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Unknownxx1
1,453 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts40 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceOctober 17, 2019
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I’m confused
Personality Disorders Support / by Unknownxx1
Last post
 July 13th, 2021
...See more I had a weird experience and I never experienced such a thing before. There’s this guy we’re friends he likes me but I don’t and I know that for sure.. but this day came I texted him having while having an episode and I jumped in a relationship with him and he kept giving me so many ideas and I was sooo impulsive it’s even scary like I was so close to marry him. We planned for everything. I was so happy talking to him almost like it felt so real and in love. I slept it off and woke up the next morning feeling like crap recalling everything that happened the other night and I didn’t know who I was.. why did I jump in a relationship with him and why I don’t feel anything towards him.. like what’s wrong with me.. I broke up with him.
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I need help.
Depression Support / by Unknownxx1
Last post
 January 4th, 2021
...See more Hello, I really don’t know how to open up anymore but I constantly feel like I need help. I can’t take anyone’s burdens anymore , I can’t take more than what I have on my plate... why did they leave me? I ask myself. When I look back to my both ex’s , my ex guy best friend, my ex best friend. They all did me wrong and I had to cut them off bc they were too toxic. Ik y’all are going to say here you said it yourself they were toxic but tbh I feel like I’m what’s wrong maybe I was pathetic maybe I was the toxic one. Ever since they walked away I started to help a lot of people like I had a small business and I was able to listen to people talk about their stories and I always try to give them the best advices. I really took the time of my to help others it was spiritual thing but then I stopped and quit because I felt like it started to become unhealthy for me because I wasn’t taking care of myself and I constantly kept draining myself like this world the only thing that mattered me. After I quit I noticed how depressed I got and I guess all this time I was trying to fill up the void with everything else and I really put myself on the back burner. I feel so alone and nobody gets me. I’m sad deep down and I hate when others perceive me as a very strong person who can fight anything. nobody seems to care even my own family they expect me to get my shit together cuz I’m almost 20. Sometimes I feel like I’m a bad person and I hate myself. What the hell did I do to deserve this?.. where did I go wrong.
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I need help to decide this means a lot to me
Relationship Stress / by Unknownxx1
Last post
 May 22nd, 2020
...See more Im sorry for making this long I really had to..So things didnt work out with my bf I guess he want us to be apart. Yesterday my bf told me that he lost feelings towards and I think I do too but I didnt tell him but then he made it my fault somehow.. he is that type of person who cant handle and take full responsibility of his own actions and mistakes instead he tries to defend himself just to not feel guilty of the things they did to you. I have told him multiple of times that he is selfish cause he only thinks about himself & whats best for him only!. Lately he started to use my past against me he is like u did that I bet you are not over it ,he said I dont want to be used or whatever I deserve so much more. My bf never really understood me it feels like we are totally different ppl and yeah I think we dont fit to be together.. A year ago I opened up abt my depression to him he seemed like he is ok with it but today he just doesnt know how to deal with me or understand me ,he only complains that Im being moody .he is ignorant and selfish. Simply came to me and told me last night hey idk how I feel abt us dont mind me saying this but I dont feel the same then the next day calling me babe and all like he didnt say anything then said I thought about it real quick I think we can do it together forget about yesterday.
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I need someone to understand me
Relationship Stress / by Unknownxx1
Last post
 April 15th, 2020
...See more I feel like I shouldnt bring this up again a.k.a opening old pages.. but since I cant tell my friends or anyone I feel like I want to share my secret here. The secret I carry with me everywhere , it started to frustrate me and kill me more than usual.. I know I lost my ex bf for leaving him simply bc I got influenced into IGBT community and liked someone else 3 years ago what still haunts me that she wasnt worth it at all and I cant look at her without hating her existence bc she is the reason why I left my ex bf not the fact she left me bc her mom founds out lol *we were grade 10*.. I really broke him and he never looked back , never gave me a second chance , he treated me badly and harshly, he moved on and forgotten about me on a heart beat even though I am his first. He rejected me 5 times he couldnt give a damn until I had to accept it and move on too.. the last letter from him explaining that he doesnt want anything to do with me kinda helped me survive a year without texting him and spamming him like a stupid kid or freak who is dying over her ex bf.. it been 3 years since we broke up and it tore me apart like what I was thinking?!.. I was new in that school and I was just making friends and met few different sexualities Which are my closest friends to me right now Im happy I found them because we have a lot in common and they helped me get through a lot.. my depression and heart break ..Ill always be thankful for everything. I have tried to replace him with so many ppl and Ik I used a lot of ppl to get over my ex bf but it never worked but instead it brought a lot of toxicity in my life.. met the wrong ppl , got into relationships with the wrong ones , made new toxic friends that made me go downhill... all I wanted is to stop loving him bc I know he doesnt even think about me not even a second.. until that one day came and I met this new guy who is currently my bf for a year now.. he changed me made me stronger person emotionally and mentally. I came to the realization that some ppl doesnt deserve to be in my life , I blocked all those other ppl , changed my accounts , cleaned my mess , took time off from social media and honestly it brought me so much peace.. Im not really that happy but I am ok and started to enjoy life. Some ppl left me and some showed me their true colors kinda feels like I woke up from a nightmare and started to notice things. My secret is that I have him in my heart till this day, hes a thought i have in the back of my head , every time I listen to something I think about him not my bf , I keep creating scenarios in my head and make memories with him , I keep imagining him in my head smiling and all being goofy.. sad and happy imaginations it feels real. Every time I miss him , I go and love my bf. Every time I want to hug him , I go and hug my bf.. sometimes I think do I really love my current bf or I am just doing well bc of him that I cant go through that pain again... He is good to me and treats me well.. my friends arent always there , I kinda have to get my own back but I am someone who wants to be cared about and get that attention from someone , listens to me what I got to say and I got that from my bf.. but I think thats the end no hope for anything.
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I need help.
Relationship Stress / by Unknownxx1
Last post
 February 6th, 2020
...See more I broke up with my ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago because he did me wrong and instead of caring about me while I was struggling with low self esteem, depression and overall mental illness he wasn't there.. I left him for a week before our break up to get my shit together because that's what he told me to do so when he was hella upset from me. I texted him back after a week he immediately went straight forward and told me I am learning new facts about you everyday and now I can tell you are actually a narcissist, he proceeded to offer help. I was so powerless and I was shocked like ??? How can you do that to me ? After everything l've done to make you happy for the past 9 months istg I loved him more than his actual parents did. He keeps on assuming shit about me when i Just wanted space l'm struggling with myself!!! .. Afterwards he realized it's getting bad and it's definitely over between us ,he came bk to me apologizing regardless of the things he told me and that he doesn't actually mean it ,I don't know if this is an excuse to save himself or defend himself he said he doesn't even know the meaning of a narcissist.. to be honest I really don't know what l'm suppose to do . Whatsoever I sill left him for everything he did.. but part of me wants him back and I miss him do I sound crazy ?
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