Stuck. Need some opinions on what to do. :/
After so long, I finally manage to take small steps bit by bit and work a little to earn some money and try to get used to being around another person. (My condition seems to be worsening for some unknown reason and I will end up breaking down everyday)
Family who has played a huge role in me getting this disorder (pretty toxic environment, obviously I will keep quiet about me having this disorder since they think such people are crazy and look down on them) is now pressurizing me to get any full time work so that I can pay off all family expenses. Father is the only main breadwinner, mother refused to work for the past 10+ years and insisted on being a stay at home housewife even when all the children are pretty much grown. (The youngest is already in high school)
They have really bad financial habits - gambling etc and they have 0 savings at the age of 50+. Family expenses are really high (more than 1k per month) because of unneccessary credit loans and them oversigning too many mobile lines.
Do I have to sacrifice my well being for them again and just give up on trying to overcome my issues?
I am no longer dependent on them other than the fact that I live in the same house. (I take care of my own bills, transport fees and food wise I usually try to not spend too much due to limited savings) I pay for my own things or things that I need, I wash my own things as well (own laundry, dishes etc) and I usually keep my own room clean.
Any opinions on what to do?
@LifelessDoll Hi. :) It sounds like you're doing quite well despite all these challenges. Putting yourself first is always the best thing we can do for ourselves. I can't tell you what to do, only you'll know the answer to that question. Sometimes we already know the answers deep down inside, but the choice that we know is best for us fills us with fear, anxiety, or guilt. You're only responsible for yourself, and your life and future is in your hands, no one else's. Keep that in mind when you make your decision. I hope this helps.
@RayneStorm thank you for responding! You are right that I do actually know the answer subconsciously, just that the pressure I have received so far is making me lose track of that particular answer. I will try to think things over before making a decision!
@LifelessDoll That's a wise thing to do. :)
@LifelessDoll Must be really difficult to share a house with people who don't seem to offer support or understand what you're going through and instead make it harder for you. They seem to put pressure on you, like you mentioned with full-time job, and I can see how unhealthy they are in your life and that's not an easy environment. About the question you made: You shouldn't have to sacrifice your well-being for them. I saw a sentence weeks ago: "You don't need to let yourself on fire to keep others warm", and it seems to be the situation you are in. The problem with giving everything and putting our well-being second or third or even last is.. we will burnout. We will put more weight on our shoulder and go in deeper in pain. It's not healthy.
I'm glad you took small steps and were able to work a bit, that's amazing - and small steps are progress, and progress is important. It's all about progress! Still seems you're feeling worse, like you said in beginning. Do you have some kind of support outside your family? You're struggling now, and seems you need that kind of "rock" beside you.
About options, well like Rayne said: the answer lies on you. I know this may seem counter productive, but it's not really. We don't know what will help you, and advice can be a harmful thing most times. Still, that doesn't mean you should keep it to yourself or anything, no - you should reach out like you did in this post. Sometimes options and hints of what we should do, come in unexpected times and when they do, it's good to talk to someone or just write them down. Even if they're more of a "whisper" and a "feeling", writting things down can help, even just to share it and seek support!
@eviesweet thank you for responding! To be honest I really want to concentrate on at least keeping my condition better under control, so I am actually looking into jobs that won't trigger my BPD too much. (I get really overwhelmed if I have to deal with too much stress, and I will always end up harming myself after that.)
I will think things over before I make any decision!
