Characteristics of BPD
Hello all. Welcome.
I wanted to take a moment today to start a discussion on the debilitating symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. Let us open the dialogue on what impacts your life the most.
As a suffer of Borderline Personality Disorder characteristics, I understand this set of symptoms is complex and intensely overwhelming. We are often described as "too sensitive" by our peers and family members due to the emotional outbursts that often accompany this condition. Let this be a safe place to land. Somewhere you can pour your heart out. For a complete list of Borderline Personality symptoms click here.
Personally, mood instability and unstable interpersonal relationships are my biggest hurdles. For years I was convinced I was bi-polar, but I felt like I was jamming a square into a round hole. It just didn't match up. Primarily because my episodes are relatively short and fast when compared with manic depression. (Bi-Polar disorder has a similar feature referred to as "rapid-cyling" which is characterized by rapid mood changes in a short period of time.) Additionally, my marriage often suffers as I struggle with the extreme idealization and devaluation of my husband, as well as, inappropriate rage and irritability. This is grossly unfair to him, but he is loving and compassionate enough to work through this with me. I also experience extreme identity disturbance and paranoid thoughts. I often check the bathroom mirror to affirm that I do in fact exist. Further, I struggled intensely with a ten year battle against self-injury and an eating disorder in my early twenties.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, despite BPD initiating and maintaining feelings of complete and utter emptiness.
This is such a difficult diagnosis that truly reaches into every single realm of our life. I encourage you to open up and talk about it.
Thank you. 
Thank you so much for posting this. After stumbling on it last night during a really low point for me, it all clicked. This is me 100%.It finally makes sense. I mean I can't know for sure without a diagnosis, but I match up so well. And knowing that there are other people who feel like this makes me feel so much less alone, so thank you.
@luna11, I am so glad this post touched you where it hurts. BPD is a new and often stigmatized illness. It is important to me that no one feel alone, hence my dedication to 7 cups. Thank you for taking the time to read. My heart goes out to you. ♡
As a sufferer of BPD i appreciate this post. The stigma attached to this illness is awful. I have been told i have temper issues, sex issues, i cant keep my emotions in control, the list is pretty much endless. I have had therapists who were uncomfortable working with me. The lows are overwhelmingly low and the highs are pretty damn high. I am grateful that there are so many people open to discussing this. People owning it and not allowing it to get them down.
@Hermine, Welcome! Thank you so much for your post. It is my hope to boost the activity in this community and spread the word. I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately BPD is a relatively new diagnosis. The medical community is beginning to revise publications made in the 80's such as "I Hate You-Don't Leave Me" as they learn alongside us. It is terribly stigmatized, even in the psychiatric setting.
I most suffer from the dependency issues. I cling onto people and have a terrible feeling that they will ultimately leave me. I find myself apologizing and calling them a lot in order to cope...
@Pugsmith, I am so sorry sweetheart. Dependency is a huge issue. I used to always deny this about myself until I really stepped back and looked at my past. I realized, other than one nine month gap in my early twenties where I was self destructing, I had been in a relationship since the age of fourteen. I left home at seventeen, but I have never truly lived on my own without a partner.
Wow, I am new to this site, but you just described me exactly! Thank you for posting this, I do see that it was 8 years ago but still made a difference to me today
I think I may have this but have never been formally diagnosed. How can I know for sure?
Please contact your primary care physician for an assessment and additional resources.
Among the many symptoms of BPD I deal with personally, there are two in particular that impact me a lot. Firstly, the unstable interpersonal relationship. I'll construct a pedestal for someone, put them neatly on top of it, and just as easily push them off and feel extremely resentful, whether I have reason to or not. The other is the self-destructive behaviour, notably self-harm and chronic suicidal thoughts. I deal with them on a daily basis, and it can become overwhelming rather quickly. I'm also what some people would call a "quiet" borderline. I experience the same symptoms as the more traditional model, but rather than be outwardly expressive, I'm much more inwardly expressive, and feel I'm not taken seriously because of that. I'm good at hiding my extreme emotional storms. Everyone experiences the disorder differently, of course, and perhaps it is wise not to look at such models, whether we be professionals or not. I apologise for the rambling, I can get carried away sometimes!
