Understanding my BPD

@LostLilHippie

Hi there, welcome to 7 Cups 💜

BPD is kind of confusing because there are a lot of different experiences that can happen with it, and not everyone will experience the same things or to the same degree. The most common things I see people mention here in the forums tend to be intense feelings, interpersonal conflicts, and strong feelings of loneliness/abandonment/longing. What you mentioned (not having a core sense of self) is also something that can happen with BPD and it's part of the diagnostic criteria.

This site has a lot of info about various things related to BPD (e.g. what it is, what kinds of experiences are most common with it, some of the types of therapy and self-care that might be helpful):
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/about-bpd/

This link has some other miscellaneous resources (e.g. how to find listeners on 7 Cups who accept chats on BPD, self-help skills from dialectical behavior therapy):
https://www.7cups.com/forum/personalitydisorders/BorderlinePersonalityDisorder_326/ResourcesforBPD_268269/

Welcome to the community, and thank you for sharing that 💛

Hearing a BPD diagnosis for the first time- especially when it's explained that way and you're left with no roadmap- can feel completely isolating and confusing.

What you described about molding yourself to fit what people around you want is so deeply real. Having an unstable or unclear sense of self is a core part of what makes BPD so heavy to carry. When you spent years trying to survive environments where your foundation was cracked, molding or masking often becomes a defense mechanism just to stay safe.

Having lived with a BPD diagnosis for ten years myself, along with navigating the trenches of complex trauma and recovery, I can tell you that it does get clearer, and you don't have to stay stuck in that fog. Here are a few things that helped me move from just surviving to actually understanding and finding peace with myself:

Understanding the "Why": Recognizing that identity disturbance comes from a history of having to adapt to unsafe or chaotic environments takes away some of the self-blame. You weren't broken; you were adapting.

DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): If you haven't looked into it yet, DBT is a game-changer for BPD. It teaches concrete, practical skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness so you aren't completely at the mercy of intense mood shifts.

Building a Core Self From Scratch: Finding out who you are outside of other people's expectations takes intentional, slow self-work. It starts with small things: figuring out what you like, what boundaries you need, and learning to sit with yourself without needing external validation to fill the silence.

You don't have to figure it all out today. Just reaching out and asking for help understanding it is a massive first step 😊💝

Be gentle with yourself 🍃

And hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here 🫶🏼

hi, i’m not diagnosed but i am suspecting that i do. i’ve been changing my personality depending on the person i talk to since i was a child and i do spontaneous actions that affect me long term because of my overthinking. i’m not sure if there’s a wiki for bpd but if there is i think you can read it or read websites made for understanding bpd??

hi, i’m not diagnosed but i am suspecting that i do. i’ve been changing my personality depending on the person i talk to since i was a child and i do spontaneous actions that affect me long term because of my overthinking. i’m not sure if there’s a wiki for bpd but if there is i think you can read it or read websites made for understanding bpd??