For two broken hearts to try and mend

Good Morning,
Hope ya had a good sleep, my tracker says I had 6 solid hours but I sure don't feel like I did. 😔

Believe me, most days I put on a mask to look strong. I still have THOSE DAYS.

Couple of things that helped me with closure were:
1) I delete her contact info off my phone, no temptation to WhatsApp or call her.
2) I had 1 picture of her and I would obsess over it, had it up in the corner of my screen. So she was always with me. I ended up deleting it. 
Sure there are days, I love to reach out but I know I need to keep behind the lines.

Ahhhh my tortured heart 💔 Still for me as well, the tug of war that goes on inside.

It's good that you are acknowledging that you are doing better, I too, for the most part do as well.

Hope you can stay healthy for the two of you. 😁

This morning I'm back at the offsite office, company has stopped the lease there and I need to arrange the removal of all the IT Equipment.

So I have been struggling internally this past week. MIND DUMP 😟 I need to get this out there and you're the only one I can talk to about this..

To be honest, I ran into an old acquaintance here in the head office that I had not seen in about 2 years, one of those people you forget about because you just don't see around. I first met her about 20 years ago and she was young about 22, stunning and I had a difficult time talking to her but secretly had a crush on her (always have with pretty women)

We stood in the hall yapping for almost an hour catching up, She is about the only other person here that knows about my daughter with Down Syndrome. She asked how my family and daughter were. She said that she almost did not recognize me because of my weight loss (only  -48lbs) and went on about how good I looked. She wanted to know what was my secret to keeping the weight off, I told her it was mostly my walking and change in the amount of food I ate. She was just so proud of me (she made my heart melt) and I know I have to keep my guard up and stay strong. As I have always felt that no one in the office "SEES ME FOR ME" but she did.
She is still as stunning as she was 20 years ago, but is in her early 40's now, a fitness buff. The last couple of days we have passed each other in the halls, she has gone on about how proud she is of me. she has been a great distraction from "C", but I don't don't want to fall down that rabbit hole again.

Guess I'm looking for reassurance and slap upside my head to straighten me out. 😬

Watched the Britain’s Got Talent clip and checked out his web site.

Babatunde Akinboboye Largo(Figaro)
His version is awesome 👍

I will be downloading this and adding it to my playlist. 🎧

Morninggggggg,

I totally get it. Sorry I'm catching up so late. The sickness definitely got me 🤧

Feeling a bit sluggish but still trudging along. Made breakfast finished a few loads of laundry. Took some Zinc & Vitamin C. Drinking water. Trying to stay hydrated 😬

Ahhhh there's soooooo much to say where do I start.

First, I just wanna say glad you got 6 hours of sleep in. That's awesome!!!

Second, I totally get it. It always seems like when you're trying to actively get over someone & you're progressing there always seems to be another person that kinda swoops in to distract you...

Trust me I KNOW 🤣

I've had my fair share of moments where I'm like GIRLLLLLL COME ON you know what this is

It's always the same type for me. Buff guy, charming, easy on the eyes, super chill, artsy, vibes well with me, good banter, the whole nine yards

And I'm like NOPE! We can't be friends stay over there 🤣 I've been down this rabbit hole wayyyyy too many times

Don't do it lol... RUN 🏃‍♂️💨 for your own safety

I like your closure techniques. I've done so in the past sadly MANY times with "M"

Deleted his number

He still had mine though so it didn't help that he could reach out to me

Then I saved it again so I'd recognize it if he reached out so I could ignore it but then it pained me to know he was reaching out & I was ignoring him ð¥º

Whenever he would get a hold of me he'd sweet talk me & it's like I was starting all over again

Then I blocked him but he got in touch with me through another number & I was like OMG you're really not letting me go

He's very clear in his intention. While I admire his tenacity & persistence because he's a man that clearly knows what he wants it messes with my head because I'm not available

If I were single this would be entirely different. But I'm not single. Haven't been for years!!!

