azurePondering with a Bear
@azurePond
The azure pond that once was bare, has now been overflowing around with care. A friend for me and a friend for you, when will Tiny attack us two. When in doubt don't be drought, all your notions will soon flow out!
@azurepond
Hey pond, I miss ya. IDK why but really miss chatting with you. Ummm I have been working VBS to day was the last night. I am staying at my sister's apartment. We eat burgers at a restaurant after VBS with some friends then got home and her fiance read a few chapters of the Bible, and we had minimal decision. Now I am just swinging in my hammock trying to think about the poem I want to write for them and missing talking to you. I guess I am also reminiscing about my short past (I'm 18 so don't have much of one lol 😭). And think about a few things you said/asked in posts I haven't responded to. I will probably make another post responding to some of those.
Talk to you later, hope your doing good? Are you still working with you father?
Love you, stay safe and take good care of yourself! 🩵
@7Bear7 Bear are you still there? what's happening?
@azurePond
Mostly just scrolling cups and being melancholic, and trying to cheer people up? You?
@7Bear7 I see.. What's bothering you? Is it the "to- much socialising ?" ..Oh me..I kind of ruined things, fought with my siblings.. the usual. Nothing to worry about... Also, you're only 18? You are a baby..my younger sis is older than u😭
@azurePond
i don't think it's the socializing, though who knows?
Sorry fighting with siblings is never fun. Hope things will turn out okay, if you need to talk I am here.
A baby!? What age are you? What age is your sister?!?! (Sorry I know it's rude to ask a women their age, but it was the perfect response, you don't have to answer) Also I turn 19 in like a month and a half? Two months?
@7Bear7
Dang I take a long time to write! I started right as I finished my other post/question, and saw this and it's been like 6 mins 😭😭😭
@azurepond
Are you ok pond? You seem I don't know, something? Just checking on you I guess?
Love you 🩵
@7Bear7 Yeah I am ok. I was not yesterday but today I am. It is just the office work is over. I will be able to go home today. And then I will be visiting my grandparents (my maternal grandparents - after a loong time.. so I am excited about that )
I love you too Bear
I hope you are taking care of yourself. Weddings can be extremely demanding especially to the family members. Plus, all sorts of emotions also wells up - like what am I doing with my life? what all stages have I passed or should have passed? Why dont I have a partner...things that were buried in our heart will claw their way out. So beware of that. Be mindful...and stay hydrated.
BEAR IS THE BEST! YOU HAVE GOT THIS!! the poem will be a masterpiece.... dont force yourself..find a peaceful place and let it flow *picture me with a walking stick and a Zen face *
@azurePond
Glad you're done and get to go home. Sorry you weren't yesterday, but happy you're doing better! Super glad you get to see your grandparents! It's always amazing to visit them! (Usually always, lol)
PS the office work gives high-class Mafia cover vibes, your not in the Mafia, right. . . RIGHT Puddles?!? Lol 🤣
"I love you too Bear" hehe 😊😎🩵
I am trying to take care of myself, doing a halfway decent job if I do say so myself!
"Weddings can be extremely demanding especially to the family members. Plus, all sorts of emotions also wells up - like what am I doing with my life? what all stages have I passed or should have passed? Why dont I have a partner...things that were buried in our heart will claw their way out. So beware of that." That is becoming very apparent the closer we get. I am trying to keep myself together, I have mostly done it for 18 years so I have a decent track record. Thank you for the advice Pond, it means a lot. 🩵
"Be mindful...and stay hydrated." I'll try to keep that in mind, I am pretty good at watering myself! ;)
"BEAR IS THE BEST! YOU HAVE GOT THIS!! the poem will be a masterpiece.... dont force yourself..find a peaceful place and let it flow *picture me with a walking stick and a Zen face *" literally laughed out loud at the mental image, hope I didn't wake my sister up. Absolutely loved it! I'll find a moment to write, maybe tonight May the next few days. I don't have long though, only eleven days till the wedding, I think??? 👀💀😭😁
@7Bear7
@azurepond
Onca again man! I take a long time typing! 😭
@7Bear7 Yes, yes... I’m relieved, tbh. Yeah, the highs and lows—it happens.
