to change. There is a time and a place to express feelings of disappointment and anger, but realize that expressing these feelings must also be tempered with love, compassion, strong support and pragmatic, realistic solutions if the cycle of hoarding is to be broken.
Resources
American Psychiatric association https://www.psychiatry.org/hoarding-disorder
The International OCD Foundation Hoarding Center https://hoarding.iocdf.org/
WebMD https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/harmless-pack-rat-or-compulsive-hoarder
This gorgeous thread definitely deserves a bump up :) Thank you @EmpatheticDude for putting it together
>tips hat< Glad to be of service, my friend. :)
Thank you really helpful, i have been a hoarder for 11 years , i am ready to change, have begun, but fills up quicker than i can clear it. I live on my couch, this is how small my world has become. Many Thanks
You're welcome! There's hope for you. I hope the people in your life are supportive of the changes you want to make. Get as many people on board with you so you don't have to go it alone. Fell free to PM me if you want some extra support. I'm on here only very sporadically, but I'd welcome the opportunity to chat back and forth. Whatever you find most helpful. Good luck to you.
Many thanks, i'm on my own, family do not understand. I appreciate your time, prompt response. Best wishes
@wonderfulIcicle35
Hi There,
Have you a friend thatyou're close to, who understands you? It would help enormously if you had someone by your side when you start to clear things.They can give you that extra support when you're at the point of 'shall I keep it or shall I dump it'Please do let me know how you're getting on. I'm always here, so please don't feel you're alone in this, you're not :-)
Lucy2
Thank you, no, I am used to being alone. Thank you for your kindness, take care
@wonderfulIcicle35
I want you to know that I am always around to help you out. If you want to chat about it here or would like support privately, that's no problem, just message me.
Always here to help, take care and be strong.
Lucy2
@wonderfulIcicle35
HI there,
How are you getting on today? we do understand what you're going through and sometimes it's easier to talk to strangers than family, so please do come on in and have a chat, it may help.
Warm wishes
Lucy2
Thank you
Hi, there. So I recently met this lady by driving through town. She seems to be a cat hoarder. I want to help knowing how to talk to her without offending her or making her feel like a bad owner. It would be nice if someone with experience in this situation could help me.
Animal hoarding is really tough, because you have to weigh the well being of the person against the well being of the critters. I once knew someone who offered help by buying food and vet care for the hoarder's animals, but this only enabled further hoarding, and ultimately compounded the misery of the pets already in their care.
You can try to get more information on your own. Really, only by seeing where and how she lives is it possible to know for sure. Although it may seem intrusive, calling your local adult protective services and asking them to do a welfare check can open the door to professional intervention for both the pets and the people. If you feel adult protective services isn't helping, animal control or a humane investigator may be able to get involved.
I can't tell anyone else what to do, but if I thought animals were suffering and dying due to inadequate care, I personally would put their interests first, just as I would if I had reason to believe someone was abusing or mistreating a child. The sense of urgency in these situations is higher than it is where the hoarding behavior hurts only the hoarder. Some behaviors must be stopped in their tracks, even at the risk of alienating the people we want to help too.
I hope this helps. I'm sorry, it's not an easy situation to confront...
Hello, for anyone who does not watch Corination Street, nice to see they are bringing up hoarding in story line, good to get message out there rather than being seen as lazy.
Hi there @wonderfulIcicle35 yes, I've seen this too and there have been two episodes on BBC 2 in recent months, tackling this very sensitive issue. It isn't until you've seen how painful it is for the hoarder, do you have any idea what they are going through. My heart goes out to them, it really does.It's about time this was discussed and really good to see how genuine those willing to help the sufferer are. Bless them.
Lucy2
Thank you
Hi @wonderfulIcicle35 This is turning out to be a very interesting storyline isn't it?I hopeit's going to havea huge impact on public understanding and also help those who have this issue. It's really refreshing and I'm looking forward to seeingher progress and yours of course 
Take care
Lucy2
Hello, I hitrockbottom the other day as I stared around the dump that had become my house, something clicked, out of the blueI decided to make a start,I started in the Kitchen sink as suggested by FlyLady. To be fair, it had been avoided for some time and some of the things I found in there , mould, stagnant water and various forms of fly lavae and other wild life! Sounds like hell, it was, but with willpower, I did it, have now reclaimed my kitchen. This is a Great feeling, after 11 years. So nice to find I have discovered it again,. To date have reclaimed one bedroom, neat and awaiting someone to fill it. Currently half way through the bathroom, senteight bags of clothes to charity.
Hey that's really awesome. I'm even proud haha.
Hi @wonderfulIcicle35
That's absolutely brilliant, it must have beenunimaginably hard for you, but you did it! Here's to you and all the achievements you make. 
Every step youtake is a positive step forward, so keep up the excellent progress, we're all behind you.{{{hugs}}}
Lucy2
Thank you for your support, looking forward to cleaning now!
You can do it!
Thank you, empathetic dude for your help,can i ask do you know much about narcissitic parents/adult survivors? Many thanks
You're welcome. I do.
Hello going great guns, just put out 20 bin bags, worried that they would not take them, but they did. I have now reclaimed another room, still trying to get organised, best wishes
Hey @wonderfulIcicle35 that's fantastic, oh what a feeling that must be for you
Terrific, I'm so thrilled, this is a very proud moment for you
Lucy2
Thank you
Yeah! You're rocking the Casbah, taking it to the next level! HIGH FIVE.
someone that i know and love is a hoarder. i recently come to realize it after a failed attempt to clean their apartment. that was before i realized how bad things were. there's little to no walking space in the dining room, kitchen, master bedroom and living room. There are dishes piled up in the sink, rotting food in the fridge and trash on the floor. How can i rebuild trust with this person to understand their issue instead of trying to fix it?
Hi there @yallahs
Your friend is so lucky to have someone like you around. 
Let them know you are there for them and are willing to work through this a little at a time at their pace. That you will always be a support to them as long as them need you. You could even suggest our hoarding forum to them, there's so much helpful information written by hoarders themselves.
Lucy2
Thanks! @lucy2 I feel soemwhat guilty because I cleaned their place without their permission and it made them anxious. I was visiting them from out of town for a few weeks and that space triggered my mental health. I know that their hoarding has a lot to do with their past trauma of being in an abusive relationship. I want to support them, yet at the same time they do this thing where they support and care for everyone else around them but them. I don't understand it.
Hi again @yallahs
I'm really not surprised they were anxious that you had tidied up, as hoarders are very sensitive about their belongings and the thought of somebody moving their things, even if it's in the same room triggers a great deal of anxiety for them. I can understand it wasn't too pleasant for you either but now you know, probably best to ask if they'd like your help to tidy a little with them, baby steps here I think. 
Lucy2
you're right @lucy2 sometimes i get too overzealous in my efforts to help people. baby steps indeed.
