A Communication Space for Jaeteuk and bestVase7265 only. (Please do not reply or respond, thank you)
I hope this can be a start of support for the long-term for the both of us.
@bestVase7265
How did your long day of work go?
I ended up not having time to post anything last night when I got home.. In a rush to have dinner instead..
My brother ended up dropping me off and came to pick me up.. If I were to drive, he would've had to move his car first, as he's parked on the driveway behind my car in the garage. So, he was like, rather than moving cars, he might as well drop me off.
As usual, I always head into the department earlier, and sit in our lounge area until it's time.. The nurses there just had a "welcome back", as they aren't the ones who work directly in the OR.. but of the 3 that were there, I'm closer to one of them.. which, I ended up sitting beside, but she was just finishing up her break.. I was just able to have a short chat with her, asking if she worked a late shift, and told her I was on a gradual return..
As anticipated, I worked on light duties, while my colleague did the main tasks.. I'm lucky that I'm allowed to take micro breaks.. 40 minutes into my shift, I already felt that my brain was overstimulated.. 2 hours in, my stomach was feeling upset.. a few other nurses I saw.. they all greeted me with a "long time no see".. or a "welcome back".. They might've forgotten the initial reason as to why I was away.. So, no one brought up the grief topic.. But I guess because some have been told that I was on a medical leave, some did ask if I was feeling okay now.. So, all I told them, is I'm better, and I'm doing a gradual return.. Starting at 4pm is a good time, as most of the nurses are off by 3:30pm, with maybe only 10 nurses left, as 3-5 of them stays until 5:30pm or until the surgery room their in finishes.. then, after, there'd only be 2 nurses left and they go home at 7pm. So, from 7-8pm, it's just the colleague and I, plus 2 housekeeping ladies.. and a couple more nurses in the recovery room (which is attached to the Operating Room).
Aside from picking light duties, I also helped out, when my colleague asked me to help her.. but, she only had me do the easier tasks.. like wiping down a cart, and filling a simple small cart (not the normal anesthetic carts).. There are some things I almost forgot where they're located.. so, I think that will take a couple of days for my brain to readjust.. I saw some changes around.. I asked my colleague about them.. I just kind of avoided time spent with her.. unless I've got a question.. or if she needed my help and saw me walking by..
I used the last 15 minutes to go on the computer to fill out the forms.. I was having problems saving it as a document.. I tried to save it on the desktop, but it wasn't showing on the desktop.. so, it took me some time to figure out where it was saved to.. I also ended up asking my other colleague, one of the girls who work as a clerk, how to use the copier in her office.. asked if I could scan a document and email it out to someone else.. She said, we could only email it to ourselves, then forward it out from a computer.. So, on Thursday.. I'll probably see if I could just fill out the form on the computer and email it out instead.. at first, I was thinking, I'll need to print it, as my Manager needs a copy.. Because my Case Manager said to put in her her inbox (like a physical sheet of paper, the inbox by her door).. But since I'll be needing to send a copy to my Case Manager, I might as well just CC my manager a copy as well..
We'll see how things go tomorrow..
That sounds like an excellent day back. You are doing exactly what you need to do and overall it worked. Your colleagues were okay.
The fact that it was the computer work that tripped you up at the end is funny in a way. I think it's always the computer messes that get each of us. But you will figure out a way through. @Jaeteuk
On a side note though..
Last year, I sent a request to my city.. saying that there was a stretch of road where it obscures the view of oncoming cars that makes it unsafe to turn left out onto the road from a side street.. As there were always 2-3 cars parked on the curb on the right.. where it's always difficult to see if there were any cars heading down the hill.. where I had to turn left.. So, I either had to move my car further out in order to see, or I had to use a longer route to get to work.. So, I explained it that if those cars parked there, it gets in the way.. and when I had my car too far out onto the road, when there are cars wanting to turn into my street, they've given me looks.. at other times, not often, with coincidence that there's a car across the street, they'd kindly motion me that it's safe to turn..
So, last November, I got an email saying that the city has examined the area I mentioned and will be putting up a "no parking" sign.. So yesterday, when my brother and I was out walking the dog, on the way home, we saw City workers doing some digging.. and this morning, when my dad and I took the dog out.. I finally saw those "no parking" signs.. Seeing it, I smiled.. thinking, "This is my doing"..
As I made my request sound like it's a safety issue for drivers.. and not just my problem.. So, I'm glad that is now fixed.. I can try turning left from there now.. I like how they didn't put like a limited time for the "no parking".. so, it's like an all day "no parking".. which is even better.. I'll have to try it out.. see if I get to drive to work tomorrow..
Great job on the parking front! So you made a difference and made the world safer for everyone. @Jaeteuk
It does feel good that the City did something upon my request.. and since it's for the safety for all drivers making a left turn there.. I think I did a good move in contacting them about it.. Who knows, maybe others had the same thoughts when they were turning left from there.. but never thought of contacting the City about it.. So, I could be doing all those drivers a favor too.. The house on the corner might not like it.. as it seems it's rented out to at least 3 people.. They used to park all their cars there, which obscures the vision of cars coming down.. Now, they'll need to park further up from the "no parking" space.. which they could probably only park like 2 cars there, as there's a bus stop closer to the corner of the next intersection. Oh well, I tried it out today when I went to work and had to turn left.. The visual of cars driving down was so clear, it was good. I'm going to be smiling every time I see that space now.. and be thinking "this is my doing".
@bestVase7265
So, both my parents are recovering from a cold.. my mum is mostly okay now.. just my dad still has a runny nose..
Starting last night though.. my throat had been feeling irritated and I had coughed throughout the night.. Hopefully I didn't catch it.. I'll have to see how I feel over the weekend.. But my mum was like, if we were to catch it, it would've been 3 days into their sick days.. not more than a week later.. Unless I caught a cold while taking the dog out for walks.. But I always worse a turtle neck.. My mum says it's because I ate too many chips the past few days.. that it irritated my throat.. But even so, I wouldn't be coughing, should just be feeling dry..
So, when I got home after work on Tuesday.. my TMJ acted up when I was having my dinner.. so, as suggested by my dentist, at night, I used a warm compress on my jaw for 15-20 mins.. My mum saw me take out the warm compress to microwave, and she thought that after returning to work, my shoulders were sore..
I noticed the morning of Tuesday.. my bowels were irregular.. and this morning too.. so, I think it's really the stresses I feel with returning to work.. So, I need to keep an eye on it.. and see if it worsens.. or if it'll affect my work.. Would need to keep my Case Manager posted if affected medically with work.
One step at a time. Stress does show up in weird body places.@Jaeteuk
It sure does.. stress usually gets me through IBS first.. This TMJ is a first time for me with the stress.. And I looked it up tonight, saying that what we're experiencing IBS symptoms, there is a possibility that it affects our immune system, which may be a time where we catch colds more easily.. I ended up coughing more during my shift today..
