Chat Between @7Bear7 and @jesusredeemedme2425
I can't find our other penpal chat, so I thought I'd make us a new one! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
(Just for more privacy 💖).
Ty <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Sorry for the late reply. . . I was taking a break from the Internet.
Thank you for the new chat! Anything one your mind you wanna chat about? Any unique/interesting holiday plans?
PS I will probably be taking another break soon ish but I don't know when exactly. . .
@jesusredeemedme2425
Sorry for the late reply. . . I was taking a break from the Internet.
Thank you for the new chat! Anything one your mind you wanna chat about? Any unique/interesting holiday plans?
PS I will probably be taking another break soon ish but I don't know when exactly. . .
It’s all good <3
I’m so incredibly lonely…
How are you doing?
Nothing really. A lot of charity work. Overwhelming.
How come?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Apologies for the late reply, my phone has been messing up my notifications recently. (That's what I am gonna blame at least, lol)
I pray you are feeling less lonely 🩵
I am okay, very confused recently but I suppose that's part of learning. Perhaps we must first recognize our lack of understanding and how great it really is, before we can truly learn and understand? Or perhaps that is another thing I am confused one.
Charity is an amazing work just don't burn yourself out completely a small flame is so much easier to keep alight, than to reignite used kindling. It's understandable to be overwhelmed (I know I have been a lot in life especially this past year) the world is big and Gods plan bigger, I pray we'll find peace, comfort, and confidence.
Do you/your family/you and your mom have a Christmas meal or something you eat around every Christmas (like turkey or ham or homemade rolls?)
I uhhh am not sure I'll actually be taking another break as soon as I thought I would. I think it's good to disconnect from the high speed extremes (in both directions) of the Internet occasionally to have a time with your self, family, and God. I tend to do it when I am really struggling with/about something or having a particularly bad time or hard time.
I'll keep praying for you, take care of yourself 🩵
It’s all good <3
Nah… not completely.
Confused by what?
I barely have a flame.
No… We don’t have family around for that.
Why not alternate days?
Thank you <3
Hey :)
@jesusredeemedme2425
Hey I apologize for everything, I've been busy (got a job and a few other things keeping me wrapped up) and been in a weird headspace so I haven't gotten on cups for more than a glance for weeks now. . . So very sorry for the late response.
Hey, how are you? How did the Christmas cards go? (Honestly other than the food posts that's basically the last thing I saw from you, other than a glance here and there) Sorry again
Yay! You got a job! <3
No pressure to respond <3
Why a weird headspace?
Had TONS of Christmas cards left over, so I’m saving them for this Christmas <3
I’m eh. Mid. Lol
What’s your fave cuisine?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Yep a job, it's decent for now while I am trying to figure stuff out and heal my mind.
Thanks, I still sorry for late responses I know everyone is going through stuff and I feel bad not being there for my friends but sometimes I just can't mentally handle it and would make their situation worse by trying (spoken from experience sadly)
'why the weird headspace' uhhh long story but basically I am off and on questioning everything about myself and my beliefs and things I thought were set in stone, that about as much about that topic my mind can handle tonight but maybe later. (Tho you aren't a listener so I am not like asking you to listen to me, ya know?)
Oooo that's nice! Maybe pick out one you really like out of the left overs and keep it for yourself, a kind of Christmas in February.
Mmm sorry it's mid at the moment, I am also sorry I haven't been reaching out. You really are my friend and I want to talk to you more. I just haven't reached out to anyone, I only talk to family, work, and one friend who streams (I talk to them in their chat so don't really reach out there either) so sorry I guess I have always been bad at keeping friends. . . I think the longest I had a friendship that wasn't just close acquaintances was maybe 6 months to a year? Idk for sure tho.. . Sorry rambling again, a lot of people tell me it's fine to ramble but idk it still feels wrong sometimes like idk
Uhhh favorite cuisine??? Idk maybe Mexican? But also not idk? I like a lot of things and don't like a lot of things but I don't really have a favorite if that makes sense? It's more a mood thing, sometimes I don't want something I really like but idk.
Anyways thanks for responding and reaching out it does mean a lot and I am sorry I didn't do it myself.
