Personality Disorders Community Check-in: February 25th - March 3rd
Hi PD Support Community!
How has your week been?
What is a quality you appreciate or wish for most in other people?
Looking forward to hearing from you!
❤️ Magic
Feel free to check out this week's posts for:
DBTuesday (on accumulating positive experiences)
Thoughtful Thursday (on shame)
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Just really struggling. I feel like the world around me is just hellbent on getting rid of me. My partner and son left me, I can't catch a break in my personal life, my professional life is draining me, and everywhere I turn I'm alone. It seems every step I take is painful (often literally due to physical ailments), and I feel like I have to fight for even a small scrap of relief.
As a result, I've felt very disillusioned and embittered towards life. I only see a system that favors strong genetics, and punishes weakness. I know that's just how nature is. But I just feel beaten down by the paths my life has taken me, whether by nature or nurture.
Because of the hardship, I've become physically and mentally stronger. However, all I really want is to love and be loved. And I struggle so much with self love. And it doesn't help that I'm socially unlikable as a person, struggle to have my own personality.
To "live a life of quiet desperation" very much sums up how I feel moment to moment. It becomes excruciating and near unbearable.
Sorry for venting, but thank you for the opportunity to check in.
@Aqua79
Ugh, sort of like there was some secret conspiracy of, "Hey, let's throw a bunch of painful things at this person and see if we're able to push them over the edge." 😉
So not only have you been feeling really alone and having to deal with multiple people leaving you, but you also have these physical ailments on top of that that create additional pain. 💜 It feels like:
- By nature/genetics, there are certain things that are beyond your control that have made life difficult
- By nurture/environment, people have also done (or not done) certain things or treated you in certain ways that have added to that difficulty even further
You've become strong in the sense of being able to live with all of this pain (and that's something to be proud of that you're trying your best), but you wish you didn't have to do it. Like, "That's great that I'm strong but I'd rather be happy."
If you ever want to talk 1-on-1, feel free to use my booking form to schedule a chat.
Having a tough day. Got my annual review at work yesterday and it's the worst I've ever received, because a coworker has been complaining about me for months making me look bad even when I'm not breaking any rules and I've never been written up and my work always gets done. I cried and argued and refused to sign off on it. I've been focusing on the conflict with this coworker for months in therapy and I've tried so many tools to communicate with her but she refuses and flat out ignores me. Then paints me as the one not communicating because I'm autistic and she can't be assed to try. It all started the week she found out I make 40c more than her. Ever since then she's treated me differently and started watching me and whining about me. I've done everything in my power and I bust my ass and still got a shit review. I feel so defeated.
@BenjiLee
Oh no, that sounds really upsetting. 😟 You've been working really hard and following all of the rules, but somehow you got a bad review. The reason for that is that you have a coworker who's been saying bad things about you for months. You've been working on the situation with your therapist for months and have tried communicating with your coworker to resolve the conflict, but they aren't willing to talk through it in a constructive way. And it seems like they've been treating you differently ever since they found out you make a bit more than they do.
So basically you've done everything you can (e.g. work hard, complete tasks, follow rules, talk to coworker, discuss in therapy) and yet you still got this negative review because of something outside your control. 💜 Can understand how that would feel really deflating.
@QuietMagic, Hi, Magic,
1. How has your week been?
It's been rough. I'm letting people bother me and I can't seem to shake it.
2. What is a quality you appreciate or wish for most in other people?
I want them to be honest and kind.
@purpleTree4652
Sorry to hear that people are doing things that feel bothersome, and understandable that it would feel nice to have people be nice and also actually mean it. 💜 If you feel like sharing, what have the people around you been doing?
This week has been draining my depression anger and anxiety got the beat of me I'm so close to losing everything I worked so hard for my bf my relationship with my daughter my house I stayed in bed all week and just fought my bf at every thing that was said or done it was a hard week
@diamondintheROUGH2022
That does sound really draining. 😟 There's this depression (i.e. not being able to get out of bed), anger (i.e. fighting and feeling upset with bf), and then anxiety (i.e. about possibly losing lots of things you worked hard for).
When you say that you're at risk of losing everything (e.g. bf, relationship with daughter, house) is that because of the fighting?