I’m confused
I had a weird experience and I never experienced such a thing before. There’s this guy we’re friends he likes me but I don’t and I know that for sure.. but this day came I texted him having while having an episode and I jumped in a relationship with him and he kept giving me so many ideas and I was sooo impulsive it’s even scary like I was so close to marry him. We planned for everything. I was so happy talking to him almost like it felt so real and in love. I slept it off and woke up the next morning feeling like crap recalling everything that happened the other night and I didn’t know who I was.. why did I jump in a relationship with him and why I don’t feel anything towards him.. like what’s wrong with me.. I broke up with him.
That is scary that you were almost convinced to get married. If I were in your shoes I would keep space between you two, for a while, until you're sure of your feelings and he is OK with your feelings.
I was shocked how forward he was. I just told him I want a relationship that’s gonna lead to marriage but I didn’t expect it to be this soon. He always felt like he wanted to own me and have a thing with me that’s gonna keep us tied together. He knows I don’t like him I always been off and on with my mental health so I tend to distance myself. I didn’t tell him I have Dpd but it gonna reveal to me his desires..
Because he made you feel heard and was there for you when u were clearly low. That's all you wanted was something quick but you went all in and now you realize he already served his purpose. It's not too late to be honest with him and you may even can remain friends. Do not stay in that relationship!
Yes I felt heard, cared and I got all the attention I wanted. I think what triggered me that day I was rejected by someone as soon as I told them about my mental health and I got blocked. Ever since that moment I was on and off one second I was okay then next I was feeling abandoned and felt like I didn’t matter. So I started thinking about this guy friend differently since he always gave me attention I went to him but it ended up jumping into a relationship. I told him to slow down yes I accept this relationship to end with marriage but it’s crazy he wants to get married within a month. My emotion were too much all over the place and impulsive. I was agreeing with him. As soon as I woke up the next time.. I went bk to normal.. it’s like I’m fine and my feelings towards him went like it was an episode.
@Unknownxx1
Hi there--that does sound like it would feel scary/surprising! To just wake up the following day, as if you were recovering from a hangover, and to realize, "Wait... did I get into a relationship with someone and agree to marry them? What was I thinking? I don't even like this person."
I can understand why you might have felt drawn to him from some of what you've shared. You felt triggered because someone rejected you when you shared about your mental health. (Sorry that that happened. 
) It hurt a lot and you felt really lonely. You thought of this guy friend and approached him for comfort because he had given you attention and was accepting of you.
I imagine that as bad/desperate as it felt to be abandoned, you must have felt just as intensely relieved/comfortable/happy/accepted/grateful when he was there for you when you needed someone. And that feeling was strong to the point that it felt like something very real/permanent/lasting in the moment... and maybe even getting married to him (at least at some point) didn't sound like a crazy or implausible idea if he was able to make you feel that comforted/loved/accepted.
At the same time, it sounds like there were some potential red flags with him from what you've mentioned:
- He said he wanted to own you and have some way of always keeping the two of you tied together.
- Despite you telling him to slow down, he instantly jumped into a relationship with you and insisted on getting married within a month.
- He said/did all of this while you were in a vulnerable state from having been abandoned/rejected by the other person you mentioned.
I'm glad you're safe and that it sounds like you have a strategy that you're satisfied with for now (i.e. try to be a bit cautious and keep your distance).
Oops, I misread something you said. He didn't say he wanted to own you. You just got a certain vibe from being around him where you felt like that was the case. (Still a red flag though. 
)
I have done this too. pwBPD here with DPD as well. When someone gives you attention after feeling abandoned, it's very tempting to jump right in, ignoring red flags. I have personally trained myself that when I feel abandoned, I instantly take a deep breath (lots of practice) and get back to a regulated state. Then I can figure out the memory triggering the abandonment and heal it with EFT. I try to stay away from people in this time. There is an understanding that pwBPD end up with pwNPD. (https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/201711/why-do-narcissists-and-borderlines-fall-in-love%3famp) I'd always keep that in mind. This is why I choose to remain single until I figure out how to completely cure this illness. It is for me as I know it's roots are in CPTSD, and there are ways to heal CPTSD. I just haven't got the tools yet to do EFT too effectively myself as I can't afford therapy right now and even if I could, my insurance doesn't cover the EFT therapists or even EMDR therapists near me.