Have a blessed night/day and thank you for reading! 🩵
Hello this is Bear. I am physically okay currently, but some things have happened IRL that has my mental state teetering above an abyss. It's not getting better at the moment. Currently I can not find it in myself to talk to people on the Internet politely or without lashing out violently. I will be taking a break from all internet sources and interactions I can (except for music). I apologize for the abruptness of this message and I don't know when I will have the mental strength or state to return.
(A copy paste message to my few friends)
@jesusredeemedme2425
Awww hon…I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. I’m behind on some of my penpal chats, not just yours.
How can I pray for you? <3
Love you, dear friend <3
Would you like some music suggestions? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Don't be sorry trust me you're okay I am behind on my few ones as well and I now you have a lot more than me.
I don't know, things IRL have been pretty tough things breaking and people pushing me to do things I am not able to do and just a lot of stress. And then things have been weird and confusing with some of my non cups online friends so that's been stressful too. . . Honestly any prayers are welcome.
Thanks Kiara, love you too <3
I would love music suggestions
Yeah, I probably have like 8-10 I haven’t responded to yet lol. The overwhelm is real. (Not you, just in general.)
Things breaking?
What aren’t you able to do?
I’m so sorry :’( I’ll pray for you <3
Here’s a funny one… Watch the music video for “Safety Dance” hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
I have like 3 chats and still forget to check them T - T you are doing better than me.
Uh vehicles and me don't get along apparently
Not really important anymore vehicle stuff.
Thank you so much Kiara <3
I'll try to pray for you too but I struggle to remember to pray anymore (it's not good)
The music video was very funny! 🤣 Thank you for the recommendation.
Also very sorry for the super late reply I wrote up a response at least twice already (I know because I remember talking about the music video) but I either forgot to send or decide it sounded wrong and to try again and forgot) I am very sorry again.
I just let my penpal chat notifications build up apparently. And then respond to all of them at once hehe
How so?
I always forget to pray. My Christian walk is suffering greatly lately.
I don’t remember what I recommended lol
No worries! I don’t mind <3
If you could have anything in the world that you wanted, what would it be?
@jesusredeemedme2425
(Having really bad thoughts tonight hope that doesn't come through but I really want to respond and talk so ya know idk)
Makes sense
They break on me a lot, vehicles like breaking or getting problems a lot when they are mine/I am the main driver.
"I always forget to pray. My Christian walk is suffering greatly lately." Same, honestly not sure I can even call myself a Christian anymore, only examples/people like Samson, Solomon, and David, give me any hope now. . .
some song I think
Thanks<3
"If you could have anything in the world that you wanted, what would it be?" - that's a hard question especially when my first thought was real/proper emotions, but otherwise there is honestly a lot of options. Physical things would be a Kawasaki verses 650 (motorcycle), skirts & thigh highs?, certain metal armors/weapons (glaive would be awesome), idk stuff a gaint bell? Non physical things, therapist would be awesome,
Ugh I rambleed honestly a hug, I know I can go get a hug from family anytime I want but I want a hug from someone who understands idk sorry I didn't mean to get heavy and rambl on such a fun question T - T
Thanks Kiara for being my friend, I know we haven't been great/close ones but it still means a lot to me thank you 🩵
I’m here <3 Are you safe? hugsss <3
Weird.
Why can’t you call yourself a Christian?
Why real/proper emotions? What do you have instead?
I’m curious, why skirts and thigh highs?
What’s glaive?
You reminded me, I need to reschedule my therapy appointment I cancelled.
Why don’t you have a therapist?
I’d hug you if I was there *big bear hug* <3
Of course! You are dear to me <3 I’m here for you and I love you, lil bro <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Hey sorry for the delayed reply, I fell asleep and then have been busy with work and stuff. I am safe thanks for asking. HUGGSSS <3
Yea but I have bad luck so eh.
"Why can’t you call yourself a Christian?"
Oh fluffy chickens that's a deep question. I tried very hard to tell you and even typed paragraph length answers twice or more but it just doesn't seem right no explanation makes sense because of how confusing and angering the situation is. But the basics with no details is my views, beliefs, and understanding of what I christian is, no longer matches what I am and who I am becoming and who I want to be/be with.
"Why real/proper emotions? What do you have instead?"
Uhh so I have two major things that effects that, one I dissociate a lot (just feel nothing no negative or positive emotions just blankness), and two when I do have emotions that they are quick and intense. Now I have unconsciously learned to fake emotions to people, and even fake them to myself at times. But I really wish that I could feel something regularly, and not realize when I am alone that I didn't actually feel anything while talking to that person or whatever it may be. I am actually getting better on the emotional front, I have started to recognize when I am actually having real emotions not the fake ones I display for others and just knowing that not everything is fake gave/gives me so much relief.
