Chornic Feelings of Emptiness - Is there a reason behind it?
Emotions and how we experience them, are a part of Borderline Personality Disorder. Intense emotions, quick mood swings, feeling of emptiness - all those might seem familiar to many of us. Truth is, our skin is more sensible to exterior ‘changes which causes heightened senses. And while it can make us feel emotions more intense, it can also make us feel nothing. Which can be really confusing to understand at times and makes us ask why?.
One trait of Borderline Personality Disorder is chronic feelings of emptiness - feeling empty, 'bored', numb, as if youre ‘nothing on the inside. It can be a hard emotional state, that can even lead us to find anything that will make us feel. Sometimes things that arent that healthy. And there is something interesting that explains why we have this experience. It all comes down to protecting ourselves. If we detach/separate ourselves from emotions and we dont feel them - then it wont hurt us.
Weve probably all heard that when were in a dangerous situation, our brain goes into ‘fight, flight or freeze mode. Being numb, is a type of ‘freezing response - so in a case of childhood abuse, trauma, grief, any situation that can seem scary, dangerous or overwhelming to our mind, we may experience numbness as a result and feel life in a dissociated state. Dissociation is when we feel detached, and can happen in stressful situation as a way for our mind to protect us so we dont feel were in that situation. In this case, its a sort of emotional dissociation.
Still, it isnt a personal choice. Its not something we consciously decide to do - its deeper, and chances are you wont be aware and the pattern will keep repeating until becomes a normal reaction to difficult things. Most of us have been taught in our childhood that its wrong to show intense emotions. That can teach our mind that oh, I shouldnt feel, because feeling equals rejection - all because we want to protect ourselves from the fear of being rejected or shamed.
This acts as a protection, but problem is - behind the protective shield, you arent dealing with the real emotions, so they built up until one day, something you werent prepared for catches you off-guard and you blow-up. All those emotions were held back for so long, that when your protection breaks youre left to deal with reality - with all of those real emotions. Its overwhelming. And difficult.
The fact youre detached from emotions, may as well make you feel disconnected from yourself - which can lead to self-soothing (by overeating, overspending etc) - or impulsive behaviors as a way to ‘find yourself or ‘feel something, even if youre not sure what led to it.
In a therapy setting, this can be really difficult. After being ‘trapped in this cycle, talking about your emotions and feeling them can feel daunting. Your mind doesnt want that, your mind wants to protect you - so you may experience the numbness/emptiness more often and after therapy sessions, as youre trying to learn new skills to help you out of this cycle. This is normal, and its part of healing - telling your therapist how youre feeling and being as honest as possible, is the best thing.
► Knowing why it happens is one thing - but what if Im experiencing emptiness, what can I do?
Distract! Watch a movie or tv show, go for a walk, clean the house, read a book, gardening, playing a game
Self-Soothe! Cuddle with a pet, listen to soothing music, have a cup of tea, coloring, journaling
These are just some examples, everyone is different - so different things may work for everyone, so you can use these as a guide to find what works for you. The important thing to remember is, takes time to teach our mind and ourselves to not fear emotions, but it's worth it so we can find a good balance. Step by step, we can do it
→ Lets discuss it!
• Do you experience this emptiness/numbness? If yes, how would you describe it?
• What are some ways you cope with it, or that help you?
→ Sources:
• https://www.eggshelltherapy.com/feeling-empty/
• https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/2012/06/why-do-we-feel-empty-emptiness-and.html
@eviesweet .... Hi Evie ...
Do you experience this emptiness/numbness? If yes, how would you describe it?
Yes, I guess that I do. I haven't ever understood this BPD criteria very well, so thank you for describing it (or finding the article that describes it). For me, I identify more with "numbness" rather than "emptiness" - my brain and feelings processing center is never empty! Though sometimes I wish it would be.
I guess I would describe it most as feeling bored. Rather, that is what I attach most to from the article ^ . I feel bored, restless, even listless sometimes. I don't feel like doing anything (especially things I normally enjoy). Earlier today actually, I felt, "Gee, I don't even want to take a nap?!" Things seem or feel pointless - so why do them?
What are some ways you cope with it, or that help you?
Well I guess I don't know because I'm just now sort of realizing I have this at times.
But for coping when I feel bored or listless -
1. Call a friend AND leave a voicemail.
2. Send off a few texts to friends who live far away or who I haven't talked with in a long time.
3. Pick a movie that I really love, start it, and LAY DOWN - as in fully recline. This way if I fall asleep it's okay because I know the movie so well, I'll just jump in when I wake up.
4. Journaling helps sometimes, depending on my level of focus.
5. Coloring used to be great ... maybe I've done that one too much. I'm unsure.
6. Take my dog for a walk. [This one I actually did today. It was helpful 
]
.................................................................. ~ Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370 Hey Platy! Thank you for sharing your experience. Something that I noticed was "chronic feelings of emptiness" is just 'vague' since not everyone feels the same way or can describe it the same way. Many others don't understand it that well, mainly because they don't experience in a empty way but either numb, bored, etc
Those are good activities! I agree with the movie, I tend to watch them and just lay down in the couch, it's also a really comfortable way to watch a movie. Glad taking your dog for a walk helped
With BPD I have had numbness/emptiness, some times I feel it can be one of the worse symptoms of BPD because it's the one thing that seems to be the most confusing, and coping, well numbness was the biggest reason for self harm for me in that past but I've been strong and haven't relapsed in awhile now I distract with things like my pup, or taking a shower, or writing
@Eccho It can be confusing for sure, and many do turn to self-harm as well, as a way to 'feel something'. It's not easy being on extremes of intense emotions, and I have to agree: numbness/emptiness can sometimes be one of the worst things. I'm glad to hear you haven't relapsed, and those are good distractions! Thank you for sharing
@eviesweet
You're welcome! I love that the forums are the only place listeners are able to share a bit more on personal experience 😊
This is such a well thought out and helpful post! 
I do find that it can be difficult to tell my therapist how I'm feeling as well as possible because of the numbness that you described, and I find that actually just saying out loud "I don't know how to get into this because I just feel numb" or something like that will prompt her to help me explore my feelings.
On the flip side, as a listener, or even just talking to friends in distress, I empoy the same step by step technique when someone can't describe their feelings, whether it's because of the numbess of BPD or something else. People seem to really appreciate help with talking about their feelings, and I know I do as well!
