Chat Between @jesusredeemedme2425 and @agreeableSkies9889
I thought that I would make us a penpal chat, because I love talking to you and I’d love to get to know you more! Please feel free to ignore if you don’t want to, or if you don’t feel comfy. No pressure! <3
We can talk! I don't know exactly what you want to talk about but I've been working on a cover on the piano most of the day and I just finished it so that's cool! I like talking to you to! I have next week off so I'm hoping that this week will go by fast.
Hope you know God loves you! And the fact that you like to ask questions and learn about different peoples opinions definitely doesn't make you a bad Christian or anything. I grew up in a very conservative house hold that would use they're own interpretations of the Bible to do bad things. I learned as I got older that most of them had never read the Bible all the way through and that I actually knew more about it than they did lol. I'm kinda questioning. I definitely believe in God but I just don't know where I fit in. I'm thinking about trying a new church out but I'm nervous and don't know if I'll go through with it or not. Thank you for all your posts and don't let the haters get you down
♥️
Ooh I love covers!! Do tell! <3
You have GOT to watch Building the Band <3
Whatcha reading and watching lately?
Awww you’re so sweet! Thank you <3
I LOVE learning about other people, other cultures, other beliefs. I don’t have to agree with them, but it’s like that saying by Stephen Covey, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” If I want to be understood, then why would I not try to understand others? How can I smack people over the head with my beliefs, instead of trying to learn about their life experiences and perspectives?
I really don’t like it when people do that. Taking Bible verses out of context, using Scripture for their own lawlessness, using Jesus’ name to do evil. No wonder Christianity is repulsive to some. People do bad things and claim to be good.
I’ve read the Bible… maybe 4 times through over the years? Working on another go-round rn <3
Questioning is good. Christians have doubts and questions all the time. Look at evidence and the experiences of others, the Scriptures and how it matches up with science and history. It doesn’t have to be blind faith. You also don’t have to know all the answers. <3
Are you a young adult? (Feel free to not answer that, no pressure!) The only reason I’m asking is, if you want a REALLY low pressure entrance into a church, try a YA Bible study. Low pressure, games, events, food… Tons of fun and no one’s going to smack you over the head with a Bible XD
I really really appreciate you (and others) backing me up! That was really sweet and kind <3
I get the occasional angry post. I just stop engaging, and report. Engaging just adds fuel to the fire.
I learned how to play the song Promise reprise from Silent Hill 2. It's an old horror game for the ps2. It's one of my favorite games and I feel like the only depiction of depression in media that feels relatable to me.
I know I want to but I'm really slow to watching things. I just finished watching the Twilight movies for the first time and I started them like 2 months ago lol.
I just got an Rg ds which can emulate a bunch of ds, psp, n64, and nes games so thats been keeping me busy. I want to get a case, key chain, and a bunch of stickers to customize it with. I'm trying to rewatch the Star Wars movies again because those have always been my favorite movies.
I'm working on a art project right now. I don't really know what I want to do with it yet but I've been drawing character designs and writing possible stories to put them in and writing song based on the world though I'm not really very far along with any straight forward narrative besides the main character and enemies and love interest.
I'm 21 so I'm a young adult I guess. I used to go to a youth group growing up and I wouldn't mind trying something with a similar energy but just with older people so many that would be a good idea.
I enjoy learning the Bible but I also don't want to be judged for not being perfect or people not liking how I'm living my life. Also I'm very cautious about people because a lot of people creeps and I'm afraid to have another bad experience but my therapist has told me that I can't expect for things to change and make friends unless I take risks which I guess is true.
What about you? What are you currently into/watching/creating? Any cool art projects or anything like that?
I'm all ears👂
I’ve heard of Silent Hill, but I’m not familiar with it.
Depression? How so?
I’m slow sometimes too, it happens lol
What’s Twilight like?
Rg?
I LOVE N64! What are your fave games??? <3
I’m not a fan of Star Wars. (Don’t tell anyone, I might get cancelled) XD
I love how creative you are! I wish more people were <3
Older people? Like what age?
Also they have REALLY good retreats. And cheap too! <3
Have you read the Bible? (Did you tell me already and I forgot? Lol)
I really hate how judgmental people can be. Especially when they have flaws of their own.
Creeps?
Have you explored multiple options for making friends?
I’m reading The Manual to Manhood (yes. I know. Lol! But I got it for free and it was interesting lol!). Also Chains (about slavery), and Emil and Karl (about the Holocaust). <3
Currently watching The Six Triple Eight (about black female soldiers), and just finished The Mole (an adventure competition show).
