BPD and Loneliness
Hello everyone.
I'm a twenty year old female. I haven't had the opportunity since my diagnosis to encounter people with the same struggles I deal with. That is why I'm here today. I guess this is a way for me to vent. Before I start I want to thank anyone who contributes to this thread and offers helpful advice/experience recollection to me.
My biggest struggle with BPD is the awful, crippling fear of loneliness. Personally mine revolves around romantic relationships with the opposite sex. Tonight is rough for me. I have split from my boyfriend who I was, for once, so deeply in love with. Since I was around sixteen, I started to realize that in every man I connect with on a romantic level, I pour all of my energy, heart and soul into the relationship. By that I mean, my source of happiness was always the man I was with. There have been many, as I found it difficult to stay with one partner for a long period of time. On the rare occasion I was completely emotionally detached from them which I found to be extremely harmful to myself.
Tonight is the night where my fear has struck so deeply into my soul. My biggest fear is the fear of being alone. Not spiders, clowns, heights - being alone. Tonight I feel like my world is ending because I am so alone. How does everyone cope with their relentless fear of loneliness? I heard it is common in people with BPD. I can elaborate further if necessary.
Thanks for all and any advice.
@salveji I have a very similar problem with feeling alone, especially after event or outings, when I am by myself. To try and get rid of the feeling of dread that creeps up when I'm alone, this probably isn't great, but I resort either to social media, or texting friends. This might not help if social media isn't your thing, but I like to absorb all of the things and events my friends do as a means of feeling more connected to people, and less stranded. Hope this helps!
@salveji Your fear of being alone and tendency to pour so much effort and love into romantic relationships is, although painful to experience, a very clear sign that youre a passionate person deserving of love and effort back. When we give to others it helps us feel better because we can be happy we can be needed and validated by them on some level as selfless as any act of kindness may be. I promise that the person who deserves you will be absolutely willing to pour in an abundance of love and attentiveness back, it's all about looking for them. Whether you've found them yet or not, I think it also helps to try to embody qualities that you look up to so you can have an easier time being proud of yourself even when alone.
This is a classic one and it's by no means a cure all but what helps me sometimes is the playing the role of your own best friend. Think of how you'd want to support your best friend or how you'd write a lover a detailed letter of all the wonderful things you see in them. Now, just extend that to yourself. It's alright to have a self care day once and a while. It's alright to even have reminders, affirmations about self love depending on how sentimental you're comfortable being!
Even though the loneliness continues, you can make your own presence easier to manage by being kinder when you speak to yourself, spoiling yourself sometimes, and being protective of your standards. You deserve to be loved and it's all about asking yourself what mindsets you've created that keep you away from love. What hurts you personally about being alone? What qualities would you look for in a partner if you knew you could have any healthy thing you wanted without needing to be afraid? What qualities do you have that you feel hurt your relationships? What qualities that help them? What about what about you makes you fall deeper in love with yourself? Any other questions you'd want to explore privately might help too!
I'm sure you've thought about many of these things before and it takes time to unravel emotions to work through them but I hope some of that helps serve as a positive reminder that you're more than capable of being in a happy, healthy loving relationship. Before that though, I think it's worth it to try to make your heart a home you can enjoy alone even before inviting anyone else in.
@salveji
I wish I could be introduced to the real one who finally embraced loneliness...we can't...
They proved it in severel survival shows when even the most prepared and experienced survivalists even after winning said the hardest thing was mental and emotional...being alone...some of the best ones quit not for lack of resources but for being alone...
I am a bipolar too...
And a lover of nature and solitude and tranquility but not loneliness...
For 8 years since my depression grew chronic, Itold myself this every day:"time has healed you before, in time you will learn how to embrace, deal with and live with loneliness"...it has been 8 years now and my biggest enemy is not depression but loneliness...
I am sorry for you...trully...