Since I'll be off until Monday.. I'll rest more over the weekend.. and hope it's not a cold I caught from my dad.. My mum's a lot better now.. she usually recovers in less than 5 days.. My dad still gets runny nose.. With me, I've been sneezing and coughing more today.. But during the time both my parents were sick, I had been taking Immuno Drops (tablets that dissolve in water, my brother bought online, 3 different types, vitamin C, vitamins to strengthen our Immune, and a Triple Action Vitamin C).. So, I had been taking the Immune drops for the days when they were both sick.. So, I'm going to blame it on the stress of returning to work, with the IBS, it brought down my immune system, and I'm catching a cold even days after my parents first got sick.. That, or I caught a cold while walking the dog.. But like I said, I had been wearing fleece pants and turtle necks..
I went for sushi after work today.. didn't feel like making dinner if I went home instead.. It's just across the hospital, so, dropped off my bag in the car and walked over with an umbrella.. it was raining.. One of the waitresses remembers me.. although I haven't been there for at least 6 months.. Which is cool.. I ordered 6 pieces of sushi, a bowl of beans (edamame) and a chicken udon.. When I went to pay.. she was like, you didn't pack anything up?.. I was like, no, I ate it all.. as I didn't have lunch and just got off work.. lolz.. I surprised her.. It was just enough.. Before, I used to order like a combo sushi, that had like 24 pieces, as they gave 8 pieces per roll, and there were 3 rolls.. back then.. just eating that, and 2 single pieces I always order.. that was too much.. Like, I'd be stuffed by the time I finish it all.. but today's order.. even when I finished everything.. it was just right.. not, overly stuffed at all.. It's 10:30pm now.. parents are still not home yet.. since I'm not overly full, I'm going to go to bed soon too.. Since I was coughing in the night, I didn't get much sleep.. I was awake from 4am - 7am this morning.. then, finally getting out of bed around 9:30am.. Had to walk the dog again after breakfast.. this morning was garbage day.. dad took out the garbage around the same time my brother tried to take Hiro out for a walk.. but since dad was still in his PJs, and Hiro saw my dad, although they had already walked down the driveway.. upon seeing my dad in the garage, Hiro refused to keep walking unless my dad joined.. But since he was just in his PJs, he didn't end up walking with my brother.. and my brother had a couple of meetings at 8am, even if my dad went to get changed, they wouldn't be back in time.. So, had to wait until I woke up, had breakfast, then, I walked Hiro with my dad.. Brother drove to work around noon.. I had to move my car for him to leave the garage..
Tomorrow.. if brother needs to go into the office early too, I might need to walk Hiro again.. of course, I'll also have to see how I feel.. see if I really caught a cold.. Might have to get my mum to walk with dad instead, if I'm not feeling well.. We'll see.
@bestVase7265
Did I ever tell you about an Entertainment company I wanted to work at as an English teacher before? Well, I just saw they made another announcement for another recruitment for male trainees. There was a different email address, and this time in small print, it said this email is only valid for the month of open recruitment.. So, it got me thinking.. maybe the email I had been sending to in 2024, is no longer working.. or it was an email that the CEO stopped checking.
So with this recruitment and new email address that is valid for Feb. 22nd - Mar. 22nd.. I'm thinking to maybe sending my offer earlier on. Since the 22nd is a Saturday (China time zone), I was thinking of sending it off when it's a Monday for them. This time, I hope I get some sort of response.
According to the Chinese horoscope, this year is suppose to be a good year for me.. Both in work and romance.. But they say, with romance, it's usually not who we like or have a crush on, but rather have another person liking us.. I'm just thinking what I should put on the subject line for the email. Honestly, he might not even open the email, seeing it's a female name (as he's recruiting male trainees), and that there are no attachments of what an audition would require.. like videos, etc..
Glad that you had a successful second day and didn't get too much sicker. The sushi sounds lovely. I am glad that the waitress remembered you.
Do be a little careful on that job application front. There are a bunch of job ads out there that are increasingly scams that get inside and destroy your computer and get your personal information. They are especially targeting people who want to work in foreign countries. As long as you carefully vet each company rather than doing lots of clicking you should be okay.
I've been sneezing and coughing a lot more today.. I'm hoping I could get enough rest this weekend to feel better by Monday.. luckily, Monday is just another 4 hour shift.. and since masks are needed while working, I could cough and sneeze, might just need to end up changing masks if it gets soiled with my spit and mucous.
Well, the posters I saw are from his social media account of his company.. so, nothing to really click on. But, I know about those scams you're talking about.. There had been some really scary ones out there the past few years that had been circling.. Where people get tricked, and stories have been told for those who were able to escape from the scammers.. but it seems, it's mainly tricking those from Taiwan.. My parents follow news about it, and will often tell us about it too..
You know, my dad always sounds frustrated whenever he receives email scams or text messages.. and then he goes on saying how mean those people are, and how they try to target the elderly.. and he says the same thing over and over again each time..
@bestVase7265
Well hopefully you will be feeling a bit better by Monday. You have another 24 hours and you are right that it is good that is a shorter shift.
Your dad is right to be frustrated by all the scamming the elderly out there. They just don't think clearly and are such easy victims. It is so sad. They have gotten my mom a few times. But I am sure it is not fun if your dad just ends up talking about it all the time. @Jaeteuk
I ended up being in bed all day Saturday.. although I couldn't sleep, but just lying down and not looking at my computer/phone, is still rest.. I have a water bottle by my bedside too.. so, when I'm coughing too much, a sip of warm water soothes the throat.. only waking up to take medicine, eat, and take some vitamin C. In two hours, I can take my medicine and head back to bed again. Hopefully my coughs would be more under control by Monday when I work.. I really don't want to be calling in sick..
So, any suggestions on what I should put as the subject line for that email? I'm thinking of sending it off in the next couple of days..
@bestVase7265
Sorry that you continue to be sick. I hope that you are feeling better and coughing less today.
I would make the subject line to the email very straightforward "Love to be put on our list of possible recruits". Then you can explain in the email that you are female, but you would do a great job anyway. @Jaeteuk
I woke up this morning feeling a bit better, was able to catch some hours of sleep last night.. just waking up every other hour and coughing a bit.. I was thinking of calling in sick for work this morning.. but my parents suggested, it's probably better to show up for work, then, request to leave earlier if I feel too sick or my body is too tired for the tasks.. So, they offered to drive me.. that way, if I were to leave earlier, I wouldn't waste my parking money.. and they could just come pick me up.. They were saying, because I'm on a reduced-duties shift and going through the gradual return to work program, it's better to show up for work, and make it look like I'm willing and responsible for my position.. then, with other staff who are still working, if I end up coughing a lot, they could be my witness and see that I'm sick.. Rather than, calling in sick and not show up.. unless I've lost of my voice or something, otherwise the person who answers the phone may not believe that I've got a cold..
Well, the recruitment.. I'm not exactly asking to be a part of the recruits, but it's more like proposing to be able to work in the company (even if it hasn't really released they are looking for such a position).. But because the company hasn't revealed a direct email contact, I'm just using this chance to send in my proposal.
@bestVase7265
Your parents have a good idea here. See if you can make it through the day to show your dedication to the job. I bet it will go better than you think.
I would just send in that resume information and not worry too much about how you title it.
Good luck. @Jaeteuk
I ended up going to work yesterday, but left two hours in, because I was breaking a sweat.. Had a nurse take my temperature, was feverish. So, I ended up getting my brother to come pick me up.. Hey, I did try to work, and stuck around for 2 hours.. I was coughing as I worked, and colleagues who talked to me, all heard my voice as being congested.
