Accountability
Hi guys. Thanks for being here and taking the time to read my nonsense. I'm really at a loss for how to handle this particular topic.
To be honest, I've always worked hard to be accountable for my actions when things go wrong, and my fear of being abandoned means that I'll even take "responsibility" for things going badly when it wasn't a direct result of my actions or words to calm a bad situation. My point is that I don't shy away from recognizing when I've done something wrong. Honestly I do struggle severely with my sense of self-worth and I feel so much shame over choices I've made and it's all compounded by the isolation and this dark void around me that I sit in alone...
My therapist says it isn't my fault that I feel and think this way. She says I'm not an object to be fixed, and that feeling things intensely and having the fears and reactions that i do are part of who i am. But I keep being told to do more therapy, get in an intensive program, feel and act differently.
Is it my fault? Should I feel so much shame? I didn't choose to be borderline. Will someone accept me for the way I feel someday? Will I always need to feel shame and fight to control my feelings and urges? Can anyone please weigh in? My head is spinning:(
@underwaterSoul4381
I think going to therapy shows how accountable you are. You recognize that you need a little bit of support and taken the action to go to therapy. Therapy isn't always an easy step to take. So, it's always commendable when people do. I find it interesting that you even take responsibility for things when it wasn't a result of your own doing. Have you explored ways you can practice trying to raise your self-worth? 💜
@underwaterSoul4381
I am so sorry that you are feeling underwater with shame and the need to accept other people-ish. I understand you saying you feel with intensity and you feel a lot of shame. No one asks to have the conditions that we struggle with. This intensity really needs a closer examination. There is an underlying reason for feeling shame. I agree with the Therapist that you are not an object to be fixed but rather a human that has intense emotions. Maybe instead of accepting these emotions as just part of who you are, you could look at where are the emotions coming from and what triggers such intensity behind them. by asking yourself open-ended questions to see if you can figure out why you feel so deeply. This has got to be hard on the body and your mind. I don't have the answers to your questions but we have Listeners that may be able to help or that you can share your thoughts with.
I hope things get better for you. we are here to support you along this journey, you are not alone.❤️
I feel trapped in the same but i keep being accountable to see if one day i defeat this again