Space to chat with @Tinywhisper11
Hey @Tinywhisper11. I hope you're doing OK.
I have been a bad friend to you, I'm so sorry. My mental health has been getting worse and worse since February and that's why I was so inconsistent and tried to leave cups. My depression gpt reslly bad and i was feeling suicidal very often. I feel so ashamed of myself. I hope we can start being friends again. I really appreciated your company and you are still one of the kindest and greatest person I ever met. I understand if you don't want to talk to me because i have been so inconsistent. I just hope you're doing OK and are happy❤️
Random question. Do you believe in angel numbers? There has been a number that I see everywhere recently. Is that a sign or am I just crazy? But that's so weird. I just see it really often.
@schrodingerscattt I believe in God, angels and heaven ❤ God and angels can't communicate to us normally, but they do so through signs, and in ways that are not obvious unless we look hard enough ❤ what number?? Does it mean anything to you??
@Tinywhisper11
Hmm. I never really believed in God. To me it doesn't make sense. But these weird numbers(111) keep appearing everywhere. On the clock and just in random places. But that's maybe just a coincidence.
@schrodingerscattt 111. 🤔🤔🤔 is that the emergency phone number somewhere??
@Tinywhisper11
I looked it up and it represents opportunity and possibilities. That would be great if it would be true. I am so desperate right now. I think I will still go figure skating but keep it easy on my leg as it's the only think keeping me alive right now. I just don't get how my own parents couldn't care if I would be dead. It's the worse feeling ever.
Hey. Sorry if i upset you in the other thread. I didn't mean you. |I was talking about a "friend" i had in the city i live. Now i don't even have her support and i am all alone in this city. I am scared and don't know what to do. I asked for help everybody i could.
I asked for help my uncle but he doesn't even reply to my messages anymore. I genuinely don't know what happened. We used to get along so well and he used to care! But well, i don't have the time to be heartbroken over it.
My other aunt and uncle are the LAST people i would go and ask for help. They are the coldest people i ever met apart from my parents so they have no empathy. I asked for help my yoga teacher and she only told me, that my parents act the way they act because they don't know better and that i don't have to take it so personally and that she is sure i will make it. I talked to another person i met while volunteering and she told me to go to therapy and that's it. I am lost. I have no idea what to do. I want to be loved so bad.
Will all the trauma and pain i went through i have been a bad friend for you. I really didn't mean it. I only have good intentions for our friendship. But lately my pain has been getting the best of me. I'm starting to be so bitter.
I also wanted to summarize my situation to you so maybe you will better understand it because my stories were so messy. So last year i was bullied in high school and decided to be homeschooled for my senior year of high school. Last year on top of all we were fighting a lot with my parents and they had a second apartment and they decided it would be best for me to live there without them. I agreed because life at home was truly horrible and gave me really really dark thoughts. The thing is. My parents practically JUST LEFT ME in this apartment. I'm 18 btw. My dad gives me money to buy food and that's it. I have to do all my studies on my own and now i'm so so sooooo far behind. I feel like i will not pass my finals. I have no friends around me and nobody actually cares so my day consists of going to starbucks study, go home eat something, cry, sleep and repeat. It has been like that the whole year. Figure skating has been my saving grace.Sorry if i use this word incorrectly i'm not sure if it's right to use it in this context. It's the ONLY thing keeping me going. I have no idea what to do. I am surviving day to day and that's it. I have no plans for the future, i will most certainly fail my finals and i have nobody around me that could help. I am so desperate that i want to come to people on the street and ask for help but that's not a good idea. I thought it over again and i have no idea who i can ask for help.
I have a depression support group on saturday online but i don't know if i should tell them the whole story.
It's just so messed up. It's obviously nothing compared to your story but it has been the worst experience of my life, considering my childhood was ok and that there was a drastic shift when i was 13. It's really, really tough. Man, how i wish i still was in school. I could have asked for help my teachers but now i don't even have that. Tomorrow the library is open and i heard they organize study sessions to prepare for the same finals i have to pass. I think i should go but i am terrified. I am so incredibly far behind.
I just wish i had a mentor. Somebody that would guide me you know.
And genuinely the more i think about my parents and their treatment the wore i feel. How can human beings treat other human beings like that? Let alone their own daughter.
If i ever have kids, i'm going to try to be the kindest and best mother ever because kids deserve the best of this world and deserve to be treated with kindness and all the other beautiful things.