Okay, I'm going to wait a couple more days before I send it off. It might get ignored altogether, seeing a female name.
@bestVase7265
You made the effort and I agree that means a great deal. They knew that you really wanted to work.
I hope that you are feeling a little better now.
Sorry that I missed yesterday. Things have been a little rough for me and I needed a night off. @Jaeteuk
I worked the full 4 hour shift on Wednesday, but it was my buddy who ended up leaving 30 minutes earlier.. says she wasn't feeling well.. My dad kindly gave me a ride, as he says I was still not feeling well, and it's not worth it to park my car for 4 hours and need to pay $4.
Next week, I'll be doing 6 hour shifts on Tuesday and Thursday.. Which means, I'll be seeing everyone on my team.. rather than just dealing with one. Actually, an incident happened on Monday when I worked for those 2 hours before heading home.. My brain wasn't able to process a question being asked to me from an Anesthesiologists.. and it was until I heard him ask a nurse a second time shortly after, did I realize what was being asked.. It was like, my brain couldn't understand what he was asking.. and yet, it was just a simple question.. So, with this GRTW.. I find the tasks itself is fine.. but just as how my GP says with the grief, that it was an "emotional shock" that my brain had shutdown for like 1.5 months after the passing.. and has been slow to "start-up" again.. So, I relayed that to my case manager, that is the main problem with the work.. is that my brain might become overstimulated.. so, I'll see how things go next Tuesday.
Hope you're feeling better now.. take your time, no rush to reply every day..
@bestVase7265
You are working up towards that six hour shift nicely. You are going to occasionally miss things. That's okay. Your brain is working itself back to being more regular. Think of it more that way than focusing on it as some kind of deficit.
I butchered an email myself today and was beating myself up a bit for it because others saw it. But we all make mistakes especially when we are stressed.
It sounds like you are feeling a little better and that is the good news. One day at a time. @Jaeteuk
I spoke with my Case Manager Friday afternoon over the phone.. and she suggests that when I see my GP next Monday, to ask if I'll need to extend my GRTW process. As I explained to her about that incident at work.
I feel that the grief and the emotional shock has altered how my brain process things.. so, I'll either have to learn something new or I'll need to wait until my brain is back to normal.. I find that at work, I'm unable to multi-task the way I used to, before the grief impacted me. Yes, my Case Manager might be right, that I'm overthinking and being too hard on myself.. being that I've been in like "sleeping state" the past six months while I was grieving.. and now getting back to work, that it would take time to readjust. I've also laid my concerns to my Case Manager as to when the time comes where I'm finished with the GRTW and still not being able to function well enough so that I'd work in a productive and effective way..
I promised to keep her updated on my shifts next week, and we've set up another time for a phone call to discuss further.. That I will update her after my GP appointment, and at the end of the day on Tuesday's first 6-hour shift. Because with that shift, I'll be seeing everyone on my team, and all the other staff (nurses who work the 7:30-3:30pm shift). So, with so much more going on at that time, that would really put my brain to the test. See if I'd be overstimulated or not. Oh yea, I'll also be meeting up with my Manager on Tuesday, before she leaves at 4pm. As I need to explain to her my concerns, that I did not state on my Progress Sheet.. But, I should have a better idea how to explain it to her after my GP appointment.
Yes, I get that we all make mistakes and sometimes others may see it.. I'm just more sensitive to what others may say though.
@bestVase7265
You decide how sensitive you are going to be to other people's remarks. So far it doesn't sound like they are saying anything rude or unkind.
It is okay to take a while to get your brain back. That strength is returning. I sense it in your writing. You will probably still have some off moments. They are okay. Don't expect perfection from yourself. You are doing great. @Jaeteuk
I tend to do better in writing.. but I find in speech, there are times when I can't seem to use/find the right word to describe what I want to say.. I just hope it doesn't take long for my mind to process things more quickly.. I'll see how it goes on Tuesday.
@bestVase7265
Allow yourself to make mistakes. You don't have to be perfect.
Write those two sentences on little notecards and carry them with you. Grant yourself grace. You deserve it. @Jaeteuk
So, as my GP appointment went this morning.. I talked about the possibility of extending my GRTW.. and he said that he will have a phone call appointment with me on Wednesday, as I said I have my first 6 hour shift tomorrow.. As I explained to him that situation where my brain couldn't process what was being asked of me.. When I told him, after this week's two 6-hour shifts, next week, I'm doing the full 8-hour shifts next week for 3 days.. Then, he made a comment that the jump went too quickly.. So, he suggested, if after I work tomorrow, and I feel that my brain cannot take in so much happening at once, that he will send me a doctor's note to extend the 6-hour shifts, and make it to 3 days a week for more weeks, before I head into the 8-hour shifts.. He asked how I felt with the 4 hours shifts earlier.. I told him, it was okay, as with this GRTW program, I'm allowed to take micro-breaks when needed, so, if I felt that my brain of overstimulated, I can step away from the work any time.. I also explained, with the 4 hours shifts, there had been incidences where I did feel my brain was being overstimulated, and with those working hours, more than half the staff is not around.. So, I explained with the on-coming 6-hour shifts, it would be a full staff headcount.. So, if more people traffic, the chances of others talking to me and asking me things will be much greater.. and with the past incident of having that brain fog, I'm not sure how things will be like when working a shift with a full staff.. As he puts it, I really won't know until I work the shift.. So, that's why he suggested we have a phone call appointment on Wednesday, to check-in with me for tomorrow's appointment, and see if an extension is needed.
I also emailed my Case Manager right away, saying that this is what is planned with my GP. I will also have a phone call with my Case Manager that we set up for Thursday morning. So, when she calls.. I'll let her know more in detail about that phone call with my GP. Because if we need to extend the 6-hour shifts more.. my Case Manager will need to coordinate with my Manager this week (since the 8-hour shifts are set for next week already, would need to make the changes right away), and to cancel my regular shifts that goes for 2 weeks starting March 17th (being off the GRTW program).
Tomorrow will be a long day though.. as I have a Specialist appointment just before noon, and then, work starting at 2pm.. Luckily, I'm going to get my parents drive me there.. as it's about a half hour drive away, and parking is often difficult to find.. plus, starting work at 2pm, parking will also be a hassle.. so, it'll be nice to have my parents drop me off instead.. But on Thursday, I'll probably have to end up driving myself, and just arrive earlier for a parking spot.
Yes, I agree that a longer period of 6 hour shifts would be better. Each step forward needs to be pretty slow. But keep reminding yourself that you are doing it. You are going to get yourself back slowly but surely.
Good luck with the 6 hour shift. You can do this!
@Jaeteuk
I do too.. I also think that my GRTW is different compared to others who are returning to work after being off from a work injury.. I'm actually feeling a little nervous for my 6-hour shifts.
@bestVase7265
I think 6 hours you are going to handle just fine. You just need a bit more time at that level. Lots of deep breaths and be okay if you make the occasional error. @Jaeteuk
In the first 10-15 minutes of the shift, I was feeling very overstimulated and it was overwhelming.. An hour into the shift, I was starting to get slight headache.. and another half hour later, I felt light-headed.. OMG.. This week, my usual buddy I work along with, is apparently off sick for the week, and most likely for next week too.. So, I'll have another buddy to work with instead.. This buddy usually works the 6:30am shift, but for the days I'm working, she's moved to the 12pm to 8pm shift.
