Is there therapeutic help for everyone?
I'll start by saing I've always loved the profession of psychology and everything that had to do with it. I've had such a fondness and always loved exploring psychology, reading journals, being active with that.
Part of my interest is also I think due to own personal mental health struggles I had. During the years (even from 20, am now 36! Go figure) I've had a number of different therapies but sadly it feels like so many things went awry. Too much to state but one thing that happened is a lot of diagnosis were thrown my way (autism, schizoid, emotionally limited) that I think were never in line what I believed from myself. I recently had the oppertunity to look at what happened during my first therapies and it turned out the agency in control made many many mistakes that ended so bad I had to seek contact years after therapy ended to understand how they could've done the things (they informed other professionals of private info which should've went by my and created a whole mess in my personal dossier).
That part was sort of remedied by them apologizing profusely but looking back how everyhting was handled and during the years I was with them my strust was so severely violated and reading back hurts so much. The notes from therapy wirtten by therapists I thought were always kind were horrible and dismissive and stuff was literally made up that they weren't allowed to claim but no-one stepped in to correct it. Everone piled onto my file for years (me being unaware thinking I could trust them) and it ended in the worst possible with with the last person I trusted of the agency also writing horrible things (I thought it was all in the past at that point). When, last year, I read back everything that happened I was so severely shocked and never imagined this was happening all the time. It destroyed my trust since I could've never imagined everyone being so utterly dismissive and painting me in a horrible light (if it sounds farfetching I thought too until I read it, I just had never seen it coming. There was some vague issues but I had never thought it was what I ultimately read).
I went to another therapist last year since I was struggling and reeling from the previous experience and intially things were great. They were kind and receptive. But somewhere along the way me and the therapist I got along with well ran into a discussion followed by a therapeutic rapture followed by the whole therapy spiraling. It was horrible in how everything just fully slipped away from me. At that point I was already so distrustful of everything and everyone around me but whatever I tried to do to mend the therapy only made things worse. Ultimately I had to part with them which still devestates me if I'm honest just because I finally thought I had a place where someone would accept me. My first therapy experience had writted such terrible things I thought now I might've finally found a place of peace but it wasn't meant to be and instead it spiraled and I quit and I'm left reeling ever since.
This is as much as a rant-ramble from me as just an honest question to the community. Do you think there's help for everyone? I would love therapy since I'm struggling so badly but I don't even know where to start anymore since that last therapy seemed so well and then got destroyed from a seemingly small communication issue that just developed into a rupture and undid everything. The place itself was perfect and I loved the diagnostic insight my therapist provided which makes the crash just so much harder to bear.
Is there hope? Where do you look for a tehrapist? My level of distrust is at an all-time high, if I'm honest and I'm not even sure a therapist would want to treat me given that I seemingly leave a trail of mishaps troublesome therapy engagements in my wake. I would love nothing more than a tehrapy to explore and the difficulties I'm having since I was young but somehow things just seem to repeatedly go wrong and difficult despite everything I try to not make it so. I'd sign up again with an agency (my hope is to land somewhere where maybe I won't be looked at as weird or just a set of labels or mentally deficient in some way) but I'm just not sure where to start anymore since everything seems to crash.
(one exception was another therapy I had which last20 weeks which was perfect. The therapist was so kind and I wish I could've continued but couldn't due to logistic reasons but that was doing so well.)
Does anyone know where to find a therapy that fits or how to go from here? I've been looking into HSP and feel it might exaplin a lot (though I hate the monicker, I somehow don't feel that different if that makes sense and just want to seen as a normal individual since that's how I truly feel). Also the fact that I'm always seemingly in my head and love anything to do with creative affairs, making up stories and imageries and wishing I'd have the confidence to put my works out there.
Anyway this turned into a ramble. I'm just looking at a place to start, or continue, since my life is such a reclive experience and would just love to start an uphill traverse to somewhere where I could feel just more at ease, and a place where I could be something more meaningful to myself and also others would be so nice to have.
@sirKeats
Hi Sir Keats! 😊 ❤️ Thank you for your forum post and for reaching out! I know that many times, it takes a great deal of courage to do so. I commend you my friend!
I am so very sorry that you have had to go through all of this. I can only imagine how devastating and painful some of these moments may have been. Anyone would be incredibly hurt as well as incredibly cautious moving forward. Trust comes in drops and leaves in buckets. I send you big *hugs* ❤️
Having the opportunity to read those notes from the therapist sounds as if it was very upsetting as well as you feel was unkind, incorrect, mean spirited. It sounds as if the relationship was going well and so that trust has been broken in that you feel deceived once reading those notes as you had originally felt cared for, well liked, warmly received.
