hey so how tf am I supposed to get better

@alaina326

Hey… I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Just reading your message, I can feel how heavy everything is for you right now and I just want you to know, none of this is too small or too much to talk about. You matter, a lot And the pain you're carrying right now? It's real. It deserves to be seen, heard, and held with care not dismissed or bottled up because “everyone else is going through things.”

You're not selfish for needing help. You're not a burden. You're a human being in pain , and that pain doesn’t need to be justified or compared to anyone else's to be valid.

You’ve already shown so much strength even when it feels like you’re hanging by a thread. Quitting nicotine and weed when you're feeling this way? That’s not small. Staying away from self-harm for two months even with the urges screaming? That’s incredible. I know it may not feel like it, but those choices show a part of you that still believes you deserve better, even if the rest of you is hurting too much to see it right now.

And about the depersonalization it’s terrifying, I know. Feeling like you’re not even in your body, like you’re watching life happen from the outside… it’s so isolating. And the worst part is when people say “it’ll just go away” like that’s some magic fix. But the truth is, you don’t have to fight this alone. Even if you feel like there’s no help, I’m here , and there are people out there who do want to listen and walk with you through this.

Please, if things get really dark, reach out to a crisis line. Even texting one can help. You don’t have to say the perfect words. You just have to say something.  

- text or call Lifeline at 13 11 14

Just breathe for now. One moment at a time. You're not broken. You’re not weak. You’re hurting, and you deserve love and care exactly as you are right now.

I'm really proud of you for reaching out even just to type this. That’s brave. You're still here. And that means there’s still a chance for things to get better even if it’s just by the tiniest bit at a time.

I’m here for you, okay? You're not alone.

@alaina326

Hey, that sounds like a ton to deal with:

• Girl you know shooting herself. (I wonder if you were close to her and it was upsetting, or if it's more like a symbol of "yeah on certain days I feel like I wouldn't mind doing that with the way things have been going".)

• Ongoing depersonalization for nearly a month (hence wanting to quit weed in particular)

• Trying to quit nicotine, weed, and self-harm all at once while all of this is happening. (That does not sound easy! Understandable that you'd be tempted to relapse when everything feels like it's imploding--but also understandable that you'd prefer not to relapse if possible.)

• Not having anyone to reach out to (trying to respect others and not lean on them too much)

• People you do talk to are optimistically saying that things will solve themselves (when there isn't any evidence of that happening in your experience. I imagine them saying that would probably feel pretty dismissive/naive.)

***

Since you're specifically saying you want help, just brainstorming a couple possible categories of types of help:

1) Having people to talk to

• Feel free to post here (or elsewhere on Cups) if there are specific things you want to share about. Some people have also created journal/diary threads here: https://www.7cups.com/forum/journal/

• Can message individual listeners (including me 💜). Here is a list of verified (experienced) listeners who accept chats on dissociative disorders AND have marked in their profile that they have personal lived experience with it: https://www.7cups.com/BrowseListeners/?badge=0&find=&sort=&category=166&ageGroup=&listType=&gender=&religion=&country=&language=&verifiedlistener=on&livedExperience=on

2) Coping strategies

• Have you found any activities that feel like they're able to act as "substitutes" or alternatives to nicotine/weed/self-harm?

• I'm not sure how relevant some of these are, but there are a bunch of assorted tips/strategies for "how do I get through this moment without doing something I'll regret later" here:
  https://dbt.tools/distress_tolerance/index.php

• Just speaking from my own experience, physical wellness (diet, sleep, exercise) has a pretty strong impact on my mood/stress levels. It sounds mundane, but could help disrupt the stress => dissociation link.