ROCD fears about falling for therapist
Hey,
This topic is so weird and embarrassing but here it goes. I've basically had what I believe to be Pure O for 7 years now- it has mainly been focused on not loving the people I'm currently in love with and anxiety ruining a special moment. And one major obsession for me is falling in love with someone else.
Well, one person I'm currently "in love" with is a platonic crush on this girl I've known for 7-8 years and I constantly get fears of falling in love with someone else- however these fears have improved after I read that people can have more than one platonic crush- or squish as the Asexual community calls them- at the same time (and remembering that I actually did actually have 2 at the same time once).
But this recent obsession (or at least I hope it's an obsession) really scares the shit out of me and if I wasn't emetophobic I would seriously want to throw up right now!! Well, I have recently been secretly seeing an online therapist for months now and she is one of the few people I have told about my girl crush (and other stuff I could never tell anyone) and noticed I couldn't get the site or her out of my mind. I never really thought it meant I had a squish on her or anything but thought it was because I found emotional intimacy highly embarrassing which made me anxious. But then after realizing this was becoming an issue for me I started panicking and Googling my experience. But then I found stories of clients becoming infatuated with their therapist and I literally froze with terror!! Especially because I have feelings of curiosity and warmth towards my therapist the way I would do with a crush! And sometimes I have this light feeling like I want to be friends or something. I have had this obsessive fear before and hence I always brushed it off. But now looking back on my feelings and what they mean I am absolutely in sheer panic and I could practically cry right now.
I am still in love with my girl crush but now my "Pure O" is convincing me it's meaningless. I know that if this thought were to be true then maybe it wouldn't be too bad, but my obsessions would convince me otherwise.
@GingerMC I'm in no way an expert on stuff like this but the therapist-client realtionship is a fairly intense, and emotionally intimate one. So I think it's likely that what you are experiencing is a normal and healthy part of the therapy process. As long as your feelings towards your therapist don't push you to act in a way that threatens the professional nature of your interactions, they might even be beneficial to your progress.
In short: I don't really know, but you're probably fine.
@KattPiper But what kind of feelings are they? That's the problem!
