A Communication Space for Jaeteuk and bestVase7265 only. (Please do not reply or respond, thank you)
I hope this can be a start of support for the long-term for the both of us.
@bestVase7265
So this afternoon, I will have a phone call session with my counsellor. We couldn't set up a time where we could meet in person, as she's only available Tuesdays and Thursdays.. Thursdays won't work for me, as I now need to work.. For Tuesdays, today, the office is closed.. so, she suggested we do a phone call session instead.. In a couple of weeks, her internship for this clinical part finishes.. so, the next time I see her, might be when she's officially licensed as a counsellor. By then, I'll also get coverage through my medical insurance. So, I'll need to keep an eye out in the next couple of years, see where her office will be.
So, I was talking to that friend this morning.. turns out his reunion is on the island, and on a Saturday.. So, won't be able to join him.. He says he'll come maybe the 13th, as one of his friend's birthday is on the 14th. I suggested, if he doesn't mind eating a late dinner, and meet me in my hometown, I can grab a bite with him after I get off work at 8pm on Mon/Tues.
So, that place he wants to visit, the one I say would be a one-day trip.. there's news lately that there are wildfires in the northern part of that city, and has issued evacuation.. So, I told him this morning, probably not the best time to go this summer, as the air may be smoky too.
You know, my mum is always worried about my diet.. saying that I need to eat more healthily, and cook food to bring to work.. Says that now I'm off for 3 days, I need to think about what I should cook, the ingredients I'll need.. as she could help me buy them.. Then, goes on saying, when I start working 6 days a week, starting June 23rd to August 19th, I will only have the Wednesday to cook.. So, need to start thinking and making proper plans to what I need to cook to bring food to work. To make sure I have enough nutrition in my meals and that gives me energy to work.
So last week, I gave my colleagues the instant coffee I drink at work, one of them liked it, and I told her where to buy it.. she says she'll look for it this past weekend.. I went to the supermarket I told her to buy it from, but the one in my location, when I went there on Friday after work, it looks like they don't carry it anymore.. So, I'll have to see if she was able to buy it at her location.. if not, I might have to buy it for her at the Korean supermarket instead.
Today, I plan to clean the interior of my car.. my brother suggested it yesterday, as he now sometimes drive it (as I added his name to my auto insurance). And for once, my car is parked in the garage.. as it's usually out on the driveway.. I'll go clean it once my parents leave the house (they have plans) and brother has left for work early this morning.
All of those plans sound great. I have had to do all of my therapy appointments online since COVID. It can be hard to find a quiet spot to do them, but otherwise it works okay.
Any meetup with your visiting friend would be good. I know that you will work out the details well.
Planning food is a good idea since you will be working so much. I bet your mom would be happy to help a bit since you are working so much. But you should control what is on the menu to make sure that you get food that you like.
Good luck with cleaning the car. @Jaeteuk
The phone call appointment with my counsellor, I ended up sitting in our garage. Luckily we have a computer desk chair that we haven't thrown out yet. Turns out, she was also working from home, and she has two Goldendoodles that were barking in the background (both boys, but not siblings. One is 2 and the other is 5). When I finished my call, and went to look for my parents, they were resting in bed.
I'm sure we would work something out with my friend.. even if just grabbing a bite after work will be nice.
You know, before, when I used to cook over the weekend enough food to bring for a week, my mum would complain that would make the food unhealthy and boring, as I'd be eating the same dish for a week.. So, here I am thinking, wouldn't it be the same for the weeks ahead? If I were to cook my meals every Wednesday, it would be enough food for 6 days. Just make large portions and freeze each portion to bring to work.
I don't mind eating the same thing day-in-day-out.. it's food I made, something I like to eat.. so, it's not boring.. and I would include veggies and meat.. so, why wouldn't it be healthy? I don't get my mum sometimes..
@bestVase7265
Sitting in the garage for an appointment is fine. I often find a quiet spot in the house or car or have my husband go on a walk.
You are most definitely allowed to eat the same thing multiple days in a row as long as it's healthy. My husband also has little need for variety. There are lots of people like you out there. So do what you want on the food front since you are trying to prepare for so many days of food. @Jaeteuk
Today's topic: Getting on my nerves
At work, we each have a workstation with adjustable table heights. Each table also has a label printer, the one on my table was not working. At first, the coworker asked to move away two small bowls that I have in front the printer, as she wanted to pull it out and see why it's not printing. At first, she asked me to move my instruments, so she has more space to move and turn the printer.
As a perfectionist and a bit OCD when it comes to working.. I have my surgical instruments stacked nicely and sorted by type on the table in front of me. As I moved over a bit more after she asked me, she then just began to rudely shove my things over much further. Of course, which knocks over my stacked up instruments, I was totally annoyed and it really got on my nerves. I ended up moving the basket (where the instruments are placed in) way over, and put my stacked instruments into the basket and walked away. It totally put me in an instant bad mood and it really got on my nerves.
Ok, I can understand your concerns but don't permanently judge the coworker for it. Put yourself in her shoes. Let's say she is OCD about the printer. That means she might not even be able to see your instruments there really because she is panicked about her own problem.
What might be a solution for YOU if something like that happens again? @Jaeteuk
If it happens again, from the same person.. I can't imagine I won't be annoyed.. maybe I'll quickly move my things way over, so she doesn't end up shoving my settings roughly and mixing everything up.. But, I think, she wasn't in a good mood that day either.. as she was making a lot of racket with other things.. Or maybe she's not really confident in speaking English, as with me, she seems to always have a poker face and like mad at the world.. but, I hear her talking and laughing with other coworkers that speak Filipino. So, maybe she just have a problem with me.. who knows..
And you know, how I am when it comes to respect.. especially in hospitals, we even have an online course that talks about respectful workplace.. I get how sometimes we tend to speak our mother tongue with those who also speak the same language.. but, I strongly believe, that in a workplace, you should speak your own language amongst yourselves (as in, I shouldn't be able to hear you talking in your own language across the room). Or if you are in a small space (like a lunch room that's behind closed doors, if there are others of different Nationality, you should speak English).. I also tend to speak Cantonese with one of the Supervisors (as we're the same age, and we are of the same Nationality). But, I only use our language when I go to her desk to ask a question, or even when I'm talking to her in the department, I'll be talking to her face-to-face, and with a volume where it isn't heard by someone across from the room. But even I sometimes use English with her, but you know, there are some things that are easier to talk about in our own languages..
I get that it might be the same case with all the other Filipino staff (which takes up 95% of us all, which includes the 2nd Supervisor and our Manager). But really, I find it disrespectful when they are all speaking their own language at all times, and with no control of the volume of their voices.. I mean, during our briefings (which is usually conducted by the Filipino Supervisor for my shift), when she addresses problems, and the staff comment in their own language, she also ends up talking in their mother tongue too.. and there I was (and multiple times), I had to ask someone beside me quietly, to translate it for me..
Otherwise, most of the staff are nice people.. with one trouble-maker, which I figured out and was later told to be careful of from my Supervisor (the one of same age). Anyways, it's past 10pm now.. better sleep.. I was so sleepy this morning, my drive to work and drive home, I kept yawning frequently.
