Chat with @kawasakiKRT400rr and @FaithfulScout
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@faithfulscout
Hi Tom!
Was thinking of you , hope I’m praying for you I know you told me today is your last treatment I pray all goes well .
Hopefully I hear from you soon . I hope you’re feeling ok and I miss talking to you .
Have a great day !
@faithfulscout
I don’t know why my message says hope before I’m but it’s not suppose to lol sorry , talk soon
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom!
I hope you’re doing well I miss talking to you .
Hope to hear from you soon
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom,
I miss hearing from you I hope you’re doing well.
I’ve been angry a lot lately idk why . I just want to feel better .
I hope to hear from you soon
Tania
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania,
Thank you for keeping in touch, I really appreciate it!
The aftereffects of my radiation treatments include headache and fatigue. Fortunately I am not experiencing any other symptoms such as problems with my digestion or eating. I have been in bed all week, except today I went in for a biopsy of my lung (and Monday I will be preparing for another course of radiation treatments near my hip).
I am sorry you are feeling this anger recently. Can you describe it?
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom,
Happy to hear from you . I like keeping in touch with you you’re a good friend .
I’m sorry you have been tired and having headaches . But glad you’re not getting the other symptoms . How was your lung?
I hope you start feeling better. hugs
And the anger I don’t know I just feel mad All the time at everyone for no reason . It’s very bothersome . I hope to hear from you soon . Tania
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania - my lung feels okay, but my back (where they stuck the needle) is a little tight, that’s okay though.
Have you spoken to your therapist about this anger? Or how about someone at your church?
I have had several therapists since I was 20, and only one helped me with an obsession I could not let go of (I never addressed my anger issues with any of them). The only way I was released from my anger was with God’s help.
Maybe a therapist or church community can be helpful to you?
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom ,
I’m sorry about your back I hope it feels better soon.
My therapist actually quit where she was working , she wasn’t very helpful anyways . I also believe that God is the only one that can help with anything as well. I don’t have a church that I go to at the moment but I do read the Bible . Maybe I need to find a therapist that specializes in trauma .
I don’t know why I get so angry I wasn’t this angry before everything with my dad . I blame him for a lot of things , I didn’t have the best childhood with him and then he moved in I wasn’t happy when he was here and and now I am sad that he did what he did , it’s hard even living here anymore .
Hope to talk again soon hugs ….. Tania
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom ,
I also hope everything goes well with the radiation near your hip. You’re going through a lot . I always feel like I don’t say enough and I feel like I always talk about me and I don’t like that . But I am praying for you and thank you for all you have done to help me . Hope to talk soon
❤️ Tania
@kawasakiKRT400rr
I really appreciate you for your prayers and thank you for helping me in my life as well ☺️
I’m very happy with how we are communicating, but I can understand if the topics might be heavy. I feel like we can talk about anything, so feel free to bring up anything randomly.
I hope talking about the things that make you angry can release some of the pressure, especially when the feelings come so suddenly 🙏
@faithfulscout
Hi ,
I feel like I don’t help enough in your life .
Yes I feel like we can talk about anything as well . You can also bring up anything randomly as well I don’t mind .
Yes I don’t know why I get so angry now it’s very strange I don’t like it . And I still have no motivation to do anything. But idk
How is everything going with the cancer ? Are you going to be okay from it ? What’s the doctors say about it ? I’m always worried about you and think about you .
Hope to hear from you soon love Tania
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania,
You do indeed help me, and I am very grateful!
I can kind of relate to what you are saying: I didn’t have the best childhood with my dad either. He was mostly absent from my life because he worked all the time. And when he retired, he was forced to because of his health, so after he stopped working, he was home and didn't do anything except watch television or sleep all day (I was a teenager then and didn’t care about him at all).
Maybe it will take some time for you to process through your past experiences as a kid, and with your father.
Today, I am sure you are doing enough … so try not to be too hard on yourself.
My cancer is stage 4, so there is no remission for me; however, there are options for different treatments that can help me to live longer.
Once the tumor was discovered in my brain, all my appointments were moved up in order for my doctors to see if other cancer cells were showing resistance. There are 2 areas, one in my lung and one in my hip, which will need treatment in the coming weeks. I will be seeing my doctor on Tuesday.