Sooo good night!
@azurePond @7Bear7
@azurePond
glad your relived,b hope things stay good/get better!
I hope and pray everything with them good great, have a good time with them Pond!
Spread sheet, data entry, numbers, logs, rosters, don't get paides, family event, eldest brother, personal emergency, non of that makes me think you're not Mafia, if anything you seem more Mafia now! ;) lol you sure you're family isn't Mafia and just didn't tell you???? Lol jk 🤣 😂
"Yes, you’ve got a decent track record—keep it up. It wasn’t meant to be advice, just a friend saying it how it is." I mean sometimes the truth is the best advice. Especially when given by a friend. So thanks!
"Watering myself—lol—now I’m picturing you as a houseplant." 🪴=Bear
Laugh out loud, Bear... laughs are meant to be laughed * Zen words of Master Azure-way* I laughed again! Great words sensei, you wordfu is far beyond my level, especially in the style of Azure-way! 🥷
Thanks, I don't actually have a ton of dutys, I just am trying to help them especially K (sister) with anything and everything before hand. A lot of it isn't for the wedding itself but more because she is getting married? IDK if that made sense. I am technically only a groomsmen so not much stuff I am doing? 9 days now, or 8 depending on time zone lol.
"I’ve seen brides and grooms write their vows 5 minutes before the wedding... You’ve absolutely got this and you’ve got the time!" That's crazy!!!! Also yah I definitely need to work on it. I manged to sneaky get some of their random favorites that I thought I could maybe mix one or 7 in? Lol who knows, I'll mange I am sure.
"Now I’m picturing an actual grizzly bear in a tux.
Ok.... you look handsome." Awwwhhh thanks you! A bear in a tux would look good! But I am just wearing a suit, and uhhhh we bought me new boots for it!!!!!!!! I love the boots so much! They are amazing! But don't ask me about the mentally painful experience of shopping for them, that was horrible.
"Sooo good night!"
Good nighty whity lightsy bye bye night Ponsdy! Love ya! 🩵
@7Bear7 Is now a good time to mention that I have three older brothers…?
@7Bear7 *Knock Knock * Oh Bear, Oh Bear ...Where art thou?
@azurePond
Mine art here, finally at home once more!
Sorry for the late response, I have been staying at my sister's and actually felt sleepy so went to bed.
How are you!? Are you visiting your grandparents? How are they?
Have you seen "to be hero X" ? It's pretty good so far, the first couple of episodes are a little cringe tho. I love the premise/world building for it. I love it so much that I actually came up with almost the exact same system for powers it has. My was a little different but still crazy how people can come up with the same things worlds/nation's apart.
PS I have responded to a few of you above posts, don't know if you saw, you do have to reply but I figured Id let ya know
Love ya Pond, I might fall asleep before you get on/reply so stay safe and smart girly pond! ;) 🩵
@7Bear7 Hey Bear.... sorry for disappearing... I was sorting some stuff. I’ll reply to you soon. Thanks for your patience. Take care and sending good vibes your way!
@azurePond
You're good, thank you for the vibes. I am hanging with my cousin for a few days, tho today might be the last one for a bit? We went to Ado's concert in Fort Worth!!!!!!! It was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!!!!!! she is soooooooooooooooooooooo talented and very sweet!!! She actually has pretty decent English now, she still talked in Japanese the majority of the time but yeah. Her voice is so goooooooooooooooooooooooddddd! Anyways that really made me feel good and better! So very happy about that, also spending time with my cousin was/is amazing!!! Ohhh and also got some of Ado's merch! Hehe so I am a very happy guy right now!
I might not be able to respond to everything you said yet tho, might take me a day or two? Who knows????
Love ya Pond, bye bye for now さよなら! 🩵
@7Bear7 I am sooooo happy that u had a great time... like soooo happy. I wish the busy-ness wud settle down so we can have a good relaxed talk..i miss u....
