bpd rant
i’m not completely sure what to say here lmao, bpd is just eating me up. i’ve been lashing out a lot lately, it’s not me. it’s like i black out and say/do hurtful things to the people i love. i honestly don’t even remember half the shit i say because it really isn’t me. it’s like as soon as i start getting upset someone just takes control and makes me mean and bitter. i hate when i become that person because it weighs on me so much. i used to be depressed, in and out of hospitals but i got better, i became the best version of myself for so so long and i just feel like i’m taking 3 steps back everytime i tend to get mad and lash out. i don’t want to completely lose myself again mostly because i found hope tonight, i was the happiest i had been for a long time and i don’t want to let that go. i don’t know how this app works so excuse me if i’m doing this wrong 😭
@bnezuko
You're not doing anything wrong.
I think you're extremely brave for coming forward and sharing this in the forums. You are amazing, and welcome to 7 Cups. It sounds like you're under a lot of frustration and extreme emotions/feelings with your BPD. I just want to let you know that you are 100% valid and my thoughts are going out to you if you seek finding the best version of yourself again. Just know that baby steps are critical to everyone's journey, and it's okay to take your time. Don't let others control you and dictate what you can or cannot do, as this is your own mental health progress. 
If it helps, there are Sharing Circle group support chatrooms every so often you could also rant/vent in if you find the time to join the queue. I find it helpful to get things off my chest in real time, and have people there to listen to me, when a forum post just sometimes doesn't quite "get it out of my system" personally.
@bnezuko
Thanks for posting, and yup you're doing it correctly. 
7 Cups is sort of a collection of several different systems for seeking/offering support to people (i.e. forum/communities, group chat/sharing circles, and 1-on-1 chats with listeners). People vary in which part of the site they're drawn toward and find most helpful.
That makes a lot of sense what you're saying. You feel like things have been improving and becoming more hopeful (yay), but every so often there's this part of yourself that pops up that is really mean/bitter/hurtful. Once you're out of that state and the storm has passed though, it feels hard to relate to it, like some different version of you took over ("Wow, I can't believe I said/did those things").
Hoping that this site offers a place where you can lash out when you're feeling angry and express things that are on your mind without it hurting anybody in real life, if that feels like it would be helpful.