"I’m curious, why skirts and thigh highs?"
The curse of being a boy/guy who likes cute things, androgyny, and has a small almost feminine frame. I just like them I think that they're cute and I wanna be cute and I have two older sisters so have a lot of feminine thoughts/habits that I don't even realize are feminine in this culture and I don't care for gendered clothing, because come on it's clothing what does that have to do with anything? (Apologies for the rate) Oh also that they are soooo freaking COMFY!!!! ughhhh I want thigh highs!!!
*Ahem, sorry I am weird*
"What’s glaive?"
A glaive is a really cool polearm that is similar to a spear but instead of its purpose being stabbing it's for cutting/slashing it's shaped differently too but you get the point I hope.
"You reminded me, I need to reschedule my therapy appointment I cancelled."
Glad I could help
"Why don’t you have a therapist?"
Not sure how to get one, hadn't started making money until this year, and didn't want to ask my family cuz they would need to know a lot more than I am comfortable telling (at the moment) for them to understand and not just brush it off.
"I’d hug you if I was there *big bear hug* <3"
Thank you so much! *BIG BEAR HUGS BACK!! <3*
"Of course! You are dear to me <3 I’m here for you and I love you, lil bro <3"
Thank you again. You mean a lot to me and you have a such a kind soul, <3 I hope I can be there for you too, love you too sis 🩵
I suck at responding…
Fluffy chickens XD
What’s the main differences? Just use a sentence or two if it’s easier. No need to rewrite or revise <3
I’m numb a lot, too. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s ok to feel numb <3
I’m curious, are you gay or trans? (I apologize if that’s an offensive question. I just wondered because of the clothing discussion.)
Women’s clothes don’t have pockets fyi XD We HATE THAT lol
What would you do with a glaive if you got one?
I never rescheduled it. lol
Does your insurance cover a therapist?
ALLLLLLLL THE BEAR HUGS!!!!!
Love you moreeeee lil bro <3 hugs <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
You're fine I generally do to but I'ma reply tonight cuz I can't sleep
I'ma also try and keep it short and sweet like yours is
Fluffy chickens yes, their cute and it's a phrase I accidentally use a lot out loud so I just sorta lean into it
"What’s the main differences? Just use a sentence or two if it’s easier. No need to rewrite or revise <3"
Uh the non heterosexual thoughts and desires is a big part of it, and a lot of little things have been building up here and there. Like nothing is going to change my belief that God and Jesus are real and everything they say is true, I just don't seem to be following them at the moment.
Yeah it's just annoying sometimes, I am sorry you have to feel that way to sometimes. <3
"I’m curious, are you gay or trans? (I apologize if that’s an offensive question. I just wondered because of the clothing discussion.)"
Hah so if you asked me that 6 months to a year ago I would have said no to both. But I am definitely not straight, I would consider myself to be somewhere on the pan and ace scale. As for trans I would say no for the way most people think about it. I am content as a guy and I don't really wanna change anything (other than the body hair lol) but I don't really feel a major connection to either gender, I almost feel genderless in my thoughts and dreams. So I wouldn't personally tell anyone I am trans cuz it seems misleading and not quite right to me, but I know some people who by their personal definition and beliefs would call me trans.
"Women’s clothes don’t have pockets fyi XD We HATE THAT lol"
T - T I am well aware two older sisters they complain about it a lot, I know we found a brand of skirts that has pockets and they LOVE THOSE. (If you want I can probably find the brand again) But yea it sucks
"What would you do with a glaive if you got one?"
Sharpen and polish the blade, then pose with it and cut some fruits and other stuff (maybe some bamboo) then probably keep it on the wall as decoration, defense, and cool lore.
"I never rescheduled it. lol"
OOf + lol = loof
*Does your insurance cover a therapist?"
Not sure my parents cover most things at the moment including all the insurances (I pay for gas some food and other random stuff but they still got me covered in most everything)
"ALLLLLLLL THE BEAR HUGS!!!!!"
Awhhhhhwwwhwhh tanks you!!!! <3 sending the best and biggest Bear hugs™ back !!!
