For me and berry
Hey friend, now we can talk whenever and somewhat freely lol. How u been? like fr. Im always here if u wanna talk just say smth and ill try to be there.
@Macylou82 me and my dead brain @exuberantBlackberry9105
@Macylou82 thanks macy. how are you? honestly?
btw its great to hear that you like talking to me and you feel like i get you. makes me feel better. im glad i could make you feel understood. and you get me too, i like that. feeling understood is one of the best feelings i've ever felt. i makes everything lighter. what would you say is the best feeling you've ever felt?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 im… idk tbh. Life’s crushing me like a train lol. How are u honestly? Other then alive which im glad btw ik how hard it is to stay alive. I’m proud of u
feeling understood Is a good feeling it’s a rare feeling but it’s a nice one. I’m glad we get each other fr. The best feeling I’ve ever felt… that’s a tricky question Ngl. Happy maybe? But I don’t remember being happy. Idk how to explain this but prob the best feeling is when I’ve seen my best friend irl after months it’s like joy, relief, happiness maybe, nostalgia maybe, makes me remember the old days (we’ve been friends for almost 10yrs). That’s a good question tho wbu? What’s the best feeling you’ve ever felt?
@Macylou82 im sorry life's crushing you, macy. what's going on? tbh im awful. yeah alive but idk anymore, yes its hard to be alive. i juat wanna d1e. im terrible. maybe i'll just end it. but dont have the guts to. sorry. im proud of yoy too for being alive.
feeling understood sure is a rare but very good feeling. oh i love how you describe the best feeling you're ever felt. a very good description tbh. seeing a friend after months sounds like a good feeling. very good feeling. joy, relief, happiness, nostalgia, and connection maybe? oh wow friends for 10 years sounds amazing. how'd you keep the friendship alive lol? i dont have any friends for more than 2-3 years.
the best feeling i've ever felt? sure, happiness. but i feel like happiness is a word we learnt when we were very young, znd no one really taught us to identify happiness. and its such a common word, saying we're happy. but idk what happiness means. its a broad term. so yes i could say happiness but if i had to choose something else, something i can define znd something that isnt so broad, id say feeling understood, feeling connection beyond surface level stuff, feeling truly loved and cared about, and so on. these are all rare feelings but beautiful. and personally, its easy to identify if i feel understood or not. its not easy to understand if im happy or not, its kinda a cliched term for me. and i tend to believe we can only be happy in a certain stage where things are going well. but feeling understood, it can happen even in my darkest moments. feeling understood is what kept me from yk, ending life, understood even in a really bad storm.
i hope i havent confused you too much. lol what do you think? also me answering this now reminds me of the good things in life and i needed that rn, so thanks. like yeah im reminded to the good stuff but i screwed up and i kinda still wanna d1e lol.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 ugh idek just relapsing on everything whatever lol. Yea I get you ppl don’t understand just how hard it is to stay alive. Hey we all go through rough patches I’ve been that low where I’ve thought the same and yea I’ve been that weak too which I think saved my life lol but it’s bravery I think. Telling ur mind that it’s not gonna win in the long run. Your stronger then u think fr
How are we still friends is a very good question lol. Especially cause now we live in different country’s and only see each other a handful of times a year but we call almost every week and stay active in each other lives which helps.
That’s very true, I never thought of it like that. Yea happiness can mean A lot of things. I think of it like I feel short term happiness sometimes but long term happiness has evaded my life lol. But Ngl what even is long term happiness no one is always happy. I like how you thought of it. I agree you put that beautifully, feeling understood is like finding peace kind of. You find peace with yourself because we always think we’re alone in our struggles but when we find someone who truly gets us, we kind of make peace with that fact that we’re not alone i g. Yea I agree it’s hard to determine when ur happy or just content or whatever. Yea it’s a powerful feeling fr. It’s like the sun in the cloudy sky’s.
I agree with what you said you put it in good words fr. Aw I’m glad, ik positivity is lowkey cliche but sometimes it helps to reflect on the good or look at the wins that’s something I’m trying to work on. Yea no I get u. U can be having a good time even and then bam you are like wait why am I having a good time I kinda wanna dye. Our brains are messed up like that
@Macylou82 sorry i will reply properly later, you here by any chance?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 thats ok dw. Ah no sorry I was out. U ok?
@Macylou82 not ok. cant take it anymore
@exuberantBlackberry9105 whats going on?
@Macylou82 idk i feel awful, lonely, like everyone hates me
the world would be a better place without me
@exuberantBlackberry9105 I don’t hate you but I get the feelings. And my life wouldn’t be better without you, and I doubt the world would be either. What’s making u think like this? Sorry I fell asleep last night
@Macylou82 idk feels like the world really would be better without me. idk what's making me think like this, i think it's loneliness and some stuff going on with friends and arguments... i think i've permanantly lost 2 people who mean a lot to me. but i clearly mean nothing to them. they dont care. they dont have time.
anyway how are you? and dont you dare apologise for falling asleep last night. how was your sleep?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 ur brains lying to u. Our brains like to lie and we believe em. Kinda weird how convincing our brains can be. Losing ppl sucks especially when they mean a lot to us. I’m sorry fr it don’t feel good.
@Macylou82 my brain is lying to me? who's the "me" here? isnt my brain a part of me? who even am i? and who exactly is my brain lying to? to berry? but who is berry without the brain? can you please help lol im confused.
yeah losing people who mean so much, it just hurts so bad. i hope i never lose you macy.
you alright? really? you sure? also please dont apologise for sleeping earlier, im glad you got some sleep. is sleep hard lately? what's been keeping you up that you havent been sleeping enough? ooh you slept in? till when? i wanna sleep in too lol but not allowed. well right now when im typing this, it's 5:40 pm, monday. sorry for my late reply. but yeah when its your morning it's probably night here.
relapsing on everything whatever? what do you mean? me worried. do you feel comfy telling me more? but yeah, staying alive is hard, thanks for understanding.
im glad you have a 10 year old friend, it does sound really nice. like sure it must be hard but it sounds good, im glad you still stay in touch.
i do think happiness can mean a lot of things, yeah. im sorry long term happiness has evaded your life. what gives you short term happiness though? aww thanks, im glad you like how i see it lol, not many people like my way of thinking. "I agree you put that beautifully, feeling understood is like finding peace kind of." awh thank you, that made me smile. like for me, feeling understood is finding peace, comfort, and belonging. and that peace can come even while the storm is going on. or even when it's sunny. that peace doesnt require life to go well, it jsut requires the energy to talk and connect. feeling understood is a very powerful, magical feeling, in my opinion.
i put it in good words? what in good words lol? but thanks. yeah i agree positivity is kinda weird but sometimes it does help to think of good stuff. i'm glad you're working on seeing the good stuff too. like i used to try thinking of good things, reflecting on good moments, writing good stuff down in a seperate cups thead, and when i'd be down, i'd look at that thread and feel better thinking of the good things in life. but then i stopped. bc i realised that when i talk about "good stuff", a million people show up to support me. but when i talk about bad stuff, none of those millions wanna know. and i believe that pain shared is pain divided and joy shared is joy multiplied exponentially. being able to share both with someone, exchanging both pain and joy, and truly feeling for each other is one of the most magical things on the planet. but it does require a lot of emotional energy wich no one can have 24/7, i get that. but i value connection, i value exchanging both. someone only shares their pain with me, yes, it burdens me. if someone only shares joy, it makes me jealous of their life. if they share both, it's magical connection. and i wanna be able to share both too. if you can hold my pain, you will be the first person i wanna tell when someone good happens in my life. but then i realised most people dont wanna hold the pain, they dont want my pain divided. but they wanna know the good stuff in my life so joy can multiply. and im selfish. if you cant handle me when im bad, im not gonna tell you good things in my life. so i stopped posting good moments for everyone to see, even when they arent there in the bad times.
