Reconnecting
Hi @helgyafy @tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul
I hope you don’t mind me creating this thread. I’m sorry, I haven’t been online lately and I couldn’t find where we’ve chatted before. I think of you all often and the kindness you’ve shown me, and I wonder how you’re doing. I really hope you’ve been well. I’m sending you prayers. Please pray for or think of me too when you have a moment. Please let me know how you’ve been.
❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas helloooo everyone💗💗💗 did you guys know I have a subscription to a magazine for mental health? Well know I have many issues😁😁😁😁😁
@Tinywhisper11 I think I have way too many issues from that magazine as well. 😋
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 😂😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 I think I have a few of those issues too! We should start a library!
@mytwistedsoul 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 sounds good 😂😂
Friends, I need to hear someone else’s take on what’s going on with me lately, if anyone’s able to share their thoughts.
You all know the basics of my situation. The ex has been moved out. Things have been friendly. He still has some things here because he doesn’t have storage yet, and he’s also been around a little completing construction he started and didn’t want to leave me in the middle of to pay for. Despite a lot of pain I still care about him, I don’t know how to turn that off. I may not like what he does sometimes, but I care what happens to him. He says he misses me, and I don’t even really completely understand why I still love him. Part of it is the promise of lifetime commitment. But part is that he had a lot of really great qualities that I didn’t find in others. I’ve chalked it up to us having different personalities, and him not fully understanding the impact of his actions with people in his life.
Beyond my feelings (more importantly at this point) is my children. The things he was doing was affecting them. I saw signs, and I worried, and I haven’t mentioned it here feeling ashamed of myself, but my teen had started to struggle with bad thoughts about themselves. I don’t want my post to get censored, but I’m sure you can fill in the blanks. This all came to a head fairly recently, where I had to go into safety mode, take them to be seen urgently. I’ve been quite distraught. The last thing I want is for them to have the kinds of issues I have. They determined that my teen is safe, that the thoughts haven’t crossed a certain line, but we are still starting therapy. I know there’s a lot that’s contributed to it, including bullying at school many years ago and my original divorce from their father. But I also know their step-dad had a major impact on negative feelings about themselves. This is damage I cannot undue, and I feel I’ve failed them as a mother, in all honesty, for it to even get to this point. We’ve always had good communication, they know I love them, they get a lot of praise and balance to counteract the bad. I think that’s been our saving grace.
Things have been calmer lately, and I think my teen feels safer and happier with the living conditions different. The reason I’m writing this is because my kids do still talk about their step-dad a lot as if they still want to do things with him in the future. When he has stopped by to get something, they run up to give him hugs, even my teen. They say they miss him and love him. I try to check in with them gently and make sure they’re happy without guiding them toward specifics, but I get confused when it seems like they genuinely want to be around him. I am also understanding what trauma bonds are, and have considered it might be some of that, or still wanting his approval and love. I know they have had good times with him. I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I don’t want to hurt them more by ripping more people out of their lives.
In the meantime, their step-dad says his eyes have been opened to the seriousness of the situation, the impact he had, that his way wasn’t right after all. He also has an older child who experienced this recently but actually went through with her thoughts. I don’t know if that’s real revelation or just manipulation. I don’t know if I’m around him enough to tell if the change of values is real. I know for sure now that things were definitely wrong and I did the right thing, because they couldn’t continue like that. But I feel frozen with how to move forward. It seems for sure like something that needs more time. But I’ve also been in situations where time doesn’t seem to do much to clear things up with a manipulative or abusive person. I want to do what’s best for my family, not just myself. I am trying to quiet my mind and trust in God. I want to do the right thing.
Thank you for reading. ❤️ I haven’t been able to talk with anyone, and it’s been hard holding it inside.
