Reconnecting

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul so your birthday is coming soon😁 when is it??? Tell me tell me tell me tell me

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @WorkingitThrough2 how are you doing??

@mytwistedsoul I'm writing here cause we are talking in strings xD Our gifs made the page a bit wonky.

I see how much it hurts you<3 I remember when my loss was fresh, I wrote in my journal- There was so much room for improvement but no time- It was exactly for this reason, it's such a brutal slap to have things taken away when you're so hopeful that something is going right. It's always when you finally start to accept that maybe you deserve the good things, that fate steps in and then there's just nothing but only the feelings & hopes we so carefully held onto, now too heavy to carry. 

Your time together, the moments you shared that gave so much meaning to your day, I hope someday you can look back at it with peace. Some parents learn how to be a parent a lot later in life, I hope that there's some comfort in knowing that you both tried<3 

I'm sure your trying took much more strength<3 I feel proud of you for that. You're a very lovable person, someone worth knowing, someone worth the time<3

~ Soul, I'm sorry if I understood something wrong or said something upsetting<3

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul @BlueDarkAurora @WorkingitThrough2 

hey everyone I haven't read the news since 2015 did I miss anything!???

😂😂😂😂 I love you all 💖💖

@mytwistedsoul Hi soul :) Sorry for replying late<3 I just couldn't find a torch @_@ Also I wanted to say that don't worry, grief talk doesn't upset me<3 But so thoughtful of you to say that and I can just feel how carefully you've placed each word. You and Pieces shared some very beautiful thoughts and I agree with it all<3 

I hope my placing the over it in '' didn't send any wrong message<3 I just wanted to know and there is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting some peace, some normal and to just be done with it all ^^ Our 'over it' is way different than the one we hear from people who'll never get it. Sometimes I think maybe it's easier to be them, that must be some kind of life.

I think some of us are weaved so carefully with this delicate need for love. And the lack of it is just confusing cause our soul doesn't know what else is it made for. People don't see that, they just see the time passed, the broken relations, the lack of communication. But they don't understand how our hearts were robbed. Now we're all just trying to keep ourselves afloat in this sea of grief where every crashing wave is a broken promise. 

All these reasons that people bring in as to why we shouldn't be feeling what we are feeling, is just not fair to our already struggling heart ^^ <3 You've got the right to grieve and you don't need a single reason to justify that. 

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas @mytwistedsoul sit back and relax 💗💗 and open your present 🎁 I wonder what's in side😁

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas & & & & hehe! He's dragging his butt across the floor, look 😂😂 

& & & & 😂😂😂😂

"And when you try to be kind to everyone, I hope you include yourself too." 

@TinyWhisper11 How are you darling?

@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas hi :) 

Thank you for saying all those lovely things about me T-T<3 And yes as a listener it doesn't feel right to share^^ I haven't been active much as a listener, just some forum support here and there. Thank you again :)

I read your message about how you're doing. You said you're ok, but that okay is from some sort of comparison. Not being okay doesn't always look like tear filled eyes, or screaming rage. It's quiet as well, I know you know that but maybe you feel guilty for saying it's bad when it's not so bad in comparison. I'm not trying to say that you have to feel it's terrible, but I want you to know that this deserves just as much attention. No need to sweep in under the rug of comparison<3 

There's so much that's being demanded from you and in all this you end up giving some of yourself too. Is it possible to say no somewhere? Or would it be more damaging to deny someone something of yours? 

For a long time, I was over spending myself thinking how can things work, how can it be better if I'm not there. And it was tiring. Take a moment and think of all the things that are exhausting you, now think what would happen if you were not there. Will it all stop functioning, or will there be an alternative? The pause that you're looking for, maybe you'll have to create it. 

I'm sorry if you read all what I wrote above and it all felt like repetitive nonsense<3 ^^' I know I say it a lot, but I relate to what you said. It's hard to get through the day and feel accomplished when the mind's already screaming at us for not doing something big that counts or at least is adding upto somthing. In movies, they rarely tells us the struggles of The after. Someone gets out alive and the movie ends, but they don't show how they survive from there and learn to live again. Nobody tells us how to deal with the ghosts from a story that has now ended.

If I were there with you, I would tell you about you, about the beauty that you hold, and the strength that you carry, to lift not only yourself, but all those you love, all that heals you, hurts you and haunts you. I would tell you about the kindness that shines within you despite the darkness you've been through<3