Hey. I wanted to ask you if you have another social media because talking on cups just drains me. I don't get notifications either but i check the thread a lot of times and it's just draining. I like talking to you but i always prioritize myself and talking like this is draining. It doesn't even feel like a real convo.
@schrodingerscattt it's hard when your alone with all this weight on your shoulders. Knowing who to turn to, is not easy 😞 do you want kids?? I think you'd be a great mum oneday ❤ I didn't even know you could do homeschooling without a teacher. It's not a good idea for the government to let that happen. I'm not allowed on most social media sites. So I only use this site, and Amazon music, anything else like shopping or research I do on my carers computer where they can help me. I wish you had some one to be there for you in real life😟 did you have fun iceskating?? you don't have to worry about not having plans for the future, just one thing at a time. ❤ I know your really struggling with the past, and the need for love. When I'm in a downward spiral, I do things like art that makes me feel happy and proud at the outcome. And to let my emotions out I write poetry. and of course cups. I know you do figure skating which is awsome ❤ but perhaps in the evening when your starting to feel alone and sad, you should at that point do something to change your mindset. I'm not sure what though🤔🤔 it's really hard to get out of this spiral your in, but you can do it, it will get better ❤❤ don't give up, never give up ❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I don't know if you can call it art but I listen to music when I feel sad. I had a lot of fun ice skating but I can't go there often as it's in a bad neighborhood and I don't feel safe going there alone in the evening. Do I want kids? I'm not sure. The only thing I thought about is to be a better parents than my own parents but I haven't thought about it seriously. I get it. At least you have alazon music and can do online shopping. That's still great. The thing I don't like about cups is that basically everyone can read what we are saying and it's not like 1 on 1 messages. But it's fine.
Today I feel pretty sad because I thought about my family again and it hurts. My uncle is not even replying to my messages and phone calls. Why? I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong! And my aunt keeps being awful to me. She bombard me with text and basically wants to control my whole life. Even if I live alone in an apartment she keeps tracking me and even sends me messages to close my windows. WTF is even that.
Also, what hurts is that my dad is capable of emotions. My "family" has an online group chat and I saw once what my dad was writing on there. He talked a lot on there and sent a lot of emoji. With me he never sends me emoji and his default response is 'ok' or 'maybe' or sometimes even better he just ignores me.
I am loss to what to do. I guess first things first is to pass my finals. And then I have no idea. I was thinking so much about why do certain people go through horrible things and others don't and I didn't find the answer. I think it's just the way it is. It's sad and heartbreaking but what can you do about your toxic family. Nothing. I tried for a long time to be 'lovable' but it backfired on me because they still didn't like me and I started to hate myself too. I don't know if it's depression or finally the understanding of my full situation. I was in denial for such a long time. Suuuuch a long time but now I seem to finally get it and gosh it stings. I truly don't have a loving family. I truly don't have friends around me. I truly am so late on my classes that I will probably fail my finals. I truly don't have any support and am on my own. I am just heartbroken. Simply heartbroken. How can people treat others like that? It's so unfair. Yesterday I was fantasizing about a guy 'saving' me and loving me. I wish I had at least a boyfriend but how am I gonna find one if my life is such a mess and I'm so depressed. I'm also terrified of chossing the wrong men. I never saw what truly a good men is. I am vulnerable to manipulation and narcissists. If a man will tell me he loves me I will be ready to do anything for him. Even if he is toxic. That's how bad I am craving love. Do you too get this overwhelming feeling of desperately wanting to be loved? Or do you love yourself enough that you don't crave more love? Me it got to the point where anytime I see a pan on the street I want him to take me to his home and take care of me. I'm super hungry right now so I'm gonna get lunch. And what do you usually eat? What's your favorite food apart from ice cream? 🍦🍦🍦🍦
@schrodingerscattt yep! First thing is to concentrate on your finals ❤ then worry about what comes next ❤ as far as your family goes, aunts and uncles included, they ain't worth your time of energy. And when you don't need to rely on your dad's money support, then I would definitely think about just cutting them all off completely. When you move to the next life stages wether it be college/uni. A job of whatever. You will find friends, you will find boyfriends, it will happen ❤ your young so plenty of time ❤ but first after exams we do need to work on your perspective of situations and life. Someone once said to me, if you live like eeyore, you will become eeyore, and no-one likes an eeyore. But one thing at a time ok ❤ finals first.