Take care, Bear...Love you ...................<3
@azurePond
Tanks!!! I wish things would be less hectic. It's getting annoying and repetitive. Sigh but alas
Really wish cI could just chill in the sun like a cat, and chat. Ya are a great chatting partner so yea sounds good right? Lol yea idk what I am saying
, miss you too I guess is what??? Definitely what I am trying to get at, I miss chatting and stuff, so have a nice relaxing chats soon Lord willing.See ya later Ponsdy! 🩵
@7Bear7
You awake? Or up? Or on? Or reading this? Sorry for the confusion, idk what I want, just trying to actually write a poem for my sister and her fiance, instead of just thinking about line and what to write, but a lot of I guess emotions??? Are floating up? It's confusing, the most I know I feel is a (fear? Maybe?) of loosing her, tho I guess I have felt that for years despite the fact I know I won't (unless something truly tragic happens) I just want to write a poem for them, that's truly from me, but not feel like it about me , or feeled with fear sadness confusion and slight hope. Do you know how to write something from the heart but not like that???? sorry I don't think I am making any sense. Mostly I just wanna chat with you? I don't really want to deal with their poem right now but I have 2 1/2 days left so I and getting stressed. it's not like I can't give it to them after the honey moon or something but I really want to give it at the reception or something.
IDK I also want a distraction from bad feelings (at least seemingly unrelated from the wedding) so what's going on in your life? Feel free to ramble, I kinda just wanna read something not my own thoughts but still similar, and we sometimes think the same it seems. So ya feel free to ramble about anything, sad, Happ, angry, sleepy,.
Also if you're not on and we don't get to chat tonight(today for you?????) that's fine but ya still can ramble if you want, or not it's up too you.
Later for now I guess tanks! 💚🩵❤️
PS it's grayscale so I don't know which haleart is blue, and I a mm to lazy to check. So you get blue green and red 🎉
@7Bear7 Hey Bear..u up? my internet connection is not stable but im up for a coversation...so...shoot!
@azurePond aah *conversation...
Anyway.... I completely understand that fear of losing the closeness you shared with your sister now that shes starting a family. It’s tough especially when youve been close for so long. I won’t sugarcoat it... things will change. You might have to spend more time apart and her priorities may shift. But her love for you won’t. You’re her only brother and that bond doesn’t just fade. It might look different but it’ll still be there.....and you’ll get through it because the love between you two is real.
About the conversation... what shall we talk about?..... You wanna know how mafia people smuggle avoadoes?..haha... well.... you ask me something
@azurePond
Yeah things are changing, always seem to be. But as the saying goes if your not growing your di3ing. Your words are very comforting Pond so thMk you.
Ahhhhhh conversation, ask you something? I am not good at asking 😭
Ahh ahhhhh ah
Here are a few options you can pick one or many or none.
What are your brothers like?
How many countries have you been to?
How many languages do you speak?
When did you start writing poetry?
Who do you think you really are???? Lol jk
Where is your favorite place to be (or favorite place for something like reading, writing, eating, ect?)
Why do you live? (IDK I just wanted all the questions so needed a 'why' one.
@7Bear7 Yeah the saying goes If you’re not growing, you’re dying. But that doesn’t mean growing isn’t painful. You’re allowed to feel sad or angry about it. I’m really glad my words brought you some comfort, dear Bear.
The youngest is 5 years old.. He is the baby of my family. Technically my half brother.
@azurePond
wise words, thanks you.
"What are your brothers like?
In a word—annoying." Fair nuff
running a empire???? Now what does that make me think of. . . (Mafia) Hmmm idk, he sounds interesting but also very frustrating?
lives in his own world, adventures, nerdy, obsessed with sharks, all fair nuff, sounds like me in some ways, but also pretty different too?
Talking to any vehicle, boat, bike, car, truck, plane, is 100% valid! Also *charmed or completely irritated" awesome phrase sounds like me
im the baby of my siblings at 18 (almost 19) you implied in a previous post you are older than me, I know it's rude to ask a lady their age (especially one as kind as you) but I am very curious, so if you don't wanna tell that's perfectly fine, but you do have a very curious (and possibly hungry) Bear staring at you.
Fair enough, the European countries seem to count like states (I have been in 7-9 states I don't remember for sure how to count) 4 is quite a few, though sorry you don't really remember, that can be mildly frustrating in the back of your head.
"How many languages do you speak?
