Just wanna talk ig
I genuinely don't even know where to start. Well recently decided to start confronting some of my problems and God I feel disgusted.
Around this time last year after giving up on someone I could say I genuinely loved but didn't reciprocate I don't hate her tho. Met this girl online yk we talked vibed, she really cared about me I genuinely started feeling beta until well she changed. She did a lot of stuff to me just lyk how she made me feel joy and I mean great joy just by her being online the more it hurt after. I remember having a panic attack, punching slapping and weirdly cried once cause of her. I shouldn't have allowed her to get close to me like that and neither should I have fell that much ik just couldn't help it
And now after well..just ignoring her due to some stuff I thought about it. I didn't like her like that, I was just emotionally dependent on the feeling she gave me after losing my previous crush.
Rn am somehow at peace knowing that but I still feel depressed sometimes, I don't even wanna get to know anyone.
Genuinely I am just confused at this stage in my life. Only thing driving me now is my exams and even that feels depressing.
The only person that knows all this about me can't really get so I don't even yap to him. I plan on disappearing from social media in general maybe for a month to get things in place
@Suchan267
Hi there. 💜 If I'm understanding:
- About a year ago, while you were recovering from losing a previous crush, you met a new girl online that you really vibed with.
- You felt a lot of happiness from connecting with her, but at some point things changed (from her side) and that same connection became a source of significant suffering.
- From your present point of view, you feel like you became overly dependent on her (after losing the previous crush) and you wish you hadn't fallen as deeply for her as you did.
- You're now ignoring and disengaging from her and trying to take care of yourself and refocus your attention on other things (e.g. exams).
My reaction:
- Makes sense that you'd be wanting to re-center in yourself and just stabilize after having been hurt so badly and feeling like things got really overwhelming/uncontrollable.
- But I can also look at the prior version of you that was more dependent and understand why you poured yourself into that girl in the way that you did--she was caring and kind, it satisfied a need that was unsatisfied, and it felt very good.
You mentioned you feel disgusted. Is that a feeling of disgust with the previous version of you that got so emotionally dependent?
@QuietMagic am sorry for replying this late, just going through all my account. I did disappear for a while.
I feel disgusted with my previous self for liking someone I met online that much tbh, she was nice and all but u were right about her satisfying my need during that certain period
