Am I just a brat with personality issues?
I often lack empathy when I see someone cry because of me; in fact, I find it amusing. I rarely feel the urge to console them, and I don’t want to apologize, even when I know I’m in the wrong. I’m not a bully, and often times I just hurt them unintentionally or unconsciously because I couldn’t have known better what they feel to what I do or say because I’m blunt and direct. This has led to the deterioration of several relationships, from friends to family. Yet, I don’t even think that those relationships are worth-saving in the first place.
It’s been a pattern since I was young, and as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to realize that this isn’t a typical behavior from a normal person.
Being narcissistic comes to thought since I often feel like I’m better than the others, although I have never fully embody that thought since I’ve been struggling with my low self-esteem. Furthermore, I’m not devoid of empathy; I still care for animals and other people. On the other hand, I do recognize that I have a significant amount of pride and ego that gets in the way.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to fix by sharing this, but I know there’s something wrong with me based on the norms. I don’t know what to do because I can’t exactly pinpoint what’s wrong with me, and I feel like my personality itself just won’t let me fix these abnormalities.
@nxseomw
Hey, that makes sense what you're saying. You tend to be more blunt, sometimes people get hurt in ways that you aren't expecting, and you don't feel a lot of empathy when that does happen.
***
I'm going to make some guesses here. Do feel free to correct if I'm completely off the mark or anything is incorrect. 🙏
I wonder if maybe you tend to appreciate and relate to people who are more blunt or direct. Like, you appreciate the brutal honesty and clear communication, you respect the power and sturdiness of people who are able to give and take verbal blows without flinching, and you appreciate the idea of people being strong. (If someone were to call you a strong person, that would feel like a really big compliment.)
And then maybe on the flip side, when someone gets hurt or seems to be unreasonably weak/fragile, there's a kind of disdain of, "Oh come on, why are you being such a baby? I wouldn't get hurt if someone said that to me. I can't believe that little thing I said managed to create such a big reaction."
And then I could imagine that if you don't respect people like that, and if those people can't empathize with the kinds of personality qualities that you're drawn to, and if they're constantly getting hurt and complaining about it and treating you like you're the bad guy... it makes sense that those relationships might feel pretty worthless or like they aren't worth saving.
Like, maybe the worldview is like "People who get hurt are overly sensitive, they're failing as human beings, and they need to toughen up and become better/stronger people so that they won't get hurt". And maybe also applying that worldview to yourself: "If I get hurt and people make me feel awful, it's my fault for not being stronger."