Not sure
Hey, kinda new here. I’m pretty sure I have BPD but I don’t want to self diagnose and I can’t afford a diagnosis and don’t know where to locate someone for that. But my moods are very unstable. I struggle with my identity, I’m up one second, the next I’m down, or something such as someone’s tone being off or “rude” i snap. I scream, yell, curse people out, i say the worst things. And when i calm down I look back and wish I could have stopped it. I feel guilty. I know when it’s coming. But I can’t stop it…and I don’t know what to do. It has heavily negatively affected by boyfriends and I relationship. I’ve lost friends, and talkimg to anyone about it is hard. I’m also 26 weeks pregnant, 27 Saturday, so it also makes managing my emotions way more difficult than before….what do i do. And how do I fix it…I want to be better for my boyfriend because I want to genuinely be with him for life. I can’t imagine my life without him, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone else ive dated.
@2Sh0rtShawty
Hi, welcome to 7 Cups. 💜 Makes sense what you're saying that you're not able to get a diagnosis, but BPD feels like a very strong fit in terms of what you're experiencing.
Also makes sense what you're saying that you're able to identify the pattern (e.g. trigger happens => start screaming/yelling/etc. => friendships/relationships are harmed => feel regret) but feel powerless to stop it from happening.
This thread might be helpful--it has has some links to various resources for BPD, mostly self-help guides/tips:
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/BorderlinePersonalityDisorder_326/ResourcesforBPD_268269/
Want to highlight this resource in particular (DBT skills guide). DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) is basically the gold standard treatment for BPD. There are certain skills that are normally taught in BPD, a lot of information on these is available online for free. Distress tolerance and emotion regulation in particular connect to that
problem of "when I feel awful, how do I manage that and stop myself from
saying/doing awful stuff?"
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/Resources_2667/DBTuesdayMasterpost_274756/