Not having OCD has ruined my life.
Hi everyone, I'm here to complain. The thing is that I don't have OCD. I can't have OCD because I haven't been diagnosed with it. So when I feel the need to step on certain things while walking down the street, I can't call it OCD. When I have anxiety attacks because I don't follow my rituals perfectly, I can't call it OCD. When I count every stair I step on, I can't call it OCD. When I look behind my bed three times every night since I was like 14, I can't call it OCD. When my friends, my family and basically everyone is aware of the issue and is literally tired of it, I can't call it OCD. I cannot say or imply that I've got OCD because I'm obsessed with the idea of being obsessed with an obsessive mental illness. And maybe I'm just saying this for people to think I've got OCD. Because I am truly obsessed with it, so it must be some symptom from OCD, sure. But it's not that easy. What if I want y'all to think that I've got OCD and that's why I'm writing this? What if I WANT to have a mental illness just so I can victimize because of it? All this rituals and compulsive behaviours have been around since I was a child. But when I learnt what OCD was it just got worse, I started being aware of my own behaviours and it was scary for me. So maybe I got worse because I assumed I had OCD, and I had to behave like someone with that illness. Is that too complicated? I feel the worst person alive. All the time. All days. I don't think I can deal with this.
@1settleforadraw It sounds like OCD or not, your thoughts and way of behaving because of them are having a pretty negative impact on your life. Have you sought out professional help before?
No, it's not too complicated at all. OCD really has a way of messing with your head, to the point that it makes you question every thing that you say, do and think, things that wouldnt have occurred to you before. When I was going through my worst period of OCD, it was like anything was fair game to become a new terrible obsession. So I've been there, It's extremely distressing and scary! I strongly recommend that you get in touch with a mental health professional, and importantly, a therapist that specializes in OCD, since it absolutely cannot and should not be treated the same way as anxiety.
I think it's easy to get obsessed with something if you think you might have it, partly cause people around you won't listen and take you seriously unless you got doctorspapers on it, otherwise we're just whiny aren't we. ( don't have diagnosed OCD but got other things and I think the same goes for everything that can be diagnosed about once mental health )
If a person says they can't run, everyone will think at first "That person is just lazy", but then the person shows that they got no legs, then people will understand fully, but with mental health, you can't prove it, you can't just open your skull and point at a part of the brain that will be swollen and say like "Look heres my adhd!", if it wasn't for that people are so mean to you and tell you to get over it, I think the obsession of proving and knowing wouldn't be as strong.
And still, despite doctorspapers, a lot of people STILL are to thick to listen.
@1settleforadraw You are the exact opposite of me. I've been normal my whole life. I'm really insanely creative and I can't turn it off. I have these loud thoughts and I just have to let them run their course. Creative people are just that way right? Creative people need their house a certain way so they can keep creating. People like that need to run their life in a specific way so it helps them stay with the flow.
Went to a few grief therapy sessions, and my therapist recognized my OCD even though it was totally unrelated to what we were talking about. I still don't believe I have OCD. I don't want to have it. This is just how my life is. It's always been this way. It's not unusual. (Or so I tell myself…)
Now that I am diagnosed with it, I calculate every single frigging action. Is the way I walk up the stairs normal or is it OCD? These specific words that I constantly chant under my breath - but everyone does that, right? It can't be OCD. Or is it? But I've always been that way.
It never ends for me. I uncomfortably analyze if every single move is me or the OCD. It's out of control. I wish I was never diagnosed at all.
Both sides are rough. Im really sorry youre going through this. I can understand a little bit, but this is from someone on the exact opposite side of the field.
Just remember, if you break your arm and have to travel to the hospital, your arm is still broken even before the doctor diagnoses it. Have you been to a therapist yet?