Like I said the chemistry WAS/IS strong so I actively have to pull away. It's not like anything happened for me to say I don't have feelings for "M" anymore. I'm choosing to remove myself from the situation

If he was to a jerk this would be soooooo much easier but he's actually very Sweet ð¥º

Currently, I don't have his number saved anymore so that I'm not tempted to reach out. But he isn't Blocked. I didn't tell him I unblocked him though. Thinking I may have to block him again

I definitely do still have to a picture saved of him, even sketched a portrait I sent to him awhile back. He loved it ð¥°

Ahhh, I don't wanna be gushing over him

Down girl ð¤£

Btw I literally busted out laughing when I saw that GIF with Taraji P. & Terrence Howard. Because that's exactly what I would probably do

Hahaha

She sounds like a good person, just be careful with your heart. Especially if you know you already have a crush on her

I had a crush on a boss before. So I actively tried to keep my interactions as minimal as possible. He too has a crush I could sense it. I'm good at reading people's body language & interactions. Very strong eye contact & he gave a lot of praise. I think it was very unintentional but I could tell he couldn't help it.

I think we both knew so we kept our distance. Both married.

My friends call me a man magnet ð§²

So,

I'm actively trying to be less interesting ð¤£

Thought you would get a kick out of the GIF. I really do prefer to use my computer to type out my posts.

Thanks for all that you said, food for thought. 😊

I'm actively trying to be less interesting >> This is something I have been trying, by putting up walls. One thing I still do is wear a mask in the office around people. Covid has made me a germaphobe, mainly because I do not want to bring anything home to my daughter who has multiple health issues and Covid is not easy on persons with DS. 

I know I need to stay my distance, but for some reason we keep running into each other in the halls. 😕

You hit the nail on the head. I have always been a eye contact kinda guy. I always felt that if my eyes are wandering the girl gonna think "I'm just checking her out and seem creepy" so the whole time I look straight into her eyes, no matter what girl I talk to.

She has never mentioned a partner so I almost have to wonder if she is lesbian or is truly alone and that's why she talks so much??? 🤔

I guess with "M" being a sweet guy, I can see how it would make it hard to just walk away.
I feel, that was me toward "C", knowing she got the short straw in her marriage and clearly was not happy and I fantasized how I could make her happy. 

Before deleting her number I basically set all the notifications to silent so I could not hear when she text me or called.

Maybe time to delete that picture/sketch  WAIT WHAT  you sketch? 😁
Even that can be used as a  grounding technique. Whish I had that kind of talent.

LOL 😁 🤣  The "Down Girl" Comment  LOL
Time for a cold shower? 😜

The eye contact thing really gets me. It's like staring into someone's soul. I only break eye contact if I feel myself blushing. Gotta stay strong!!! Can't let them see me sweat or that it's working. LOL

I once dated a guy years ago who had these beautiful green eyes just because they were gorgeous!!!! Eventually, we broke up because there was no substance he was cute but BORING! 

Hahahaha maybe she purposefully is bumping into you? 🤷‍♀️ Not that I'm encouraging it. Just saying. I'm not a believer of multiple coincidences. After knowing people you kind of know where to "bump into them" the same way you know how to "avoid them" lol

And yessssssss I sketch, draw, paint, write

I'm a designer LOL

Hahahaha maybe she purposefully is bumping into you? 🤷‍♀️ Not that I'm encouraging it. Just saying. I'm not a believer of multiple coincidences. After knowing people you kind of know where to "bump into them" the same way you know how to "avoid them" lol

I never thought of it that way🤔 Maybe I need to start taking the long way around to my meetings, like I was doing to avoid "C". 😀

I know what you mean about gorgeous green eye, the only other woman I've known and talk to, she has piercing green eyes. But I've never felt an attraction towards her. we do have a lot in common though.

And yessssssss I sketch, draw, paint, write 👍
I'm a designer LOL

Just full of surprises. 😜

I told you I'm full of surprises 😄

And yes take the long way if you have to. There's so many time's I've taken the long way just to avoid an "encounter" just to come back to my desk and someone's waiting there for me or just so happens to be outside as I'm walking out so they can chat as I'm heading to my car. 

Maybe we should just walk around with bags over our faces so people can't see us coming