Please don’t worry about me, I’m just glad we’re connected ☺️
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom,
Thanks for messaging I am glad we connected as well and I am happy to hear there are treatments for you to live longer I want you to live as long as possible .
I hope you have been getting good rest and enjoying your life . My dad had custody of me he took care of me he was always drinking and on drugs but everyone has their problems.
Everyone says I’m to hard on myself I feel like I’m getting fat my hair is thinning out I just feel disgusted with myself and sad
Hope to hear from you soon ❤️ take care
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania
I’m glad that there are people who care about you, enough to tell you that you deserve kindness and love.
Why were you unhappy when your father moved into your home? Were there tensions and conflicts right when he moved in?
I think there are limits to how much a person can be pressured to change themselves, especially under negative circumstances. Do you know what I mean? You have been very strong to raise your sons, and you have been brave to seek support here on 7cups.
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom,
Thank you for that ❤️
My father had custody of me when I was young until I moved out when I was 17. He was physically and mentally abusive my whole childhood. So when he wanted to move In I was trying to tell him he’s not going to like it here because my kids are loud one of them is autistic and they both are adhd . So he said it would be fine but he got here and was trying to yell at them and told me to tell my son to *** and called him a ***. I had to stop listening to music alls he did was drink and smoke . So after a short amount of time I felt uncomfortable and became sick I wasn’t eating I was always in bed I stopped doing everything and was miserable . And when he got here I always brought up the past and how he was abusive . Which is one of the reasons I blame myself for his suicide maybe I was to hard on him here . But I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown with him here as well .
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom ,
Did I ever ask you how it went when you saw your child the day you told me you were gonna see him the next day ? If not how did it go?
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania,
I’ve seen my children 3 times this summer, on father’s day, before my surgery, and the most recent was about 2-3 weeks ago before the started school. All were great times.
I’m not a holiday type of person: after the divorce, I stopped celebrating holdiays except for the kids’ birthdays. When my ex asked me if I would consider spending time with my kids on fathers day, and I liked the idea. I met them halfway (we live about 2 hours apart), and we had a very nice time as a family (me, my ex, and the 2 kids).
Therefore, at the time of my brain surgey, I wanted to see them again. I’m grateful that my ex stepped aside and thought it would be a more meaningful time with just me and the children (especially now that they are 17 and 20). They came to my town, we tried a new restaurant, and then they hung out at my place for a bit of the afternoon. It was wonderful (if was a gift that my ex gave me by stepping back).
And again for our 3rd visit, the time was also precious.
Thanks for asking, Tania, and thanks for sharing a bit of your personal history too.
From what you said, I doubt you have any responsibility in your father’s suicide. We can take a deeper dive if you want, but it is my belief in general that parents (and all adults) are responsible for the well-being of all the world’s children.
This week, I started my 2nd round of radiant treatments, this time on my pelvis. I also received the results from my biopsy, and I’m going to need IV chemotherapy treatments (I have been taking a single pill for the past year). This will begin in a couple of weeks.
I’m thinking of you and looking forward to hearing from you! (I wrote this before I saw your recent message about the house troubles.)
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom,
That’s nice you spent time with them on Father’s Day . I know I replied to some of this message below but I have to read through it as I am replying or I will miss something .
I hope I didn’t have any responsibility in his suicide . I used to blame myself a lot more but I have kinda got away from saying it . I still will say it to my friend here and there . Oh this is all my fault what if I wasn’t nice enough or what if I was to frustrated or didn’t spend enough time or talk enough . I am still not really happy and don’t do much . They finally fixed the walls in the bedrooms so I can move my stuff back into my bedroom I just don’t really want to be in that room he did that in . I don’t even want to be in this house anymore . Everyone tells me I have to change the way I think but that’s easier said then done and I have always been a ball of stress I stress about every little thing .
Are you nervous about the results of your biopsy and needing iv chemotherapy? When do you start that or have you already started it ? I hope it’s not to harsh and doesn’t make you feel too bad .