"U can be having a good time even and then bam you are like wait why am I having a good time I kinda wanna dye." gosh that makes perfect sense oh dear.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 Brains are complicated. Ik it doesn't make alot of sense I don't know how to make it make sense. Brains are a part of us but there's a part of our brains that lie to us. They tell us we deserve the pain, we're a burden, we're not worth it etc etc. And we believe our brains bc their a part of us yea? But really there's only a part of our brain that lies to us, and even tho its hard we gotta try not to believe all the lies bc there just that lies. Does that make sense?
Ik I've been through it myself before its terrible, grieving someone alive or ded is terrible, nah u ain't gonna lose me but I hope I never lose u either
Nah lifes kicking me down rn, but I manage and I push through. I just idk nights are the only time I truly get some peace so sometimes sleep is hard but lately ive just been staying up yk? Sleeping in for me is sleeping past 6:30 am lol, I slept in till around 7:30 that day I think, woke up today at 6 tho lol. yea u in india right? I think ur 11-12 hrs ahead of me im a hr behind USA time
Yea nah all my bad habits ive just been relasping lol. Ugh life is life is life. Dw about me im managing fr
Yea I got lucky fr, I wish u had someone like that too
For me its seeing my friends, I recently made a friend here and then my bff from the states its always nice to hang out with them, why is that a hard question to answer am I that depressed lol. Yea ok im blanking, but my friends i g. Wbu does anything give u short term happiness? More ppl should like your thoughts then smh. Glad to make u smile lol. No I agree its a powerful feeling too fr, as cliche as this sounds its sometimes the light in our dark
U put it all in good words in my opinion if my dead brain can understand em then they good words bc my brain cannot comprehend much nowadays. Aw yea I get that, well u can always share the bad things here. I ain't gonna be here just for the good I don't know why ppl only are there for others during the good, wouldn't they want someone there for them at their worst? I don't get it tbh. Well u can always share ur pain here and ill acc be here for u other then some of those ugh im not even just makes me mad. I get that yea emotional energy gets drained real quickly. I agree, ppl only show one or the other but it gets to be too much, its important to have a balance of the good and the bad. It would be a honor to be that person fr, this forum is your safe place for anything the good the bad the in between. Then let me hold the pain and ill wait for the joy, yea? U can share those with me then fr I gotchu.
@Macylou82 i do not understand the human brain. or the brain of any other animal, for that matter. idk who i am, its all so weird.
i find that grieveing people who are ailve is much harder for me. not like anyone very close to me has ever died, except my grandparents maybe. when my grandma died it was hard. but i've lost so many friends, and they are all alive, just going on without me in their life. it hurts.
how are you managing and pushing through? how do nights feel for you? is the peace good? past 6:30 am is sleeping in? oh my.
im sorry im tired and kinda crying rn, i will reply to the rest later, ok? *hugs if ok* (if im crying that is a good thing. i rarely cry, tears never come.)
@exuberantBlackberry9105 ik it’s all really complicated that’s ok.
@Macylou82 I again didnt really answer ur questions I’m good at that. Nights are peaceful usually. When I know moms asleep I get to relax and the paranoia and anxiety goes away for a lil. I get to finally breath knowing I’m truly alone and I can finally let my mask slip. So yea the peace is amazing. Yea lol u thought I meant like 10am. Haven’t slept in that long in months. I can stay up til 2 be awake at 7
@Macylou82 hey I’m lurking in tcr, u ok? Is all that about the other day?
@Macylou82 yeah... everything about that day is killing me and im thinking about it all the time. im really a monster.
and see now what i did. i didnt reply to you. i talked to others and didnt reply to you and you probably feel ignored, maybe like you're not a priority to me. and im sorry. im a bad friend. look, proof. and not gonna give excuses for why i didnt reply in forver. bc the only excuse i've got is that im an idiot and i ignore people i care about until its too late. i do all the wrong things. i dont show up. and im lazy and get overwhelmed in forums a lot so just dont reply till days later and just leave people hanging and its not ok
not gonna ask you if you're ok bc now after me ignoring you, i dont expect you to be ok. im sorry i hurt you. i do care. but i hurt you and no excuses for that. all i do is hurt people.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 your not a monster, you were trying to help him and you were trying to help us you were playing two sides that’s not easy
i don’t feel ignored, u don’t have to reply right away I get it if it takes u a few hrs a few days a week whatever. Friend that isn’t true. I can’t convince u of the lies but it’s not true to me ur a good friend to me you look out for all your friends and try not to hurt them and u protect them. That’s ok I get that I don’t always respond right away either, u mad at me for that?
U didnt hurt me I’m just worried about u Hugs If ok but in my opinion u haven’t hurt anyone intentionally
@Macylou82 yeah two sides is hard
and idk i have exam tmr, havent studied. all a mess.
thanks *hygs back* i needed it. need comfort. thanks for caring
sorry for short replies im huring n loosing my mind and such at replying on forums
howre yoy?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 have u tried to just Sit down and pour all ur focus into ur study’s?
Ofc im ur friend I’m always here for you and I’ll always care
that’s ok and if u can’t respond that’s ok too fr I get it
I’m fine, is the short answer so let’s stick to that lol
@Macylou82 no cant study. just procrastinate. my screen time is too much. and i never study. cant just sit down and study. if in school sure i can study but not at home. my brain defauit when i sit at desk is opening laptop and timepass
you not fine. honest answer please
me gonna try to sleep. its almost 12 am. havens studied. just gonna screw up anither exam
@exuberantBlackberry9105 procrastinating is so annoying I get that fr. Have u tried just studying for like a few minutes? then taking a short break and increasing the time a lil then another break etc?
Ok night berry hope ur exam goes ok tomorrow you got this fr
@Macylou82 just few minutes of studying feels pointless bc i cant really lesrn anything in 5 minutes. and yesh idk im just so lazy and never wanna study
gonna need the luck, i havent studied. gonna skim now over stuff but yeah. im tired and sleepy. just wokr up after weird dreams and gotta study
how sre you?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 well maybe if u continue to add on to that five minutes it’ll help after a while. Ik it’s hard who acc wants to study but I believe in u, u can do it fr
then have some extra luck. Gl fr fr. Aren’t all dreams weird lol.
I’m Alr, lil unhappy mom won’t go upstairs but whatever. Hru?
@Macylou82 idk im not capable of studying
i screwed it all up. awful exam. i coildnt do it. wrote crap
all dreams arr weird but some are a bit too weird
sorry your mim wont go upstairs
@exuberantBlackberry9105 U are studyings just a lil harder for some like you
Im sorry friend, don't beat urself up about it im sure u tried ur best
Yea I agree
@Macylou82 hey how’d ur exam go the other day?
@Macylou82 hey. i'm sorry i havent been replying. how are you? im really sorry, macy
well, my exam was awful. idk what else to say but im trying to focus on the exams that are still left. but i suck at studying. and i didnt try my best so i will beat myself up.
to reply to your message from like a whole week ago, yup im in india. you? (if you comfy sharing your country). how's your sleep been lately?
bad habits? im not a fan of that phrase bc how do you define a good and bad hahit? but it's ok, do you wanna talk about the habits? are you safe? did you hurt youself, macy? how are you managing?
im glad seeing friends gives you happiness, even if its short term. and yes that is a very hard question to answer when depressed, don't worry its ok. what gives me short term happiness? good question. i'd say connection, understandings, beautiful moments in nature and miracles that just happen somehow. and a rare even if i go shopping or watch a good movie and "normal teeny activities".
nah, my thoughts are weird. most people dont agree. but yeah, thanks for making me smile. and yup, feeling understood truly is a powerful feeling. and yes, light in the dark. doesnt sound cliche to me when you say it.
your brain isnt dead. i know it isnt. it might be tired but i know its alive. but yeah, im glad your brain can comprehend my words. btw thanks, that's nice proof that i got my point across well. makes me believe that maybe i dont talk that bad after all. like when i asked my therapist for proof that i dont explain badly, she asked me "do you understand what i'm saying?" i said yes, and she's like "then i understood what you're saying because I'm literally talking based on what you just told me, and if you communicated badly, i wouldnt understand, and if i didnt understand, you wouldnt understand what i've been telling you". that had me convinced, lol.