me I have low self esteem, I carry a lot of shame and guilt. Which kills me inside. As for confidence, i don't leave the nursing home, I don't look people in the eyes, and I cover my missing body parts my embarrassing parts with blankets. As for love I didn't know that was a real thing till after I was rescued at 18 years old. I've never had it until I came to cups, I found my voice, and found that my words would make people smile, so I started to joke around a lot more. Being goofy with people here brings me a lot of happiness. And I'm my last birthday I had like 5 different birthday forum posts made by different people here. Two songs wrote about me, someone put a photo on one thread with my face on the billboards in lasvegas😁 two people got together and told me a story about me celebrating my birthday at the farm with them, they even took photos of what I would see and details of what we would do. I had so many heartening messages from people, I actually felt loved. For the first time, last birthday I knew I was loved ❤
Hey. I was caught up in a lot of problems and couldn't find the time to reply to you. I hate replying just to do so. I better wait for when I have the energy and write something from my heart. How are you doing?
Thank you for your sweet message.
You're right that I have to concentrate on my finals. It's so hard but I'm trying hard to study the best I can.
You're so right about the eyyore thing. But I think I'm already too deep into the pessimistic black hole 😂
I never knew you had guilt and shame. I appreciate that you shared it with me❤️
I wish I knew what to say but I don't know.
I just know that you are so kind and so positive even after what happened to you and that's a sign of big strength. So many people turn bitter and here you are, spreading positivity everywhere! You should be proud of who you are because you're amazing. To be completely honest I sometimes catch myself thinking that I wish I was more like you. I wish I had the same positive mindset.
I wanted to ask you, but you don't have to reply if you are uncomfortable, why don't you leave the nursing home? I don't mean leaving completely but just from time to time go out with your carers? Sorry if it's too intrusive.
I just want to understand your situation better so maybe this way I will be able to give you better tips. I really wish I could help you. I feel so helpless tbh. I just hope my messages can help you to feel at least a bit better.
I'm glad you found amazing people on cups. I see that you post a lot of funny threads in the forums and so many people are replying to you!! That means so many people appreciate you! I hope you'll be able to appreciate yourself too.
Lately I have been struggling with anger. And it has been eating me up from the inside. I just get this uncontrollable anger that literally paralyzes me and then I can't do anything. And it gives me migraines.
Ugh.
I also tend to get stuck in negative thinking loops and thinking over and over again how I wish something didn't happen, this person did it on purpose to ruin my day, my whole life is ruined right now and I just struggle to get out of this mindsettttttt!!! It's soooooo upsetting.
Yesterday I was feeling already really bad and went to Starbucks, but there was a girl crying there and it triggered me so bad I'm still shaken after it NOW! I really don't know what to do. It feels like this memory is haunting me and I can't get rid of it. I just wish she wasn't there and I could have drank my match in piece without being triggered as ***.
I'm still feeling so bad about it I even want to s h. I don't know but when I get overwhelming emotions that's what my mind thinks of doing. I don't know if it's the same for you. I feel so stupid and weak because of these thoughts😞
I also wanted to ask your opinion on something. I hang out quite a lot with an acquaintance now and she's really sweet and supportive.
But when I text her, she takes ages to reply. And she never initiates contact first. It's always me who ask her to hang out and go shopping or go eat some food together. But when I do she's super excited and agrees imidiately. Do you think I should stop caring that it's me who's always texting first? It hurts tho. Because I wish someone texted to me first. It gets sad when it's only me who texts and asks to hang out.
Also 2 other of my acquaintances ghosted me and that hurts like ***.
Why does everybody does that???? It's incredibly annoying! I wish someone wrote to me first and at least checked in on me.
I guess I'll' ever find somebody that is truly interested in me. Everybody's love is conditional anyways.
Anyways what do you think about love and friendships? Do you think it's truly unconditional? Or that people are always seeing benefits in talking to you and that's why they are friends with you?
I'm really confused about all this stuff.
I was never modeled by my family what even proper and full of care and love relationships are so I truly don't know if they even exist.
I also always wanted to find a boyfriend that will love me unconditionally. That will be always there for me. That will be ready to do anything for me and that will be loyal. And we will marry and spend the rest of our lives together. With men nowadays, I don't think it's realistic. I met not so good ones and I am not sure that kind and loyal men still exist.
And I also shouldn't rely on a man to be happy, right?
It's just that I always wanted another human being to fill in the void inside of me and shower me with love.
Sorry if it's too much I just need to vent really bad.
Also what about the common drawings? Do you still wanna do this ? I'm pretty busy lately but I'm sure gonna find time to draw a bit everyday.