Therapists many times will include things in their notes to relay to other clinicians to be of help as well as to insurance companies so that things will be properly "coded", will pass the "sniff" test by insurance companies so that the client will receive coverage for treatment/medication, etc.
Many times therapists will know how difficult insurance companies can be to work with and that it appears as if, many times they are simply looking for a reason to not cover the services requested. Kind of the "name of that game". Many hours can be lost by a therapist on the phone with an insurance company iterating that the services are truly needed and should not be denied to their client. Some may take an "over the top" response to combat this problem.
Having said that, it appears as if there was much more than that in the notes that you read. It sounds as if this was a long term relationship with many opportunities to make comments about you and from a largely unhelpful place from your perspective.
Knowing that you feel this way, I too would question the original diagnosis that was presented to you. Perhaps they had pre conceived notions, some sort of negative bias, projection, who knows what? Therapists don't always get it right. Some are better than others. Some have different approaches. Some have had a longer time being a clinician and have much more experience. Some are more kind and some are much more thorough. Some may be trying to help in a certain area that they haven't dealt with before.
It sounds like your last experience was a very good one however, you had to move on due to logistics. I hope that you will consider trying again. It sounds as if you truly want to and perhaps a fresh start with someone else that can provide you with a "differential diagnosis" would be good.....this is a much more thorough approach. Nothing wrong with seeking a second opinion.
There is a great deal of overlap between the diagnosis of Autism and Schizoid Personality Disorder. There is also a great deal of overlap with other disorders. You very well may have been mis diagnosed and typically a really good clinician will give it 6 months before being "firm" in regard to their thoughts.
Receiving a proper diagnosis can be most helpful to "know ones self". You learn more about you, what it means to be you and see how it is that you react to certain things and if you seek change, this can helpful to do some investigating and homework on your own while working in tandem with a good therapist. Who wouldn't benefit from additional self awareness?
For your question "Is there therapeutic help for everyone"?
It depends. One has to want the help. One has to acknowledge that things might not be going so well for them, want to make some change in a positive direction and search to find a good clinician that will be truly invested in the process as well. Clearly you have this covered. *high fives* 😊
For some things there are no "cure" however, through therapeutic interventions one can have really positive outcomes, mitigate a lot of circumstances, be happier, have a higher quality of life, find their joy, etc. "Not all those who wander are lost" - Tolkien. Yes, there is hope! ❤️
Seeing as how you are searching for a new clinician, what do you think about giving 7 cups a try? We have trained, licensed therapists here that would love to support you and your efforts. It seems to be quite cost effective, comparatively speaking. If I remember correctly it's $150 U.S dollars for a full month, unlimited which means one to two responses daily, Monday through Friday. That would be the price for text based.
A new option we have is face to face interaction via computer if you would enjoy that and I think that might be $199 per month. We might also have a discount going on for $25 off? You may have gotten that in an email and might be even showing on your screen from your dashboard?
Certainly does have ease of use going in it's favor also. Logistics solved? If you have some anxious tendencies well, this also helps in my opinion so that you can feel comfortable receiving support from your own home with out going out and potentially becoming over stimulated on the ride there.
I am not involved in sales efforts for the platform however, I see the value in all of it and wanted to mention it as an option since you asked.
As an aside, I find your forum post to be incredibly well written and well thought out. No rambling on your side, in my humble opinion.
I'm hoping I may have been of some help to you in some way today. If not, it's great that you created this post and hopefully others will come along and share their input as well! The more support and care for you, the better.
Stay great my friend! 😊 *high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
@SparkyGizmo
THank you for the reply. I wrote the initial post late at night when I was really anxious so it kind of just garbled all over the page but I'm glad it was comprehensible enough to have conveyed the gist
I've been looking to different diagnoses. What really resonates with me is the notion of some people having more inherent vulnerabilites in their personality makeup - weaker ego strength. A clinician told me about how it's not really related to a DSM diagnoses but having not a strong foundation of your self can make you less able to understand your own emotions. The way he explained it with tendencies to avoid made a lot of sense to me so I'm hoping to find a therapist who I may work with on these or related issues.
As far as therapy options I've actually decided to sign up at therapist office! There's a long waiting list (8 months estimate) but they look skilled. I'm not sure they'll take me (individual will contact me to see if I'm eligible) but it felt nice at the least taking the step, even if it does turn out they wouldn't be able to provide the help I need.
THe 7cups therapy I also considered, however I feel my trust is so frail I'd probably need to speak to persons face 2 face in a real life environment. I'm very isolated right now I feel so having that social connection would probably help me a lot.
Thanks for your well thought out response again. It really means a lot to me
@sirKeats
You are most welcome my friend! 😊 ❤️ I'm happy to hear that you have reached out for therapy options and may have found a place that you like!
*high fives* 😊 and *hugs* ❤️