people are there only for the good bc that's easy. it's fun. sure, they too want someone there for them at their worst. but when they aren't at their worst, many forget what its like to be there. and being there for other's pain is hard, it can be draining, stressful, and even "traumatizing" and one wonderful soul called it, said being there for me was causing her trauma and destroying her mental health so she has to stop listening to my bad stuff but will be there for the good stuff. bc she has to set a boundary with me and protect her mental health and follow her therapist's instructions. but yes, i destroy other's mental health, keep them up at night, cause trauma and insomnia and whatnot. yes i've actually been told that.
please know you can share your pain here too. and your joy if you experience any. i just shared some pain lol about that one person. it was bad. i feel apart when that happened and got this close to taking my l1fe bc everything just got too much all at once. i felt like such a burden, for causing trauma, and being too much, yk? that sucked. i mean i get the need to do it for self preservation. but it still hurts. and all my life boundaries have been used against me, so i dont exactly take boundaries well and sometimes cant see healthy boundaies and it all just looks selfish and cold to me. i thank my mother for breaking me like that.
yes, being there in pain can be draining sometimes, esp if they gatekeep the joys and only share they pain. but if they don't, being there for someone is also incredibly rewarding for me. it's magical. a sense of accomplishment and purpose knowing i made a difference for someone by just holding their pain. but yes, its not always possible to do. sometimes energy just wont allow.
"I agree, ppl only show one or the other but it gets to be too much, its important to have a balance of the good and the bad." i so very agree with that. like yeah if you're really at rock bottom and have nothing good to share, that's ok. you dont have to try and find a balance then. but when good things do happen, you dont have to keep it a secret. like i was there for someone, stayed up late to be there. and now things are better, they have good people in their life and i dont even get to know much and share the joy? i was there for the bad, why cant i be there for the good too? bc i wanna be there. and i want people there in the good and the bad. like when something good happens, sometimes i just wanna run and tell someone and that really helps. but if i feel like the other person isn't interested, i just keep it to myself and i hate it when i keep good things to myself. i wanna be able to share that too. like tonight the night sky looks great and the cool breeze.
thanks macy, thank you. it would be an honour to be that person for you too, if you let me. you can talk here anytime, about anything on your mind, pain, joy, or anything else. awh that part is so sweet, makes me smile. im here for you too, this is yout safe space. let me hold you pain too, and i too will wait for the joy. *hugs if ok* awh that last part of the message is so sweet, thanks.
to reply to the other two of your message i never replied to, yeah, grief is weird. im sorry about your bunny. wanna talk about what happened? and what's going on with your grandma. *hugs back*
thanks for being honest with me. i see you, i get that you're not ok and i'm proud of your for admitting that. its hard to say out loud. you are alive, macy. you're breathing, meaning you're alive. but yeah i get the feeling of not feeling alive. numb kinda, just not feeling alive, and just exisitng in this black an white colourless world like my colourless pfp.
no one ever questions when you say you're managing? im sorry. i will question it though. i do care. so how are you managing? and how's managing going? and im sorry crying is rare for you, crying is a release and if you cant cry it all just kinda stays in and its hard.
also, please please please know that you never have to sit and answer all my questions. im not here to interrogate you. i'm just asking bc i genuinely wanna know, i care, and me asking questions is my way of showing i care and am really interesting in knowing more. but you dont have to answer. its ok to skip. its ok you say idk. ok?
im glad nights are peaceful. what do you usually do in the peace and how does it feel? yeah i get that, knowing my mother's asleep, get that feeling. used to feel that a lot before but now sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and gets up to check if im sleeping. once i was up late on my phone and hear footsteps so put it away. it was my mother quickly coming in my room and then leaving. later found out my mother heard someone crying when she woke up in the middle of the night and got up to check if it was me crying. she has a huge problem with me crying, she hates it if she ever finds out i cried, and her ears are really sharp so she hears me even if im crying quietly so that makes crying harder. but yeah, sorry i just made this about me.
im glad you get to relax at night and the paranoia and anxiety eases for a bit. im glad you can put the mask down at night, the mask really is very exhausting, isnt it? to keep it up all day? im glad quiet nights alone in your room help.
yup i did think sleaping in meant like at least 9 am. i havent slept till that late in years lol. i can stay up till really late and i still get out of bed when my mother asks me to. which was 6 am on school days, 8 am on weekends. but lately my mother's been trying to fix my circadian rythm so she wakes me up at 7 am every day no matter what. even last night i was up till like 1:45 am and woke up at 7 am today. i should go to bed now, it's 11:20 pm lol. but yeah. sleep, discipline, circadian rythm, whatnot. my mother being my mother.
for you, what is this about waking up at 6? why is it sleeping in if it's after 6:30 am? how'd you manage to sleep till 7:30 one day then? like is it you who wants to get up early or strict parents and weird rules? me here for you. if it's due to parents, what stupid explanation for early wakeup do your parents have?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 it’s ok fr. I’ve been alive? Idrk lol, wbu? Don’t be sorry it’s ok fr
I’m sorry I hope the other exams go ok. Studying is hard fr idk how ppl can just focus for hours like I can’t focus for two minutes lol. I get beating urself up but sometimes we don’t have the energy to try our bests so I’m proud of you for just simply trying
I’m in Costa Rica, but I’m from the US hence why I’m in the states half the year lol. My sleep… lol well I’ve been so so exhausted so I’ve been sleeping earlier I guess? So that’s good? Lol
Nah makes sense tho I never thought of it like that. Nah it’s ok. I’m never safe from myself lol. Now how do u mean hurt yourself? Because you can hurt yourself a lot of ways, mentally, physically, heck even spiritually of your like that which im not but some are. I’m managing by breathing I’d say lol.
Aw yea that’s fun stuff why is shopping so underrated. When I’m in the states I’ll spend hours in stores fr. I’ve always loved shopping lol.
I think all our thoughts are weird tbh, we’re humans we ain’t perfect. Always glad to make you smile friend, you making me smile too.
Yea you really get me thinking and I like discussing things with you, most ppl don’t like getting deep into it like us so it’s nice we can do that together. Lol I like that and that’s every true actually. A confusing way to put it but it’s true
Yea it makes me generally mad. We weren’t put in this world for the easy, now were we? Dude that’s making me rage, screw that girl honestly. Friends shouldn’t say that to each other. No one should tbh. If your a true friend you’ll be there for the bad and good no offense to ur friend tho. That’s messed up. I’ll never say ts to you, this forum can be your safe place.
We can both do that, yea. I’m sorry you didn’t deserve that. I get that feeling but your never a burden to me never. I’m so sorry fr hugs if ok, you don’t deserve all of that at all
Yea a balance is important fr. I agree with you yea. I used to be the one always there for anyone here on cups but I kinda quit that lol. I was such a I wanna help everyone newbie. Yea energy is a draining thing fr
yea u can share the bad and share the good when it happens it doesn’t have to be, the bad, the good, the bad etc. yea I’ve done the same thing. Ikr running to ppl is important, share that good fr. It’ll make the good even better. Yea I get that, some ppl just aren’t interested and it’s sad. Aw Im glad you got to experience that
it might take me a little it’s hard for me to open up, but if you try, I’ll try.
No I was a kid he was my best friend, he passed. That’s life nothing to really say. She isn’t doing well… her memory is going away, had a brain bleed and a mini stroke we’re all extremely worried but she had to start that climb down from life, don’t make it easier tho
not many people truly see me, that means a lot friend. Yea it’s really hard to admit when things are wrong lol. Same to you, we’re both alive and breathing and fighting our way through the tough times. Yea exactly. This might sound crazy, but it’s like nothings real. Your living day by day. Your past is mostly forgotten. You can’t remember the simplest things. It’s called derealization if u dunno what it is u can look it up it’s not talked about often but it’s real and it sucks
ppl don’t really care I guess lol. Honestly I’m not managing I’m falling apart. I’m getting low again, but this isn’t the first time I’ll climb out of my hole eventually. Same to you friend. I’ll question you, and I’ll be here when your not ok, and you just want someone to be with you during that tough time. And yea sometimes you don’t have a answer, and that’s ok Im with u. Sometime we just have to be there not necessarily be there, yk?