Tomorrow is Father's Day, I'm going to ask my brother if they had plans to go for a brunch with dad, or breakfast.. and see if they will be able to drop me off at the bus station, or I'll need to leave from home..
@bestVase7265
With the language if it is an issue then you just have to regularly ask for translation. You can even say that it would be easier for you if meetings were done in English. Say it often enough and someone will hear. Other conversations that aren't actual meetings though you may just have to accept the fact that there are parts you will not understand (but may not need to be part of that conversation anyway).
The less you make a decision to be annoyed the easier it is on YOU. Few people are probably going to notice your anger but it can eat you alive inside and make you miserable. That's what has happened in some ways at your other job. You don't want that to happen here. You deserve to be happy at work and you are in charge of your own happiness. I know it's hard but you can do it.
I hope you had a nice moment or so with your dad on Father's Day. Even just a quick hug or conversation is nice.
@Jaeteuk
I just need to be less sensitive with my idea of respect and speaking English.. I do want to have a good experience here at this new job/hospital. Even if I'm just working part-time, and not applying to a full-time line, I do want to be more happy.
Father's Day was good. we ended up eating out for brunch and my dad was able to drop me off at the bus station, saves me a trip of skytrain. I received an email from Uber the day before, saying I had a promo valid until June 16th 12am, so I used the discounted price and got a ride home last night.. much quicker than riding the Uber to skytrain, then have my dad pick me up at the station. 30 mins quicker, which I'm thinking of using for my Sundays.. if not every week, maybe every other week.. Because starting next week, I'll be working Mon/Tues at my old hospital.. so, it'll be better if I get home after work on Sundays nights sooner.. Taking the skytrain home, I'm usually home by 12:45am.. but, with the entire Uber ride last night, I got home before 12:15am.
So, it turns out my brother's business trip starts tomorrow.. for some reason, I though it was near the end of this week.. Hiro is coming the coming next Monday, so my brother won't be around.. this time, Hiro is only staying with us for less than a week, luckily, brother comes home next Friday, so will have at least one day with Hiro.. but, we're just hoping Hiro doesn't get too sad and depressed, as brother won't be here when he comes over.
Today, I went out with my parents in the morning.. I needed to buy groceries, as this week, I'll need to cook for 6 meals for work.. Both my mum and I had doctor appointments first thing in the morning.. she needed new prescriptions for her skin problems (similar to hives/rash all around her neck and upper body), and I went to get prescriptions for compression socks.. now, that I have extended health benefits, I can get my prescription for compression socks.. dad had to pick up some soil, as I went for groceries, as it's in the same area.. while my mum's ladies' luncheon has been moved to Mondays for this week and next week.. I treated dad to sushi.. and we went to fill my mum's prescription.. Then, dad dropped us off at the mall, as he went home to unload my groceries (bought some meet and frozen foods), and unloaded the 5 bags of mulch.. I went to the mall to look at deals for a new mobile phone (my phone is more than 5 years old, and my case is falling apart).. then, my mum picked up a few things in the Asian grocery store and I called my dad to see when he could come get us.. but, it turns out, he came to the mall with my brother too, as he needed to pick up something from the post office.. so, we met half-way at the mall.. At first, I thought we were heading home right away, turns out my brother had to buy more dog food (as he's leaving for the airport tomorrow). As he stopped at the coffee shop (within the same strip mall as where he buys the dog food).. my dad drove across the street to the recycling depot, as he brought plastic bags along in the trunk. Then, we went home..
Oh yea, my parents and brother are planning another trip to Japan this November.. So, I guess there will be at least a week of home alone.. I'm not sure how long they'll be going for.. I heard that my brother will first go there with his friends, then my parents will meet him there.. Since I started my line in the first half the year, I won't have many vacation days saved yet.. so, probably won't be able to take any time off until next year..
@bestVase7265
That's actually a pretty great message overall. You had a very busy day where you accomplished a lot with your family.
You are right about the job attitude thing and I do believe you are on a much better path with the new job. You just want to keep on it.
You may have the dog in your house during your brother's business trip but you will be around less. That should help. I know that you probably wish you could go on vacation with everyone, but you will build up that vacation time soon enough. It is all one step at a time.
I went to bed around midnight last night, and I woke up every 2 hours! It's these distracted sleeps that make me feel like I haven't slept at all. Maybe I'm stressing about my upcoming 6-day work weeks until end of August.
By the way, my brother's business trip didn't start off smoothly.. he was stuck at 2 airports (still in Canada), because of storms. So, his itinerary was delayed for 2 days. Luckily, he arranged his time, with the first few days of play (meeting his friend over in Slovenia). They were supposed to fly there together from England, but because of my brother's delays in flights, they flew separately and he had to purchase another ticket for the England flight.
Yesterday, my brother told us that our cousin will be coming for 10 days vacation. Arriving the 22nd and leaving July 3rd. So, we've planned to meet up June 30th. They'll be coming over for BBQ, I'm not sure if I'll be able to see him though, as I'll be working until 8pm. And, since I'll be using transit, if I can't make it to the 8:13pm bus, will have to wait half an hour. So, unless they leave late, I wouldn't be able to see them. My brother says he'll take the day off.
You are going to be able to manage all the extra work days okay but I understand your stress about them. You won't really know until you try, but it is all one day at a time.
I hope your brother's trip improves and you get to see your cousin. @Jaeteuk
Yesterday, my brother said his friend is getting a sore throat and headache, luckily, they're are in separate hotel rooms.. but, my brother said he was also getting a sore throat.. I will ask him today again, see if he's feeling any better. He said he was able to buy some fruits to get more Vitamin C, as he didn't bring the tablets.
Yes, one day at a time, is the best I can do.. I also hope I sleep better too.. That would help with the work. But with Hiro coming tomorrow night, that could be another stressor too.. As he usually ends up sleeping by the front door, for me heading to work in the morning, I might need to get out from the garage (wake my parents up, as their bedroom is above), to avoid from being barked at if I disturbed his sleep.
Yesterday, I ended up taking transit to work, rather than driving.. Friday's shift was too tiring, and waking up every couple of hours that night, did not help with the tiredness. My dad offered to pick me up at a station after my shift, so that saved some time getting home. As the skytrain doesn't always arrive in time to connect to the bus that goes to my house. But tonight, if the coworker doesn't offer me a ride (I'm not sure if he's still working an evening shift tonight too), I still have the discount for Uber until 12am. But, I plan to use Uber on Sundays, at least, until I don't need to work on the Monday too. I joked, that's where the weekend premium pay is going towards. At least, Uber would be cheaper than Taxi.
Leaving for work in a couple of hours.
@bestVase7265
I hope that you are having a solid week and are getting a bit more rest. I am thinking about you. @Jaeteuk
Luckily, Mondays and Tuesdays at the other hospital is usually not a heavy slate.. So, on Tuesday, I finished my work by 6:30pm and got permission from the Charge Nurse to leave at the same time as them, at 7pm. No point in staying there until 8pm doing nothing. Who cares if it's one hour less of pay, as my 6th working day, I'd rather go home earlier. But I'm more physically tired, as there's a lot more walking around in this shift compared to my part-time line. The average steps during my Thurs-Sun shifts, is about 8,000 steps per shift. Working the past Mon and Tues, the average of steps per shift was 11,000.
