Just a long rant about myself.
I apologize for my English beforehand, it's been a long time since I last typed paragraphs in English and it's not my first language.
I'm not sure where it all started, but I might have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) since I was little. Been diagnosed with it since February last year. But after knowing more about the disorder, I thought I might have it since I was little.
(Trigger warning for bullying, suicidal thoughts, sexual harassment.)
I've been bullied since I was 4 at school, and it continued until I was 16. I never did self-harm directly, but I had recurring thoughts on suicide (I still do, I'm 20 now). I remember nearly drowning on a pool because my classmates pushed me when they knew I couldn't swim. The teacher I went to for help started harassing me as well, it made me full of distrust of others and it went on without stopping until I was 16. I learned to shut down my emotions somewhere around the road.
I moved away with Mum to another city where I attended high school, then went to study overseas and lived alone. I was glad I'm somewhere where no one knew about me but an incident triggered my memories of being bullied and ostracized and I couldn't bring myself to attend class properly for two years. I dropped out and went back to my country. Now I find myself stuck and unable to move on with life. Life is complicated.
Thank you for reading this far, I just had to let it out!
@Shiibaco - Thank you for sharing your story - I know it can be hard to open up about painful memories, but hopefully being able to talk about it is helpful. If you want to get more information about BPD, since you said you think you might have it, we have a forum around that that might be worth checking out.
And your English is great - no need to apologize for it at all! :)
@Anomalia Thank you for your reply and thanks again for the kind words! I'll try lurking around the BPD forum. Thanks for the advice! 7cups is such a nice place to be around and I'm so glad I found this website.
@Shiibaco I'm glad you have shared this with everyone,It's really hard telling about hurtful/painful parts of life.You're so brave for doing so just know you have my support.
(Btw,your english is just fine)
@mizuneko Hi, thank you very much for your support. I'm trying to keep my emotions in check everyday so that I don't relive too much painful memories. Thanks again for the reply!
