feelings of emptiness

Hi @recklessboy I used to feel nothing but emptiness some years ago. I think it’s really difficult feeling to understand unless you have had to experience it. For me it came from constant criticism and being told that I am not allowed to feel nothing but happy. All my feelings eventually disappeared and that emptiness was all that was left. I was diagnosed after having major depressive disorder and I was told that it was a symptom of that. I had no other way to combat that feeling than getting away from the environment that made me unwell. And then I went to therapy. Little by little we practiced recognizing feelings with my therapist. It took quite a while to start feeling anything. But for me nothing else worked on it except complete change of scenery.

To help with my feelings of emptiness I created things to fill that emptiness. Almost like creating a personality. The more I forced it the more it stuck. It’s hard to know what is real about me. It is still better than feeling nothing though.

@recklessboy I struggle with this too, especially after the fallout with my "favorite person". It's a deep pit to get out of, especially when you feel things aren't going your way (if you even have a way). My question is, what do you do in your free time? Like do you have any hobbies you've wanted to try? As a composer I learned that I can pour a lot of this emptiness into something that I can reflect on to see that I am doing something "productive".

The emptiness hasn't gone away at all, but trying new things (gardening, music, writing, photography, etc) especially with the mindstate that you may not be good, but you are trying, and that can help. Be kind to yourself.