Since I didn't bring dinner, I went to my Korean restaurant, ended up ordering takeout though, as the place was packed and there were two other parties in front of me, so rather than waiting, I just ordered take out, and asked my dad to come pick me up. Actually, I was invited to join a birthday dinner in the cafeteria by the housekeeping lady on Monday for Tuesday at 7pm. But, I figured, since I'm leaving earlier, might as well eat something I like. Treat myself to something good after working 6 days straight.
It was nice returning to this hospital, the nurses were welcoming me back and were happy to see me.. I learned that one of the nurses, a Korean, she's got a full-time position at another hospital, today is her last day.. and she will start working there July 2nd.. Except, it won't be as an OR nurse, but as an RN in the Ambulatory Care Unit instead. Which is nice for her, I'm sure it's much less stress. She did say she'll stay a Casual here.. but, I guess that really depends if she'll be able to pick up any shifts here.. We'll see.. we had another Korean nurse, but she left last year.
As my day off, I wanted to have Chinese morning tea, so, we went after taking Hiro out. Then, I had to pick up a couple of things so I can cook my meals.. Then, we headed home, and I did my laundry. Cooking my rice now, will cook the main course later too, that way, I can eat it for dinner tonight, then, freeze the rest.
@bestVase7265
You survived the six days okay - great. I bet that the old hospital people did enjoy seeing you again. Reconnecting can be fun in a way.
But you did a good job in setting up boundaries for yourself. I am glad that you got your tea too. Good luck with next week. @Jaeteuk
The day before yesterday, my mum sent me a video.. basically explaining why bringing the same meal to work for the week is unhealthy and cancer-causing.. *sigh* Then, repeats saying that I shouldn't do that and that it's not nutritious..
I noticed, this month, after receiving my pay from work.. and paying my credit card and giving money to my mum (started again on a monthly-basis).. it balanced out.. so, I'm not actually saving any money.. Probably because I'm spending more on expenses for work (the bus pass, which I'm not able to get the discounted rate), using Uber for rides to either the Skytrain Station or back home, like last Sunday, the monthly filling gas for my car, now that I'm driving it to work once a week.. Even when I'm only buying groceries once a week, these expenses equal to the same amount as my monthly pay + money to my mum.. looks like it'll be difficult to save any money at this rate.. It might help a bit when I work 6 days a week.. that way, those other 2 days would be like the extra.
I've chosen to Uber home on the Sundays because I don't want to bother my dad to pick me up at the station.. even when he doesn't directly say it to me, I hear him telling my mum at other times that he gets sleepy by 10pm.. So, it won't be right for me to expect him to pick me up at the station around 12:30am.. My brother can't pick me up either, because he usually starts working early Monday morning.. And you know, I find it annoying how they expect me to tell them which bus I'm taking home when I get off at 7pm for my Thurs/Fri shift.. I know they just care about whether or not I was able to take the earlier bus or not.. but, it's not like I'll stay and work overtime, so it's either time I'll be taking, and now that I park my car at the park & ride, when I get back into my hometown, I could drive home myself.. I just find it not necessary to "report" to them, which bus time I'm taking.. I'll either be home by 8:30pm or 8:45pm, depending on which bus I caught taking.. Like, I get it, if they need to pick me up somewhere, but when I'm driving home from the Station, I really don't think I need to "report" my whereabouts all the time.. Come on, I'm going to be 40 in a couple of years.. and they're still treating me like a teenager.. I get that if I take the Uber, and my dad wants me to share my live location.. you know, in case I get kidnapped or something lolz.. but really.. just go sleep, why worry of the whereabouts I've gotten to.. I already chose Uber so he doesn't need to stay up to pick me up.
So some of this is solid negotiation on your part in thinking through what you want your new chapter to look like.
First of all, your mom is wrong with the video and the food. Ignore her or tell her that you are old enough to choose what you want to eat. That is also true of the needing to know your whereabouts. You can be willing to say that to them. They are in a pattern of worrying about you because they have always done it. If they don't ask your brother constantly for his whereabouts and don't tell him what to eat, then they don't need to do it for you either.
Keep looking for ways to save money. Even a little bit would help. I would love to see you in another year or so be able to rent a really small apartment near your new job. Even if you live still fairly close to your parents, having that freedom is going to open a world of possibilities for you. You deserve that. Would you still owe your mom as much money if you were living on your own or is that a form of rent to your parents? Maybe you can even talk to them about eventually wanting your own place and how you might save for that. @Jaeteuk
So, I went out with my parents today, my mum's regular ladies' lunch was cancelled this week, so she was free to eat with me.. I ended up following them to Costco first, then we had sushi.. then, we went to pick up my compression socks (ordered them 2 weeks ago, received a phone call last Friday saying they were ready).
Over lunch today, she asked me about work.. as during the days I'm working, we hardly have time to chat.. asking me about the workload amongst the 2 hospitals I'm working in now.. then, my dad asked if I was going to Uber on Sundays for the rest of the year.. he offered to be my Uber driver (pay him $40), but I said, I'm just afraid he'd be too tired.. Then, I kinda talked about me needing to share my location with them.. So, mum was like, since they can't sleep anyways (as they pay attention to my whereabouts with the shared location).. that it's similar to having my dad pick me up.. I jokingly said, it's not like an Uber driver will kidnap me.. Then, mum goes on saying, they always see news about taxi drivers kidnapping their passengers.. or they always see it in the news about kidnapping by car.. she's like, "since you don't see news about it, it doesn't mean it's not happening".. She's like, for them, to share my location during my Uber rides, they can see the roads that is being taken.. So, I guess I can't avoid to not share my location with them during my Uber rides..
Since we went to Costco together.. we both chose some healthy snacks that I could bring to work.. She was saying this morning, that I need more healthy snacks, that way, I'm intaking enough energy as I am exerting it during my shift.
@bestVase7265
No one is being kidnapped by Uber drivers. Maybe you can compromise and just share your location once you get in the car until you get home. No need to share it all the time. Hopefully after a while they will get more comfortable with it.
Listen, I too have an update that may disrupt my normal ability to write in the middle of July. Yesterday I went back to the eye doctor because I was having trouble seeing out of my brand new glasses. It turns out that in the month since I had the original eye appointment that a hole has opened up in the back of my eye that must be corrected within 6 months if I want to keep vision in the eye. So I am having emergency eye surgery on July 22nd. Afterwards I will have to spend three days upside down without moving day or night in something like a massage chair with my face pointed towards the floor. I am not really clear how I am going to handle it all with my anxiety but I guess I have no choice but to try.@Jaeteuk
Yea.. that's my thought about being kidnapped by Uber drivers.. They just want me to share my location, I don't think that will ever change, until I'm able to drive.. rather than take Uber or transit.. Which hopefully, will happen by early next year..