Also I'm a bit sad you didn't check up on me. It just feels so lonely when nobody checks up on you and seems to care💔
@schrodingerscattt in sorry sweetie, I'll make sure to keep an eye on you ❤ I been a bit all over the place lately, and dreams keep disturbing sleep, so I'm really tired. The weather is nice and got so I can finally sit outside and watch the sunrise in the mornings, but then it turns cold weather again, yesterday was a thunder storm😱 and my pain levels have not been great.😞 then trying to keep up with everyone on here it's hard work
@Tinywhisper11
I completely forget sometimes that you struggle with physical pain. Are you in pain constantly? Or it varies? Is there any treatment for you condition? Dam that must be so hard for you. I'm gonna become a doctor to invent a treatment to help you.
Sorry. I was a bit too self centered. I struggle to be compassionate and understanding of other struggles because I am so caught up in my own problems.
I should really go out and touch some grass like literally.
@schrodingerscattt never apologise, I know how much your struggling right now and how hard life is for you ❤ yeah I'm constantly in pain 😥 it's not as bad in the mornings, that's when I try to go sit outside in the garden, and try to do as much as I can then, cause it gets worse and worse through out the day, when it's at it's worse then I take my sleeping meds and night meds, and call it a day
@schrodingerscattt people are all very different your might not want to call to meet up for many reasons (self esteem issues, trust, shyness, intimidated, mental health) so many reasons. But if you two have fun when you meet up and talk then maybe it's worth being her friend ❤ love I know absolutely nothing about. I've never been or will be in a relationship, I kinda like being alone, and care free ❤ but there are good men out there, just gotta be carefu l.
@Tinywhisper11
You're probably right. It just sucks that I have to literally text them 3 times before they reply! And even if we hang out adhave fun, she still sometimes is on her phone texting someone. I get it, she is dating guys and stuff but it feels like she is prioritizing them. Anyways I'm not gonna drag you into this drama. I'm gonna try to communicate with her and lower my expectations.
I hope maybe in university I will find a great guy. But that's not my focus anyways. I'm just scared that if I won't start looking for good guys now they will be all taken in the future you know.
I still wanna have a husband and build a life with him.
@schrodingerscattt I didn't leave the carehome for ages cause I was to scared. Anxiety would take over. And because I'm under government protection, it's not easy. But then I did leave a couple of times. Not far just around the area I live, I'd never seen this world only in photos, so even the sight of a normal street, well I was amazed at its beauty. But then last year, trigger warning death..... I got news that two of the other slaves I was rescued with, was found and well their not alive anymore. Extra security was set in place here at the carehome. And I never went out again.
@Tinywhisper11 I think there are genuinely nice people out there who love and want to be there for you with out any selfish reasons, or ill intentions. But it's not always easy for anyone trying to be there fully and tending to the needs of other friends. Their lives, routines, self care, family, work, obligations are always something people need to put first in their own lives. Which then can feel like they don't care or have selfish reasons for the friendship. But then the only friends I've ever had are here at 7 cups ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I like your answer. It's a bit of a harsh truth for me. You know I've been thinking about it a lot and I think I understood why do I want people to be near me 24/7 and attend my needs. As you know my family is quite well, toxic and I was neglected a lot. And this created a hole in me and I just crave the FULL attention and love of someone.
But now I'm an adult and have to realize that others have a life too and are not here to replace my parents. Thanks for this reply. It truly made me think. You're so wise!
@Tinywhisper11
Omgg! I never knew that. Now I understand better. Gosh, it's horrible. How people can be so horrible.
I'm glad that you are under protection now. I'm so scared for you now. This world can be really sick sometimes.
Yeah it's better for you to stay at the care home.
And at least you have cups! You can talk to so many people from different countries without even going anywhere!
I love taking pictures of everything so would you mind if I keep sharing them with you?
I just love sharing pictures of beautiful places I see, but I feel like if I share too much I might be intrusive.
@schrodingerscattt I haven't really had the motivation or energy to draw since xmas really. But we can do some challenges😁 pick a topic, and then we see what each other comes up with ❤ ok here's some ideas, you pick one or one of your own ideas to start with....... Animal tattoo style drawing.. Or a house in the woods...... Something to do with the seaside..
@Tinywhisper11
No pressure! If you don't feel like drawing it's OK.
Keep doing what makes you happy and keep posting these funny threads in the forums. I really love reading them but I struggle to come up with creative replies.