Fluently? Maybe 4 or 5 though it’s not that impressive. One’s my dad’s mother tongue, another’s my mother’s and then there’s English—so really just two I actively learned, which are related languages so it was easy. There also a couple others that I can manage well enough to get by."
To me a lowly American that's very impressive, I speak English fluently (I was gonna make a joke about how I speak a total of 1 languages fluently. Saying that English was half and sigh language was half. But then it didn't seem funny? So why am I writing it still after making it less funny by putting it second, honestly not sure?????) now I am curious what languages they are? You don't have to say tho.
"When did you start writing poetry?
According to my dad, I wrote poetry back when I was in kindergarten something like-
“I want a cat,
Who wears a hat!
I’ll sit on a mat,
While she chases a rat!”" ahhhhhh soooo cuteness!!!!!!! Little Pond must have been adorable! Parents can definitely exaggerate and miss remember, but so can children. "
But my real first poem was when I was nine or ten and it was about silence." I would love to have the chance to read it, the topic is very interesting and seeing little Ponds work would be neat. But I do understand that a first poem, old poems can be personal, and or you may not even have it anymore, so don't feel any pressure AT ALL to share it. Kay?
"so yeah I am a curious person who tries." That's a very beautiful and accurate way to sum you up, good job! Most people (including me 80% of the time will put themselves down with that question even if it's in a backhanded compliment kinda way)
those all sound like beautiful places, tho the small garden stood out, what's it like what plants do you have, is it the one on your roof? I like plants but don't technically have one, that's something now that I think about is something I want to get. What kinda plant do you recommend for a hot place? Maybe a cactus? Does that suit me?
Why do you live?
"I live because I’ve made promises. If I leave early, there are people on the other side who’d absolutely drag me back by the ankles. Also I’ve made promises to myself. Little me had a lot of dreams. I want to see at least some of them through."
Wow good and deep answer, I am honestly not sure what I'd say to that question other than for God, and to not make my family sad and pay money. Like I would also not want to di3 on you and miss these chats, but those are more reasons to not di3, like what about living ? Other than to do God's good work, no one has really given or told me a reason, and I am bad at making or finding decisions by myself. Man that's I weird question to try and answer honestly. I don't know how much of my answer is the truth or if it's tainted by my mind (both sub and conscious) and it's weird and manipulative ways?
Are you going to answer these questions or just give me with follow-up questions? Umm other than the one about brothers sure if you want? I guess it would make sense. I'll describe my sisters instead of my non-existent brothers. Tho probably in a separate and new post.
@7Bear7 I, Master Azureway the pond turtle, am very wise and know kung fu.
@azurePond
Man your words hit hard tonight, I am having a hard night, I feel completely alone despite the fact I three family members who I love (right) living in the same house as me. You're words made me think with a slightly better mindset and out look so thank you for helping me feel less alone.
I miss K, even though I saw her yesterday and I have gone weeks without seeing her before, I miss her the most right now (maybe? I have a hard time remembering how I felt and a hard time telling how or if I feel in the now.) I almost feel abandoned, I mean it was even in the vow "forsaking all others". How am I supposed to feel I am happy that she is happy but like everything is just so overwhelming.
But on the bright side I got to meet with a old teacher and her daughter who was my classmate for a year, they did the photography for my K's wedding. They are always very polite sweet and kind. It was great to see them and catch up. Also the girl (who's about a year older than me) took a gap year too apparently, so she could figure stuff out, and actually know what she wants to do and has a plan. So that's gives me a little more hope I can do it too.
IDK if I am sounds depressed or sad I hope not, I don't want to have you read this and getall depression reading my chatter but I figured Id try to share.
Love ya Pond thank you so much for being my friend! 🩵
PS late reply or not they are always welcome and cherished!
@7Bear7 Hey Bear
@azurePond
Hey pond, just finished your story about the poet girl, it was really really well written, I always enjoy your writing because it feels so raw and real. Is there any authors or books that inspired you or did you just take to writing like a duck through hard work, trial, and nature?