Making lots of random drawings. Drew dinosaurs recently hehe
I’m currently into learning EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING lol! Homeschooler vibes last FOREVER hehe <3
The game deals with grief, isolation and guilt in a very human and creative way and I almost view the game more as an art work anything else.
Twilight is honestly really cringe but it made me laugh a lot and was really entertaining besides breaking Dawn pt. 1 which was really weird and hard to watch.
Rg ds is a newer android device which looks like a ds but a lot more powerful and with apps.
I love Mario 64 and Doom 64.
Sorry I meant like people my own age. So older as in young adults with the engry/environment that the youth group I used to go as a teen had but adult oriented.
I read the Bible all the through before. I usually am reading at least one book from it but I haven't in a while. I want to read it again because I haven't in like 5 months. 😔
Creeps as in pervs. The churches I grew up in would excuse inappropriate behavior and shame people for acknowledging it.
I have to an extent but I usually get really nervous when it comes to inviting people to things or asking for socials or something else that furthers a friend ship besides just existing around someone.
Whats the manual to manhood?
You were homeschooled? Me too!
Is it just the trans thing causing those feelings, or other stuff too?
Video games ARE artwork. Some BEAUTIFUL stuff out there! <3
Lol!
Have you ever watched Land Before Time??
I’m so behind on technology. Lol
You mean Super Mario 64? I used to love that one too!
Did you ever play Croc?
Yeah, the “older kids’” group at my church wasn’t fun. My college group much later was! Maturity definitely helps a LOT! Plus we can drive and go exploring. Lol
What was your favorite Bible story? Not the well known ones. Lesser known. Hehe
Do it! Use the Bible app <3
This is why people hate churches… Two reasons. So much hate, and so much scandal. People are gross and evil. I’m so sorry :’(
Social anxiety?
It’s a book about how to do life stuff. Like grill a steak, ask a girl out, remove stains, etc.
I was! Almost my whole school life :) What was your experience like?? <3
It's partly trans issues. I'm also guessing I'm on the autism spectrum and I want to get diagnosed because I constantly get overwhelmed/overstimulated easily and I want to know how to manage it better. Also memories from when I was a kid. And trauma I've been through all kinda contribute to it. I've had depression before that got so bad it trigger psychosis. Sometimes it's better than others. These last few weeks have been a little easier but I'm kinda afraid it won't last and I'll feel pretty down again before to long
No I haven't seen land before time but it's like an animated dinosaur movie right?
What's Croc?
Idk if I have a favorite unknown Bible story. My favorite story is David after he becomes king. My all time fav character is David I know that's a pretty known story but 🤷♂️
I have really bad social anxiety. There were a couple of years where I never left my bedroom. I'm kinda behind in a lot of areas in life not just my identity. I can't drive, and I don't really have any idea of what I'll do for a career. I don't go to college. I basically just go to work and home but I'm trying to slowly build myself up. I feel really uncomfortable with my body and it feels hard to even exist. I'm really scared about summer because I really don't like wearing shorts or short sleeves but when it's 90 degrees out I don't have a choice. I prefer to cover as much of my body as possible.
Same with the homeschool thing. I was homeschooled from second grade all the way till I graduated highschool so I never really experienced public schools that much.
I’m autistic too! <3 What are your reasons to suspect it?
I’ve got PTSD myself… I’m sorry :(
What’s psychosis?
Do you have bipolar?
Yep! Best one EVER <3
Game from back in the day <3
There are some CRAZY Bible stories! Just read Judges and Revelation to start lol
Why didn’t you leave your bedroom?
I JUST got my license like a year or two ago. Im in my 30s! Lol. So you ain’t alone there lol
I have a job, long standing job but still. Not sure about career or if this IS my career lol
Ok, I have a goal for you. Sign up for a single, easy online class! Asynchronous <3
Why uncomfortable with your body? The trans thing, or something else?
Me too. I get ogled and harassed by gross men a lot. I cover up because of that plus my sensory issues.
Me neither. Schools and grades are mysteries to me.
Do you love reading and learning because of homeschooling? <3
See? This is why we’re friends hehe <3
I have really obsessive interests, I get really overwhelmed if anything at all changes in my routine, I have sensory problems that make me feel really on edge, and I struggle with social environments sometimes or saying something that a lot of people miss understand. I don't know, again I'm diagnosed with it but I think I might have it
Psychosis is a lost of contact with reality. Usually it involves delusions or other distortions in reality like hallucinations, paranoia, and other stuff. For me I had a couple really scary episodes where I thought I was being chased by the men in black, and one where I thought I was the reincarnation of Jim Morrison and that people were posing my food to make me forget. It's not fun and is really confused and horrible to go through and I'm happy that I haven't in a while.