It seems this year, many hospital staff are catching pneumonia.. My buddy today, she sounded very congested, so I asked her if she was also recovering from a cold (that I had to take some medicine too before coming to work).. she said, she had been dealing with illnesses since January.. starting with pneumonia, then, a toothache, and now a cold.. endless medicinal treatments.. When I worked previously, I heard that two other nurses had pneumonia.. I'm thinking maybe it's the latest Covid-related sickness.. And many turn into pneumonia.. I'm actually lucky that when I caught the cold from my parents that it was just a regular cold.. and it did not turn into pneumonia..
I had pneumonia like 10 years ago, and was told back then, if you catch it once, you're at higher risk of getting it again.. So, "touch wood" that I haven't had another incident.. That time though, my then, GP, misdiagnosed it. So, treatment was delayed 2-3 days later. The reason for the misdiagnosis was because of my symptoms, I did not cough, and it was straight to feeling pain on left side of my back. So, back then, my GP thought it was just a muscle strain. I remember I saw him like either on a Wed or Thurs appointment. Then, on Saturday, I woke up to immense pain, with every breath I took, it was painful. My parents had gone to work, and my brother was getting ready to play badminton with his friends, but he ended up taking me into the ER. I remember, while I was waiting to be admitted and sitting in those chairs, I couldn't lay back in the chair.. since every breath I took was painful, there was no way I could sit back in the chair.. I remember, I nurse passed by and saw how uncomfortable I was, and she went to find a pillow for me.. but, even with the pillow, it still hurt.. I think that was one of the quickest waiting time for me to see a doctor in the ER.. Basically quickly took some blood tests, wheeled me to get a CT Scan on a stretcher, but I couldn't really lie down in it.. then, was quickly put on antibiotics through an IV.. Everything was quick, because it was obvious the fluid in my left lung has caused immense pain as I breathed.. So they were quick giving me painkillers and antibiotics.. I stayed in the hospital for half a day.. I think my mum came, as dad had to stay at work (back then, we owned a store and only had one other part-time worker, and I would also help out with my dad too). So, I'm glad I haven't experienced another incident.
I think tomorrow, with the phone call appointment with my GP.. I'm going to request to stick with 2 shifts a week, with the 6 hour shifts, for maybe another 3 weeks.. before going into the 8 hour shifts.. Just maybe switch up the days for those 2 days.. I was thinking, either a Tues/Thurs or a Wed/Fri (but this would be discussed with my Case Manager).. I just need to tell my GP that I think 2 days a week is better than 3 days a week.. I think 3 days a week (Mon/Wed/Fri) will be too much.
I went to meet with my Manager around 3pm today (finally saw her door wide open with a doctor chatting with her).. But the moment she saw me, she was like, "I need to have a meeting with her, let's talk later).. So, I gave my Manager a heads up with the possibility of needing to extend my 6 hour shifts, I explained to her what happened the other day and she seems to understand, and is supportive if I needed to extend, but like before, I would just need another doctor's note. I told her, I was having a phone call appointment with my GP tomorrow and will be speaking with my Case Manager on Thursday before my shift. I also reminded my Manager that I had originally been scheduled to work normally for 2 weeks during our Spring Break in March.. so, I might end up needing to cancel those.. So, at least she has a heads up and can try to work out and see if either of the 2 other Casuals could work them on such short notice.. But that's for her to figure out, nothing to do with me.
@bestVase7265
But you made it through your first 6 hour shift. That is the most important thing. You had been anxious about it so a bit of panic at the beginning and a headache were just going to be part of your first attempt at 6 hours anyway. But I bet that the 2nd 6 hour shift will be better. You are going to get there and be comfortable again.
You are right that the flu is rough this year but you have been okay so far so we are going to hope that continues.
I like the plan for the additional several weeks of 6 hour shifts. @Jaeteuk
After the phone call appointment with my doctor Wednesday morning, we're going to extend for sure.. When I told him what I experienced in the first 2 hours of my shift, he suggests that I go back to the 4 hour shifts, but 3 times a week. So, here's the plan he suggested and I will talk to Case Manager about it Thursday morning. Starting next week for 2 weeks, Mon/Wed/Fri, 4 hour shifts. Then, 2 weeks of two 4 hours and 1 six hour (so I was thinking, Mon/Fri as the 4 hr, and Wed as the 6 hr). Then, another 2 weeks of two 6 hour and one 4 hour (Mon/Fri with the 6hr, and Wed as the 4 hr). Then, another 2 weeks of 6 hour shifts. Keeping it as 3 days a week. Then, we'll re-access afterwards. So, that's extending it for another 2 months.
Let's see what my Case Manager says.. and hope my Manager agrees to it.
@bestVase7265
After the phone call with my Case Manager, she connected with my Manager right after we hung up and I heard back from her already. My Manager has agreed with the extension up until April 11th, she says she'll re-assess my situation then, before deciding if we need to continue with the extension that both my GP and Case Manager discussed, until May 9th.
I also told my Case Manager that I plan to re-start my counselling sessions in April, as previously, my counsellor asked me to take 3 month break to allow others in queue to have a chance with the free service. So starting next week, I'll be working Mon/Wed/Fri, except on Stat holidays.
@bestVase7265
You are getting there and doing everything you can. I am glad that you are also restarting the therapy. It shows your bosses that you are really making an effort to get better. Your new plan will work. Just stick with it. I bet you feel relieved that you have it all arranged so nicely. @Jaeteuk
Yes, as the work days was arranged by my Doctor, I just chose the days and times to work. When I told my Case Manager, she even thanked me for having it all organized, and teased that I was doing her job. She sent the revised copy of it out to me, my Manager and 2 other staff (payroll, and my union rep).. but, I noticed she got the times wrong on one of the days. But she's off Friday, so, hopefully she could get it fixed on Monday.
I have a blood test to do Friday.. appointment is at 11:50am, need to do a fasting glucose, so, now it's 9pm, I've just finished eating some soup and wontons my mum left for me. So, I'll probably end up having lunch after the blood test at my favorite Korean place before going heading home. See if I could pick up some snacks too, I'll see how the weather is. I plan on keeping my car parked at the hospital, and walking to eat.. but again, depends on if it's pouring rain or not.
@bestVase7265
You are indeed a very organized person. You should praise yourself for that.
Good luck with the blood test. @Jaeteuk
Lolz.. organized in planning, but not when it comes to my own workspace at home.. or so my mum says.. It may look messy, but I know where everything is.. If I were to organize it and make it look neat, I'll have forgotten where I put things..
I was lucky, the wait for blood work at the hospital with appointment is always less than 20 minutes. I arrived 20 minutes earlier, but didn't want to check in yet. So, I went and sat in the OR lounge and chatted with my colleagues. The lab was just around the corner of the lounge, so I didn't make my way over until 5 minutes to my appointment. Although there were many people, half of the patients have appointments, where the other half takes a number and wait to be called. I've been a bit of a bleeder the past couple of times.. Last time, I guess I didn't put pressure on it long enough, I bled through the bandaid.. this time, there was a squirt of blood as the needle poked through.