I'm glad you went to get your eyes checked and it's good they got you in for the eye surgery asap. It's my first time hearing about being upside down afterwards though.. Maybe it helps with the pressure behind the eye?
By all means, take as much time away as you need. Your eyes are top priority!
I've been really busy and tired with work the past week, and it may be like this until the end of August.. I barely have the energy to go on my computer and type these posts. Like last night, I went straight to bed after taking a shower.. I got home around 9:30pm, as I took a later bus, which makes a 15min difference for each bus I miss, to get to my car at the park & ride. I usually take the 7:23pm bus, and I get to my car by 8:30pm, but I took a later one, and I got to my car by 8:45pm.. and had to get gas.. But you know, during my last break yesterday, I messaged my Family Group Chat, asked my parents if they had plans today, see if they could drive me out to the bus station.. Let's just say, I gave up asking, as my dad did not understand what I wanted after a few back-and-forth messages.. Mainly I was saying that I'm tired from work, and do not feel like driving to work for my Saturday shift, and asking if he could drive me to the station where I take the bus. I thought I made it clear, but he didn't understand it.. So, I was like, nevermind.. This morning, as I was having breakfast, he comes down to the kitchen and asks if I still wanted a ride.. I was like, it's okay, I've already prepared myself to drive to work.. Here's me thinking, "if he had understood yesterday of my request, I wouldn't need to go fill my car with gas right away, and I could've just gone straight home, take and shower, and sleep." I could've waited until Monday, after my shift to get gas, as I'll be working at the nearby hospital.. So, it has been decided last night, after saying "nevermind", that the things happened afterwards.. So, as I prepared to drive myself, despite yawning a lot the entire distance to work.. I just went with it.. I prepared to make some cold coffee for my drive home, as I would be just as tired.. So, that was nice.. take a sip whenever I stop at a light.. (I bought little shots of espresso, that's like in a K-cup type of container), I found them a couple of weeks ago when I went for groceries. They're like 0g of sugar, and called espresso shots. They're good, last time, at home, I added ice and some milk.. yummy.
@bestVase7265
I know how hard it is to be working so much but you are doing a great job. May your week be peaceful. @Jaeteuk
It turns out I have Promo this week with Uber rides.. So, I'm thinking later today.. I'll take the bus down to the station, call for Uber and take me out to the Skytrain station close to the hospital.. There's a Japanese restaurant across the street, I'm thinking of ordering takeout and have it as my dinner for work. Of course, I'll bring some food too, to eat on my other breaks.. Not going to tell my family about this extra Uber ride.. parents are at Church anyways..
I've got a dental appointment tomorrow for 1pm, I plan to wash my car in the morning.. I know it's going to rain Tuesday - Thursday.. but, rain will not wash away the dirt/dust and bird poop away. So, better to wash it by hand first.. Then, I start my shift at my old hospital at 4pm.. so, it'll just be a short 4 hour shift.
The past couple days had been tiring, hoping that today's shift won't be as busy.. But yesterday, there was an unexpected request in cleaning of the baby incubators.. so, I didn't get a chance to test all the machines (a task that the senior tech had me do as he's on vacation for a month).. So, I'll have to see if I could do the remaining of the tests today.. If not, I'll have to let the Supervisors know that I couldn't get to it.. due to being busy in the department, if that's the case.. So, hopefully Monday's and Tuesday's shift will be easier, at least, the reason I picked up those shifts was because working as an OR Aide is lighter work compared to working as a Tech..
You are doing great work. I am sure that they are quite pleased with your diligence. @Jaeteuk
So, that guy friend that came last year, is here again. He had to attend a high school reunion. He arrived in the afternoon on the 14th, and after work yesterday, he came to my hospital and we went for sushi (which is just across the street), before dropping me off at my house. We might meet again this Sunday for Brunch, since I don't start working until 3:30pm.. but, I'm having second thoughts.. I'm afraid I might be too tired, as he wanted to eat early in the morning.. I'd be out and about for over 12 hours.. Not sure, if that's a good idea.. Maybe I could see if he'd rather grab a bite on Friday, after I get off at 7pm instead?
So, you know how Wednesdays is now my only day off? Last night, after sushi, I came home to find out our kitchen sink had plugged, and my dad and brother were trying to figure out how to take it apart to see if they can fix it without calling a plumber.. On my day off, I usually do my laundry and cook my week's worth of food.. This morning, when I asked my mum if I could do my laundry, she said no.. maybe she's afraid it'd affect the plumbing?.. then, without the kitchen sink, we aren't really able to cook, as we won't be able to wash our dishes.. So, I haven't cooked the food I'd bring to work.. So, not sure what this week will look like.. I have maybe one more day of food to bring.. Then, I'll have to think of something else.. to bring some, not as healthy foods..
Oh also, last week, my brother saw the news that an Asian Market that is across the street to my older hospital is closing down, they only opened last February.. and they announced their last day as August 8th.. Which, again, I've been going there to buy salads to eat at work.. Since now transit is my new best friend, rather than driving for 5 minutes to work my shift on Mondays/Tuesdays, and not have a parking spot, I take the bus down, which usually gives me like 45 minutes before my shift starts.. I'd walk to that market and buy a salad to eat at work.. Now that they will be closing.. It'll either have to be the sushi place or the new Pho that opened in the same complex.. But then, that would be meaning I'm spending much more than I would've if I bought a salad..
Oh, I just remember the purpose of this post.. After working at the old hospital the past Mon/Tues, I'm having second thoughts in quitting here and just focus on my part-time line.. For every shift I return to work here, I feel I'm getting more stressed and unhappy with my work, my colleagues.. But the thing is, this week, with the kitchen sink problem happening on my day off, I haven't had to time to have a discussion with my mum about it.. as she's probably stressed and worried about getting it fixed, than, to be able to focus on a conversation with me.. Honestly, at my current part-time, Children's hospital, I feel a lot more happier and satisfied with my work.. I feel supported by colleagues and my supervisor.. the vibe is entirely different, and I've only worked for 8 weeks, the feel is a lot more different than the hospital I've worked at for the past 7 years. I mean, the initial reason why I haven't quit the old place, was I wanted to have something to fall back on, in case Children's Hospital didn't work out.. and I especially like one part of my job there (which is restocking anesthetic carts).. and of course, the few nurses I get along with, 2 Anesthesiologists that I can address by their first names (and they'd always come to me with changes they want for the carts, with one of them, we always exchange a short conversation whenever I see him), rather than Dr..., that one surgeon that always greets me (as I was once her patient).. But honestly, with my actual team, I'm feel more and more out-of-place, for every shift I work with them.. Oh yea, I can't forget the housekeeping team too, there's two of them that I really like as well.. The lady who usually works the evening shift, she's been off for the past month with like an allergy (her doctor says, it's because of the chemicals she uses, caused her hands to flake-even when they wear gloves when cleaning).. she's supposed to return to work in about 10 days..
