Living as victim of wife with borderline personality disorder

I posted recently that I had wondered why my marriage was such a struggle. Why I failed to get anything right. Why no matter how much I tried to please her, I was never enough, and she was mean. Accusatory and verbally belligerent in a Dr Jeckyl/Mr Hyde way. I spent so many years walking on eggshells with this woman to not risk losing my children.

Yesterday our marital therapist reached out to me privately to tell me that based on his research and our therapy (both individually and together), he wanted to tell me he had realized the source of my wounded personality, and that he realized that while we're all flawed humans, I was not the problem in the marriage. My wife had borderline personality disorder, which made her extremely emotionally unstable and narcissistic- often sabotaging and deriving pleasure from wounding me emotionally.

it was a relief to know I wasn't crazy, but I don't know what to do with this. She refuses to be called out on anything and thinks she is pretty close to perfect despite her broken relationships with almost everyone in her life from time to time. I want to have a healthy family for my kids and I want to protect them. And ultimately I want her to get healthy.

still it's hard not to think the last 15 years of my life were basically wasted other than my kids. Really feeling lost right now