Self-diagnosed OCD and now i can't sleep
i have loosely self-diagnosed myself as having OCD in the past. I have unwanted, taboo, and (i think) untrue thoughts that come up intruding in my current peace. First I started with some Health OCD where i would have a physical symptom and i would constantly seek reassurance and google it and get scared and then calm down and then next thing u know there's a trigger and im back at square one.
Next I had a moment for my relationship where my thoughts wouldn't stop questioning everything. I'm in a happy and healthy relationship with someone I'm in love with but i get thoughts like "you are not in love with him", "you are making a mistake." and etc and it makes me so upset and guilty when im with them.
The next one and current one im going through builds off of the relationship one where it's questioning if im gay or if i even like men, when i feel confident im bisexual, leaning more towards guys. I never even really thought i liked women all that much (never have had a crush on one and i have never been sexually attracted to one not in the media) but i have identified as bisexual for a while to keep myself open and not limited. But recently ive been overthinking myself when i think a female is pretty ane stuff. I know it's very okay to be bisexual and still be in love with a man but my head gets in loops about it connecting my old relationship ocd thoughts with this. im just not sure where it came from! it's scary thoughts because it makes me think i'm not okay when i know im okay and the reassurance comes and goes and i get in tight thought loops about it.
i hope this makes anyone less alone. if there is ANY advice i would love to hear it.
@blueDime4124
Hi Blue, I am sorry you are dealing with intrusive thoughts 😔 they are the worst. While we can't give "advice" per say we can share our experience, strength, and hope.
A lot of what you describe does sounds similar to different themes of OCD (health, relationship, sexuality, etc) and it is common for people to switch between different subtypes. I always recommend speaking with a professional if you are able (I know that isn't a luxury everyone can afford) for diagnosis and treatment.
If you are attending a university they usually have free counseling services available. I was also lucky enough to have an OCD center in my home town that offered free group support sessions virtually (even though I wasn't a patient there). I am currently working with a specialist who has worked for in-patient centers for OCD and eating disorders (because my compulsions are mostly centered around eating) so she was a great fit. I was on the verge of checking myself into an in-patient center, so working with someone who has that experience in an out-patient setting was a blessing. If a provider does not take insurance, you can ask them if they do sliding scale or ask your insurance about a "super bill."
I started off looking online for a therapist and doing a free 15 minute consultation with 3 candidates and picked the one that sounded like they were the best fit for my case. Most therapist allow a free phone consult if you email them to ask. You can ask about their experience and treatment strategies and then take notes. Then you can compare them across people you have interviewed. I also looked at their resumes/CV. I ended up doing telehealth with the person I picked because she was in a different city.
The first line therapy for OCD is ERP, but I have also been getting treatment with I-CBT. I-CBT is focused on OCD and the source of "doubt" rather than just learning to tolerate distress. I have a post on it here.
Usually people start on ERP and if they aren't responsive move onto I-CBT. ERP helped me a lot initially but now I am trying more I-CBT methods.
ERP taught me how to "lean" into the uncertainty, accept doubt, and not seek reassurance. It also taught me not to try to "logic" my way out of the intrusive thoughts because it made them worse.
If you are looking at journaling as well I have some tips here:
We do have a chat session Wednesdays 8pm EST in the Support session room if you would like to join as well! We go over a variety of topics related to this group.
I hope you are able to find the support you need! We are here for you as well 😊
Maybe get checked by a professional and stop self loathing