eyes and flowers talkie land

@LoveMyMoonflowers

Hey flowers 🤍

I age over soon. They might send me off before my actual bday..hope not. I keep going to gcs, trynna enjoy it a few more times, but then I lose the courage to say a word

Whats there to say?

Being eighteen scares me. I was...never supposed to make it this far, in a way. I never expected it. Hoped, when I was young...but its been six years since then, and thats enough to blow my mind

I dont know how to do this. 

Hope youre okay, hope your familys not bothering you, hope you rest easy at night and spend easy days 🤍

@LoveMyMoonflowers

Hi darling 🤍 they aged me up. Im in oldie side now. I know that makes some things different but– you still know where to find me, yea? Im still here.

I havent told..well i havent told any of teen frnds. Except one, and now you. Oh, i dont know how to break the news to them. I dont know how he's doing, you know, ive been so busy. Is this a good time for this to happen? A bad time? Is this may better than last may? I dont know. Guess I have to– make the plunge

An year since last may. Can you believe–?

Miss you lots. Hope youre safe and well 🤍

@LoveMyMoonflowers

So.

I'll admit, I'm not the hugest fan of bombarding you with these messages. Not because I don't want to talk to you– more of the opposite. Writing to you in your absence means acknowledging your absence, right? And– sometimes I'd just rather avoid doing that. Having to admit that it's been a while, that I don't know how you are, or when I'll hear from you.

But I understand, honestly, the absence on your part, somewhat, and I think it's equally important that you do come back. Not just to cups, but to– tell me, to talk to me, to be friends or sisters or whatever we have going on that maybe language can't do much justice. That's important, and younger me was...foolish, not to realise. I do now, though

I'm just so blind, sometimes, despite being eyes, ironically. I'm like that irl too– just, not realizing things that I should. It's always hindsight. All the right things to do, say, be; i figure em out late. They say better late than never, but they haven't lost people because they were late, have they?

Is this a depressing post? I didn't mean it to be. Only I'm in moods often, and I don't like staying away so long. Especially since I've officially aged over, now, so...you know. I gotta remind you that im still here. eyes is still eyes, right?

don't feel guilty about anything at all no matter what brain says because you are more than whatever mistake or flaw it can possibly point out okay? and above all, be safe, please, and I'll write to you and always be pleased to get a response 🤍

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

Its July, lovely. Two months now. Miss you greatly, you know. It seeps into everything I do, missing you. I hope thats a comfort to you, knowing youre remembered.

Was that your idea of a goodbye, telling me you were considering leaving cups? I wonder now. And yet– it was so vague, no? You didnt give me a timeline. Maybe Im being silly.

But Im allowed to miss you.

Lifes okay on my end. Good day, today. Been doing a lot of writing. Fanfics now, did i tell you? On a03. People read em, even like em. Isnt that amazing? People like them. 

Youve been gone for two months before. I wont assume anything. 

Hugs if okay 🤍

@LoveMyMoonflowers 

Its August now. Not to sound impatient, but flowerss

Alright, alright. Just hope youre okay 🤍 

Life update: nothing major. Applied to uni have some mixed feelings about that. Beyond that...nothing new. Moms nicer. I dont know why yet but she is. 

I hope theyre being nice to you. 

🤍🤍

@LoveMyMoonflowers

Hey loveliest 🤍 

My 12th result is tomorrow, so if that doesnt go well I might have phone-restrictions. Im not scared, though. Sonewhere along the way it stopped mattering. 

There are worse things than grades on a paper. 

I miss you. I think ill be posting less here, so as not to overwhelm you. Every two months, maybe. Depends on how long you stay away. 

Im okay rn. I'd like you to know that, if it helps any. I can bear things rn 

You're easuer to talk to when youre here.