I waited for like 10 minutes for a parking spot, and since I pay for parking (staff price), I didn't want it to seem I'm wasting the parking fee, so after my blood test, I walked to my favorite Korean restaurant, a good 20 minutes away. Then, walked back.. Checked to see if my hairdresser was free today, ended up making an appointment with him for next Monday (before my shift starts), and I went home instead.
Now, I'll just keep an eye and see when my results come out.. aside from the previous requisition, my GP wanted to check my thyroid, after seeing the locum GP the other day, I asked him to add the lipids, as I was like, at my age, I haven't had those checked before. The reason was because my parents were looking at their own cholesterol and such and comparing it with each other.
@bestVase7265
Well we can't be organized in everything. I too am better with my calendar than I am with cleaning my house.
Great job going on that nice long walk after your bloodwork. That can really help both mentally and physically.
Good luck with your test results.
I had a good walk today too.@Jaeteuk
So, this morning, my mum suddenly says we should go out for coffee and have a little talk in the afternoon.. So, we ended up going to Starbucks.. A couple of days ago, I told her briefly in a text, that I tried applying to teach English, and will give it until Mar. 21st to see if I get a reply.. In our talk, I mentioned that I had contemplated whether or not to tell her, as the place I applied to, that they (parents) will probably disapprove.. But that I did plan to tell them about it, if I do hear back from the company. We also talked about my current situation.. with work, and the future.. Basically saying, I need to find a more permanent position.. If I were to go back into doing what I did schooling and got a Certificate for, I told her it would have to be at a different hospital.. Especially because if I were to go back to where I came from (which is downstairs from where I'm working now), that problematic past colleagues are still there.. So, if I were to apply to a full-time or part-time position in the same department, it would need to be at a different hospital..
So, after dinner today, I went online and looked at different Health Authorities to see what's currently available.. Let's just say, I found 2 Relief Full-Times (2 other hospitals) within the same Health Authority.. driving takes 34-55km one-way. With Regular Part-time positions in two other Health Authorities.. So, my mum says to wait a bit. Since, I'm currently doing the Gradual Return to Work, she says it might not look so good to see that I want to apply for a more permanent position. So, might have to wait until I finish this GRTW program first, before applying elsewhere.
I also mentioned a little about that potential guys that my mum once mentioned one of her friends were asking around for her son-in-law's best friend/colleague.. But, my mum made a point.. she says, that friend knows that I currently do not have a stable work position, and that nowadays, everyone asks "where do you work? What do you do?".. So, it's not a "attractive" aspect to still not have a permanent full-time job at my age.. So, according to my mum, without that stable income, I will not be able to meet anyone.. (unless, jokingly, I meet someone who earns enough to raise the both of us if we were to marry). Then she goes on saying, by the time I turn 45, she would be in her 70s and dad in his 80s..
You know what though, I'm afraid to tell her my true thinking.. especially with wanting to Teach English overseas.. that my other purpose is to hope to find a future husband while working.. as I think that I need a change in lifestyle (work and geographically), in order for me to meet new people, whether that be friends or a future husband.. As it seems staying here (home and hometown), I can always choose to hide behind my comfort zone and not step out.. but, if I got a job overseas.. because of work, I'll need to force myself to step out of my shell to survive.. Hence, working and meeting others may come more naturally. Whereas in the current state and place, there seems to be so many other factors that are preventing me from meeting people.. I mean, even if I find a job in a different hospital, at least, meeting a future husband, I still think it's impossible through work, and maybe until I'm more stable financially, my mum won't think about finding her friend to introduce guys to me..
I pretty much agree with your assessment. I am going to be a little more brutal about it though - your mom is holding you back from success by putting so much pressure on you. She causes you to doubt yourself in ways that aren't helpful. This is where counseling would be really helpful for you so that you can begin breaking free.
You have a job that works just fine for now. You can and should continue to look to teach English abroad. I agree that getting into another country (or even another town) would be helpful. Keep looking at the English stuff. You could also consider more distant hospital jobs that would force you to be out on your own. Maybe an hour or more away where you could do something full time and get a small apartment.
But for right now all of that is a reach and that's okay. Get yourself comfortable again with the job that you have first. Small steps. Looking really far out there can be overwhelming. @Jaeteuk
I know.. my mum always tends to put her words in a way that doubts my abilities or always end up telling me bad side of things, making it sound like my decisions are no good.. She always has a way to back herself up though.. like all mothers, they're like, "We have more experience in life, as we lived longer than you. We see things in a different perspective, and that's the reality that is out there right now."
At the last session I had with my counsellor in January, we already discussed this was what I wanted to work on when we meet again in April.. A lot of the times, I always choose to stay quiet when it comes to expressing my thoughts, because I don't want to be looked down upon again.. I remember before, when I wanted to learn and took courses at a college, having some career in mind, my mum would always say something that makes me doubt myself, then, goes on saying that there aren't many jobs out there.. or just something that makes me second-guess my decisions, and then, I end up giving up..
Right now, with my current job, my mum and brother had discussed beforehand, and came to conclusion that in the current household, it costs each family member $2000 to survive.. which includes helping with paying for internet, groceries, electricity.. and have extra expenses to spend on myself.. including eating out or money for gas, parking when working.. Currently, aside from the GRTW going on, even if I went back to normal work status, I probably won't be able to afford to survive in I rented an apartment and lived by myself.. This is why, my mum's like, "you're going to be 40 in a couple of years.. it is not okay to not have a full-time job by now".. So, that's why she was like, that's my priority now.. She's like, "you need to be able to care for yourself, financially and physically first, before you can even find a potential husband. As your future husband probably wouldn't want to marry someone, who can't bring income into the family."
You know, my recent blood test results came back.. the only alarming thing, is my high fasting glucose levels.. so, she was like.. I need to become healthier first.. Basically, I hear her say that I need to fix myself.. whether that be getting a more stable job, or get healthier, if I want to meet someone.. As without a decent income, no man would like a wife where she becomes a burden.. "Burden", that's the word my mum used.
When I told her about that teaching English job I sent my resume too.. you know what, she went on questioning "Are you even qualified to teach? Do you even meet their requirements?"
All these years, her comments had always made me feel that I'm not good enough.. That's why, when I was diagnosed with depression, a lot of the times, I just choose to not talk to her about anything.. And over the years, she has finally said that there were times where they also choose not to say certain things to me because they're afraid I'll interpret their meaning wrong or become depressed from their comments.. But in recent years, whenever we have our "chat" she would first say "your brother has blamed me for not telling you certain things, or taught you about managing your finances in the past. That there are things I need to say to you, despite knowing it may hurt your feelings. I will say them now anyways, because it's the reality." She goes on saying that they never really taught me about having responsibilities, for example, as a family living under the same roof, I need to help with the house.. like cleaning it for instance, without being told or asked to do so.. She like, "especially with your current job for the past few years, you don't work everyday.. there's plenty of free time to help clean the house.. whether that be vacuuming, mopping floors, or cleaning the washrooms.. these tasks shouldn't need me to tell you or ask you to do. As being part of the family, it's part of your responsibility to keep our living space clean. It upsets me every time when I need to remind you to help with the house."