I hope you won’t think badly of me. I feel like this should be clear and I should know what to do. I think a lifetime of these type of confusing situations and no support to fall back on has skewed my judgment.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 💗 you deserve only love and kindness in your life💗
@Tinywhisper11 You deserve the very same. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Nope<3 You are and will always be an amazing human to me :D
@BlueDarkAurora 😭😭❤️❤️ Thank you ❤️❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas first of all your an amazing mother, never doubt that💗 you did the right thing by breaking up with him 💗 I think perhaps your kids feel the same as you, they love him but don't like his actions This will get better and easier for you all with time 💗 maybe let them know they can talk to him whenever they like, he's just a phone call away🙂 be patient give it time, that's what you all need right now💗 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 everything's gonna be ok, we are here for you 💗
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you for all your love and support. What you said makes a lot of sense. I love you so much. Thank you for being in my life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I agree with @Tinywhisper11. The thing to try to remember is it wasn't always bad moments. There were good moments too. He was a part of their lives, just as he was yours. It's okay to miss the good man he was, just as it's okay to not like the bad actions. Children don't grow to hate the abuser, they grow to hate themselves. Why? Because they feel that they are the problem. "If I wouldn't have made him/her angry. If I would have done what he/she asked right away."
@mytwistedsoul Thank you friend. ❤️❤️ You guys are very wise. I really appreciate you taking the time. I think this is what I know on some level, and I’m still in denial about how life looks now. I always just wanted a quiet life. I thought I was a nice enough person and didn’t need much, I can’t believe all I’ve allowed and all that’s happened. A bad dream I can’t wake up from. I want to think good things will come. I’m tired of being alone, with or without other adults. I’m making myself do some social things. I don’t understand life.
I’m sorry for ranting. Feelings are so strong in the mornings it seems.
I hope you’re doing ok Twist and those headaches ease up today.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas In all honesty I don't know if anyone really fully understands life. Most of us are just muddling along and hoping for the best.
Things may seem bleak right now but look at your children... you saved them. Not just in this moment but the future too. They will grow feeling secure and loved in your home to become amazing adults.
@mytwistedsoul Thank you for saying that. ❤️ I can tell there is a sense of relief for my teen, when they look at me I feel like they have faith in me.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas That has to be a really good feeling! ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I don't think we can unlove someone, what we do instead is wrap the love in whatever feelings we get to just keep it safe. Sometimes it's wrapped in anger and hurt, sometimes in resentment and sadness and sometimes the wraps are made of all the lessons that help us know better. But the wraps are flimsy you see, true love is so strong that even at the slightest give we long to set it free.
I still have dreams about reconnecting with some people that I'm pretty sure absolutely hate me and are just as selfish and petty. The same people I've given multiple chances and they went ahead and repeated the history of everything that was wrong in between.
I think we all do this whether it be about a partner, a parent, a sibling or a friend. We crave the love and the comfort, the idea that we constructed of the 'perfect'. We won't know how wrong that perfect was till we heal our heart, till we are above it all.
You've taken the power out of the hands of someone who was very used to having it. You're repairing all the cracks in your home, repainting the chipped walls. Maybe the efforts you put in won't count so much individually but when you're all done with the renovations, the brightness and light in your life and the life of your kids will be the proof you need to know that what you did was right<3
@BlueDarkAurora Would it be ok with you if I print your words and keep them to reread them? There is so much depth to this that I’ve already read it a few times and found something new each time.
The last sentence of the 1st paragraph, you know what’s funny is just yesterday I was remembering this quote about how if you love something very much you let it go free. I was thinking about how I want the best for him too, and it seems like my personality doesn’t really fulfill his social needs, aside of our other issues. When I was thinking about things I like about him or normal things between us. It gave me some peace to think that he’s doing what he wants now.
It is incredibly difficult for any of us to change very deep rooted behaviors, thought processes, or values. Any changes take time. I’ve learned sometimes there can be “immediate change” when the thought is at the forefront of one’s mind, but then as we/they get comfortable again we often slip back into our old ways when a stressful situation arises again. I think that may be true for him, especially because I don’t think he completely understands yet still all the complexities of how he talks to people, what his actions do to another’s psyche, how he does certain things behind a mask.
I think you hit the nail right on the head about how we construct the perfect. There was a lot about him that looked good on paper, everyone we ever met thought he was Superman and was drawn to him. Anyone who got close enough to him would learn about his dark side, we’ve had a lot of people stop talking to us, including church pastors. Our life was always changing and meeting new people, and it was to the point where other women would compare their husbands to him. Their men would look uncomfortable, and I would be silently thinking “but you don’t know what it’s like behind closed doors”. He even knows he’s difficult to live with, but at the same time he soaks up the public persona and that keeps him taking people for granted at home.
