bpd relationship
hi,ive been diagnosed with bpd a few years ago but I still haven't found someone that can treat it. I've been in therapy with different therapists since the diagnosis but I feel like I didn't learn much and rn I'm having troubles with my relationship. I don't really understand if my doubts are because of the disorder, i don't know if I have feelings anymore but most of all I feel like a burden, I have a lot of bpd and depressive episodes and I tend to isolate a lot so there's not much communication, but I still don't want to break up with her and I feel selfish bc of that.
I was hoping to get some advice.
@Asjia
Hi, It still amazes me the power of the mind if i could control my overthinking insecurities.
Blessings, Day
@Asjia
Hi--thanks for sharing. I hope that at some point you're able to find a therapist who can offer support in one of the forms of treatment that are currently known to help with BPD (e.g. dialectical behavior therapy).
If I'm understanding, when you have BPD/depressive episodes, you feel like the most comfortable (or maybe least risky) way to cope is to retreat until it passes. So you vary in how much you feel like you're able to be present in the relationship. Sometimes you're able to be there fully but sometimes you aren't. You really value the relationship though and feel grateful for it and want to keep it going if possible. But you feel guilty about the times when you're more distant and imagine that maybe she might want more or feel dissatisfied.
I'm not sure if I can really give advice, but if you'd like to talk through this some more, you're welcome to schedule a chat with me. One general thought I have is that people have different needs and relationship arrangements, and ultimately as long as you're both happy and you're in agreement on how you both want to handle the BPD/depressive episodes when they arise, the two of you can do whatever you feel is best.
Thank you for sharing-you are definetly not alone!
Don't stop looking until you find the right therapist for you. It's a tedious process, and it took me six tries to find the right one, but now she is so helpful. We work on DBT skills that help me manage my interpersonal relationships and communicate with people in my life. Keep trying and hoping, I believe in you!
When I was first diagnosed, I was recommended DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). It’s very extensive and can be exhausting, but it can be helpful. It helped me to find new ways of thinking and to stop myself in those hard moments to find the balance of rational and emotional reactions. It’s can be very overwhelming and it’s good to take some time after each session to relax and process, but if you stick with it, it does work wonders. Relationships are still very hard for me due to emotional trauma in my past, but with time it can get easier.
And a friendly reminder that therapy isn’t for everyone, just like not every therapist is the right one for you. It’s going to be frustrating a lot of days, but it helps to slow down and remind yourself to give it time. Sorry I know that was a lot. ❤️