I don't know if I'm bipolar. Honestly I have symptoms of it too but I don't know and it's hard to tell when there's a lot of external stresses in my life and that I might not feel the same if my life was more positive.
I didn't leave my bedroom for a bunch of reasons but a big part of it was my fear and anxiety. I get bad panic attacks and heart palpitations and I will feel extremely nauseous when there's nothing wrong. It's unbearable most of the time and I start to lose hope because it stops me from being from having the things I want in life.
It's mostly a trans thing. I really don't like how I look. I'm constantly wishing I was skinny because I struggle with anorexia. I'm in good shape but it's really hard to not feel ashamed about my body. It's also because my family growing up made a lot of inappropriate hurtful comments about my body that never went away in my head.
I do love reading and learning I don't know if it's because of homeschool or not. People reactions when I tell them I was homeschooled are annoying because they ask 1 million questions are always shocked that I'm not a weirdo. I think I would have liked homeschooling more if my parents were different but I kinda didn't really care about us a lot of the time or at least that's how it felt.
Sorry this is so negative. I feel like all the conversation I have about my life make people depressed. I lie a lot to people in real life because when I've been honest my life story is too much for people to handle and they want nothing to do with me afterwards.
Oh yeah, def sounds like me. It’s hard to get a diagnosis when you’re an adult, fyi.
Am I allowed to say that’s funny? Not REMOTELY trying to make light of it or make fun of you. I just think the topic is amusing! Please don’t think badly of me… I can imagine it would be really confusing and scary when you think something is real and it’s not.
Posing your food?
Have you talked to a doctor about it?
I used to get REALLY bad anxiety. I’d be excited for something and… my body would react. (I’m trying not to gross you out. Lol)
Anxiety is SO hard. I totally understand. <3
Your family was mean. And your thoughts are being mean to you. :(
What do you like reading and learning about?
Right??? The socialization question drives me nuts lol
What do you mean by the last sentence about homeschooling?
Please don’t feel like you have to censor yourself around me. I totally understand, and I can be super negative myself. It’s totally ok. <3
It’s like what I wrote in another post… A lie I often tell is, “I’m fine.”
Yeah I guess it sounds pretty funny when I'm out of it but at the time it seemed like reality like I was totally convinced that's what was going on.
And I've talked to a therapist about it but that's about it.
I love poetry, horror, comic books, and just random genres, I like books that have romance but I haven't really read enough in that genre, I usually like a little bit of a challenge when I read and I also really enjoy classics.
Thank you for not yelling at me. I have to find humor in everything. Keeps me sane. <3
I wonder what causes that?
What did the therapist say?
One of my faves is “The One and Only Ivan”. :)
My parents didn't really care enough about my education and kinda didn't care if I looked myself in my room for days and I think it could have helped if I saw my friends like a couple times a week instead of just only socializing with anyone at max once a week.
Sorry I meant to say I'm not diagnosed with autism it's late and I can think faster than type
I honestly don't remember much of it. I never really enjoyed it. The only reason I was was because I was acting out and teachers believed that I was on the autism spectrum and that I should have seen a doctor but my family took me out of school and home schooled me instead because they didn't believe in doctors lol. In highschool I felt sad because the friends I had I never really got to see much but that was because my parents were really strict. I was also dealing with a lot of things no kid should go through and people even thought about calling CPS but no one did. I honestly wish someone would have. But I'm here now so that counts for something I guess
Why didn’t your parents care?
My therapist said that could have been triggered by depression but idk. It's also a sign of bipolar disorder to go through psychosis but idk if I'm really bipolar or not. My parents like avoid stress and doing hard things and never really focus on us enough. The avoid their problems until they blow out of proportion. I love them but I also feel pain because of the.
Hope you're days going good
Do you feel you’re bipolar, or something else?
How's it going today?
It's really nice and sunny where I live today and I'm happy about it!
I've been really confused and not really sure what I'm doing. I feel like life is really confusing.
I
Sorry, I’m often slow at responding. Please be patient with me if I’m slow lol
Sunny here too! Yay! It’s been raining recently, so that’s good <3
Confused why?
It's okay.
I don't really know what to do in life. I feel stuck and the things I want to do feel like they'll push me away from my family and people I love. I feel like a girl but when I look in the mirror I see a 5'11 hairy guy. I guess I feel trapped in my skin.