I just watch movies without jumping every five sec or listen to music or just be depressed in peace lol. lol yep my mom is always up in the middle of the night but doesn’t come downstairs as often anymore, and she can’t open my door bc then my cat will get out. That’s not fair on you tho, it’s healthy to cry idk why ppl have problems with ppl crying. Ugh I’m glad mines deaf that must be hard fr. No lol that’s ok. We can talk about both of us
so exhausting. It drags you down lower and lower. It’s a cement mask I think lol. Do u got smth to help? Do u ever get to feel that peace?
Lol I haven’t slept in that late in months yea. I can’t stay up late anymore dude. I’m always exhausted by 10 or 11 pm. Kinda miss staying up late ngl. Dang 6am is to early. I’m mad if i wake up earlier then 7. That ain’t enough sleep friend I’m sorry mothers can suck fr. Hope your fast asleep rn
my body is so weird. I can stay up too and I’ll wake up early tho I don’t stay up that late that often anymore like I said lol. I don’t wake up at a set time every morning I don’t set alarms. I don’t wanna get up early lol, and my parents don’t care if I sleep in but dad does wake me up for coffee around seven if I’m not up tho I usually am.
@Macylou82 thanks friend. im tired to reply properly, im sorry. and really down and cant reply to the deep topics rn, though i love deep topics and deep convos. but reading this reslly made me feel better. thanks a lot. you made my day less shity. thanks.
how are you today? also i will reply to everytbing when im jn a better place. just now tired, lazy, got exams, havent studied. have to study but im lazy and overwhelmed and just procrastinate. i care about yoy though. i dont have energy now to talk properly but i still care and wanna know how you really are.
*hugs if ok* also everything yoy said, i reallt get it. im sorry you're dealing with this. sending luck
@exuberantBlackberry9105 hey that’s ok it’s a super long reply so dw about responding immediately. I’m sorry ur down tho fr. I’m glad my response made u feel better and made ur day a lil better
Im Alr today, hru? That’s ok dw about it. Exams suck u need a break from them. Ik you care, and I hope you know that I don’t expect you to reply right away too. Thx friend for caring fr.
Hugs. I feel the same way about yours *shares the luck. Now we both have some 🙃
@Macylou82 aww thanks. also im sorry for what just happened in sr, i've clearly got no brains. thanks a lot for being there. im sorry, i will reply eventually to the previous message. sorry.
you sure you alright? really, you ok? how's your day going today? was it good to sleep in a bit?
yeah exams suck. but nothing i can do, i just gotta study. i have sst exam on 7th march and french on 10th and then i'll be done but im just lazing around and not studying for these.
thanks for caring, macy. *hugs* lol thanks for sharing luck. we both have some, nice.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 hey that's ok fr. U don't gotta be sorry for none of this fr, doesn't sound like the misunderstandings were ur fault anyway tbh
Yea im fr alr, u ok tho? ik things ain't easy for u rn. My day's going alr, im home alone so that's nice fr. Yea lol woulda slept in longer if I hadn't set a alarm tho my cat was waiting by my door wanting to be let out so maybe she shoulda been my alarm instead when she started her little meowing for freedom.
Studying is so hard fr, major gl to u. ooh ok so just two more you got this fr. Why do u think its so hard for u to study, no motivation, or its not easy to focus or what? I wish I could help fr
Ofc ill always care. Yay we both have some luck! works out lol
@Macylou82 me not ok. im done im tired. wanna k1ll myself but i know i. cant risk attemoing and it not working
aww cat that sounds cute. glad you alright. wish i had a cat to hug. i have no cat to meow and make me wanna get up etc. also being home alone sounds greag. happt for yoy. i miss being home aline. i havent been home alone for months. my mother never leaves me home alone
hzrd to study bc im broken and too much pressure and just im broken thanks to my mother. nothing i do is enough. just idk how to explain. you probably wont grt this part if your parents dont except a lot from you. i cant exaplakn why its hard to stidy like idk its jmpossible. maybe tmr will copy paste some pieces of my vents about why i cant study. cant do it rn im too tired and its midnight but will do later or maybe you can dig for it on my vent thread if you want but dont recommed that
its midnight im supposed to sleep
@exuberantBlackberry9105 im sorry friend, hey im proud of you tho for still being alive. Ik I had the same fear which kinda saved my life looking back at it, but we're fighters, yea? We can get through this tough time together
Aw yea she's my princess my mama's girl. Wish I could lend u her but she would bite your arms off, she isn't always the sweetest lol. Yea im not usually fully alone either usually someones here but my dads at the office and mom and sis are in town so great news for me lol. Wish ur mom would just give u a break tho
im sorry that all sounds really rough. Yea that's ok, impossible is so true fr. I kinda just became the family disappointment so yea they don't expect nothing from me, bittersweet but I wish I could just take all the pressure off you. That's ok I hope u went to sleep. Lol I won't its ok I was just wondering if pin pointing why u can't study might help
@Macylou82 im not a fighter. pleaee dont call me fighter im not one. i cant do this anymore
sorry your cat isnt the sweetest but still sounds nice. does she make a mess in the house?
jm never home alone i wanna be alone. glsd you can be home alone for a bit
yeah i slept but still feel the same.nothing changed. idk what to do today. hiw on earth to study
@exuberantBlackberry9105 oh im sorry I didn’t mean it in a bad way but that’s ok I won’t say that again
Yea shes wild, mostly in my room she mostly jumps off the walls literally lol
I hope you can be alone soon it’s a nice refresher fr.
I’m sorry it suck’s when each day feels the same don’t it. I hope you figure smth out, wish I could just yeet studying away for u
@Macylou82 im so sorry. i know you didnt mean it in a bad way, i was really mad at myself then and im sorry i talked like that.
naughty cat? how is it to have a pet? wish i had one too
nope, i wont get to be home alone. my mother doesnt trust me enough to leave me alone.
uh im gonna try to study i guess. idk how to but i gotta do something
@exuberantBlackberry9105 no its ok fr we can't both be sorry, now can we? lol
@Macylou82 yes we can. why not?
oh my that's a lot of pets. how'd mia doing today? also your dog's name is macy and your cups name is macy? what if i say hi macy and the dog thinks im talking to the dog? lol
i get you. like it hurts so bad when parents dont trust you. im glad you can stay alone for a bit now. wish i could too.
i didnt study at all today 😭😭
@exuberantBlackberry9105 because then our sorrys collapse into each other lol
Meow's chilling on my backpack on the floor fast asleep rn, my princess. Oh u didn't know? my cups name is bc of my dog macy lol. That's not my real name.
it does, I mean my mom has reason not to trust me but it doesn't ease the hurt. I wish u could too fr
Try not to beat urself up friend, studying is hard, getting the motivation to do it and lock in. Its not easy fr
@Macylou82 oh nice, meow's fast asleep, how's that? how much do cats sleep lol? and does she let you sleep?
i didnt know that you cups name came from your dog's name. i guessed it probably isn't your real name bc most people dont use real names on cups. some do, but not many. most use nicknames of their real name or a totally different cups name. lol if you didnt know, berry isnt my real name. but oh hi, macy the human!
im sorry. wanna talk about why your mother doesnt trust you? i know that hurts. how do i trust myself when my mother wont trust me? they say "believe in yourself" "have faith in yourself". how should i, if my own mother doesnt believe in me, doesnt have faith in me? and what even does it mean to have faith in myself? no one will define it for me.