I'm thinking of meeting up with one of the nurses next week, on my day off.. discuss it with her.. she knows the things that have happened between my colleagues and I.. If I do leave, she'll probably be the nurse I'd stay in contact with.. She was the one, that once asked me if I liked cats, as she'd have me care of her cat, when she goes away for vacation.. Unfortunately, I've never been fond of cats.. could be because of the stories I've heard from my mum when she was young, with her sisters, they had a cat at grandma's house that was pure evil.. She said, whenever they went to the washroom, they always had to have a broom in hand.. as the moment they sit down, the cat would scratch at the ankles.. lolz.. So for me, I don't mind looking at them, like I see a lot of celebrities who owns cats that look cute and all, but I think I'll probably be frozen if I were to come in contact with them..
Anyways, if I quit this place, that would give me more time to pick up shifts at Children's.. working as part-time now, gives me a chance to pick up a shift, so that it'll be like a full-time job.. Because now that I've agreed to work the Monday and Tuesday at old hospital, I can't really pick up any full shifts.. I've limited it to working a few hours more on my Thurs/Fri/Sat shifts instead.. As we can choose the period of time we're able to pick up shifts.. I missed an opportunity last Friday though, I was really tired from work.. and I'm not the person, while waiting for the bus, or when riding the bus, to have my phone out.. So, by the time I took my phone out to ask my dad which station he'd pick me up at, it was already 8pm.. when, the call-out was made at 7:17pm, asking to start working at 7:30pm.. So, it was too late to respond and work it.. Maybe next time, I need to take my phone out more often, especially right after I get off at 7pm.. in case they offer me to stay a few hours more again, I can stay and work it.
Ok, so I would go with your gut and where you are happier. If I remember correctly, the new job wanted you to be more than part time possibly from the beginning. Working at two hospitals is exhausting so focus on one.
You will figure out the food for this week and even if it isn't perfectly healthy for one week, you will survive. Even though the one market is closing, keep looking for other places to pick up salads. There might be something that you are missing or haven't tried yet.
I would have the second meeting with the guy who is in town if you have the chance, even if you are tired. I remember my first date with my husband, I nearly said no because I had just worked all day and he surprised me by asking. Saying yes changed my life. @Jaeteuk
I need to find time to discuss with my mum and see what she thinks.. If I leave the other place, I can port my hours over.. which would put me in the middle of the list for vacation planning, rather than at the end.. You're right, I feel more stressed and unhappy at my old place, now that I'm working at another hospital.. When I can compare, I'd definitely like working a new hospital much more.. But I'll miss certain people at my old place.. but you're right, I should go with my gut and just work at one place.. It is quite exhausting working 6 days a week through this summer.. Exhausting physically and mentally, especially with more stress at old workplace.. it's making me feel more tired than I already am..
Me and that guy.. he made it clear that we would not become a couple, and honestly, I don't think he's the one for me.. We could be friends, as I've known him for almost 20 years now.. a long-distance relationship would not work out either, as he lives on the East Coast.. but only comes over for reunions, friends' weddings, or visit his Aunt and Uncle.. Otherwise, we hardly get to meet, let alone, try dating.. He's mentioned before, that I was the only friend that haven't left his social circle as years passed.. But even as friends, we don't really message each other that often.. But just kept in touch enough to keep a friendship going.. The first thing he asked me on Tuesday was, if I've met any guys yet.. As I know, if he gets the chance, when he's back home, he goes on dates too, I heard, usually with older women.. He's 6 years older than me.. which I wouldn't mind.. but, after being friends for so long, I don't feel that he could become a life partner..
@bestVase7265
Sounds good on both fronts. Listen to your own voice and worry less about what your mom might think.
Ok, so I may be able to get on here on Monday or I may not since it is the night before surgery. After that I think it will be a week between having to be immobilized for three days and not being able to see anything. It is already really blurry. I will try to be back soon. @Jaeteuk
Give me a shout-out when you're back, I might have some great news waiting to tell you!
@bestVase7265
I am back and look forward to hearing your news. I am still pretty blind so my messages might be short and contain more typos for a while, but I can work and type for brief intervals. @Jaeteuk
On July 18th, my Supervisor came to me at the beginning of my shift, she says to let her know when I'll be more free as she wanted to talk to me about something. So, I ended up seeing her before my lunch break. She took me to the back hallway (there's a hallway outside of our department, where the Manager's office and RN's offices are) all separated with doors to our department. She told me that after discussion with my Manager and the other Supervisor, they have decided to appoint me to become a Clinical Instructor for the MDRT program offered at the College. (Medical Device Reprocessing Technician), the Certificate program I took and completed in 2018 to be doing what I am doing now. That weekend, I held a family meeting, to discuss this opportunity given to me. I have accepted it. I had another hour-long meeting with my Supervisor the past Thursday, and she has asked me to send her my updated Resume and Cover Letter so she could send it to the Program Coordinator at the College.
So, I have set up a meeting with my Manager at my other hospital (the one I'll need to resign from) for tomorrow, at the beginning of my shift. I have set up a few "scheduled emails" to send off after I have met with her. As I'm making my last day as August 5th. I'd give her a two-weeks' notice, but I need to free up more days to study for an exam that I want to take before I start teaching in the Fall. I scheduled all my emails to send off at 1:30pm, as I'll need to at least verbally inform my Manager, in case the College calls her for reference.
If you remember, before, I had the dream of teaching English as a Foreign Language overseas, and even completed a TEFL Certificate in 2021. But because of the lack of financial support on my end, I never had that chance to try it out. Now, I get to teach in a career I have passion in, it seems to be a better choice for me in terms of teaching. My Supervisor has experience, as she taught for 2 years, 4 terms before she became a Supervisor. She's willing to give me support and tips for when she taught. She mentioned that she still have the supplies and games she had for her students kept in the office.
Actually, it's the games and activities I'm more hesitant on when I'm the Clinical Instructor. As you already know, I'm more the serious type of person, when it comes to my work. So, for me to be making games and activities, and allow the students to engage, that would be the biggest challenge for me. But I remember, back when I was a student, my Clinical Instructor had us write a short reflection of the day before. She gave us like 15 minutes at the end of the "school day" to write it and hand it to her. So, I think I'll take that from her and use it for my students. As it'll help them think of things they might be struggling with or would like to share something they enjoyed. It'll also help me understand them more too. So, it's like a daily journal of their entire clinical program.
@bestVase7265
That's awesome! It sounds like the perfect fit for you. You will do a great job with it. I am so excited that you get to do something that you like and will have great meaning. You also get to quit the old job.
Remember that I have taught for 30 years or so now. I have a HUGE bag of tricks in terms of classroom activities to engage students that you could try. Journals are a good starting point. Teaching is something that takes a little bit to build up the skill to do and get comfortable with it. So give yourself that space. It won't all be perfect the first time around. I also find that each time I do it, I am presented with new challenges to figure out how to work through. It is what keeps things interesting. This semester is most definitely going to be figuring out how to teach without being able to see. I can imagine that I will be much more tired. I also just find out that I will have a student with a dog as an emotional support animal in my classroom. @Jaeteuk
Oh yes, you'll have lots of ideas and activities to engage students for sure. I'm just a little worried about that part, if it's a necessity for the students. I'm told I'll have 4-5 students, and since it's a clinical instructor, everything they learn on site is hands-on, but since I'm thinking of taking like at least the last 30 mins of each day to do the journaling, I'm not sure if I need to prepare other things for them.