Hey I have some questions for you. If you don't feel comfortable answering them or if you only want to answer some of them no pressure. I'm trying to understand my identity and I'm thinking about talking to my therapist about how to get diagnosed and what type of doctor/doctors I need to possibly be diagnosed with autism and I want to know as much as possible and if these feelings I'm feeling might partly be because of autism.
All this is stuff I'm dealing with. I know that some of it might be related to autism but idk and I'm trying to educate myself more.
You said you were autistic I'm wondering how old were you when you were diagnosed and how hard was it?
Is it hard to make friends for you irl?
Do people misunderstand what you say sometimes?
Do you get infantilized a lot or people assume you're really Innocent and child like before they even know you?
Is it hard to have romantic relationships?
Do you get overwhelmed by things that seem easy for other people?
Do you have any sensory overload problems? I can't handle some noises or sensations.
Do you feel burnt out by masking your true self?
Do you have any big obsessions?
Again no pressure to answer anything if you don't want to. ♥️
Remind me to respond to this when I have more time? Just respond to this so it sends me the notification again. Sorry for being slow! I’m still here <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
It's okay take your time. Hope all's going well today!
Hope you're doing well. I have the week off from work and I feel like it was a total mistake. I guess I forgot that I don't really do anything and I don't like being home. I felt so exhausted at work but now I feel exhausted at home. I wish there was a space where I could relax. I feel soooooo overwhelmed. On a good note I started posting my art online for the first time in years and I'm getting good feedback!
I just had a breakdown… Sobbing. I’m a mess :’(
Sorry ♥️♥️♥️ I get where you're coming from. I get overwhelmed a lot and end up crying or doing things I regret. I really hope you feel better 💕 from our conversations you seem like a really sweet person and it hurts to know you're doing bad.
Thanks <3 I just… I’m so overwhelmed by my life, things I can’t share, but basically getting zero rest and alone time is a huge factor. I just hit a wall and couldn’t handle it anymore
I totally have felt like that before. Sorry that you're going through that. People care♥️
I feel both alone and loved.
I struggle to make friends and my family aren't super accepting so I can resonate a lot with that. I feel really lonely especially right now.
But you aren't alone even if it feels that way
My heart is.
Your heart is alone?
Just know if you want to vent I'll be here💕
Idk what to say
Anything you feel like or nothing at all. I won't judge you
I need art inspo, does that help? <3
Hope you're doing better today. Sending love 💕
Much better, thank you! <3
How have you been lately?
Ok. I'm happy to hear your doing better! I feel a little bored but I'm trying to keep busy on my week off from work. Doing lots of art! I recently watched Star wars the Acolyte and it was so good! And now there's a new Darth Maul show coming out which is cool. I'm trying to get better at loving myself and therapy is helping a lot more than I thought it would
How did you manage to get a week off from work???
I’m watching Raising Dion and Battle Camp right now <3
Got any fun inspo for me? Give me something crazy hehe
Awww that’s awesome! <3
I just requested it off. I live with my parents so I'm financially dependent on myself. I'm thinking about coming out eventually. It's starting to be a lot clearer on what my identity is and my mom seems a lot more open minded then she used to be. Idk.
What is Raising Dion and battle camp?
I don't know what kinda of inspiration you're looking for. If you're looking for art inspo, I've been drawing a lot of oc characters. I take pictures and mix the backgrounds with my characters. I've also been drawing a lot of comic and movie characters recently.
Whatcha filling the time with?
Raising Dion is about a little boy with powers. Battle Camp is an adventure competition show <3
I mean, less drawing, more other stuff lol
Art mostly. I also went shopping yesterday.
Me too :)
What kind of art? What did you buy? <3
Digital art and sketching mostly. I bought a Totoro note book and key chain, a comic, some snacks, and so presents for my sisters bday
Awww Totoro! <3
I need… change.
Same... What are you hoping will change?
You need hug? <3
Yeah 😞😞😞
bigggggg hugs <3
So. What TINY thing are you going to do tomorrow to change your life for the better, by 1%? ;) <3
Go to work I guess. Journal
Did you?
Yes. I'm keeping a note book at work now ❤️
I'm thinking about going to a church this weekend but I don't know
I love that! I was thinking about starting a commonplace book <3
You should. Look into a YA group! Doesn’t matter what you believe or anything. They’re fun and the people will accept you <3
I honestly really want to. I'm just scared and trying baby steps right now. I hope I can find a young adult group soon. I feel lonely. I fill my life with stuff but without God or friends Im feel really broken. I've been so incredibly exhausted and confused
Same. I’ve been so isolated myself. You really should <3 Maybe take a friend?