I’ve been thinking of you as well and hope to hear from you soon hugs 🤗 and much love 💗
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom,
Hope you’re doing okay. I haven’t been doing that well I have a lot of anger all the time idk why . I feel like I’m never going to get better I feel fat old and ugly and unhappy . 🙁 the house I am renting always has a problem with the septic , a couple weeks ago it backed up and over flowed the pipe to the washing machine in the garage and ruined a bunch of my stuff . It’s either my shower backing up water flooded in my house last year from the hurricane the walls aren’t fixed yet . I’m just always annoyed it sucks . I hope you’re feeling better and get much better hugs and love 💕 hope to hear from you soon.
@kawasakiKRT400rr
I’m sorry to hear about these house problems. I hope things have settled down since the back-up. If I can help you sort through some of your stuff, let me know 🙂
@faithfulscout
Thank you for your concern . Things have been up and down lately . One min I feel ok the next I feel like crap. I hope you have been feeling okay and everything has been going well for you hugs and love 💕
@kawasakiKRT400rr
I have been feeling okay in general, thank you! There is a bit of indigestion I am feeling, and it may be due to increased activity (additional doctor’s appointments) or it may be a new side-effect in addition to the fatigue and some temporary soreness in my hip. We’ll see.
I’m glad you feel that some of your time is okay, at least.
Have you been talking with other people on 7cups, especially during those occasions you are feeling ***?
@kawasakiKRT400rr
ha—the app blocked out my word, "cr.appy"!
It's funny it didn't block "crap" when you used it 🤔
@faithfulscout
I’m glad you have been feeling ok and sorry you are having indigestion that can be bothersome and that your hip is sore .
No I haven’t really been talking to anyone else on here when I am feeling cr*ppy. Ya that is weird it blocked one word and not the other.
Now I just found out someone I was seeing on and off for the last 5 years “met someone and is with that someone “ he told me today . Meanwhile he never claimed that him and I were in a relationship when we were talking and always said he didn’t want a relationship. I guess he was just using me. Guess it wasn’t meant to be . I’ll prob be single for the rest of my life . But that’s just another thing to add onto my problems . I just told him I’m not mad at him I don’t hate him but he wasted 5 years of my life time and effort and that I never want to talk to him again so I blocked him on everything . Maybe cause I gained a few pounds since my dad died and I feel like I am ugly and look 10 years older he didn’t like me anymore . Oh well anyways I hope to hear from you again soon hugs 🤗
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania,
I’m sorry you had to go through all that uncertainty in that relationship. Even if it wasn’t declared, it’s still a relationship. What he did, how he treated you, does matter. You did not deserve to have your time wasted like that. If he can’t be there for you while you're dealing with real life stuff, then good riddance!
I thought it was very graceful of you, telling him you are not mad at him and that you don't hate him. Then to cut ties with him, I think that is very strong. I’m glad for you. You might be single all of your life, but that doesn't mean your life will be incomplete. You just never know what the future holds.
Thank you for sharing this experience. I’ll talk to you soon 🧡
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom ,
I just saw the message about the times you had with your children . Sounds like it was a good time to spend some time as a family and then your ex stepping back and having you see them alone . I’m sure that was great and then the 3rd time sounded great as well .
And yes I was not happy about the situation with the guy I was seeing for so long but I guess it wasn’t meant to be . I’m gonna reply to another message now that you wrote . Sometimes I miss your replies . So look for one above this one . Hope to hear from you soon ❤️
@faithfulscout
Hi Tom!
I hope you’re doing well I haven’t heard from you in a little bit but maybe you’re busy. I miss talking to you .
I still can’t seem to find any joy or happiness in anything I just feel angry every day it’s so annoying and frustrating.
How have things been going for you ? Hope to hear from you soon ❤️❤️
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Thanks for staying in touch, Tania.
I finished my first round (of 3) chemo treatments last Friday, and until about 2 days ago I’ve been hit with extreme tiredness (staying awake for only 1-3 hours at a time before needing to sleep for 3-5 hours). Other side-effects include heartburn and mild indigestion.
I started feeling better on Thursday, like all my symptoms seemed to calm down by about 50%. It was a welcome change 🙂
I’m sorry you have to deal with the anger all the time🙁 It must get aggravating, but I’m glad you’re hanging in there. I’m sure you will find your way to something that will lead you in the right direction.
Please, if I can help—let me know!
@faithfulscout
You don’t have to thank me for staying in touch I like talking to you . At least you finished the first round how many rounds of chemo do you have to go through? I’m sorry you have been so tired and have heartburn and indigestion that must be frustrating but I’m so happy to hear your side effects calmed half way down thank God!