studying's really hard. exam is on 7th march and i gotta study, i guess i will try studying today
@exuberantBlackberry9105 she was, now im waiting for her to come inside and im lowkey getting a headache so she best come in soon. My meow, she goes for a morning prowl around 6-9 then she goes to sleep in one of her many spots until around five when it starts to get dark and then she goes hunting, and if we call her she does go on walks with us but yea, she sleeps in the day awakes in the evening until we catch her between 7-indefintely, its too dangerous at night for her she's proven that, and she falls asleep again with me in my room. and unless she's hyper at night yea we usually fall asleep together
Lol I did actually try to do my real name but thankfully it didn't work. Wait I thought berry was your real name? Your not really a berry in person? jk lol hi the mysterious nonberry
I said some things mom saw some things bam not trusted for a while. Dude exactly that tho. I think it means have confidence in yourself be confident and proud of who you are? Believe in yourself etc idk just my thoughts Do yk why ur mother doesn't trust you alone? nfta
studying is really hard fr, I hope you can find a way to study even just a little before then. Here maybe some *Macy luck* will help /j
@Macylou82 im sorry about the headache, can you rest? i hope meow gets in soon. you cant sleep till she comes? your cat sounds cute though, like the way you talk about her. "sleeps in one of her many spots" lol sounds aww so cute. and one of the spots is on your backpack? oh, she goes hunting? what does she hunt? i didnt know pet cats went hunting lol dont you feed her? like she actually goes out of the house? alone? oh, wanna talk about how she's proven its dangerous? did something happen?
yeah better to not use your real name on cups and stay anonymous. i dont have pets but if i did, i'd probably be too paranoid to even share their names here lol in case someone tracks me down. oh yeah hi, im mysterious nonberry. nice to meet you, macy the human!
im sorry about your mom. wanna talk about what she saw that made her like that? oh yeah idk what it means to have faith in yourself. have confidence in yourself be confident and proud of who you are, sure, sounds like a good defination but impossible for me. and my therapist's been telling me to have a little faith in myself, but wont tell me how im supposed to do that when my mother has 0 faith in me.
idk, im not sure why she doesnt wanna leave me home alone. but i have a guess. she's firstly probably just paranoid. when i was 10 years old and we lived in a different place, she's be ok leaving me alone. we had good neighbours and she'd tell me to call them if i needed anything, and call my parents if i got scared alone. i'd be just fine. then we moved. in the new place where we stayed on rent, my mother did leave me alone a couple of times but not much and would always tell me to stay away from windows, not come to the door to say goodbye bc no one should know im alone, that i should never answer the doorbell or anything. then again we moved when i was 14 and after coming here my mother just hates leaving me. she's left me a few times but really not much. idk why. also after i got close to attempting suicide in april 2025, she almost never leave me home alone, i guess she's scared i'll k1ll myself if im home alone? or idk what she's thinking. im guessing she thinks that if she leaves me home alone i wont study and will do timepass or whatever. idk. she doesnt trust me to handle my studies. and bc she doesnt trust me and is always asking what im studying and im always expected to study this year so i just lie, i fake study and never actually study.
its's 10:24 am i havent started studying yet but i should probably go start. thanks for the luck. btw how are you? how are the days going? what have your strict parents been making you do all day lately? schooolwork?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 if I rest ill fall asleep, I kinda did just fall asleep lol, oops. No don't trust her outside since she's come back scarred and once lethargic. Yea she da best I love her sm. She hunts anything birds, mice, snakes, frogs etc etc. Outside cats are, inside cats aren't as much I think. We live on a farm of 20 acres, its the family farm dad inherited a small part of it.All his cousins and brothers did. There's a male cat out there who's hurt her, and there's also coyotes on the farm, and poisonous frogs, snakes all that jazz that come out especially at night. She's been to the vet a few times to say the least
Idc if ppl know my real name I just ain't gonna say it on a public forum lol. Yea that makes sense I get that im not that cautious tho lol.
I don't wanna trigger u its fine dw. Lol impossible for me too. Yea that's a tough question fr.
Oh weird, maybe its not as safe a area? Aw im sorry, my mom was the same way In jan and feb of 25. Same worrys too. Im sorry, idk why mothers are like that, mines the same way. She has zero trust in me.
U got this fr, Im exhausted lol its almost 12am and I need to get some sleep shake off this lil headache, meow finally came in so yay bedtime lol. The days go by and by, don't remember anything they just pass by. My parents aren't strict with making me do stuff really other then leaving the house. I take care of mom take her for walks and make sure she's drinking enough water, and I do chores mostly to keep mom upstairs lol. Nah I don't do my schoolwork im done with school and ill get caught eventually but honestly I do not care anymore.
@Macylou82 hey friend, how’d your exam go?
@Macylou82 it was ok. not great but not that bad. now i have exam on 10th march. and i really dont wanna study. and im sorry for not replying to the earlier message. im thinking i will sit and reply to everything after exams bc im too lazy. i do care about you. and i do have time for you just on forums i get lazy. we can chat in rooms for hours. anyway, how are you today? how's meow? how's life going? you still home alone? you eating ok? sorry too many questions. no pressure to answer.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 hey we’ll take ok right? I’m proud of you, hugs if ok. I’m sending u a insane amount of luck for the tenth then fr. That’s ok fr, ik your overwhelmed and stressed rn I don’t expect you to respond anytime soon, ik you care about me but that means more then responding to my message yk. I get it fr. I’m exhausted tbh just one of those days. Meows Alr, I’m listening to her chewing rn lol. Hungry kitty. Life’s just going. Don’t remember anything their just passing by. Nah that was just for a few hrs. Ah dw about my eating fr that don’t matter plus that is complicated lol. Nah you care, you’re showing that through a few questions, it’s sweet most ppl don’t care this much
@Macylou82 I hope ur exam went ok, now its breaktime! Excited for ur break?
@Macylou82 hey macy, sorry i havent been replying. im here now, gonna try to reply to everything. how're you btw?
well yeah, exam was idk something. yes its break time now. excited for my break? no. not at all. so exams ended yesterday and its just been one day, ONE day, and im sick of life. i dont wanna do anything. i dont wanna clean my room, dont feel like talking to anyone, dont feel like watching yt but doing it anyway, and i'd love to go out, but its too hot for that. my mother offered going for a walk with her and i said no bc im sick of her. both my parents are in a terrible mood, there is nothing in life that i wanna do now, dont wanna sleep, eat, talk, dont wanna watch yt and also dont wanna sit idle. dont wanna leave the house, dont wanna stay home, dont wanna do anything. what else is there to do? the only thing i wanna do is you know, sl1ce my throat but its not practically possible for me to do that.
yeah exams whatever, ok not ok whatever im sick of giving exams. *hugs back* thanks for the luck. i do care a lot about you. you exhausted like physically or mentally? hungry kitty lol i hope she can satisfy her hunger. yeah life just going, just passing, i get that. your eating does matter. what's complicated? wanna talk about it? please do try to eat well, i get it if that's hard but trying counts. i do care about you. most people dont? well i do, im glad you think its sweet.
studying yeah whatever. hate it. idk how people study, if i just studied these exams could have gone well.
costa rica, i see. so like you keep moving back and forth? how does it work?
sorry idk. idk what i meant by hurt youself, i guess i meant like what people usually mean when they say self harm? but you're right, there are a lot of ways to do it. what does hurting yourself mentally or physically mean to you? no, im not spiritual. im glad you're alive and breathing. i meant like how are you coping but ok.
yeah shopping is fun if you have the money and freedom. wanted to go shopping after exams, i specially love grocery shopping but idk, im hopeless, im not expecting anyhting.
awh im glad i made you smile that day
i get you thinking, is that good or bad? bc thinking is tiring. i dont wanna get you thinking too much. yeah i do like deep convos but they're so rare.
oh yeah that old "friend", it hurt so bad and heck yeah, screw her. but more like screw that lady instead of screw that girl. i used to think adults had some brains but idk. oh and that "friend" was on here. but yeah nevermind. and i wrote essays and novels to her. she said that. and went telling others i wrote novel bc my messages were too long. so nowadays i try to keep it short. im hoping one day you wont think i wrote an essay for you here. that lady made me lose faith in humanity. yeah yeah true friends stay for the good and the bad, but then its important to "put yourself first", to "set boundaries", to "protect your peace" etc. its important to "step away from people who bring you down and surround yourself with positivity". and ofc i bring everyone down, and im totally unhelpful so yeah this is my life. i appreciate you though. im here and i've love for this to be your safe space.
