Personality Disorders Community Check-in: June 12th–June 18th
Hello, PD Support Community!
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💜 How has your week been so far?
🧡 If you could give one piece of advice to a younger version of yourself, what would it be?
If you prefer not to answer these questions, feel free to say hello, ask for a hug, or share anything else that's on your mind. 💛
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@QuietMagic
How has your week been so far?
week so far been ok had a few doctors appointments' they went ok. started a new bio shot for our asthma. we really hoping this helps more then just the other asthma meds we on. we did a lot of self care this week and got some restful sleep for a change.
If you could give one piece of advice to a younger version of yourself, what would it be?
we tell younger self to not worry what family thinks and to get out of the abuse given by family. this also mean not jumping into a marriage to get away from living at home. so standing up to dad and doing what we believe in
@stormieandpaws
Hi, hope that the new shot works well! Getting some rejuvenating sleep sounds nice. 💜
Makes sense re: the advice for the younger version of you. Distancing from your family seems like it's been the key turning point where everything started healing/growing and getting better. 👍
@QuietMagic
thanks we been healing for a long time even in the abuse we was doing hard healing workand also learning to work as a team. think moving helped us face the things dealing with our mother and abuse she did to us. before we moved we blocked out a lot of things dealing with mom. but after we moved at first she was coming staying with us at times. but that was good due to as we unblocked things we confronted her about them. that gave us some peace even when she denied things she did and dad and brother did. sometime she just due to comparing her life long abuse to our abuse. she down play ours or just dismiss it.
but we was the brave ones as we reached out long ago for help online then offline. she would never get help even when others offered to help her get out of the abuse. she would say married is forever and if you make your bed sleep in it. as in if you marry a abuser live with it. but oddly she said when we left our ex she was happy we did. our ex was a lot like our dad was to mom.
we not amint this much but due to blocking out stuff under 11yr we end up also marrying one who abused us as a child. he was then friends with our brothers. so after lost kids and he got back from war zone overseas. our memory came back of things he did to us as a child. that and him burning things and chanting was what took for us to ran away. but he also was trying to get us trigger warning to take our own life.
so for us healing been in layers. this the newest layer due to less connected with mom and well remove of trying to make her the good family member.
sorry so long
@stormieandpaws
Makes sense, thanks for the correction that the healing work has been ongoing for a while and started even before you moved.
It's unfortunate your mom wasn't able to take some of the steps that you were able to (i.e. reaching out for help, being willing to leave an abusive relationship). And that she used her own negative experiences to try to downplay or minimize what you were going through. With her saying she felt happy that you were able to leave your ex, I guess she recognized and appreciated the value of it but just wasn't able to do it herself.
"this the newest layer due to less connected with mom and well remove of trying to make her the good family member." - ah, so you were connected to her because "well she's not as bad as my dad and brother", but it was just a "better of two evils" situation and you eventually disconnected from her as well.
@QuietMagic
was connected to mom due to she needed us emotionally to support her she started this when we was like 2yr so we was groomed very young to take care of her emotional even dad would tell us make sure your mom ok she needs you and i need you to watch over her. he also say do not be weak like your mom. so she was greatly codependent on us. so even as adult we thought was our job to take care of mom emotionally and in other ways.
but sad part was when memories of her came back we saw she know and we have a few that seem she abusing us sexually too. she was abused from 18 months up so not sure id maybe her sister and her did things to comfort them and she when we was very young did it to us. we think mom DID but never DXed. we met child within her and a baby.
as far as her reaching out she told things to others they offered to help but she not stay away. many times she loaded us kids in car with cats and went some places like other people homes. but she after he called would say we going back. we ask why she say he my hubby i to be with him. she told us after we moved that if he ever hit her she would have left. so maybe she saw only hitting as abuse. but even after we as a young adult pointed out things even had her go with us to a support group. she talked about her abuse they told her that leaving would be very helpful even for a time and get help mentally she not do it. she only wanted pity from them but when not got it she not go back.
so she had many many chances to get help and get out of abuse but she not leave.