I have always found myself obsessed with thoughts about him one day finally knowing me, appreciating me, and loving me the way I’d like to be loved. I don’t know if he’s fully capable. I’d still like that from someone. I struggle with the concept of being in another long-term relationship in the future. It feels too embarrassing to get married again, but I don’t want to be in an unmarried relationship. I can tell some of my thoughts need to be reframed, that I’m not thinking clearly. I think if I found a good friend, maybe I could be content with that and look at things differently. I think I’m aching too long without feeling some kind of closeness and safety with someone. I’m fairly certain if I had adult family, I would not be feeling as I am now. I’m trying hard to push my comfort zone and go to events to meet friends.
You reminded me that I have flipped the dynamic I was in. Thank you. ❤️ It made me feel a little proud for finally doing the right thing and not a complete failure.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas It is okay<3 You don't have to ask :)
I'd like to say that it's not what we say here or the words that we use or how we frame them that makes them meaningful, it is your interpretation of them, your heart recognises the feelings behind them. Everything you need, all the truths, all the revelations are already there inside you. The words we share here with you are just reassuring knocks to let you know that it is safe to let out your thoughts, it's is okay to validate them.
I also want to say how much I admire that you're taking so much care to make sure that your children feel safe. To be strong for everyone is not an easy thing to do, my heart hurts for you cause I can understand how many times you might have wanted to just break down and have someone else carry it all for you, just for a little while.
I see you<3 we all do<3 You deserve to have all the nice things, the kind of support you've always longed for. I feel proud of you :)
@BlueDarkAurora 😭 Thank you! ❤️😭😭
@WorkingitThrough2 I hope you don’t mind me making a new post down here to reply, I lose replies constantly myself.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. ❤️ This sounds like it has been a really rough road. I see how there can be a lot of mixed feelings. I think you and I have had some similar experiences, some different, and we are both searching for the same thing at this point in our lives.
I hope I can be half the friend to you all that you are to me. ❤️ Thank you. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas look at me I'm a sheep😁😁😁😁
@Tinywhisper11
The items I ordered came in and I am pretty much finished with your surprise. I have been struggling😄 most of the day trying to get things uploaded but having difficulty doing so. I am going to try again this morning sometime.
I hope you will like it😄I cato see it.n't wait for you
@WorkingitThrough2 Absolutely amazing!
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Thanks, I enjoyed making it. You ready to party? Let's do it😂
@WorkingitThrough2 What you made is so so beautiful and such a thoughtful gift<3 ^-^
@BlueDarkAurora
Thanks my friend. Just my token of Love.
Are you ready to party at TinyWhispers Wonderland?😀
@WorkingitThrough2 Oh yeah, I’m already there! 🥳 I’ve been checking out that slide, weeeeee! 🤩😎
@Tinywhisper11 but I don't have any legs, so technically I'm just a cloud
@Tinywhisper11 😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
@Tinywhisper11 
@Tinywhisper11 
@Tinywhisper11 
@Tinywhisper11
I forgot, your coffee is waiting for you and your laptop. there is a water slide and a fire pit on the upper deck. Today we are hanging out with you😂❤️.
This is just a small token of love for all the support you give to us all/ We Love you TINY❤️
@Tinywhisper11
You even got your own set of wheels. Cruise around your getaway. I hope you like it.
@Tinywhisper11 The cutest, fluffiest, rainbow cloud *-*
@BlueDarkAurora you can come and play too 😁😁💗
@Tinywhisper11
Tiny's Wonderland:😊❤️
Tiny, I made this just for you. Your special getaway to enjoy with whoever you choose. Hopefully, we can all come and celebrate with you our friendships. I made a special place for the piglets with their own watering hole. You have a cozy working fireplace in the living room. There is a sassy 3 piece pants set waiting for you on your bed. After you have dressed in your outfit, proceed to the upper deck for food fun, and relaxation. See you there😂.
@WorkingitThrough2 yaaaay look at me I'm the wheelchair😁 I look so pretty 😍 meet you upstairs for snacks and a warm fire💗💗💗💗💗
@Tinywhisper11 andddd it's pink😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
@Tinywhisper11
I am running to you, see you in a few.
@WorkingitThrough2 😂😂😂😂😂😂💗💗💗💗💗💗
@WorkingitThrough2 This is so awesome!