@7Bear7 Thank you so much, Bear. It really means a lot. It feels raw and real? well....even though I write fiction there’s a strange kind of honesty in it. I think I’ve been more truthful in my stories than I’ve ever been with myself. Does that make sense? The characters, the dynamics, the emotions—they’re all deeply real even if the settings are made up, even if the characters and their problems are made up.
I make characters first, throw them into a setting and let them react ...that is how I write a story.
@azurePond I didn’t mean that I write about other people’s struggles. I meant that learning about them helped me understand how differently people can react to the same situation and that’s shaped my writing. It’s helped me create characters who respond in their own unique ways rather than all thinking or feeling the same or worse- the characters who all are stuck in the same thinking or morals as me. That variety feels important to me.
@azurePond
That's a smart way to do it, I might have to try and write something like that, I didn't think I would like writing poetry but here I am it being so different than I thought, ,
So yea
@azurePond
I understand I people watch to, I try to learn from them but most of it is .y nature, watch and learn. They have habits and ways they walk and talk, and everything. So I definitely think it's smart to use that information to flesh out your characters so they don't all feel like the same person with different body's.
@azurePond
Noice! I'm up for a good coversation myself!
Lol 🤣
@7Bear7 that typo will haunt me foreverrrr😭
@azurePond
coversation coversation coversation COVERSATION COVERSATION COVERSATION COVERSATION
@7Bear7 
*Lacrimosa by Mozart intensifies *
@azurePond
That makes me listen to the whole song now
@7Bear7 You listened to Lacrimosa?
@azurePond
Uhhhh I thought did? Is there something wrong with that?
Also she's married!!!!!!! My feet hurt soooo much.
Uhhhh I will respond to you above post later, I started reading it and liked it so far but realized I might not respond to it if I read it tonight. So I'll wait
Uhhhmmm sending hugs, I don't really feel, so maybe that's the rushing around so much I didn't have much time to sit and think and now everything below my waist hurts just yah
Love ya Pond, goodnight! 🩵 Thank you very very much for all your love and support this last couple weeks,
Also PS I didn't have time to finish the poem for them so I'll finish it and give it to them when the honeymoon thingamajig ends. Hopefully
Love ya again and thanks ya good night! 🩵🩵🩵
@7Bear7 Hey Bear
@azurePond
Hey pond
@7Bear7 How are you holding up?
I don't know?
@7Bear7 Ok...that's fair. What are you thinking about or what's bothering you? Are you missing K?
@azurePond
I honestly don't know what I am thinking about, it's going to fast I literally don't remember anything I thought five minutes ago.
Sorry I don't really wanna burden you with me, that's what I hate about sites like these, everyone is here for a reason and for help, so how can I take time from them for something only about me? Like I could give you a few very good logic answers to that that are sound logically but I still feel bad getting help????
@azurePond
The world is my light bulb, so why can't I find a switch?
IDK why I wrote that other than I want to write so so bad right now but any thoughts that come get drown out before I can type them.
@7Bear7 Hey, I loved the verse you wrote. Do not overthink why you wrote it.
Does it feel like you’re fumbling for a switch in the dark—the kind without that soft glow around it, so you’re never quite sure if it’s even there?
@azurePond
Why are you so good with words! 😭
Yes that's sorta how I feel.
I feel like I have all the physical ingredients needed to do life. They put the electrical all in right, they got a bright bulb installed, but it's night and they added a wall of Sheetrock in front of the light switch, it'd be fine if I could see and knew where the switch was, I could punch through the wall and turn it on, but I can see and I am tired of punching blindly with no a vale
@7Bear7 In this situation, you can do either of the two things.
One is to stay still in the dark—quiet, patient, holding on to hope. Don’t rush. Just wait for daybreak. When the light comes, the switch will be easier to find. Everything is clearer in the daylight.
The other path is to reach out—call for someone, ask them to bring a flashlight. Let someone help you see until you can see on your own again.
Both are brave. And neither means you’re alone.
@azurePond
That's very smart and clear, thank you, I feel scared to call out, but am tired of weathering, I don't like changing, I am extremely habitual in everything I can be, but most of my daily life is unpredictable, but I need to change to ask for help, a flashlight,
@7Bear7 That makes so much sense. When life already feels unpredictable.... holding onto habits can feel like the only control we have. Wanting to change just enough to ask for help...that’s already a brave start. You don’t have to overhaul everything. Just one small ask at a time is still progress. Maybe start by asking for a glow stick or just a phone light instead of a full on flashlight...haha ok....I might’ve just butchered the metaphor but you get what I mean?!
