Borderline Personality Disorder

Impressive work ScarletMcCarrell, thank you for starting this conversation. I love the list of resources you give, very thorough. It's important for all us to know where we can get resources on this topic and how to best support someone we love who may be struggling with BPD.

How would you suggest working through BPD related topics in a member chat? How can we best support people who are struggling with this?

This is such good thought out information, and such great resources! thank you!

I've been getting a feeling that I might have BPD after the last couple of sessions with my psychiatrist, but I'm just worried about the additional stigma on top of what I already have.

Thankyou for all of those resources~ They've helped a lot ^_^

To add to this - DBT overall is about the dialectic of acceptance and change. Too often we approach life in "but" terms, not "and." For instance, "I am a good person but I'm too often angry" instead of "I'm a good person and I'm too often angry." DBT is meant to teach us to bridge that gap. In the true form of DBTthe client would attend both individual therapy to address this dialectic in their personal life, but would also attend a skills group meant to teach strategies to use in situations that could be handled more skillfully. The group is actually broken up into four modules - mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal functioning, and distress tolerance. All of these skills are taught to be used to bring us closer to understand and work with the acceptance and change dialectic instead of fighting against it.

@ScarletMcCarell

As a listener here on 7 Cups of Tea with a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, I was nothing short of appalled to stumple across this post. Living with Borderline Personality Disorder means the never-ending frustration of coming across literature that caters more to the "struggles" of BPD oved ones than to the suffering of people living with BPD themselves. There are countless books advising people without BPD (or "non-borderlines") as to how they should "handle," "deal with," and "take [their] life back" from loved ones with BPD. These books, blogs, and sites often continue the myth / stigma that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are manipulative, abusive, caclulating, etc. - but some of the links in this post are among the worst I have ever seen.

A small sampling:

From "BLACKMAILED..."

"The diagnostic term, Borderline derives from the expression 'borderline crazy,' and describes someone who's dangerously near the edge of psychosis."

From "AT ANY COST..."

"The dangerous, diabolical hook with Borderlines, is they initially come across as genuine, and completely without pretense, guile or disguise. This helps you drop your guard, and makes it easy to trust that their statements to you are real--and they're authentic, integrous individuals."

From "BREAKING UP..."

"Another one of my articles reveals sixteen myths about Borderlines, that will effectively help you navigate your way back to stability and sanity. And yes dear, rest assured that this insanity you're presently experiencing, is only temporary! It's in direct proportion to hanging-out with someone who's dangerously unstable, dysfunctional and living on the border of crazy--that's why we developed the clinical term, Borderline."

"Borderlines are bullies. Reasoning with them is an utterly useless exercise that digs you deeper into chaos and drama."

"The Borderline is much like a tornado that rips through your world, leaving only destruction and chaos in its wake. You can easily lose your home and family, your job or business, your health, your reputation, your friends, etc. Is he/she really worth it?"

From "IF LOOKS COULD KILL"

"Borderline Personality Disorder is not a mental illness or disease! BPD is spawned by arrested emotional growth, which renders a person incapable of impulse control, adult reasoning, capacity for empathy or ability to self-soothe."

"These people are damaged and developmentally arrested, which drives a lot of acting-out behaviors. The following traits are typical of someone who could be considered to have borderline pathology: [here follows a 60 item list, including the likes of 'pregnancy entrapment,' 'lacking in common sense,' 'highly manipulating and controlling,' 'infantile behavior,' 'lack of remorse or empathy,' etc.]"

From "HOW TO TRAIN..."

"Borderlines are emotionally underdeveloped, and you must literally think of them like little kids in adult bodies. Just as you'd discipline a young child by teaching them acceptable versus unacceptable behaviors and setting firm boundaries and limits, you have to be willing to do this with your Borderline; it's your only hope of gaining any harmony or peace in this relationship!"

From "WHEN LOVE..."

"Love is an abstract concept for somebody with BPD--and it's associated with pain. The Borderline's yearning for love is experienced as dramatic, painful emotions that were confused with affection for an unresponsive/unavailable parent during childhood, that constituted unrequited (or un-returned) love. Could this have also been true for you?"

From "SHELL SHOCKED"

"A borderline disordered individual is like a computer virus that starts out as benign or innocuous, and then damages your entire system. Internet worms can show up in a harmless email, but when you open it, you're infected. This malicious virus screws with your PC's functions and programs, to where you can barely navigate--and ultimately crashes your hard drive. This is literally what happens to your mind, body and spirit when you've had exposure to the Borderline's toxicity for any length of time; you risk a system melt-down."

I think that's probably more than enough, but I did save my favorite for last: "If you're a female who has been diagnosed with BPD, or believe you're living with borderline personality features, please exit this page immediately, as it is not intended for your consumption. In truth, the BPD materials on this site have been written solely for people trying to recover from tormenting, toxic relationships, and are not meant to be a support resource for Borderlines." Quite frankly, it reads almost like satire.

These links are clearly not appropriate for a site like 7 Cups, and reinforcement of misinformation,derogatory claims, and perpetuation of stigma that they present can do nothing but harm Listeners and Members alike. At the end of the first post, the OP opened it up for additions, so here are mine:

The National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEABPD) Site

Recovery Resources from NEABPD

Out of the Fog: Comprehensive Personality Disorder Information & Resources

BPD Overview from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

A Breakdown of Myths and Misoconceptions Surrounding BPD

Free, Self-Help Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Resources

Resources for Loved Ones

I'm a listener and mental health worker with BPD, and I've found that parts of my own disorder have actually helped me in a lot of aspects of my job. I pick up on tiny cues, and am able to relate with a lot of member's struggles.

@Laura Thank you for all of this detailed and helpful information. I need your expertise please. I suspect my wife has BPD. About 9 Years ago she was diagnosed with ADHD and she takes Adderall only when she needs intense focus (at work each day). Otherwise takes no other meds. Below is a detailed description of our relationship and her behaviors. Please let me know your thoughts when you have time. Thank you

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I'll preface this thread by saying my wife is very well educated, smart and very successful at her career, however our marriage/relationship has been very rocky at times. I am a pretty chill person, educated, smart, driven, lively but not up for drama--I also have controllable anxiety which I take meds for. We also have two kids who are 6 and 8 years old. My wife of 12 years has ADHD. Her ADHD causes challenges in our relationship and I need advice/help/thoughts navigating them. The reoccurring issues surrounding our marriage/relationship and my wifes ADHD are:

- She says literally whatever is on her mind in the moment, which is good and bad. If what she says comes across as degrading to me I usually can shake it off, but sometimes I cannot and respond back verbally saying I didn't appreciate something she said, etc--which can create issues. Also, because she says whatever is on her mind/her opinion she can come across as a "know it all" or even aggressive to people outside of our marriage.

- She has gotten to the point where I cannot verbally share with her my feelings with her regarding if I feel slighted by something she said or did to me. If I do share, she often gets upset, won't hear me out, doesn't say sorry or even threatens for us to get a divorce, live in separate homes, etc.

- The day after making verbal threats like we should get a divorce, live in separate homes, etc--she doesn't address the threats, it's like she never said it. She has made these divorce/separate home threats about 3-4 times a year for the last 5 years--yet in that 5 years we have continued to buy/sell homes, go on family vacations, celebrate anniversaries etc. I usually don't bring up her threats again because in the past when I do, she gets upset our doubles down on the threats again.