"Love you moreeeee lil bro <3 hugs <3"
Thank you so much sis <3 HUGS! 🩵
BAWK!!!! Hehe
I feel it. I feel the same way. (Not the thoughts part, the other part.)
Numbness keeps me going sometimes.
So, you’re questioning? Maybe? Is agender a thing?
I don’t wear skirts, but I would LOVE pants that work with my sensory issues that have pockets! Lol
So you’re gonna be Fruit Ninja!!! Hehe 🍉 🍎 🍈 🥷
Meh I don’t care enough atm. And my life is INSANE :(
Maybe just tell them you’re overall stressed and see what they think about therapy?
Ooooooh they’re trademarked???? Hehe bigggggg KIARA hugs <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
"BAWK!!!! Hehe" lol
"I feel it. I feel the same way. (Not the thoughts part, the other part.)" Yea it's really sucky, I hate the feelings and sometimes hate the thoughts. Idk might have someone IRL I can trust to help me with some of this but who truly knows clearly not me I thought everything was fine.
"Numbness keeps me going sometimes." So real, I honestly wish I was numb right now but maybe feeling is good for me who knows.
"So, you’re questioning? Maybe? Is agender a thing?" Definitely questionijg some things, I'll probably be fighting and confused and struggling with this for a long while, but currently my emotions most relate to agender, or NB (non-binary)
"I don’t wear skirts, but I would LOVE pants that work with my sensory issues that have pockets! Lol" totally valid! Women need some better pants and especially some with real pockets
"So you’re gonna be Fruit Ninja!!! Hehe 🍉 🍎 🍈 🥷" yea I guess, would be fun tho not really feeling it tonight lol. . . But yea I remember that game fondly and definitely yea yes yep
*Meh I don’t care enough atm. And my life is INSANE :(" oof, don't make me do all the sharing lol (only say what you're comfortable with but know I wokt judge and I'll do my best to listen kindly!) and also fair & felt
"Maybe just tell them you’re overall stressed and see what they think about therapy?" I so highly doubt that would work, but maybe with how things are going well have to see
"Ooooooh they’re trademarked???? Hehe bigggggg KIARA hugs <3"
I guess they are now, quick trade mark yours before someone steals it lol
(Massive hugs Kiara,
Hey *hugs* <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Yeh "hugs* 🩵
That's supposed to be a hey lol T - T
Your phone speaks backwards now ;)
Tell me whatever’s on your heart <3 Don’t feel like you have to rewrite or polish or correct or anything. I’m here for you, my beloved brother <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
I lost like half of my friends online and I DOTN KNWOW WHY
thate just all blocked me, one of them I was really really close to or I thought I was idk and from what I can tell it started with them, somehow I hurt someone close again but I don't even know how or when this time. They wouldn't tell me and I am just not gonna ask more than the once cuz I don't wanna hurt them worse I love them all enough that I want what's best and if that's not me around then that's what's best but freaking hurts soo much
Was it friends from a game?
How do you know they blocked you?
Do you think maybe it was peer pressure?
Tell me anything and everything. I’m about to go to bed, but I’ll respond tomorrow <3 Night, lil bro. I love you! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
No not a game, it was a online space. I knew a lot of them in multiple spaces artists and such but I just really close with a lot of them we watched videos and shows together, (in one space there is a method to have voice but not video of each other, so like it really felt like I knew them all) I've known some of them almost as long as I've known y'all on cups th. And it was just a sweep in almost one night blocked and kicked from so many people and places and it still going it seems, who knows if I'll have of them any left who knew that one who probably started the thing.
And I mean that's not all I have. Lot of underlying issues that I have been trying to deal with for awhile or even a long time. Ut something like this happening just makes almost every action hurt. I mean I would talk to at least one of them every day if not the same person each day at least one of them, and general quite a few of them and now my literally daily routine is broken and I still don't know why and probably never will
@jesusredeemedme2425
How do you know they blocked you? It's says or is very obvious in most of the places I know them, either their profile is gone or blank and some even say that your blocked so pretty obvious.
Do you think maybe it was peer pressure? For some of them maybe but who knows, couldn't have been for A the one I was closest to and who probably started the whole thing cuz they are the connecting factor. I am pretty reclusive in most spaces so yea it's not like there was an outside force behind it cuz they A wouldn't do it unless they wanted or felt like they needed to. Or that's what I thought at least
Tell me anything and everything. I’m about to go to bed, but I’ll respond tomorrow <3 Night, lil bro. I love you! <3
Thank you so so so so much, go to bed get some sleep its good for you, I'll be trying to get some here in a bit too. I'll see if I can get on tomorrow but that's my busiest work day so hopefully I'll get a moment to hope on during it and be exhausted when I get home so I can sleep better.