Since I take my work seriously, I just don't see myself making fun activities.. and I'm not the type of person who likes fun and games.. I just hope that the students or college doesn't compare me with my Supervisor, since she has taught for four terms before. She even showed me pictures she's taken of her class back then, she had like 6-7 students.
But I think think I'll go along with the vibe of the students.. I mean, if I end up getting introverts like myself.. then, making engaging activities might not be a good choice.. I need to observe and figure out how their learning style is first, then, go from there.
My other Supervisor, printed me the staff's schedule for the Fall until December, and she have some suggestions as to who I could pair my students with to learn the ropes of the department.. Looking at the schedule though, for the ones she suggested, not all of them are working the same shift (same time).. So, I might have to assign my students the day of.. but that might look like I'm unprepared.. You know, as an Instructor, I'd rather be the ones teaching them.. to pair them up with a buddy.. Although the staff my Supervisor suggested had some people that I was also thinking about that they would be good buddies too, I really have to see the type of people my students are first.
So, I sent out a "Farewell and Departure" email out yesterday, and afterwards, for the rest of my shift, some nurses came by to congratulate me. For the nurses I'm closer to, I told them my next adventure, and I can feel their sincerity in being happy for me. From the email, I got a reply from someone on my team, although she thanked me for all the effort I've made, and congratulating me on moving forward.. I honestly don't feel much sincerity from her.. When I got to work yesterday, the first thing she said to me when she saw me was, she took down the calendar and told me to write down the days I'll be working.. then, I was like, I won't be working in August, as I'll be leaving. I didn't say much then, because I wanted that "resignation email" to be sent out to my Manager first before I reveal anything to anyone.. But you should've heard her tone..
So, I also told one of the housekeeping lady, as she works a 10-6pm shift, I told her like around 5pm that my last day is next Tuesday. I said, I didn't get a chance to talk to the morning housekeeper, but I will see her today anyways. I also told a previous housekeeper who once worked in the OR, but because of back issues, she changed her working area. I saw her as I was about to leave the change room last night, and we exchanged hugs.
You know, there are people whom I'll tell the new role I've been appointed to, but only to those that I know are sincere with their wishes and congratulatory words. For those who seem to question, doubt, and put me down with their words, even if it's not intentional or they don't know that their words hurt, I will not tell them.. But if they find out through others, I'll just have to ignore what they'd have to comment with. Like, I can tell if what they say is sincere and real or not, I guess that's why at times, I get affected more easily with words others say to me.
But with accumulated years of fighting through mental health issues myself, has also helped me see people, and not just on the service, but what's inside.. it made me more observant of others, and I think this will help as an Instructor. We'll see how everything plays out.
That sounds so cool, that you'll have a student with a dog as an emotional support, but other students might be distracted by seeing a dog in class.
@bestVase7265
I am going to keep this message a little short.
It sounds like you have a good plan for teaching since it is all hands-on which students like a great deal anyway. You will also make a good instructor in part due to your mental challenges. You will be able to spot more quickly when students don't understand something and need a little more time to learn it. Each and every student is different. That is what makes things exciting. @Jaeteuk
Is your vision still a bit blurry? That's okay.
So, I finally called into the Service Desk, so I could get access to my work email on my personal mobile device. Turns out, with my scheduled email that I sent on Monday to my Supervisor with my resume and cover letter. She sent it to the Program Coordinator (PC) right away. I actually received an email from the PC on Monday. Good thing I finally called to get my work email on my phone. I replied the PC and followed with what she requested. She wanted me to upload my resume and cover letter onto the College's career portal. Then, let her know when I've done so. Then, we could proceed into setting up an interview. Apparently, she's looking at giving me 6 students!
Looking at the staff list and the staff my other Supervisor suggested who would be good buddies.. If I'm getting 6 students, and Clinical starts in October, there aren't many of those staff that works the day shift.. I really will need to see what time Clinical would start, the Supervisor who taught before, said she was able to choose the start times.. So, I'll see how that works out with the PC.
It also turns out my Manager gave me a reply about whether it was possible to work a day or two while teaching, rather than taking a Leave of Absence.. she said she needs to discuss it with others first to see if that would be doable and get back to me.
Last week, I got a call from my dentist, saying that she's able to order the screw that my implant uses. As I wanted her to make a new crown for me, the previous periodontist made my crown smaller when it chipped (while still under warranty), so that tooth looks smaller and shorter than the teeth beside it. I had to call the receptionist to request her to send a form into my insurance, to get an estimate to see how much my insurance will cover to get a new crown. The wait is 4 weeks long.
I also contacted my current hospital about having my hours ported over from the Hospital I'm resigning from.. I was told that they won't be able to know until my termination of employment there, and that it'll have to be after my last pay cheque, then, it'll take 6-8 weeks to know if I'm eligible to have more hours ported. So, I'm probably looking at end of September? The benefit of having my hours ported would be when it's time to choose vacation, I'll be higher up in the staff list.
@bestVase7265
It sounds like all of those details are pretty good and things are going well.
Yes, my vision is still very poor. I spent the month of July worrying about going blind and the surgery was considerable. But the doctor feels that I am healing nicely. I am still waiting for the gas bubble that they placed inside my eye to disappear which could take another week. It means that I cannot work long on the computer, cannot drive or cook and have to wear a warning wristband so that no dental procedures or emergency helicopter flights happen which could cause blindness. All of this right before I start teaching next week and my father's health is failing. It has been an extremely rough summer. @Jaeteuk
Oh my, that is a lot of things going on for you. First and foremost though, you need to be well and functioning to do anything else. Maybe you can "borrow" that student's dog for emotional support.
We've got another month of summer as classes over here start in September.
@bestVase7265
Thanks! The regular semester starts here in September as well. But I specialize in students starting college for the first time. They come a month early for a three-week orientation course. It is really intense because you are a bit like their mother since they are away from home for the first time. That is what starts Tuesday for me. @Jaeteuk
Ah, I see. I hope your eyes get enough rest before the craziness starts!
I remember back in the day when I had my orientation at a University, it sure didn't last 3 weeks, more like a week. Walking around the campus, being introduced to different clubs to join, where the library is, the cafeteria, where the bus takes you, different dorms (female and male). They were 4 floors high, each floor had someone in charge.
Back then, I moved away from home to a city that was a 12 hour drive up North. And the University was on a hill, so, public transport takes you on opposite sides of the city. I remember, one side takes you to a small shopping mall, while the other side is for groceries and a few a restaurants.
Sounds nice. College is quite the adventure especially if you are far from home like many of our students. Some do fine and others struggle.