Isolation is really easy because it feels safe but in the long run it sucks. Don't really have many close friends because I push people away 😞 which is why I want to build up the confidence to make some. It's just so much easier talking to people online lol
You need to try. So do I.
I’m here for you <3
I hope you're doing you're doing better ❤️ ❤️
I am, thank you <3 Out of crisis mode, finally. <3
How’s my buddy doing? The REAL answer? <3
Hey, what can I call you, btw? Come up with a pseudonym <3
I'm happy to hear!
Honestly I'm feeling a little upset. I'm trying to get started on the road to understanding myself better and getting psychological help but it's a big pain and pretty confusing. (A lot harder than finding a therapist lol). Idk. I really want to go to art school. Art is my passion and the only thing that I care about honestly. I'm not interested in having romantic relationships, a career outside of art, or doing a lot of social things honestly. It's the only thing that gives me joy and fulfillment but it cost quite a bit. I havent really looked too much into it yet but it seems very expensive. I feel really overwhelmed and I'm struggling to make decisions.
Anyways besides that I'm okay. I'm definitely not in total freak out mode. I binged all the original star wars movies for Star wars Day which made me feel good. Those movies always make me feel cozy.
And I'm feeling a little less confused about my gender identity. It's really hard to make out how I feel when there's so much hate that makes me upset but I think I might be non binary idk. I'm trying to take my time figuring out myself. For a long time I thought I just wanted to be a girl but I'm not sure. I don't really think I want to be either. I did come out as asexual though so yeah for me ❤️❤️❤️.
You can call me Skies. I like that name.
Understanding yourself how?
Ok, why not start small? Why not start making reels and posting? *** Gram? (Have to write it that way or it’ll be censored lol) Just working in art in smaller ways, which might get you commissions <3
Awww that’s awesome! <3
Have you posted in the LGBTQ+ section yet?
What things make you feel like you may not want to be a girl?
Yay! Who did you come out to?
I will absolutely call you Skies <3
I have 1k followers on *** lol.
I just don't know if anyone would be interested in buying my art. Also I I'm not happy with where my art is. It's pretty good but there's still things about it that I really don't like.
I have posted in the LGBT section before. It has actually helped me realize somethings.
And idk. I'm just confused. Sometimes it bothers me more than others and there are a couple things I don't mind about being a guy though over all I don't enjoy it that much. Idk. It's very confusing.
I came out to my mom and brother lol.
Hope you're having a good day.
Is there anything you're working on currently? Like a project or hobby?
How are you doing?
It still censored it for both of us lol
I bet they would ;) Also, I think the more people who watch them, the more money you get. But idk how that all works.
What don’t you like about it?
What did you realize?
I’ll bet. :(
What did they say?
Day is pretty good so far <3 You??
Just a lot of drawing, some embroidery, reading, that sort of thing. You?
I’m better than I was. Tired as always. Weather is decent :) How you doin?
I feel insecure. I think most of time it's pretty good but I feel like I do fine art the way I wished and am stuck doing a comic book style. Sometimes my shadows and light can be off to if I'm not looking at a picture and sometimes things aren't perfectly symmetrical when I draw.
Drawing and embroidery is cool!
I feel pretty upset because my dad's been getting my family really excited about buying a house and like it's actually going to happen when there's a pretty good chance it won't definitely since he's terrible with money. I just hate seeing my siblings get really disappointed after thinking it's " destiny"
I Can’t draw from real life, so we’re in similar boats.
Fine art the way you wished?
Aww :(
I can draw pretty good but it's hard to get things as perfect as I want and I feel like I'll never really be able to draw realistic art and my digital art needs work. I wish I could go to art school and get some kinda degree but they are so expensive!!! I want to be happier with my art. I want to do commissions for people and make my passion into a career but I'm afraid that it'll never happen.
It's the only thing I really care about 😔
I’m hungry. And I don’t wanna get up.
😔 sorry 😔 I've been kinda eating my feelings too recently
Yeah? How so?
I either don't eat anything and feel super guilty about it or I just constantly snack all day and there's no in-between. My weight has fluctuated a lot because of it.
I’ve had anorexia before. Not fun. Now I have a binge eating disorder. Also not fun.
Where are you at lately, food wise?
For a while I've been starving myself until last month now I eat like crazy 😔
What makes it change?