Social Rumiation
I'm currently living in a different city for my tourism studies, which is ironic since I'm in such a vibrant place. I'm staying in a dorm room by myself now because my roommate left. At first, being alone wasn't an issue, but lately, it's become overwhelming, I've started talking to myself, and my own thoughts feel like they're consuming me. I'm struggling with constant social rumination; every single moment of every day, it's relentless. It makes me feel like I want to tear my skin off and lie in salt, just to feel less hateful towards myself. I desperately want people to see me in a positive light, and I try so hard, but it always ends with me replaying my actions and criticizing myself..
@h4teurs3lf
Hi, I see that you are new here. Welcome to 7 Cups. I understand that you are lonely and are looking for friends. I was not sure if you were aware, but there are groups here whereas you can meet other members. There is a Newbies group that you might want to start with. Also, there is a list of international listeners that you can have conversations with. Here is that link
https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/
I am sure that you make friends here.
@h4teurs3lf
Hi, welcome to 7 Cups 💜 That sounds really tough being in a city by yourself, not having a roommate anymore, and feeling like you're going kind of crazy not having anyone to talk to besides yourself and retroactively criticizing all of your behaviors.
When you're replaying actions in your head, are those things that happened a long time ago? Or is it like at the end of each day, you'll come home and think about small interactions that happened that day that you weren't happy with?
It’s both to be honest but it is usually end of each day interactions that i was not happy with
@h4teurs3lf
Makes sense, both old interactions and new/ongoing interactions.
I found a few articles with some ideas related to this:
https://www.bristolhypnotherapy.co.uk/blog/post-event-analysis-tips-for-those-with-social-anxiety
https://psychcentral.com/anxiety/5-ways-to-practice-self-compassion-for-anxiety
https://nationalsocialanxietycenter.com/2022/10/18/post-event-processing-when-social-anxiety-ruins-a-great-evening/
First article kind of has the biggest or most diverse list of possible things to try, and then the other two articles sort of focus on a couple specific things (e.g. being kind to yourself, asking whether the replaying of what happened feels like it's helping)
I thank you so much for the help
I truly felt a little bit more happy that someone i dont even know tried helping me today
thank you for that
But i do not feel like i am ready for trying any kind of solution for this. It is going to be more tiring and going to just give me more headaches. for short, im not ready to be kind to myself
i feel like i am a person that does not deserve kindness
@h4teurs3lf
Of course 💜 That's a great/valid point that if your thoughts are all heavily oriented toward "I really dislike myself and don't deserve kindness", then trying to force kindness stuff is just going to be a massive headache/struggle.
It's not really fully within your control how you think/feel, and trying to control it is just another pressure added on--and maybe another layer of self-judgment (i.e. I shouldn't be feeling bad, I should be able to fix this, but I can't).
Counterintuitive, but sometimes I just like giving myself permission to think/feel whatever's there (radical acceptance) rather than trying to force it in a positive direction
(For what it's worth, I felt good reading your message thanking me and you don't seem to me like a bad person 😊)
