Can 2 borderline work together?
I received my test results from a borderline assessment test not too long ago. I can't exactly remember the number percentage but it was enough for me to under go a treatment plan for BPD. My issue currently, I want to make a relationship work with someone who is also BPD. We actually met 4 months ago and started hanging out, that I realized we had a lot in common in both hobbies and mentally.
I felt like my void was complete as I finally found someone I'm campatible with, someone I can relate too and tell all my darkest secrets too. Eventually I've become attached, it gets so bad when I'm not around this person I eventually starve myself of food until I can see them again. My body loses appetite and nothing else matters to me but this person. I don't want to lose this, it'll tear me apart.
All my past relationships with other people failed miserably, they didn't understand who I was or could care too. I know I'm different, it feels nice to have someone else to be different with so I'm not alone. We both haven't see each other since November 5th, I remember this day well it was our last time together and also our last kiss. It's been tearing at me day by day, I have dreams about this person.
I know we both suffer over the distance, at times he would call my phone in a abandonment panic attack. I tell him "you didn't have to go" I can't read his mind or understand why he would move so far way from me knowing it'll hurt him as well. I don't know what to do in this situation.
We where supposed to get a house together. At one time though in a drunken state he proposed. I tried to move on for my own health and safety not to become s*iCal over this man, as messed up as that may sound but no one else can replace him, he completes me, no one can. I need this to work out or I'll be left with nothing.
He's the only person that sees me for me, he sees my flaws no one else will. He understands and knows my anguish. How do I make this long distance relationship work? It's so hard too when I can't physically touch or see them.
@Toniestuff
Hi there, sorry for the delayed response. 💜
I really feel what you've said of "it feels nice to have someone else to be different with so I'm not alone". You described it perfectly how there are all of these feelings and thoughts where it feels like he is the only person you can trust to see and understand those things. It sounds really special. 😊
And at the same time, it makes it feel really lonely to be without his presence because of the distance. (The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.) There's also this feeling that if you aren't able to maintain that relationship with him and make it work, there might not be anybody else who's able to reach that same level of closeness/intimacy/depth and accept you at that level.
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Regarding the distance, here are a couple links I was able to find that have some tips for maintaining closeness in a long-distance relationship.
https://www.getlasting.com/long-distance-relationships
https://dating.lovetoknow.com/relationship-advice/long-distance-relationship-tips-how-stay-close
Some of the general suggestions I'm seeing there are:
- Discuss how often the two of you will communicate that would make both of you happy
- Set aside quality time where the two of you can be together and feel connected from a distance
- Share warm/affectionate feelings back and forth often and tell them how much you appreciate them
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https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/8-best-tips-how-to-cope-loved-ones-borderline-personality-disorder/
https://www.everydayhealth.com/bpd/tips-couples-living-with-borderline-personality-disorder/
Something that jumps out at me is just the importance of sharing and
listening in a way that allows both of you to feel safe, warm, and
validating. 💜
And also trying to have some "self-care" things you and he can both do
if there are times when you aren't able to talk to one another
Im a believer of positive things and good energy, If he has or is BPD. You both need to focus on avoiding stress triggers. Speaking from experience it really sucks when your significant other knows you have a disorder but don’t know how to treat or handle it.
I truly believe you guys can work but it’s gonna take work on both ends especially if both of you have BPD.