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks Soul, She deserves this little act of Love and appriciation❤️
@WorkingitThrough2 You have such a big wonderful heart ❤️
@Tinywhisper11 😂😂😂🥰🥰🥰🤗
I’m steeping some tea, and the tag had one of those cute little messages that made me think of everyone here. A good perspective. I hope it’s readable.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas That's a very positive cup of tea! 😊 Thank you for sharing!
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas awww that's a sweet teabag😁 I heard they used to put kids jokes in ice lolly sticks, many years ago. I wish they still did that
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Love it Thank you for sharing it.😊
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Thank you for sharing<3 This month was filled with successes and then that to failures.
Finding the good in those failures was so incredibly tough but I can't paint it all bad, the picture isn't want I wanted but I have to learn to appreciate the dark cause Bob Ross once said u-u
"Put light against light, you have nothing. Put dark against dark, you have nothing. It is the contrast of light and dark that each give the other one meaning."
@BlueDarkAurora
That is such a profound way of looking at things. You got me thinking now 
@WorkingitThrough2 Let's think together ~_~
@BlueDarkAurora
@BlueDarkAurora I love the quote you added at the bottom. You’re so right. I was thinking it’s this curious middle space, where we don’t exactly have to be happy about the failure, but we can find an appreciation for it in some way. Did we gain new knowledge, an unexpected resource, or maybe just another step to learning perseverance? Maybe there’s not a whole lot we can take from it and it just hurts, but it just makes us appreciate the wins more. It is still appropriate to feel angry, disappointed, sad, or whatever. We don’t have to pretend everything’s ok or force ourselves to think positive. Sometimes one of my feelings takes over all the others heavily, but maybe the growth zone is where you can feel various feelings in equal measure about a situation.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas *appreciates you and your calm gentle vibes* :))))))))
@BlueDarkAurora
Hi, I am sitting out here under that firer, thinking and just enjoying the warmth and the solitude gazing out into the heavens at that beautiful sky.
Thanks for sharing this picture😊
@WorkingitThrough2 That sounds lovely<3 I hope you get to have so many such moments with yourself and also with people you want to share the time with<3
@BlueDarkAurora
What's up?😊
@WorkingitThrough2 haha cute xD I'm thinking of starting a new painting, I completed my last one after I was inspired by your art *-* hehe <3
How are things going with you?
@BlueDarkAurora
Pretty good I am. Iam😂
@WorkingitThrough2
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas goooooooooddd mornnning everyone 💗💗 hey! Do you all know what the best nation in the world is???? Donation, please gimme money🤑 I also accept checks🤑🤑🤑😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 haha
@BlueDarkAurora yaaaay money😂😂😂😂 thanks💖💖
@Tinywhisper11 ❤️❤️ Personally, I think the best nation is procrastination. 😂 I’ll give you some money though, later. 🤣 I crack myself up.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas so!?!? Money *holds out hand*
@Tinywhisper11 *on my way to you with more money* xD
@BlueDarkAurora awww thankyou
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas so now we know donation is the best nation😁 but you wanna know the worst city to live in !?!? It atrocity 😮😮😮
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul souul sooouuullll souulll, your being summond. I hope your ok, I miss you when your not around, I love you soul💖💖💖💖 gives you extra giant tiny hugs💖💖
@Tinywhisper11 You called? ❤️
@mytwistedsoul
That is special, I love it😂
@WorkingitThrough2 ❤️😁
@mytwistedsoul there you are, yaaaay I found you, I never letting you go again💖💖
@Tinywhisper11 😂
@mytwistedsoul 😂😂😂😂😂 yep your mine mine mine😁😁😁😁
@mytwistedsoul are you doing ok soul??
@Tinywhisper11 I'm just having a hard time staying out of the darkness. It'll be alright. Thank you for asking Tiny ❤️ Lots of love to you ❤️❤️
@mytwistedsoul hugs you tightly 💗💗 when your ready to talk, we'll all be ready to listen💖 just know you are very important to me, I really love you 💗 it's ok to talk about everything and anything here, this is our safe place💖💖💖
@Tinywhisper11 (hugs you back gently) Thank you ❤️
@mytwistedsoul keeping you in my thoughts<3
@BlueDarkAurora Thank you ❤️
"Speak kindly to yourself. You're always listening."
@BlueDarkAurora
Thank you. I need more practice😊
@WorkingitThrough2
@BlueDarkAurora
Sending you hugs
@WorkingitThrough2 yyyay :D<3<3<3