I suffer from bpd
I suffer from bpd and I can't stop the lieing especially when it comes to my wife any time I feel like it will. Cause more issues I lie it been 11 years of being together and 8 of stupid lies. Why can't I stop I tell her the truth also but only after I have calmed down. She doesn't understand or forgive me for not trying to change in the past I never new that this was more than a reaction that it was a mental disorder
@Richandfamousboy
Hi there 💜 Sorry that the lying has been an issue.
Something that struck me in what you wrote was when you said that you tell her the truth but only after you've calmed down. I wonder if maybe it doesn't feel safe to tell the truth when you're in a state of mind where you feel stressed or upset?
A common experience with BPD is that it can be pretty tough to manage emotions, and certain types of interactions with other people can also feel really scary. If lying helps avoid a vulnerable or painful experience that would be too much to handle while you're already emotionally dysregulated, I could understand why maybe the lying might be happening. It helps protect you.
If that's the case, maybe that also points a certain way in terms of how to tell the truth more (i.e. get really good at that "calming down" that you mentioned--and if possible try to defer deep/high-stakes conversations until you're calmer).
When ever it's a conversation I'm calm it's when I feel attacked and can tell she is mad about it I lie to try to get out of it. It's very hard to not say anything until I calm down when I'm being attacked it would turn even worse because I wouldn't answer her
@Richandfamousboy
I wonder if it's possible to ask her for time to process what she's saying and calm down before responding?
Especially if she's upset about the lying, that would be the middle ground of "if you want me to work on the lying, I want to get better at it too and I'm trying to figure out how to solve it. I care about what you're saying and want to respond honestly, but I notice myself lying when this happens in our conversations. Would this work?"
I don't believe so I think it's gone on way to long she has move out and I believe moved on the other issue was that she has a friend that she want to sleep with and that upset me I wasn't suppose to be mad about it because nothing happened
@Richandfamousboy
Ah, that new information really changes the picture significantly. I think there's probably a lot of information I'm still missing about this situation, and us exchanging a large number of short messages back-and-forth in the forum over a span of days/weeks might not be the best approach.
Would probably be most efficient to reach out to a listener by PM and have a real-time 1-on-1 chat with someone where you're able to lay out everything that's happening.
https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