I l you to 🩵 sis
Do you know any legit reasons they may have done so?
That’s weird.
Sorry, I was working and didn’t respond!
How are you feeling?
I love you more bro <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
No, I just no I have know idea nothing makes any sense on that front
Yeah I don't really wanna think about it tonight thk
Don't worry at all trust me I understand I had an 8 hour shift today and drove 70 miles while working lol (I do some fashion of delivery driving so I drive a lot in town and around construction so it gets pretty stressful lol that's about the most job info I'll give as context since it's not really personal)
Eh not as bad, some good moments today like a sorta friend sorta vtuber typa person doing karaoke, that was really nice of listen to cuz I haven't seen much of them recently
Mmmm mayhaps you do mayhaps you don't, perhaps we'll never know lol
Love ya too
I feel it.
Totally cool with me, let’s talk about puppies! <3
Wow, sounds busy! My job is very active, so I walked 12,000+ steps today lol
Like online?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop????
You
Rock
Dude
<3
@jesusredeemedme2425
I actually see quite a few puppies/dogs while working. They can be such sweethearts and adorable! Do you have a favorite breed or look or size of puppy lol
Wow I don't get quite that many steps while working I generally get 5-8k on a work day. (The most I have ever gotten on a non work day was like 38k and like probably 30+ flights of stairs that same day lol)
Yea, they do a karaoke type stream sometimes. But they have a super infectious laugh, so that really helped set the mood of my dayfor ht better/less bad. (Cuz they streamed not long after I woke up)
I remember reading about a guy who actually found out and it started with a 3 I think? Maybe 300 something or maybe 300,000 something idk lol
Well you
Rock
More
🎵🎶
ᕙ( ~ . ~ )ᕗ
Awww! <3 I LOVE pitties <3
Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that many today lol
Why so many stairs????
Awww nice <3
Well, the owl did. ;)
No wayyyyyy ;)
What’s really good at distracting you and making you feel better?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Idk, music doesn't really distract it more drowns or calms. Story's can help a lot, books, movies, TV, anime, fanfic, poems, just any kind of story has been a major help in distracting me in the past I just don't have much I can at the moment, partially cuz a lot of what I liked or was/is on my watch list or I am currently working on watching/reading makes me think of at least one of them if not multiple. So any recommendations are very very welcome
Ooh! Watch what I’m watching. I’m watching Battle Camp right now, and it’s so much fun! It’s more fun if you’ve watched other Netflix shows like The Mole. It’ll make sense when you watch it. <3
Also Building the Band! <3
What kind of books do you like?
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'll see if I can give them a watch, it might take me a day or two tho cuz busy schedule which is actually nice for once lol
Battle camp, the mole, Building the Band. What are they about what's you favorite thing about them?
Uhhh fiction is my go to lol I know so helpful and descriptive, I like realistic things like hatchet (one of the few books I have read 2 or more times lol) now days I don't read books as much but want to get back into it, sci-fi, fantasy, are both great, romance is a weird topic for but but I can like it or hate it depends on the book really, mythology books are a lot of fun whether it's the OG stuff or modern remakes or even stuff like Percy Jackson all mythology stuff is fun. Uhhh IDK I am bad at saying what I like cuz I like almost every at least genre wise from what I know lol. It's just I am picky once it comes the the book itself and not the genre
No biggie. :)
The first two are competition adventure shows, with twists and turns and humor and craziness, which is super cool to watch :) Building the Band is about choosing your band mates from voice and talent alone, not seeing them at all! No judgement, no stereotypes, etc <3
You might like Julie of the Wolves then. Or Uglies <3
Hey, Bear-Bear. <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Hey so so so sorry for the late replies, last two days have been really busy, work is long and raining
All good! No apologies necessary <3
I just had a breakdown… Sobbing. I’m a mess :’(
@jesusredeemedme2425
Oh no, I am so sorry
Are you okay what happened?
Do you wanna talk about it
Sending hugs and love 🫂
Can’t share details, just… too much, all at once.
*hugs* <3