@7Bear7 I’m really sorry Bear, I know K’s marriage is supposed to be a happy thing but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It’s okay to miss her...it’s a big shift and you’ve lost the everyday closeness you’re used to. That doesn’t make you weak or selfish... it just means you loved her deeply. You haven’t been abandoned even if it feels that way right now. The bond you share doesn’t disappear—it just changes shape. And I’m here. You don’t have to go through the ache alone.
Hey Bear... I hope it’s okay to ask....do you think there might be something else weighing on you too? I don’t mean to be insensitive or invasive but I was wondering… why do you think her leaving hurts so deeply? I’m sorry if that’s a silly question...it’s just that I’m not that close with my siblings so I might not fully understand. Maybe I should ask my friend Z... he’s really close with his sister . But then again, his sister is so anti- marriage. Sorry, I’m rambling. Is it because she was the only one person in the family who truly got you?
@azurePond
I umm I have a weird and very difficult and full of friction relationships with K
She is 2 years older than than me, and as kids she was by far my best and closest friend for years and years, or it seemed that way. I had some friends but we weren't that close (other than one but that's a different story for a different time) it was more just family friends. K always had friends tho close ones, I mean she was in Pre-K with her maid of honor and knew her before that, and had other nearly as close friends, so k was also my role model because she was better than me at every (now that I think about it it was probably because she was older than me but I am not exaggerating that she was better) but I was okay with that, we got older and argued like siblings, at first they were mostly friendly arguments or not heated at the least, but our parents always fused at us for arguing, we got worse and worse about arguing and stopped doing as much together, part of that wa shr homeschool we never got a break from each other. Later on we got where we wouldn't argue much or at all, and k got so much closer in her wlakn with God. Then I did something that really soured out relationship, she got furious with me and she doesn't get explosive angry she gets cold, she was a true glacier she threatened me and I apologize as deeply and as desperately as I could and she seems to maybe relax a tiny bit, and didn't ever do anything or tell anyone that I remember it know of. but we were never really the same. Then she graduated and got a job at Chick-fil-A a couple years later and we started to get close again, it was more just talking it the car on drives and stuff but I felt I started to have some I could trust to talk about things with without repercussions and I don't really know what happened next, I got busy and she got busy so we only talked like that once a month instead of multiple and now she's married and all she does is miss him, and talk, about him, and be tired from her job and staying up reading the Bible with him, and I can't even feel up set, because I am not upset I like the guy, he is my friend he is good for her and she is super good for him. And I live them both but I just want to be able to just talk
@7Bear7 First of all Bear, thank you for opening up. I can feel how layered and complicated your relationship with K has been.... full of love, admiration, friction and shifts that weren’t always in your control. It doesn’t sound weird to me at all. It sounds human. Deep bonds, especially sibling bonds can get tangled in ways that are hard to name, and harder to untangle. I know how complicated it can get with siblings.. you look up to them, you love them also there is this resentment too (the resentment part - I meant about my siblings)
I feel like a coward, not in the physical sense as I want to be a firefighter and do things ya know
I am afraid of words, I am afraid to ask questions, they are my soul almost, or it feels like I am only made up of questions, and I am to scared to ask anyone them because they are mine and reveal me and all (or part) of who I truly am. And I am scared of the consequences of people knowing me, I am just idk I lost my trai of thought,
Who art thou
Ohh soul do you know this man?
He walks with a proud and powerful stride
His cloak bellows out behind him
People love and follow him from all around they go to see him
But no one looks him in the eye,
Not because he is to tall B
But because I'm the shade of the tree next to his road
He wears dark tinted glasses, ones they nobody noticed
Yet everyone looks to?
