do i have avoidant personality disorder?
ive been trying to explore myself, like why i do the things i do because the things i do have been so detrimental to myself and my happiness. and one thing i do is that i dont show my friends my face or meet up with them ever. i think im extremely ugly and think that if they ever saw me or met me they would not want to be friends with me anymore. and these friends i met (online) live in the town right over from me, like a 10 minute drive at most. and now ive modified my life to accomodate to that fear, like i never go out anymore because i just dont want them to see me. even though they dont even know what i look like im scared they spot me anyways and be so disgusted by me that they wont wanna be my friend anymore. so ive been trying to figure out if theres a name for it and the symptoms for this disorder are spot on for me. even the ones i have shown my face to (forced to by school and stuff) i avoid going out with because i feel like theyll be embarrassed to be seen with me. i hate that i assume theyre shallow like that but i just cant help it i really have this fear of literally my friends seeing me ever and i feel like ive missed out on so many adolescent experienced because of it (im16) additionally i just dont talk to my family because i feel that they think im a freak or a disappointment. everyime i even look at them i feel ashamed so i am always in my room. they jokingly call me a recluse all the time, but it is unfortunately a true title for me. what do you all think?
@mango56 hey there. even if you did have a technical 'disorder' or something, that doesn't mean that there's anything abnormal about you. it just means your brain functions a certain way, and there's truly no 'normal' when it comes to the brain. but really what it sounds like is that you've had some awful experiences that have seriously affected you. and that is nothing to be ashamed of, at all. you are probably a very intuitive, empathetic and goodhearted person who struggles because of some people in their lives who most definitely were not. while i agree that there's always a chance you can run into some shallow people, i truly believe there are a lot of really kind souls out there who will absolutely love you. sometimes the sacrifice you have to make for being a genuinely good person, is having a smaller pool of people you can really trust and depend on. but what you gain from that, is knowing some of the best people out there. good luck <3
@dworth257
i second this.
a diagnosis is simply for insurance reasons, and you know yourself a lot better than a professional does. it's recommended to talk to a therapist though because it can help with the symptoms of avpd.
please don't self medicate, though. that's extremely dangerous.
i find that dbt & cbt therapy techniques really help in social situations, but i try not to go out of my comfort zone too often. coming out of the shell a little at a time is a good goal to have though! but don't make yourself overwhelmed, and most importantly, don't let your diagnosis consume you or put you into situations that'll affect your mental health.
you're still welcome in the cluster c community even if you're not professionally diagnosed yet!
i also want to mention that because you're sixteen, you can't be diagnosed with a personality disorder just yet, but the traits begin showing up around this time. once your body has finished puberty (around 18) you can be diagnosed, this is because of hormonal changes that happen in your younger years.
i suggest writing down the symptoms you experience and what the situation was that caused them. this makes it much easier for you and a therapist if you ever decide to start seeing one.
it's also a very good habit to track your mood, especially with personality disorders. try a phone app for sure, any of them work tbh.
best of luck 
I relate to every word.
@warmheartedGlobe5094 Your feelings are valid. Thank you for sharing.