It already sounds overwhelming, it almost feels like I have change myself to meet her expectations and standards, otherwise, I'm not presentable or likeable to others.. I get it, I know I need to be more financially stable with a better job, or that I need to stay healthy now, otherwise problems may occur down the road after I turn 40.. But, can't she say it in a more supportive way?
@bestVase7265
She could absolutely say things in a more supportive way. But because she is who she is and thinks that she has experience she probably isn't going to do that. You have plenty of experience too. Your experiences are equally rich and important.
She seems to think that you are now "healed" and she can go on the frontal assault with advice again. That isn't going to work.
But you remain the key here. You get to decide whether to ignore her or not. I would do so to the best of your ability. Yes, you can possibly clean around the house a little more, but otherwise her advice is too fast and not on track.
Of course you have the ability to teach English. I very much believe that one. Have you ever thought of volunteering a little (maybe an hour a week) with refugees or others who don't know English in your current community? That might give you even more experience.
Otherwise, focus on slowly increasing those regular work hours for now. You are going to get there.
You can also really focus those therapy sessions in April on how your mother is sabotaging you. I think that the therapist might have some great tips in that regard.
What is going to happen here is that you are going to get better and stronger. I am sure of it. You are realizing some great stuff. @Jaeteuk
I think she knows that I still sometimes struggle is depressive moods, but I think nowadays, with my brother reminding her, she's not saying that she needs to tell me the brutal truth, in how the world is in this day and time..
My parents watch and listen to a lot of news, especially about China, and I always have the urge to argue back whenever they bad-mouth the Chinese (especially those in China, whether that be politics, or the people themselves).. Whenever they make a comment like that, I always, think, we're considered Chinese too.. It just upsets me, that based on all the negativity that they listen to over the internet of news, that they're so biased in their thinking.
When I told my mum about the place I sent my resume to, like I said, it's at a place where they'll most likely not agree to it, that's why I didn't plan on telling them unless I hear back from the company and I get a chance to work there.. She goes on saying about this huge scam that has been happening to people in Taiwan.. as there had been survivors of the scam.. Because of this scam, my mum believes all online resources to find jobs are a scam.
My mum pulled me aside after dinner today (at home), she says she briefly told my dad about our chat.. like, finding a more permanent job at a different hospital.. She says, we should sit down as a family, and tell my brother about it too.. to get his thoughts and opinion, as this may be what I'll need to do as my next step in life..
I'm hearing my brother and mum chat in the kitchen just a while ago.. my brother's best friend, has a girl, that he calls not a girlfriend, but just a girl friend.. Then, my mum goes on saying that she thinks it's important for people to be in a relationship, like a husband-wife relationship.. She says his best friend is an only child, so, for him, he wants a partner. My mum goes on saying that they are friends with a couple who has no children, and if it's not having some friends, their life would be so boring. Which is hinting that she wishes both of us to find a partner to grow old with.
I just made an appointment with my doctor at the end of this month, so a referral can be sent in to see my counsellor again for April. I spoke with her on my last session, that I'll send her an email, to give her a heads up that my doctor has sent an referral in to see her again. So, that's what I'll do after I see my doctor.
@bestVase7265
Just be careful during that conversation okay? If it gets too much walk out of it to breathe.
Your mom is correct that there are lots of scams out there, but not all internet jobs are scams. You just have to be very, very careful with your information and avoid giving any money to anyone to "find" you a job. She is also correct that China is a dictatorship so you have to be a little more careful with jobs there than elsewhere. But heck I wouldn't come to the US right now for a job necessarily.
Permanent relationships is what your mom knows but it isn't the only way to live your life. Not for you or your brother. There are plenty of people who don't require them.
There are also other jobs besides hospital ones that you might like better. I would look a little bit into teaching English where you are at because there are plenty of immigrants who could use the help. Then you can see if you like that better.
But keep going slow. There is no need to rush anything no matter how much your mom pushes. Remind her that you are still currently coming back from mental health leave. You need to make sure that you don't slip down the hole again (unless she wants you without employment for longer). Suggest that the conversation would be better six months from now. @Jaeteuk
I honestly think I want to be in a relationship, to have a partner or husband in my future. But it's difficult meeting people here when I'm more of a homebody and I don't have friends. So, it's not like friends could help with some setups. And with my mum thinking I'm boring and not wife-material, she won't help either. And being close to 40, also means that the man has to be okay without kids. I think and I also believe that in my current state, especially not having a permanent job with medical insurance, that I will not be able to survive well on my own.
It's just that with my current job, the pay is decent, so finding other jobs might be just the normal minimum wage. So, the next best thing, is either be able to find a permanent job, part-time or full-time with the current Certification I have with my current job, or find that Teaching job (as it would be my dream career). You know how I originally wanted to teach in South Korea, that is a no-go. As the requirement to qualify for a work visa is that I need to have a Degree of some sort (which I don't have). I was a drop-out from University. Only got Certificates for my current job, and for the Teach English as a Foreign Language. The other problem with the teaching English certificate, is I can't get a hard copy of the Certificate. I think they tried mailing it to me once a few years ago, but I never received it, as it comes from Australia.. or was that England.. I don't remember now.
At least I'm doing exercises to rewire my brain, as trauma, like the emotional shock I had from the grief, caused the disconnection of the neurons in my brain (neuroplasticity), so it will take time to rewire it. I've been playing the piano again, as my brother goes into the office twice a week. So I can only play it then. I've also started working on the puzzles in the lounge at work. We had a table where nurses bring in 1000 piece puzzles. I started one on Wednesday, I did up 3 sides of the perimeter. But when I got to work today, I noticed someone had moved it and broke it up. So tonight, I finished the entire border (Wednesday, I left the bottom and was missing a few pieces on the other 3 sides). I left a note on top, saying that this is the "Puzzle Table. Do not take part or put away please." Piecing the puzzle pieces together I think is one of the exercises that will help my brain rewire. I'm the type that can take a piece of puzzle and put it in it's place in one try. So, being able to look at the pieces (it's 4 sides, and matching it to its adjacent piece) requires thinking and imagination. So, I hope with the note there now, I will still see it in one piece on Monday when I get to work. I also started taking out part of the puzzle and have them all facing upwards within the perimeter. So, I hope no one puts those back too. That table was put there specifically to do puzzles on.. that's why there's like a stack of puzzles on the table. On Monday, I even purposely asked a nurse if she noticed those puzzles had been done yet or not, and she said no. That's why on Wednesday, I picked and chose one to start on.
@bestVase7265
I know that you do want to be in a relationship and I totally understand why. But I also know that putting pressure on it can keep it from happening.
You also don't just meet people at work. You might find a better path to a relationship through those kinds of things that you are doing right now for your brain. What would it be like to go to a few piano concerts? You can even go by yourself for a few to get a better feel for being in a slightly larger group. Or you can look online for a puzzle group. I know that there are groups were people gather once a week to put puzzles or games together. Start thinking about minimally expanding your friend group in other ways. You don't find a partner based upon your income level or what kind of job that you have. You find them based on other interests. Your mom is very wrong in thinking that the first thing people look at is money. You do work at a good job even if it is part time. There are lots of good potential partners out there who would be perfectly happy to accept that.