@RavenousSoul, Please, no apologies. Thank you so much. You used this space exactly for its intended purpose. I can relate, unfortunately, one hundred percent. I often privatize my suffering which only perpetuates its hold on me. This is one of the reasons I started this thread. It seems as though so many of us struggle with shame and guilt as a result of our pain, and I hope to remedy that-if only for a moment. Self validation, valuation, and rationalization takes effort and a willingness to participate in one's own wellness. Thank you for your beautiful articulation on the topic.
@RavenousSoul I have so many issues with the interpersonal thing. Considering how rapidly shifting my relationships are and how badly all my symptoms are presenting themselves, I'm beginning to think that increased stress in my life is causing my BPD to flare up worse than usual. I hate when I can't stay consistent with my opinions and feelings because being consistent is so important to me - partly bc of my intense stance on US Politics right now. So I keep kicking myself for flip flopping on people constantly.
@RavenousSoul I just want you to know you're not alone, I was diagnosed bpd in 2013 but I'm also a quiet borderline, self injury or crying is how I usually let my emotions out. Sometimes I'll snap at people that I'm comfortable with (which sucks because they're the people I care about). But mostly I'm a very passive person that doesn't like to upset people as I'm so scared of rejection. I also put people on pedestals, my feelings about someone can change very quickly and usually for no big reason. In my last relationship my feelings for my partner would switch constantly between love and intense dislike but that was because he was too different to me, at the moment I've been in my current relationship for 9 months and I have rarely felt feelings of dislike so I am feeling hopeful. The only problem is I love very intensly so my partner feels like he can't love me as much as I love him.. but I feel like I have slowly gone through different phases and life may be imroving for me. I used to think about suicide every day but that was partly the effects of the negative relationship I was in. I used to self harm every day but I somehow found the strength to stop for my partner. I just want you to have hope that things can change, we aren't the same person but I like to believe that slowly things can change and improve even when it feels like its not. We are constantly growing from the experiences we have so I think theres always a chance that things can get better for everyone. Sorry for such a long post...
this thread is a couple of months old, but it seems as good a place as any to write this. i've been thinking a lot about what its like to be "emotionally raw." I know Linehan described it as having a third degree sunburn, but for me its like grieving. it's like someone died. and they keep dying over and over again. it's endless loss and sorrow.
it feels like grieving for the real me. the happy, optimistic, fun, adventurous, empathetic and loving girl who is slowly dying under the weight of all this sadness, self loathing, and guilt. the girl who is dying because everything she ever cared about is being gradually stripped away. the girl who can't understand how this thing, this alien feeling thing inside her body, can even exist.
it's grieving for all the hurt and pain I've experienced in my life, for every moment missed, and every love lost to this illness.
it's grieving for all the hurt and pain i've caused others when I couldn't control this monster living inside me. it's regret for every harsh word that has come out of my mouth. every word I said that just wasn't true. it's regret that I can't ever take those things back.
it's grieving for every hurt I've inflicted on this body. every binge, every purge, every scar.
its like an open wound that never heals because it keeps getting ripped open over and over and over again by the screaming voice in my head.
it's not knowing if this will ever get better or end in anything but death. its taking my medication every single day and having nothing happen. it's being afraid to tell anyone, even a therapist, that I have BPD because of the stigma.
it's wanting to die, but being too afraid of there being even more pain. and knowing that if I try and fail, if I live, that whatever is left to lose will be lost.
...I don't know any of you, but thank you for being here. this past week has been one of the hardest and loneliest of my life. its just nice to know that there are other people in the world somewhere that are experiencing the same things as me. thank you for just existing...
I too, have noticed a likeness between grieving and BPD. When I was hospitalized once, I read some books and pamphlets on grief, and proceeded to write an essay on the subject. The emotional rollercoasters of grief and BPD are very, very similar. What we go through, in a sense, is a form of grief.
