Favorite person and abandonment
I have a friend I've known for 11 years who I'm afraid has become my favorite person. Whenever she does something that I feel is harmful to me it hurts more than anything else. The worst tends to be when I feel I started the issues. I'm tone sensitive to hostile or demeaning voices, and even if a person has no implication behind them, my brain will want to shut those people away. When this happens with her, it hurts so bad. We're currently roommates, and the last fight we had we came to an agreement of seperating within 2 years. I know it's probably for the best, but that heavy set feeling of abandonment lurks. Has anyone ever had a fallout like this? How did you cope?
@Deerpark49
I think that I may be able to relate to what you're describing. I was in a relationship with someone that I loved but, at times, we brought out the worst qualities in each other. We had one argument too many and in the heat of the moment said things that were hurtful but also true. Its then that we decided to end the relationship and go our separate ways. Even though I felt the loss, I admitted that it was the best for both of us.
The part of this story that makes me smile now is that, after some time apart, we ran into one another and started talking again. We realized that we liked each other as a person. We became good friends!!
You said that you have known this person for 11 years. That's a long time. Over time, it's natural to become closer. You mentioned that you are now room mates. Perhaps being room mates with your best friend doesn't give each of you enough space. When you live with some boundaries and lines of respect can sometimes get crossed. Sometimes you need to take a step back in order to obtain some perspective and to do what is best for each of you.
I hope that, like my experience, some space will allow you to reconnect as friends again.
Give yourself some time for the feelings from the fight to settle. You still seem to value your friend, so I think you will find a way to maintain friends, even if you're not room mates.
I wish you all the best!
Sher
I feel like time really is helpful in assessing situations like these. I've come to terms with the idea that whatever happens doesn't mean it's bad. It was more how sudden everything came across that hurt, and I'll probably need a lot of time to recover. There's a whole history between us, and I don't think anyone knows me as well as her. The words that came put were "I just can't deal with you anymore" which was in context to my tone sensitive reactions. I took many conversations as accusations. I'm more aware of it now, but it's still hard to catch before emotional reactions. Time really will help because I need to figure out some coping skills. I appreciate the feedback~