OCD going wild over brother being sick
For as long as I can remember, my younger brother getting sick has been a massive trigger for my OCD. And I just....I feel so crazy and I guess I just need to hear that other people have this. Because it's not just that he's sick and I could catch it. It's that he's sick, and I could get sick, and also that somehow my brain convinces me that my parents will abandon me while he's sick and that I don't matter. And like he has a cold right now and I feel like I might be getting it, but then I keep convincing myself I'm making it up and I'm just seeking attention and that that means I'm "really crazy." (I get paranoid about getting sick and often feel sick from anxiety, which my OCD tells me is actually me just making things up because I'm "crazy.") Hopefully this makes sense. Basically it's not a simple fear, it's this whole spiraling loop of obsessions and I just want to know if anyone else has similar issues. Also to add to me feeling weird, I love it in fiction when a character is sick and another character cares for them - so you think irl I would just want to take care of sick people. But instead I feel like I make it all about me, and even though I'm not trying to do that, it makes me so angry at myself.
You're not crazy, and you're not alone. Fear of "contamination" (including germs!) is a very common subtype of OCD, and it is also very common to feel physically unwell when you are extremely anxious. You're not a bad/selfish person, you're scared, and the nature of fear is that it makes us focus on ourselves because we feel we are in danger and need to find a way to get out of the danger. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I have OCD myself and I can relate to a lot of what you're describing. For me, it got a lot better when I got on medication and started doing exposure (ERP) therapy.