Your words hit very close to home for me. I feel very much the same way. All the fear, the pain, the regret, the anger, and the sadness, manifests in such a way that we feel like monsters, and we feel helpless. At least I do... and wondering if I'll ever get better, or if I will, one day, manage to go through with it... that's a question I ask myself everyday.
Thank you so much for your post. I hope that, in replying to it, you won't feel so lost and alone. That someone out there understands how you feel. And maybe, just maybe, if we share our stories and are hurting together, it will all her a little less.
I haven't been diagnosed because i haven't gone to talk to anyone. But i've known something was wrong all the time. I bought into everything saying i was just overally sensative and i needed to not take things so seriously. i'm too scared to go talk to someone.. i'm scared of this becoming real. I've read a lot about BPD and it fits me like a puzzle. Idk what to do, or how to even tell my husband the possibility of this
@unassumingVillage7479
Support is so important. Maybe the confidentiality of a doctor's office or anonymous support groups in your area would be a great place to start and learn more. Its been a painfully long process for me as well, and im still just beginning. Dont be discouraged! Best wishes!
I have been tolD i have bdp but orher docs agure tgat im bipolar 2 guess i could be
@rowanisbecomingok
I have the same exact conflict. Let's not forget it could be both. If that's not completely overwhelming. ...
@blitheSun94 @rowanisbecomingok I actually have been diagnosed with both. If you don't have many symptoms of one over the other, it's reasonable that it could be hard to decipher which one you have if not both.
Not to sound to broad, but I think my biggest hurdle is also emotional stability when it comes to my relationships with others and my reactions to every day events. When it comes to romantic partners I tend to start off with them very high up on a pedestal and then the second they show they are not that perfect person, I feel betrayed.
Because of constantly being called overly sensitive or dramatic while growing up, I constantly question how if I how feel is correct, because I was (accidently) conditioned to think that my emotions are wrong. This thinking contributed to my staying in an emotionally abusive relationship at 19 because I thought I was just being "too sensitive". I recently had a friend jokingly call me "so sensitive" and I had to tell her that that is not a phrase that can be said to me, because of how highly triggering I find it. I feel almost childish in that if I'm upset about a situation I have to reach out and ask someone to validate my reaction, because I'm scared of my feelings being "wrong".
My life changed for the better when I was diagnosed and educated on BPD. It was the complete feeling of a weight being lifted off my shoulders because I understood I wasn't alone and other people were living with this. That's why I'm so taken with this community, I think there's so much power in knowing, for certain, you're not alone. When the doctor gave my family members the paperwork on BPD they were blown away by how accurately it fit me. I wish it was more widely understood and acknowledged.
@Sweetteaa
Thank you for sharing. I can completely relate to this not only as said, but in an equal opposite way as well. Often times I am the one being put on a pedestal and despite perfect warning my partners and friends still seem to fall short of accepting my imperfections. I've heard things like "Oh, you're not that bad." etc. In some way this feels invalidating what the struggle can sometimes feel like the difference between life and death. You bring up a really important topic about the role of acceptance and grace in relationships. I think this is extremely important as it relates to reality and mental illness.
Reaching out to others for validation is very common I think. Human beings want acceptance and support in general. As this pertains to BPD can be significant in the way we feel about our own thoughts and feelings, and the mirrors we find in our friends and family. I too was told by my mother constantly that I was "too sensitive". Indeed it is a difficult way to live. So for me it has become more about coping with the sensation of distress in a constructive manner. Admittedly, I have not been good at this as of late.
I am thrilled you have found some resolution and continue to return to our community. We are so glad to have you. 
@blitheSun94
As life would have it, I have been officially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, and Panic Disorder which I think carries a lot of overlap in BPD. I do think pdocs are reluctant to write BPD as a diagnosis however since insurance companies are dedicated to not paying for the resources that go into treatment for this disorder.