like yeah after a point you realise you cant go around helping everyone. so i just stick to a selected few.
please feel free to share the good and bad here, as and when it happens. yes, running to people is important but usually i dont have people to run to and if i dont read the room and pick the wrong time to say somthing good it just all becomes a mess and people probably get jealous or hate me whatever. like i gotta consider the other's condition too. though no one ever considers mine. i can be crying and suddenly people talk only about themselves and good stuff without even trying to comfory me and yeah then i just feel worse. i dont wanna be like that to make others feel worse.
yeah hard to open up, its ok, take your time macy, no pressure
oh no my mother callling and also im so tired, im overwhelmed and dont feel like i can reply more here tonight. maybe if i spot you in rooms we can chat? sorry i suck
@exuberantBlackberry9105 yk that idc when u reply, ima repeat that over and over again till you believe me no matter how long that takes, alr? Im alr rn, wbu?
aw, breaks can be boring fr. I get that so hard, my life is literal boredom lol. It’s not fun tho fr. I get being sick of ur mother, I feel the same way about mine sometimes too. Aw friend, hugs if ok
exams suck fr, you do so many idk how you do it. Mentally rn, it’s like I haven’t gotten all my energy back from the states even tho we got back two months ago. I need my energy for when I go back in June, energy come back lol. That cat is always eating idk how she isn’t fat lol. Sucks don’t it? We’re teens we’re suppose to enjoy our life, not just watch each day pass by meaningless yk? I’ve never really talked about that with many ppl so eh it’s ok it’s just complicated and I’ll leave it at that lol. Yea we try and try and it gets us nowhere lol. Sorry if that’s too negative, just my thoughts. Yea most ppl don’t, I mean I guess people do, but they don’t yk? They don’t check in or just believe my im fines, you show it and that’s rare and incredibly sweet, and I hope you know I care about you too.
Studying is hard tho, some ppl can focus for hrs and hrs, idk how they do it bc I cannot focus on anything, I just zone out lol. Focus is stupidly hard fr.
That’s complicated lol. So I don’t write a story lemme try to sum it up. we kind of go back 1-2 times a year, for a couple months at a time to visit friends and family and stuff so it’s kinda a vacation. So it’s back and forth but mostly we live in cr
yea I was def denying, and not staying on topic lol. Idk I mean like you can destroy yourself mentally, and physically you can hurt urself in a lot of ways, sh, starving urself, etc yk. I’m not either lol idk where I was going with that one. Yea um coping is a weird thing for me, not necessarily a healthy one that’s all I’ll say. Sorry I’m just ashamed of myself and I was yapping or trying to yap myself outta that. I tend to do that lol.
That is true, money is important fr. Aw yea I get that, for me I love going grocery shopping when I’m in the states bc Its so nostalgic, so many memory’s as stupid as that sounds. Here it’s boring because there’s not really any memories but I enjoy going every once in a while. I hope you can go shopping soon fr. If I could ship u some money I would, if I acc had money too lol.
You make me smile a lot yk
nah u get me digging deep into my thoughts fr, that’s good thinking fr. Yea I agree not many ppl like to really dig deep into topics nowadays
aw im sorry fr, it hurts ik. Oh that ain’t cool, you should be able to trust someone, and they shouldn’t just turn around and share stuff that you trusted them to tell them if that makes sense I get that fr, but I’ll always read your novels if u ever wanna write me one. That truly sucks I’m sorry you had to go through that. Yea I get all that fr. What makes you think, you bring everyone down? And that ur unhelpful? It can be both of your safe spaces, yea?
yea I do the same I mostly support my friends, I learned my lesson when I first joined and my mission was help everyone! God help me that was terrible
well you can always run to me, with the good, the bad, anything and everything, and I’ll try to do the same, like today, I ate two helpings of breakfast, that may seem small but I’m proud of myself. See we can share it all. So you gotta consider someone’s condition, but they don’t have to consider yours? How is that fair? Well u won’t make me feel worse u, I’ll always be happy, or sad or worried for u, I’m a worrier, can’t help it lol
and same with u fr, we can do it slowly together
hope everything went ok with her, and don’t overwhelm urself just to reply to everything, it’s ok fr. Yea hopefully we can see each other in rooms soon, nope u do not suck not in my eyes you don’t
@Macylou82 *hugs* me lonely but too lazy to talk
@exuberantBlackberry9105 then we can sit in silence *hugs back*
@Macylou82 *hugs tight* i hate life and i hate summer im melting
@exuberantBlackberry9105 *extra hugs* life can really suck sometimes can’t it, and I’m melting too, can u cool urself down, cold shower or smth?
@Macylou82 *hugs* what are you doing now? i should sleep but dont wanna sleep yet. oh yeah im too lazy to get up and shower plus if my mother finds out i showed at 11 pm she's gonna be so mad and i dont have energy rn to play detective and not leave any traces that i showered at night. like i already showered in the afternoon and my mother said i can shower twice a day if i want in summer but not after 10 pm.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 just scrolling and slowly melting away lol. I’m sorry, oh yea I forgot that it’s late for u, maybe u can go to the bathroom and splash some water on ur face, ur mom can’t get mad at you for going to the bathroom can she?
@Macylou82 what's the temp there? if you free maybe wann a chat for a bit in some room? yeah im allowed to wash my face but im lazy
@exuberantBlackberry9105 91 f (32c) yea we can talk in a room I was stalking both in case u joined lol
@Macylou82 and I’m lazy too I get that so hard fr lol
@Macylou82 sorry me here now. 36c to 23c today. high of 36 and low of 23. also 36 for most of the day
@exuberantBlackberry9105 oof so we both have insane heat today, btw tcr is empty I think if u wanna talk there?
macyyyyyyy im running to you to tell you that my mother woke me up at 8:50 am today! wow that's amazing, like so crazy amazing. so i woke up and im so happy to wake up late and im energised and refreshed waking up late. i did my business and was so happy and excited. then i went outmy room to discover that this only happened bc my mother feels unwell and she's in bed still at 9:15 am. i walked around kinda like a detective investigator and realised my mother is probably so sick she only had tea and nothing else so far, she didnt make breakfast, the kitchen is in the state it is at night. first task of my day was to take in the milk that was left on the door like usual but usually one of my parents take it in. and this investigator aka me. has discovered my father left for work long ago without having breakfast or taking packed lunch. and if my mother hasnt made breakfast it means its bad. says she has body aches. and the thing is we were supposed to visit my psychitrist today sometime around 1 pm, then have lunch outside, do some timepass somewhere and then go to therapy which is scheduled at 4 pm today and now that my dear mother is sick idk anymore. i was so happy to wake up late but now i see i have so much work to do around the house. idk how we will manage the afternoon or if we even will go or cancel. and my mother is very irritable when sick. so i woke up feeling like so so so good and now i wanna cry yayyyy
@exuberantBlackberry9105 I’m so glad you got to sleep in! I hope your mom feels better tho. Aw I get having to take care of everything, I’m sorry. Just take a deep breath, what all do u have to do? You can do it fr, you got to sleep in tho! That’s a win, no? Just focus on one task at a time, ik it may be overwhelming but you can do it fr
@Macylou82 man today is the day for mothers to feel unwell eh. I’m playing caretaker too, my mothers not feeling well either lol.
@Macylou82 hey, I was gonna check out ur profile, I do this thing where if someone disappears for a couple days I make sure their streak is still active so ik their ok, and ur profiles gone. What's going on? Im worried friend
@Macylou82 Where'd you go, really worried about you, and I miss u sm. Hope ur ok
@Macylou82 where did u go...
@Macylou82we said we’d share the good and the bad together, yea? So I got smth good. Sis bought me some colored pencils (she knew I was too afraid to ask mom) and I made this epic drawing. I’ll show u when u come back, Alr?
