Finding balance between hanging out and spending time on own.
I have this problem too - because I'm not unhappy in my own company and i get irritated a lot by the social convention of 'inclusion for inclusions sake' and I make a lot of mistakes in not knowing when to reply and when not to, when I have to go and when I don't. I feel like I can't really trust my own judgement, because sometimes when I have thought i'd rather not go and didn't - it was made into a huge issue. And then other times when I make an effort to go I feel like I could have just stayed at home because my attendance didn't matter. I feel like my friendships become all or nothing - ALL the time (exhausting) or barely anything (lonely)
Does anyone here have spilt personality disorder or something like that? im fearing that i might have it, so i wanna talk to someone who has or is dealing with it.
My lil brothers death a month ago :'(
Hey Beautiful People!
I am married currently, very happily! However, I sometime alternate between infatuation and hate and I know it has nothing in the world to do with him. I wonder if this is a part of my illness. I understand loving something one day, and devaluing it the next is part of BPD, but the fact remains--he doesn't deserve it. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you cope?
Thank you, kindly.
I'm in a similar boat - I'm married, I love my husband and most of the time it's seriously great but a small percentage of it is intenselysuper-BAD. Probably the biggest thingwhich hashelped me is knowing the difference between being angry because ofhusband, and being angry at husband. Because a lot of the time I struggle with anger, guilt and depression and I can put that on to him...Because he has the bad luck to be around in my space when something pops, because I know he loves me so Ifeel safe farming my negativity out on to him, because I'm portioning out the blame rather than bearing it all myself or i can't cope with what I'm feeling and picking a fight is a way of bringing out where I'm at and releasing it (*like popping a pimple I suppose...)
So knowing when things are getting out of hand is a big one for me - and just taking time out, going to my own private space and calming down rather than getting into a process of escalation has been a big step for me. The moment I feel like I'm getting irrational or abusive I try and stop straight away and leave the discussion (to go off and break things or lock myself in a bathroom for a rant :P Or go to sleep or whatever. Like putting myself in a calm-down corner or something) or I let him know this is getting out of hand for me and he has to physically remove himself from my presence because I can't stop. And doing a'Dear Man' DBTiphone app coaching thing-y orjournaling has helped too. Which is when I'm feeling emotional/something is happening involvestaking a moment to work out:
SITUATION (what's the situation you're dealing with?)
OBJECTIVE (what are you trying or want to achieve?)
RELATIONSHIP (How do you want the other person to feel about you?)
YOURSELF (How do you want to feel about yourself after the interaction?)
And then usingthat awareness to tailor your actions and communication- Describe the situation, express how you feel about it, asking for what you want. My H and I have been friends, lived together and aremarried almost 14 years now and the biggest lessons I have learned is how to communicate usefully with him and how understand, identify and pick out behaviours, triggers and situations which are abusiveandhurtful.
Honey,
Your post is so insightful! Thank you for pouring your heart out. What struck me most was, "I'm portioning out the blame rather than bearing it all myself." This provided a certain "Aha!" moment for me. Also, I love that you stressed the importance of communication and self-responsibility. Communicating your needs is your responsibility and you can't change what you don't acknowledge. It seems so simple when you break it down. These are skills necessary in all relationships, but ten fold when mental health is introduced. I must say, I am so proud of the strides you've made .Keep up the good work. Thanks again.
I have the tendency to push people away. I tried not to but ended up doing it anyways.
Hi - I can totally relate. I grew up with a very abusive mother and I did all kinds of negative things to push people away.
I grew up being bullied by my classmates during elementary. I keep asking myself, why me? The worst part is when my so called "best friends" betrayed me. That was my first major heartache.
Hi there. Its a good step to realize that you might do it . You might be on a good track . Its a little step by a little step. It's gonna be alright . Talking about it might helps!
I've been in a relationship with my boy friend for over a year now, while I'm still happy with him, I find it hard to open up to him when my depression worsens or when things get bad. I also get paranoid and think he's eventually going to cheat on me (like my ex)
Just being me. i feel like i'm too self aware and I cant get out of it. its like everything I do is calculated and I start thinking about the things I should say and how I should say them. its like i'm stuck in a world where I have to pretend to be someone else everyday. Its exhausting, but I can't get out of it. I'm not a shy person, but I am an introvert and sometimes I get into my head so much that I forget to live.
I've got so much difficulty to keep contact with my friend who's been diagnosticatedborderline...It's taking all my energy and I'm the only one who really understand this disorder . I just don't know what to do right now..
Needing some advice on how to assure my husband that i cant have an orgasm because of the stress im under. Hes aggravated with me and that only makes it worse. I feel embarrassed like something is wrong with me.
@Proud, Thank you for your input. I'm sure it wasn't easy to type that up and post it in a public forum. I am relived you know and understand you can share here. Firstly, do not feel embarrassed! This happens to all women, myself included. Sex is the last thing from my mind when I'm stressed. It all comes down to relaxation. Ask your husband to rub you feet or back, maybe talk a little, or share a shower. Find small ways to reconnect and be intimate without the pressure of sex until you're feeling calmer. Above all else, be sure to communicate your needs. He may be blaming himself as well. A little reassurance goes a long way. Best wishes! !♡
Thank you for the advice. We will definitely be trying some of that.
I wish you all the very best. ♡
My boyfriend is kind of struggling with me right now and I feel like I'm over-exaggerating my emotions a bit in my head but I legitimately can not stop. The issue is, is that he was telling a story about how he bumped into his ex-lovers best friend and for some reason half way through the story he looked at me and dragged off the sentence and completely stopped talking as if he didn't want me to hear. (he was talking to his friend and I was just there listening) So I got suspicious and did the one thing I didn't want to do: went snooping. I saw him talking to the girl on his facebook messenger (it was nothing dirty) but it still kind of hurt. I get really jealous of his ex, I know this. I just feel so replaceable and I'm super insecure.
But I spoke to him about his ex and how I didn't like that kind of stuff and I told him I didn't trust them or him and I'd rather him not talk to anyone over on that side. (I guess that sounds rude on my part, but he also told me that he never wanted to talk to her again when we had first met a year ago) I feel like that isn't going to go as planned though..
Basically: I really want to trust my boyfriend, I really fucking want to trust him but I don't know how. I've had so many people cheat on me and leave me like I'm garbage. I don't want to scare him away, but I also don't want to be thrown away again. And I can't fucking look him in the eyes because I feel so disgusted over such a tiny situation. Everything is so goddamn embarrassing. I asked him like 15 times last night, "if you want to break up with me just please do it now before I get more hurt." I don't know how else to get this through my head.. I want to trust him but I fucking can't. I want to be happy and not think of the worst possible outcomes but I can't. Please help.