@7Bear7 Bear… I’ve noticed something in your words, in your poems, in the messages you leave.... it feels like there’s a question you’re afraid to ask yourself. I’m not saying you need to answer it right now — maybe not even out loud — but I think you’ve been turning away from a part of yourself. And that rejection… it’s hurting you. I don’t know exactly what it is — maybe something about faith, maybe a conversation with God, maybe something else entirely — but it feels like you’re repressing something deep.
Whatever the answer and question might be. Always know that Azure Pond loves you and sees you as her best friend.
Take care, Bear
@azurePond
Bear… I’ve noticed something in your words, in your poems, in the messages you leave.... it feels like there’s a question you’re afraid to ask yourself. I’m not saying you need to answer it right now — maybe not even out loud — but I think you’ve been turning away from a part of yourself. And that rejection… it’s hurting you. I don’t know exactly what it is — maybe something about faith, maybe a conversation with God, maybe something else entirely — but it feels like you’re repressing something deep.
I’m sorry if this crosses a line. But I want to tell you this- Find a quiet space, sit with yourself and ask the question. And answer it with honesty, without judgement. Ask it like a simple yes or no question, if it feels daunting and accept the yes or no. Even if the answer breaks you a little — sometimes that’s how we grow into something stronger, something clearer. Don’t let that voice in your head keep judging you for who you are. You don’t deserve that.
And if you need someone, I’m here — even if I don’t know the full story. And I am not asking for the full story.
I think K was someone who saw you as you are. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to let her go. Because she didn’t just love you… she understood you without asking those questions outright and you felt safe not answering the question but felt loved and seen as if she already knew the answer . Maybe her leaving forced you to face the answer you’ve been afraid of.
Whatever the answer and question might be. Always know that Azure Pond loves you and sees you as her best friend.
Take care, Bear
Everything you said it true, I just don't know which question it is? Or if I even have asked the question? I have a ton about myself, my faith, my actions, everything, they are all why why why why why why why why hwy why wh hw hwy why
Why can't Ijuts sint in silence!!!!
Ruhs
I'll be back in a minute, I am stepping out side for a minute, if you want to go to sleep or work or whatever it is time for you
to do on that's inside of the old then you can,Just know you're my best friend and I love you and I thank you so so so much
@7Bear7 If there are a million question, start with one. Start with a who or a why..just start with one.
Love you too Bear, Take care
@azurepond
Hey I am back in,
I had a moment? I guess that's what you could call it? There was some raw emotions, no shoutinf but some tears, I ended up talking to God, it helped a lot by the end of it.
I knew with my head that I can and sometimes will have to be content without knowing something, but I didn't know it anywhere but as a piece of information I didn't live it.
And just because I am content not knowing something won't change the facts I will pursue learning the answers. It just means I am content not knowing yet and possibly ever.
I feel some peace now, I don't feel like a 90s car about to shake itself apart.
I don't know if any questions were answered just now, but can (for the moment) have peace not knowing. I can say I don't know why God made the world beautiful. And I can say I don't know this or that. But I will tri and find out.
Also I have to thank you for all of your posts they helped a lot, helped me find some more questions, and I don't know what I am saying but that's okey .
@7Bear7 Hey Bear.... I’m really glad youre back. And I’m even more glad you had that moment. Theres sthg honest and sacred about sitting in the unknown like that... especially when it’s not easy.
@azurePond
Thank you it's definitely not easy,
Glad something I said struck you to, it would be sad if after everything tonight you were just beating me over the head with wisdom! Lol 🤣
Thank you, you stalwart Pond of a human you!
Testig testing
Error code 064 something not appropriate??? Lol it won't let me post 😭
@7Bear7 I dunno😭
@azurepond
Ohh yeah it was funny, earlier towards the beginning of this before you got on, I read the short poem I made that is part of the Og post here, and I thought 'man I wish I could write that good, that a really good poem' or something to that effect and then I realize I wrote it and was super confused for a second
@7Bear7 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 That's hilarious.... also.. it shows how talented you are as a writer <3
@azurePond
Really tho! Like there was so much confusion for a moment before my thoughts flooded it out 🤣🤣🤣
Thanks!
I am gonna read my a bit of my Bible in the candle light and try and go to sleep after
Thank you for all your help, love, and support. Very much so, 🩵
Love ya Pond, goodnight 🩵