@Macylou82 hey. well i went missing i guess? i'm back now. aww it's kind of you to check profiles if someone disappears for a few days. i'm sorry i made you worried. i miss you too. can't believe i'm alive after 43 days without cups. unimaginable.
im glad you sharing the good with me, feel free to share the bad too. im so glad you got colour pencils. i wanna see the drawing if you wanna show. btw how'd you know i would come back? im curious, how do you know i will come back?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 friend omg I am so glad to see you. I’m so proud of you for still being here 🫂. And dw about worrying me, just means I care about u 🙃.
@Macylou82 thanks macy. also sorry i havent replied properly to some posts from before.
wanna talk about the bad? im sorry its a lot. im glad you got colour pencils though, and good luck, i really hope you get the other art stuff you need. i like your drawing lol. my drawing sucks. you like arts and crafts?
thanks for holding on to hope. im back. im glad you wanna we closer and that you feel like i get you and you found a friend who gets you again. im fineeeeeee. alive. boiling in the heat. what happened is i got banned. idk how much i can share about that. life sucks, as usual. anything good? like yeah we went on a trip to a hillstation in early april. bad well i got my board exam results and i did terribly. so probably wont get into the jr college i wanna go to. also im back to studying for 2nd boards, giving 3 supjects again to try to get my percentage up, but no guarantee it'll be high enough to go where i wanna go. bc im still not studying.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 sorry for leaving right away, I just don’t like rooms. I Do wanna talk in rooms but just alone yk?
@Macylou82 im here for you. i can tell that you're not ok. wanna talk?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 no it’s ok it’s a complicated situation, thank u tho fr. For noticing and offering to listen. Both mean a lot fr 🫂
@Macylou82 what in life isnt complicated? im here for you macy. you're welcome, you checking in while i was gone means a lot too. *hugs if ok*
@exuberantBlackberry9105 haha true true. I just idk. Aw I felt like I was checking in too much tbh lol. Hugs thx friend and if u wanna talk about smth, I’m here for u too
@Macylou82 i dont think its possible to check in too much. too little is possible but too much? i dont think so *hugs back* idk what to talk about. i'm tired and lonely, so down, feel like i dont belong on cups. i've been gone for so long idk how to be back. it's weird. i think i'm just gonna go into my tortoise shell and sit there.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 lol same but I don’t wanna pester ppl yk. I get that, can u go to bed? It’s late for u maybe sleep will help? Yea I get that too, cause same…ok friend 🫂. But hey u have many friends who are happy ur back myself included, try not to forget that, ok?
@Macylou82 yeah i can go to bed, probably should. but kinda dont want to. it's 11:10 pm. *hugs* i know you and 1 other person who's happy i'm back but i think that's it. i'm really down. it's fine i'll sleep and distract i guess
@exuberantBlackberry9105 I get that but sometime sleep can help yk? Aw I bet there are others but if not I’m happy enough for all of em. Hope u can sleep easily or distract urself. Always here if u need to talk too 🫂
@Macylou82 also I like the new pfp ❤️
@Macylou82 also I like the new pfp ❤️
@Macylou82 ugh stupid errors sorry for the double messages
@Macylou82 thanks, i'll sleep i guess. oh thanks. new pfp bc im just not the same and idk if i ever will be. also im mostly melted in this harsh summer heat.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 hope u sleep good friend. I get that. Ugh I’m melting too fr, maybe a fan can help?
@Macylou82 yeah i slept. its morning now. oof. yeah fans help but only to a certsin extent. im sorry you are melting too. what's the temperature there?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 how u feeling now? Yea true. Normal temp is around 26.7-32.2 c (80-90f) rn it’s night so it’s cooler rn it’s 26 c (78f) what about for u?
@Macylou82 feeling like crap. oh well my phone says today has a high of 39c and low of 23c. lately temperatures been going upto 42c according to news. rn its 34c.
@exuberantBlackberry9105 aw im sorry, u wanna talk about it? Oh wow man u are truly melting then that is hot. I thought my temp here was bad lol, cannot even imagine urs
@Macylou82 idk what to say, what to talk about. yes, im melting. i hate summer.
@Macylou82 lol me either. Yea summer is hot hot hot. It’s always summer here lowkey im always melting lol. Anything happening in ur life rn?
@Macylou82 i hate summer so bad. many people feel winters make them sad and gloomy. i feel like that in summer when its too hot and sunny. but sad winters, people can get festive and stuff, and though festivals can still be hard, it might make some cheer up a bit. how does one get festive or whatever for summer? when its so frying hot people falling sick due to harsh sun. everyone is irritated snd sick in this heat. my father's frustrated. so is mother snd she has headaches. im just boiling and zweating and caught a cold in this heat. my therapist apparantly isnt well too, i heard her bp is fluctuating. probably bc of the heat and dehydration. you dont even wanna eat in this heat. what are we to do?
nothing going on, gotta study for 2nd board. ecam on 15th, 16th and 18th may. maths, english, science. its 1st may today and i have done ntohing. got so much to do.
you?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 yea I get that, I lowkey like winter ngl. It makes me happier then summer lol. I mean in the states we do county fairs? But that would be terribly hot for u guys lol. Aw yea I bet lots of ppl are getting sick. Im sorry about ur mom, headaches suck fr. U can catch a cold from extreme heat? Oh no that's not good
Dang why u always have sm exams. I hope u do good on em tho fr.
Nothing really good is happening in my life lol. Tho maybe that'll change tonight, I might get a dog sitting gig and the ppl who need me are coming over for dinner (their our friends) so fingers crossed I actually get dates and deets this time lol
@Macylou82 summers really arent good for me, i hate it. fairs in summer? nah, we have all fairs and stuff in winter. idk what people do in summer. also amusement parks and everything, most people here go in winter bc they dont wanna get a heatstroke. its strongly advised to stay indoors during peak afternoon sun in summers. and beaches are most crowded in winter and if you go to a beach in summer that sounds weird in india. but people in other countries apparantly go to beaches in summer. here that's very unusual.
i dont think we can catch a cold from extreme heat but the sweat sitting, and suddenly cooling down too fast could make the body more susceptible to catching a cold. i guess, im not sure.
i dont always have exams lol. but lately i do have a ton and i have no school but only exams. i had boards from 17th feb to 10th march. then no studying and no exams for a while. then on 15th april i got results for my exams and turns up i screwed up. so im gonna give 2nd boards to improve my score hopefully. and these exams are from 15th to 18th may. so technucally ive had 1 month of no studying, now 1 month of studying for exams. but a 2 month gap between exams lol. if i dont do well in 2nd board im doomed.
im so sorry nothing good is happening lately. did you have any luck at dinner last night? you like dogs right? so dog sitting sounds like it could be good. how do you feel about it? znd what happened, how'd it go?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 yea I’m not a fan of summer either lol. Wait a winter fair, that cool tho. Dang u really got extreme heat if ppl are advised to stay inside. Haha wait really? I’m one of those country’s lol. The lake is frozen in winter in Michigan. How do u go to the beach in winter?
@Macylou82 yup, extreme heat. oh, frozen lake sounds interesting. people skate on it or something? i've never seen a frozen lake. i've seen a dried up lake for sure. wdym how do you go to the beach in winter? idk. the weather is pleasant in winter. like cold but if you sit in the sun it's warm. the only time i like the sun is winter mornings.
no school, only exams. like holiday and study leaves everyday. last time going to school to learn was in november. in december we had study leaves and exams. some days to go to school to see our marked exams. in january too, exams and then study leaves. that continuting in boared exams, all being home and study leave. no school. then break after boards. then we got results and im back to stufying. i dont have to go to school, study at home and go to give exams. which i hate. i wanna go to school, i hate being home all day everyday. and i study better at school
im sorry you didnt have luck. how're you feeling today?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 no lol that’s dangerous if it breaks. (I’ve walked on a frozen river tho lol) we have ice skating rinks which is basically frozen ice lol. They make it so u can skate on it. It’s a hockey rink basically. That sounds like our spring lol. Do u guys not get snow?
interesting. That’s nice tho not having to spend hrs in school every day. Yea i hate being home all the time too I get that. Oh really? Are u ever going back to school?
I feel fine dw. Hru today?