As far as the puzzle thing goes, I use an online site called Jigsaw Explorer (entirely free with no ads) where all the pieces are already upright. I do one a day to keep my brain going well. It is really great in helping with my depression. I can start it at one time and finish it later. Then I don't have to worry about actual pieces either. @Jaeteuk
My mum gave examples as to why having a full-time job is better, income-wise to meet someone.. She says, there is a Pastor at church, whenever there are newcomers (they've been getting a lot of young couples from Hong Kong the past year), first question is always what their name is, and the second question is asking what they do for a living.. Also, with the two guys that my mum's friend once wanted to introduce to me, in the beginning, the friend didn't know that my position was not permanent, and thought that it would be acceptable. Her daughter recently got a job in Administration in the medical field too, so, she has an idea the salary her daughter gets is decent amount.. But, this friend knows that I had been off with grief, and found out I'm only a Casual.. so, my mum feels I guess, embarrassed to tell her friend about my interest (even if the introduction falls out, maybe can meet new friends)..
So today, before lunch, we sat down as a family at the dinner table, as my mum thinks I should get a second opinion from my brother about applying for that part-time position.. We've concluded that I need to get some info straight with my Union first before applying..
You know, when we went on vacation last December, we went to like a temple like place in Japan, and I got a lucky charm for relationships/marriage.. I have it under my pillow.. lolz. Sleeping on it every night.
That's a good idea with finding puzzle groups.. I've only heard of reading groups.. Will need to look into that, but the city where I live, I haven't heard of groups locally, most of those reading groups are like an hour's drive away or so..
I'll check out that jigsaw site. But I like working with physical pieces.. Reminds me, maybe I can open one of my puzzles, my workspace at home, I have an extra table space off to the side. Should measure the length and width see if it could fit like a 500 piece puzzle.
@bestVase7265
I searched online today, there are no physical group gatherings for jigsaw puzzles specifically.. only board games and card games..
I also looked at an organization to see if they have volunteering positions to teach English.. and organization that I once worked with during my Scouting years.. unfortunately, they do not need any at the moment..
Sometime this week, I will send off that email to my Union rep to ask about work, and changing hospital authorities, to see if my hours worked can be shared. Then, once that is sorted out, I can try and apply to that part-time position. I was thinking if I get the position, and my family agrees, if I'm not too tired for those 4 work days, I can keep my current casual position and just let the Manager know that I'll only be available Mon-Wed, as that part-time position is working Thurs-Sun.
On another note, it's Spring Break for grade school now.. and yesterday, we had a morning of wet snow.. the weather forecasts that Monday night will also have some wet snow.. we'll see if it's true.
Two part time jobs sound okay. But don't overdo too much because your mom is making you feel guilty, okay?
Just because she thinks she knows the best way for you to find a partner doesn't mean that she does. Listen to your own inner voice as much as possible and trust it over your mother. Did she have a full time job when she met your father? I just want to make sure that you feel as good about yourself as possible because you are a great person who has overcome a lot.
Sorry that there weren't any puzzle groups. I totally get how doing puzzles with physical pieces helps you. What I discovered in doing the jigsaw puzzles in general was quite surprising. I found that I regularly say things to myself like "that piece won't fit anywhere" or "that piece must be missing because I can't find what I am looking for". Then I find out that I am wrong. It is a great way to think about life. We constantly say that pieces won't fit together or that nothing will ever change. And then we find out we are wrong and things get even better.
I think she's more worried about me needing to be more financially stable than finding a partner.. Which makes sense.. I worry about it myself too, but I'm also worried about finding a partner, as I have a fear of dying by myself without anyone knowing, because I don't have a partner.
Maybe working at a different hospital, I'll be able to meet new people too.. friends, partner..
I can't wait until April, so I can see my counsellor again.. see if we can start working out how I can deal with my mum and her negativity towards me.. I feel that she distrusts me, like she doesn't believe that I'm a good person, that whether or not I have a full-time job, doesn't define if I'd make a good wife.. and she often says I'm a boring person, because I don't have a normal life like the average person does.. since I'm always home when I'm not working, and spending my time on the computer watching dramas.. and not going out. But you know, for me, if there's no necessity/purpose to go out, I don't like to go out.. (go for groceries, fill up gas for my car, going for comfort food, etc)
Come to think of it, if I were someone's wife or partner, they wouldn't really need to spend too much money on me.. and I won't spend a lot either.. I'm not a shopper (hate going shopping for clothes), I don't use makeup (so it's not like I need to spend money on that kind of thing), I don't really like material things.. so, being with me.. the most I'll ask for is a good meal.. I'll be fine if we spend the evening at home watching Netflix or something.. Don't need to go to a movie theatre.. And in any relationship (friendship or romantic), I'll definitely be loyal and honest.. My past friendships, I'm the one being honest, and yet, they always end up abandoning me or distant themselves away.. I don't understand why no one liked me.. They either abandon our friendship or they use me for their benefits, then leave me in the dust.. I say I'm loyal, because I'm the type that sticks with the music artists that I first came to like.. I don't know if you know, but with Korean music (Kpop), there are always new groups that debut like every month, but I'm the type who sticks with the groups or soloists I first came across since 2008. I don't pay attention much to any new groups nor do I want to get to know them.. And I believe because of having depression in the past, I put a lot of emotions into a relationship, I think I'll give it my all in a relationship, friendship or partner..
@bestVase7265
You've got lots of interesting stuff in there. First of all, if you don't need much to be happy because you like being a homebody. That also means you don't need a large salary for yourself. You are going to be fiscally responsible which makes money less of a worry.
Partnership is nice but you also just like your own company. That's great too. No one knows whether they will have a partner when they die even when you do have a partner because you can't tell who will die first. So you put your trust in the world around you that you have people fall into place in your life when you need them.
None of this means stop looking for a job or a partner. But give yourself room to be you. You are most certainly not a boring person (the average person is the boring one). Your mom is wrong on that account. You are just different from her. That's what makes you special. Discussing such things with the therapist sounds great. @Jaeteuk
I think money would be less of a worry if I had a more stable income with work.. one thing my mum's right about though, if I don't make any changes now with my work (getting a regular position = extended health insurance), I wouldn't be able to make it if I were to move out (rent, and all expenses).. So, I'm kinda lucky I'm still living at home, but honestly, sometimes I feel bad that my brother is paying for all the expenses.. like our mortgage and all. Before, I worked more shifts because we had a colleague with lots of vacation.. Back then, I was able to put aside like $1400 per month for my mum.. Now, even if I switch to part-time, she's asking for $2000 per month, that doesn't leave me with much to save up.
I'll most likely end up driving to and from work with the hospital I plan to apply to. Which means that the frequency of filling up my gas will increase, and my car insurance will be more too. Right now, because work is so close, I can pay the cheaper one, as distance is leisure.. And apparently, the staff parking rate there is also more than the current. Right now, I pay $4 for a shift (good for 13 hours).. at that hospital, their rate is $6.50..