It’s ok about my anger it is aggravating but yes I’m still hanging in . I hope I find something to lead me somewhere . Thank you for replying I hope to hear from you soon and I hope you feel much better . ❤️
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania - I just finished my 2nd round of infusions last Friday and the side-effects seem to be the same except the fatigue is a bit more intense (which is why I haven’t been on 7cups in a little while) and I’m dealing with high blood pressure now. At the end of the month, I will begin my 3rd and hopefully last round of chemo for a while.
How is life down south?
@faithfulscout
Hi it’s great to hear from you . I’m glad you finished your second round . I’m sorry it’s making you tired , and having high blood pressure as well . I’ve missed you on here . I hope it will be your last for a while as well . I hope you start to feel better .❤️🩹
Life over here has been pretty much the same for me . Still not doing much of anything and always depressed , it sucks and I’m always worried about every little thing you can possibly think of .
I’ve been thinking about you and I am glad to hear from you . I hope to hear from you again soon 🤗 ❤️🩹
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Thanks, Tania! I wish I could reply sooner … I seem to only be able to put my attention toward one person at a time. Anything more than that, then my life basically stalls out and all I do is sleep and eat. I forget if I sent you this before … it’s a “newsletter” that I try to update every 2 weeks. Shortly after I got the cancer diagnosis, friends and family (who I never talk to but heard the news) started contacting me.
Although it was nice to hear from them, it was kind of taking a lot of energy to talk to them … so Laura and I (with the help of my therapist) came up with the idea of a newsletter to keep people informed. Here is the link to the newsletter (save it so that you can use it to keep up with my progress): https://bit.ly/4mh5Yd0
Well after this message, and updating the newsletter, it’s time to lie back down!
I’m sorry that your depression is hanging around. Have you had it all your life, or did it start with your father’s suicide?
@faithfulscout
You’re welcome Tom , it’s okay about replying I understand , I’m sorry you’re going through this . It makes me sad . I am happy your friends and family reached out although it can be tiring with all that’s going on . That’s a great idea with the newsletter I’ll definitely save the link and keep up with your progress.
It’s okay about my depression I feel bad to even burden you with my problems , I just want you to be okay , you were the first person on here I had a connection with . My depression really started after the suicide , I’ve had little times of depression but nothing like this . But I’m trying . I want to move out of this house I can’t stand being here alone or really at all . I haven’t slept through the night in months almost a year . But that’s okay . I hope you feel better and I’ll be praying for you and thinking of you . I miss you Tom! Lots of love and hugs 🤗 from me . Feel better ❤️🩹 talk to you soon I hope you feel better and I’m sorry this is happening to you . Have a good day 😊 💕
@faithfulscout
Hi how are you feeling? I hope you’re doing better and are okay, I’ve been thinking of you . I havnt heard from you in a while I get worried . I hope and pray that things are getting better ❤️🩹 for you . Thank you for always being there for me since we have been talking . I know you’re going through a lot right now .
I’m not feeling much better but that’s okay some days are really hard seems like I’m stuck in this funk forever I hope that’s not the case . I hope to hear from you soon love and prayers talk to you soon Tom. Love Tania
@kawasakiKRT400rr
Hi Tania - it has been a rough month. (I just updated the newsletter.) Thanks for staying connected, I really appreciate it 😊 I’m sure it takes time for your depression to process through your mind, body, and soul. I’m glad you’re hanging in there too!
@faithfulscout
I’m sorry you have had a rough month . I have as well my friend that was living with me up and left now I’m alone I feel like I’m losing this is the worst I’ve ever been in my life I don’t know what to do anymore
@kawasakiKRT400rr
I’m so sorry about your friend 😭 What happened?
@faithfulscout
Honestly I have no idea but thank you . I hope you’re doing well . I’m doing terrible this is the worst I’ve ever been. I hope I start to feel better soon I just keep praying and praying . Thank you for keeping in touch I miss you
I hope things start to turn around for you too … yes, Tania, keep praying 🙏
Hey, you wanna try to do this challenge with me?
https://www.7cups.com/forum/generalsupport/General_2440/OnePercentBetterChallenge_369903/?p=4