@Macylou82 oh yeah i remember in 7th grade we had a story in our english textbook called "a hard word". it was about peer pressure and how difficult it cam be to say the "the hard word". guess what the word is? but yeah in that they were skating on a frozen lake and the ice broke. dont remember details but yeah.
but i think in some situations people can skate on a frozen lake if we're sure it's thick enough? idk. ive never seen a frozen lake or river in my life, let alone walk on one. how was it walking on a frozen river? but i didnt know rivers really freeze. lakes can bc they are usually arent flowing but rivers? oh i didnt know. so how was it?
we might have ice skating rinks here too but im not sure. have you ever ice skated? i like watching videos of people ice skating, it looks fun but im sure its harder than it looks. and i've got this in my head that i wanna try ice skating at least once in my life bc it looks fun and i like cold weather. but ive never learnt roller skating so idk lol. roller skating was so hard. i never got past beginner skates. we had skating in school in 4th grade and i hated it. once i feel so bad lol i could never balance on wheels. but otherwise i usually can balance, like i can stand on one foot pretty comfortably. im weird. also i suck at sports, anything you name. esp if it involves a ball. makes me hate myself. i cant run. what is wrong with me lol
our winter sounds like your spring? oh wow. here spring is pretty much non existent atp. oh we dont get snow. ive never seen real snow all my life. ive seen artificial snow at an amusemnt park. but never real snow. nope.
for me rn it is not nice to not have to spend hours at school everyday. i like the routine and structure of having to go to school everyday. knowing im not stuck home 24/7. you hate being home all the time, i feel you. how do you cope when you're home a lot? btw since you move back and forth a lot, how exactly do you manage school? i dont remember. you have online something? id love to know properly macy. im sorry my memory is messed up.
am i ever going back to school? feels like i never will bc its been so long since ive had school 5 or 6 days a week. i miss those days. kinda. not the 6 day weeks but the 5 day school weeks, i miss those. but yes i will go back to school. someday. probably june or july. that's gonna be a while. i have to do well in my exams to get into a good school. in case no school wants me with my 83% score, i might not end up going back to proper school and might end up in open school. that's my worst nightmare. so i have to get my percentage up as much as possible for there to be a possiblity of me gettjng into my desired school. even if i dont get in there i need beyter than 83 to get into some other good place. so i have to get it up. if i can get it up a lot, i could get to my desired school. if i get it up a bit, i could get into an average or good school. if i dont get jt up at all i might end up in a bad school or open school. i dont need open school for my depression. also my mother looking zt zo many backup options makes me feel like she doesnt believe in me and just hurts. i have to study gosh.
you sure you feel fine? please be honest. jm here for you. im feeling good today somehow. had therapy today morning and yeah feeling good. but im stressed and my whole body hurts lol. otherwise feeling good mentally. except stress and tired. kinda hopeful and stuff today. ive started to belive there is good in this world lol. lets see how long that belief lasts.
im just sharing my good with you hoping it helps you feel a bit better and possibly feeling good and absorbing my good feeling. i dont mean share only the good with you and make you feel jealous. just today idk im somehow really feeljng good, unusually, not like myself kinda good and idk what bad to share. im sorry if im too excited and dont sound like myself.
really, im here for you. for the bad and the good. what's going on?
@exuberantBlackberry9105 I actually dunno what word ur talking about lol. There are a lot of hard words lol. Oh yea you’ll d*ie quickly with hypothermia. Not safe lol
ehhh I wouldn’t do that to be safe unless it’s a ice rink lol. lol I don’t remember I just remember walking on it, it was a small river by our house. I remember feeling so cool going to that spot cause it was really hidden by trees and stuff. lol I mean if there’s water in it, anything can freeze yea.
I have and I am not a fan. I’m also terrible at it lol. Oh yea they make it look so easy like the Olympics lol. It’s really cool to watch tho yea. Ice skating and roller blading May sound similar they kinda are? Except I was a decent roller blader (my sister disagrees I guess I fell a lot? Makes sense I have sm scars from my childhood 😭) but I truly struggled with ice skating. Its so slippery and I think that’s what tripped me up? Idk I haven’t done either in years. It’s always nice to try something dif tho. Wait in school? That sounds so cool tho. I’m sure with more practice u could nail it. Yea it’s not for everyone tho. lol balance is weird tbh. My balance sucks haha. I can’t run either lol. I’m ok at sports but I don’t play anything anymore anyway (holy a’s).
Yea I get u, I like routine too. I hide in my room all the time, I barely leave it lol. Ive been homeschooled since the start of first grade when I was 6. I did do a program for a couple years when I went in person once a week maybe 3-4yrs we did that. Then I followed the same stuff the program taught from home. Cause we had the books already and mom liked the program just we had to leave the program. (complications!) This year is my first year doing it online, so I never do my schoolwork which is actually terrible and I need to learn algebra by this month bc I started that subject later then I started my actual schoolwork this year cause I was behind. So ima be doing that this summer! Yay! Im always behind especially in math lol. And I’m also really used to doing summer school so not really surprised. And next year I’m starting college courses more fun! So I can hopefully get enough credits to be close to a degree so I’m more prepared when I move out. But everything’s online this year which is nice in a way. Dw friend my memory doesn’t work either properly. It’s ok I hope I explained everything ok
6 days a week!? Dang that sounds exhausting. Ah ok, and you prefer that versus doing everything from home? 83% sounds good to me Ngl. Why’s that a nightmare? Cause ur mom wants u to go to a good school, or what? I wish u luck tho fr. Aw u sound stressed and overwhelmed 🫂. I hope you can get into the school u want to get into fr. And I’m sorry u feel like ur mother doesn’t believe in u, I get that feeling and it’s not fun. Hope u can study tomorrow I believe in u fr!
I actually was fine (still am) idk why I used that word cause usually I use that for when I’m lying lol. Ik u are I just struggling with opening up yk. Aw I’m glad ur feeling good today. Yea I get that, being stressed sucks 🫂. Aw I’m so glad to hear that tho! U deserve these good days fr. Yea u making me smile fr lol. Yea no it’s ok ik what u mean. Nah it’s nice to hear this side of u fr.
Dude my life is boom. A bomb lol. What’s going on in my life? U sure u want to read the whole thing haha. Ummmm the cruise is weighing on my mind. Yes I sound spoiled but we’re going on a cruise this august and I’m scared bc crowds (I can’t do crowds I go into a anxiety attack, or I’m scared I’ll be so scared I’ll go into a panic attack), family 10 days with full time family, being “perfect” yk? I get burned out easily especially with this summer. which brings me to the next thing. This summer is gonna be insane. I’m planning on getting a job 3 days a week, which means walking in by myself and getting papers and doing a interview all by myself 😭. I’m so afraid to do anything by myself. plus class 5days a week for two weeks (again alone by myself with a bunch of strangers) in June plus driving times with my instructor which scares me cause strangers lol. Plus I’m so scared to drive lol. Plus I have to take care of both my grandma and mom plus somehow fit time in to see my bestie? And I only see her a handful of times a year too. Most of the busy stuff is in June but I get burned out and exhausted just by keeping my mask on just with my grandma. But work, and class which I can’t focus anymore for the life of me and I gotta study for the first time ever? Also with the impending thought of, when is grandma going to get worse when do I have to move back permanently to take care of her full time, how dare I learn how to drive instead of spending time with my kinda d,ying grandma, how dare I work instead of being with her, I only get two months before we go back I need to spend it all with her or I’m a terrible granddaughter, etc etc. yea im a lil stressed rn.
Sorry this is so long u don’t gotta read it all lol this is me opening up 😭 regret asking now? lol
@Macylou82 one more thing. I’m the family maid! Along with being a caretaker, I’m also a maid! Laundry, dishes, vacuuming etc, and cooking dinner occasionally if grandmas not feeling well and moms gone! Lemme just burn out rq haha. Not to mention my mental health is wayyy worse in the states discluding burn out. Another story tho if u wanna hear it I’ll tell u but I’ll also sound crazy lol.