I have an older sister, I call her my older sister.. not blood-related, but she's the older sister of one of my brother's best friend. We all call her older sister in our Chinese language.. She used to tell me all the time, that my partner/husband will show up when I least expect it.. Sometimes, I want to believe her, keep my hopes up.. and I think to some extent, that is true.. But, it just worries me, "when" this would happen..
She says I'm boring because I don't have much of a social life, as in no friends, and no interests in anything else.. like sports or whatnot.. Says I'm not into reading news, so if others talk to me, we won't have any common interests or there's nothing to talk about..
It also upsets her when she knows that I talk a lot in places like Cups or a counsellor, but is unable to talk to her about these things.. Sometimes, I end up texting her, or leaving her a voice message.. then, she gets upset as in why I can't talk to her directly, face-to-face..
@bestVase7265
So you look for more stable work just like you are doing and see how it works out.
But worry less about upsetting your mom. She is the one making mistakes by criticizing you all the time to the point you don't trust yourself. She has to take ownership of that and change her ways if she want you to be more open. But this is all great stuff to work through with a therapist.
For right now, how is the work schedule going? Focus on what you can do in the next few days rather than really thinking long term.
Have you been able to do more puzzles?@Jaeteuk
Yes, just focus on my current work.. that's enough to worry about at the moment for sure.
Work is progressing well.. The work itself is okay, but I think it's my colleagues that are bothering me more.. the things they say are so uncalled for.. and makes me feel like they are blaming me. But I feel better having a chat with my case manager today.
So, I think applying for another job at a different hospital will be good.. I know, I might meet people with the same personality or attitude at any other job.. but at least, at a different hospital, new staff, is like a fresh new start for me.. The trauma that my brain endured with the grief, has literally screwed up how my brain works/thinks.. I don't know if it will ever be the same again, so, might as well, with a new start, I could at the same time rewire my brain.. I might have to teach it to think differently and tell myself it's okay.. I just hope that process doesn't take too long.
Yes, the puzzle at work.. after leaving the note on it, no one has touched it or put it away.. I worked on it yesterday in the last 30 minutes of my shift.. I finished all my work an hour before the end of my shift.. But the moment I left to get changed, I realized I forgot to do something.. let's see if I hear about it when go to work on Wed.
My Case Manager is off next week.. as it's Spring Break for Grade School here now.. daycare for kids are closed too.. So, she has to take the week off to care for her child.. She said someone will takeover for her and if I have something that must be addressed urgently, I could email him.. Otherwise, I could continue to send her my weekly report.. We've set up another phone call for April 1st..
@bestVase7265
So it sounds like things are moving along. You are handling things okay and you will sometimes forget a thing or two. The rewiring is working. But keep working on minimizing how much you react to anything your colleagues say. They aren't going to always understand and be kind (no one does it 100% of the time). They get frustrated too. The more that you can give them space for the occasional off comment the less you will be hurt.
Looking at that 2nd job is a good thing, but such things do take a bit of time. Just keep at it and don't back away from doing things to move it forward.
You will be okay without your case manager this week. You are stronger than you know. @Jaeteuk
Here I am wishing April comes quicker. I can't wait to meet with my counsellor again, see if she can help with the rewiring, or tips to deal with my colleagues..
When I got to work today, one of my colleagues weren't expecting me, but I'm on the sign-in sheet.. So, she probably just didn't notice when she signed-in that my name was there too. So, I noticed an email was printed out that my Manager sent out to the other Aides (my team) and stuck on the warmer unit in the workspace we share, and I was not included in it. I took a picture of it, as my Manager was basically thanking the team for working extra hours to cover for my absences, and mentioned what my schedule is like for the rest of March and April (and who's on vacation and who's covering who's shifts), and possibly May (as that was the original extended plan from my GP). I noticed another mistake and emailed my Case Manager, cc'd to Manager and payroll lady.. As they still had the wrong shift time for next Monday. On the email, I noticed that they mentioned a coworker (that I don't get along with), will be trained to work the late shift too (she's currently trained only for the early morning shift).. So, I hope I don't need to work with her in the future.
Oh yea, I found I have a 500 piece puzzle, that was given to me as a Christmas gift from a colleague a couple of years ago.. now that I have a side table sticking out from my desk at home, I measured the table with the dimensions of the puzzle. It fits! So, now I have a puzzle beside me that I can work on to exercise my brain with. Spend a good 30-60mins on it each day. And spending time on the puzzle at work.. I really hope it helps with rewiring my brain again.
@bestVase7265
Great job on the puzzling. You are working on some of that rewiring yourself. You can do a great job without the case manager (even though she is helpful to have).
Your colleagues are naturally going to not know exactly when to expect you and may forget to put you in emails temporarily. You have been gone a while and no one is trying to slight you on purpose. Wait until you know more about the colleague that you don't like working with. The more that you can grant other people grace the more that you will be able to grant grace to yourself. @Jaeteuk
So, if I'm ending my extended gradual return on April 11th, I might end up getting those two weeks of work back for April, as it seems no one is available to work them. If I get it, my case manager can monitor me for those two weeks.. as I'm not working the full shift during the gradual return, and going from 3 days of week, to 4 days a week for full hours (Good Friday and Easter Monday is Stat and don't need to work). It shouldn't be too bad, and I can't wait to apply for that part-time position once I get a reply from my Union Rep in regards to my questions with my seniority hours.
I'm guessing it's difficult to hire because of the hours.. and it cuts into the weekend, as it's Thurs-Sun, with times 11-7pm and 3:30pm-11:30pm shifts.. Like for the shift to end at 11:30pm, and needing to drive home afterwards, it'll definitely be past midnight by the time I get home. As right now, it's showing as an external posting.
@bestVase7265
I finally got a reply from my Union Rep. I've sent an email off to the External Careers department for that part-time position, to ask for instructions on how to proceed with an application as an external person. They only had instructions for internal staff. So, let's see how long it'll take.
So let's just see how it all goes. Take it one day at a time and don't look too deeply into the future. It is going to reveal itself soon. @Jaeteuk
Yes.. Now, I'm more leaning towards wanting to leave this hospital.. but should keep the Casual as a backup.
By they way, I finished the 500 piece puzzle. It's like a scenic picture of 3 elks by the creek in the mountains.
@bestVase7265
That sounds beautiful. I just finished a fill color drawing of a wolf and her four cubs today. They sound similar.
I hope you have a new puzzle to start soon. @Jaeteuk
I don't have anymore at home, I've got a 1000 piece one, but no counter space to do it on.. I've been working on the one at work though.. Spending like 30-45 mins on it each time I'm at work.. Making good progress there. Also a scenic view, of a canal, sunset, with bikes on a bridge and buildings/trees alongside.. must be of some country..
@bestVase7265
That one also sounds nice. Finding room at home can indeed be tough. I hope that they have a nice selection at work so you can continue to do them. @Jaeteuk
Ah yes, there's a whole stack of them at work.. like I think 6 more?.. I'm halfway done the current one.. Working my way up from the bottom.. It doesn't seem anyone else has been working it.. I know of a couple of nurses who works on it too, maybe they are on vacation.. Someone told me an anesthesiologist does it too, but I haven't seen her working the days I've been working..
@bestVase7265
Great! Maybe it's like Amsterdam or something with the bikes. @Jaeteuk