I survived the first 5 hours of training today though I am very exhausted and was dizzy with a headache for parts of it. We will see how I do with 8 hours tomorrow. @Jaeteuk
So, I've finished with my interview. She started it off with that the college hires their clinical instructors based highly from their Manager's appointment and recommendations. Since I know my manager have close ties with her, it probably means that the interview is only a process the College needs to go through to hire me. So, she says she would get back to me in within 2 weeks.
She says as as first-time instructor, they provide guidance and there's even workshops I could attend. So explained that the clinical is now Monday to Friday, doing 7 hour shifts.. As an instructor the 30mins meal break is unpaid, starting pay is $40-50/hr, and it will increase per term, based on my performance. Clinical class will be from Sept. 29th to Dec. 19th. She suggests that I have some evening shifts, and suggests that rather than have it the last week, do it in the middle.. and evening shifts, would just be from 3-10pm, so, not exactly following the same evening shift times as the staff.
Also, even when I do the 10-5pm shift, I could still take the last express train, which I can save some money on the traveling time.. She did say that I would need to take a Leave of Absence from my position, but I will be allowed to pick up shifts over the weekend and Stat holidays. But in the way, I'm not sure if my benefits would still be valid.. because she did mention that with the Leave of Absence, only first 1st month of clinical, my Union would still cover my benefits.. it's the other 2 months is when it cuts off.. she said, some instructors will pay their own, or others would leave it.. she explains, that is why their salary rate is higher than a regular staff.
I just received an email from her, asking for the email addresses of my to references. That's a good sign, right?
That all sounds great. You are headed in a good direction. You will figure out how to balance everything. I am excited for your new opportunity. @Jaeteuk
So, I got an update from the college this afternoon. Turns out there aren't enough students enrolled to send to my hospital for the Clinical in the fall. So there's a postpone in the Instructor intake. She also made 3 points, that I should gain more experience at this new hospital first, that I need to build up on leadership skills within the department, and that I need to have completed the exam first.
So, we'll touch base again in October, to see if I'll still be interested to teach in the New Year. So, now I have a bit more time to study and take the exam before October or end of the year. Not much of a rush anymore.
But, I sure was hyped for it. Oh well.
I'm also supposed to be off at 7pm today. But when I found out my favorite RN picked up the evening shift, I ended up staying. And I sat in his office and we chatted for like 2 hours. As I arrived at the bus stop, he says, if I'm okay to wait until 10pm, he could give me a life. So, now, I'm waiting for him in the lobby. As he parked on the streets.
I gave him my life story, things just flowed out. He offered to be that friend that I've always wanted. To send random messages, go out for coffee, and talk about anything and everything.
You know, it's been a while since I brought up my depression. From the very beginning to who I have become now. Even details that only my doctors know about, other details that I have not told a single soul about.
I even told him about grandma passing last year and how it impacted my life completely. I've been having these heartfelt chats with him on Saturdays too, especially when I arrive earlier than my starting time. I'll get into my scrubs, then go to his office and chat.
I think I've been longing to have that person I can talk to in this way for the longest time. So with him, I just spilled the beans naturally.
I spent 4 hours chatting with another nurse I met up with the past Wednesday. The one nurse from my old site, that I'd like to stay in touch with after I've resigned. We're both crazy, so we're on the same wavelength most of the time. So, we ended up chatting over Pho for 4 hours.
I told her we could meet up once a month. Or every other month. Now that I'm no longer teaching in the Fall, meaning I have Mon, Tues, and Wed off, maybe she could arrange to have another nurse join us. The other one also resigned early this year. And they would meet up for brunch on her days off or when this nurse works a 11am shift. We'll see.
I know that you are probably a bit sad that the teaching stuff is moving slower, but you are moving in so many other great directions. Perhaps it is fate that caused things to slow down a bit. You are going to gain more experience and confidence in the coming months which will indeed help you become a better instructor just a little later.
But I love that you are talking people and starting to make more friends. It is great when you find people to really open up to. It really shows you that there are kind people out there and the world is a good place. So I am very excited for you. Keep working on the friendships and the other stuff will fall into place. You are growing in wonderful new ways. Keep it up. @Jaeteuk
I honestly feel I made the right choice when I decided to leave my hospital for a regular part-time line elsewhere. I can finally do something I'm passionate for and can call my work a career.
New friendships are definitely developing with one of the RN's. He just turned 31, so he's a bit younger than I, but already very mature for his age. We're both Asians, he's from Singapore. I feel that I can tell him anything and not be judged, but understood. Which I hope I'm not being tricked. I'm meeting him now for a meal, but he went to take a nap, and kinda slept over time. But I'm still waiting for a table at the Korean restaurant, so it's all good. He wanted to invite to his friend's BBQ next Saturday. I'm going to ask him more about it when he comes later.
Chatting with him last night, he got me teary as I brought up my Grandma passing last year. But it feels good that I can talk about it now, and it's not like I'm telling my counselor or GP.
Why does my mum always question the friends I make? Always asking me if the other person has other intentions or if they are being truthful in the things they talk about? And gave me example if they are like my cousin. Who says one thing but does another, and her intentions are not always positive.
I really think me and this RN can be good friends. And yet, my mum is already questioning what his intentions are and asking me to like dig up more information about him.
Maybe my mum has seen me trust others too easily then end up being hurt. But doubting me for every new friend I want to make, I don't think is a good approach either. Honestly, it upsets me. Feels like I'm doing something wrong. I told her about the BBQ he invited me to join next Saturday with his friends. I told her the couple that was holding it, as he told me about them. And another friend who's Chinese and actively looking for a relationship. For me, I just thought my mum would be somewhat happy for me, that I'm finally getting the chance to meet new people and stepping outside of my house for once with plans. But after the doubting questions with this RN, I really don't know what to do. He seems like a good guy, can be a good friend, he really understands and accepts everything I've shared with him so far. And even told me a few times, that I can message him whenever and we could hang out when he's free. He already told me he has 4 evenings freed up every week, where as long as he has no plans, we could hang out. Just like what we did last night. Last week, he even asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. The new Jurassic movie. But I told him I don't really go to movie theaters because it's too loud and my ears can't take it.
Yesterday, as I was waiting for him to arrive at the restaurant. I was messaging with my mum. Because at first, I only told her I was meeting someone at the Korean restaurant. Then, she asked me who it was, it was then when I told her it's the RN. She even told me to sneakily take a picture of him as she wanted to see what he looks like. Then, she goes on saying that he's only 31. I tell her, as friends, it's okay and that he's more mature for his age. That age is just a number, but it doesn't define who we are.
In this day and time, it's so difficult finding friends who accepts another person's mental health problems. Like, when I was telling him my depression in my childhood, I could see his emotions, like he felt my pain and suffering too. These type of people are very rare now.
Going to need to read and answer in a few days. I am still recovering and don't have the strength to answer tonight. I will be back soon. @Jaeteuk
Just to give you an idea of my current schedule which will explain my shorter responses: I keep trying to find ways to mini rest. But yesterday was 50 emails, 2 hours of teaching, a mentor meeting and proctoring a foreign language placement exam. Today was 3 hours of teaching, 2 mentor meetings, and 2 hours at a booth trying to convince students to join a mental health wellness class. Tomorrow is 3 hours of teaching, a field trip to a retirement community and 4 mentor meetings.
