"You don't seem like you have BPD"
Hi everyone I'm new here, I wanted to create a forum but I don't know how to do that. I had a really triggering consultaion with a potential therapist today yeah that didn't work out but it motivated me to get online and share my storrt so here I am. I want to share something I wrote today...
You dont see like you have BPD
Im 28 years old I was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. I am also a functional member of society and I am sick and tired of hearing you dont seem like someone with BPD. I am a full-time college student, I get good grades, I kick ass at my job and I wear a smile on my face and most (days) I am happy. This does not change how I feel at night when I am alone or when Im with my partner and the explosive, dramatic shifts in moods, my black/white thinking, the overwhelming emotions that take control of me that threaten my relationship every day. The intense fear of abandonment, the distorted self-image, the insecure attachment. One moment everything is fine and dandy, the next I am fighting with my partner pushing him away I hate him, I hate myself, I hate my life, we should break up, Im not good enough, hes not good enough, I am a monster. Then the next Im sorry PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME, please hug me, Im not mad any more, please dont be mad at me. I can see it happening, but I cant stop it. The depression, the self-harm I dont want to kill myself I just want some relief. The disassociation, sometimes the emotions consume me that I feel like I am falling, sinking into a pool of grey liquid, my body feels light and heavy, the room is strange. And the next day I go to school I go to work Im smiling, Im happy, Im a leader in my community, I (seem) to have it all together.
You dont seem like you have BPD, thats funny because you dont seem like you know anything about me.
Thank you for reading this, hope you have a beautiful day.
Love & Peace,
-EV
Hi, EV, and welcome to the forums. I think it's hard for people to imagine how people cope with any long term mental health problem or neurodiversity if all they see are the parts of you that cope and function well. Although I don't have BPD, I have mental health problems too and I struggle with thoughts, feelings and anxieties that other people don't seem to have to contend with on a day to day basis. Like you there are days when I can walk into work and be overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings, do my job perfectly, and then it goes back to brain chaos and symptom management as soon as I step out of the door! I also have known people with aspergers who seem like they connect with people socially and function in life, but actually they're putting a lot of effort into reading people and digesting social cues and modifying their behaviour. It's the same for a lot of people with "invisible illness".
Sometimes things that therapists say can be way off, or said with the best intention but cause problems with us internally. For you it sounds like you need empathy and understanding because coping with being you is a daily challenge, whereas what seemed to happen when your therapist said that was that you might have felt very misunderstood, unheard, and challenged. It might be that the therapists intention was to comfort you that you are doing so well, however we can only guess at their intention.
I wonder if it is worth raising this issue with them and talking about how you feel about it. Have you ever used DEARMAN as a way of getting your point across?
D = Describe the problem. "When we talked last time you said that I didn't have BPD and that was a problem for me"
E= Describe the emotions "It made me feel like you didn't understand me or the problems I have. I felt really upset and angry"
A = What action would you like them to take "I would like to know why you said that / I think I need an apology"
R = Reassure "That way we would understand each other better and we can move forward together in therapy"
M = Remain mindful of your thoughts and feelings
A = Appear confident.
N= Negotiate.
I find dearman really useful when you want to express your feelings about something but feel really vulnerable and emotional about it.
It might be, also, that this therapist might not be for you, but I can understand how difficult a deciscion this might be because you might be second guessing yourself "am I pushing them away when I want them closer". I struggle with these kinds of feelings in therapy too. I think maybe try and work with them, and if they really don't get what you're talking about, maybe then try and find another therapist - if that's possible.
Good luck with it :)
- Becki
@Beckikeiko
Thank you Becki your post was very helpful. It is nice to be heard and to know others have similar feelings and that my feelings are valid. I did learn DEARMAN in DBT a few years ago but it has been a long time since I actually used it and that was a nice reminder, thank you. As far as the therapist that was just a consult she is not someone I see regularly, and within the first 15 mins she had interupted me 4 times and then came to the conlution that I don't have BPD without even hearing my whole story. Yeah that was shitty and I told her off and I won't be seeing her again. Thank you for your support.
Have a beautiful day.
-EV
@evalstarshine07
Well some people don't seem stupid but they are haha
No but for real I'm so sorry you hear that daily. I'm not diagnosed with BD but I can't imagine how annoying must be hearing that daily.
Sending lots of love!
@Booklover95
HAHA Thanks
I'm 28 living the exact same life and diagnosed with BPD.
Your not alone :)
@Sunnyside93
Thank you! that means so much 
Follow up to my original post.... I decided to be proactive and form a BPD support group of my own a meet up. If any of you live in Boulder, CO and would like to attend the first meeting will be next Saturday March 10th at 3:30 pm at Backcountry Pizza in Boulder, CO
Sunshine & Shadows
Borderline
Personality
Disorder
Group
This is Not therapy. This is just a
chance to meet others going through
the same struggles.
Come make new friends, eat , share &
have fun.
Saturday, March 10th
3:30 pm @ Backcountry Pizza
Conference area
Party reservation under Erika