My big takeaway from your message - don't let your mother and her doubts ruin anything. She has a way of doing that with you. Trust your judgment. I really think that you have found a good guy to be a friend. You aren't being tricked, This guy is real and he is in person. He seems kind hearted and genuine. Keep up the friendship and see where it goes. He is 31 not 19. The age difference doesn't matter. There are 9 years between my husband and myself and it works just fine.
@Jaeteuk
Oh my, your schedule sounds really packed! Yes, these mini rests are needed and do take them to your greatest advantage. Don't worry about the length of your replies.
I guess I'm being sensitive, especially to my mum's words. I also think he could be a good friend, but my mum's words also made an impact on my own beliefs and decisions. Which is upsetting and really brings my mood down.
@bestVase7265
You can make your own decision to ignore her words. It isn't easy when you live in the same house, but it is worth the effort.
You make very good decisions on a regular basis and you are on a good streak of changing your life around. She cannot stop you unless you let her into your thoughts.
I know that is really, really hard to do. But each moment that you make a single decision on your own, you become more independent. You are actively doing that. So also pat yourself on the back rather than letting yourself get depressed.@Jaeteuk
She did explain yourself like two days later. Saying that she wasn't trying to tell me that I can't make new friends, but reminding me not to trust someone so quickly.
But with my kindness nature, unless I can feel something is off during first impressions, everyone is a nice person. Okay, maybe some may take more observation time after the first impression, but I trust my instincts.
For example, yesterday at work, a coworker starting her evening shift. I was working in the dirty side and she's on the clean side. I can see her through transparent doors of a washing machine. My first look, I knew she wasn't in a good mood. Sad and very down. After one of my coffee breaks, I went over to her and ask if she was okay, and gave her a small hug on her shoulders. She seemed surprised, as she was like, "you can see?". Later, I'm going to check the assignment and see if she's working the evening shift tonight too. If she is, I'm going to offer her my number, in case she needs someone to vent to, I know that sometimes getting things off our chest makes a difference, even if the other person can't really solve your problems. That is, I'll give my number to her if she wants to share. Otherwise, I'll let her know I'm always there for her.
So, looks like that RN's friend is still holding the BBQ tonight. It was raining when I first came to work, but out by the hospital here, I'm seeing gaps of blue sky and it's not raining. Hopefully the evening will also be dry.
I'll tell you all about it afterwards.. meeting new people and accepting the invite from the RN to join the BBQ. Even I can't believe I agreed.. lolz.. but I thought, since I'm making changes continuously, this will just be another change.. I had always been that homebody because I had no one to hang out with, when I am free.
Your message has lots of good stuff in it. First of all you proved my point from the previous message - one thing that dealing with mentai illness has give you is an ability to see people's pain more quickly and react with empathy to it. I have seen that in you before. That really means that you are able to make good judgments when you meet new people and you should trust yourself.
And I am quite glad that you are stepping out of your comfort zone to go to the BBQ. Even if the event didn't go perfectly, It was still awesome that you are reaching out to try new things and make friends. You have so much to give to friendships and your work as a whole. @Jaeteuk
So, the RN came to the hospital to pick me up, he was off at 3:30pm and went home for a nap. As I'm off at 7pm, he arrived around 7:20pm, he said he overslept. Anyways, during our ride there, he kept telling me about the people who he knows that will be there, of their names and occupations. He was saying, "you said you're more of an introvert, but.." I finished his sentence, I'm more of an introvert around strangers, but when I get comfortable with someone, I can talk a lot. So like, with him. He's only 31, but a lot more mature for his age, maybe that's why I feel comfortable talking to him. He really listens to me and notices things, then randomly mentions it. Catching me a bit off guard.
So, when we arrived, his friend (the host), greeted us at the door. It was a townhouse, I though it was a condo. Anyways, they were more than half-way through with the BBQ, as they started around 6pm. By the time we arrived, it was close to 8pm. She had left 2 burgers for us, and had reheated the patties. As he told her I was allergic to black pepper, that had made some chicken for me without black pepper, there were like 6-7 pieces, but after eating the second piece, I felt my lips tingle.. so, it must be some other unknown spice I haven't discovered that I was allergic to. Good thing I've brought my Benadryl with me, he told me to take it. He let him know if it gets worse, then we'll leave earlier, he also joked that the hospital is nearby too. He asked if I had an epipen, I said, it hasn't gotten that serious yet. As dill is the only one that I've reacted to more seriously, with itchy, numbed lips and tongue.. otherwise, with black pepper, it's usually just tingly lips and my face gets red bumps and itches.
So the BBQ had like 11 people, plus a couple brought along their newborn, who had been asleep in her carrier the entire time. They left around 10pm. The majority of the group were Chinese and spoke Cantonese, the host, she was Vietnamese, husband is Chinese. And one other girl is Armenian. Someone actually brought Mahjong, and my friend (the RN), told them I was good at it, when he asked if I knew how to play.. but they gambled, started with 25 cents.. let's say, I lost $6.50. We left just past midnight, and he drove me back to the Station where I had park & ride. I got home around 1am, my car was good until 2am.
Sunday morning, my mum asked me if they gambled, and I said yes. But I didn't tell her I played despite that.. but she went on making a firm point, that I should not play if they gambled, no matter what amount it is. She's like for people who gamble, if one wins, they will want to keep playing, as they want to win more. If one loses, they will want to keep playing, because they want to win back what they lost. I told her, the people who gambled, before, they started at $1, then, my mum was like, playing at those stakes, one can easily lose hundreds very quickly. Because how they play it, it's a game of 4 people, who ever gives the winning tile to an opponent, pays for 3 people to that one person. When I played, the starting amount was only $12.50. So that was the most I could've lost. But I wouldn't play with them a second time if they choose to gamble again. I went to have fun, meet new people, not to lose money on some game. Like, I'm not even the type to purchase deals on games on my phone that I always play.. so, why would I gamble with Mahjong. It's just a game, not worth wasting my money to people I don't know and for a playing purpose. I can see the other girl that was playing, is a gambler, she bought like a lottery ticket with many draws, like, her ticket was long.
Out of the group though, I feel most comfortable when chatting with the host, as she's also an RN (who he's closest to), and was an OR Nurse Clinical Instructor before, but now works as the customer service for the program our hospital uses. She mentioned she can work from home and also need to travel to different sites that will be implementing the program.
But overall, it was okay, meeting new people, although I listened in on conversations more than being involved in the conversation.. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be.. maybe because I trusted him, thinking he's friends wouldn't be too bad. But to hang out with the group again, I'd probably choose his friend over the others.
@bestVase7265
I am so excited that you did this and went to the BBQ. It was going to have uncomfortable moments no matter what because it was a larger group of unknown people. You did great.
You also did fine with the game and how you handled things. I would have done the same. You were playing to be friendly, not for money. Thus it was good.
Keep up the good work. You can just do smaller stuff for a bit until you are ready to consider something larger again. That is fine.@Jaeteuk
