Freedom from prison pit TW
Freedom from prison pit
prison of my own making
when it was made it was needed
but now it like a deep pit within the ground
it seem like we are trapped
that it dark within this prison
others see us as joyful and brave
but I see self as lost and forgotten
the prison is deep
I can not crawl or climb out of it
the prison has became a place od isolation
no one see this prison
no one know the deepness of the prison
hoping others will help me out of the prison
the wounds are deep is why I here within the prison
truth is like a burning flame that hurts us
the prison pit is were I was kelp
locked in a pit was what they wanted
but they no longer there
they can not hurt me any longer
but now the prison is due to me
as to trust is to take the rope to get out
as one can not get out alone
due to the pits to deep
someone throw me a rope
give me away out of this prison pit
we made it but , they used it to keep control over me
so they could hurt me more and more
but now I am the prison keeper
so I can be set free but only if I take the rope
the rope that others hold
the rope of freedom from my prison
but will I be brave and take the rope
or will I stay within this prison pit
darkness does not have to be anymore
can be lifted out of the pit into the light
this light is true freedom
it will set me free from them who hurt me
it will take back control of my life
but only I can do that
by taking the rope offered to me
so question is will I take the rope
or stay within the prison pit
think the rope is better then stay in the prison pit
but the rope mean trusting others
giving in to what I feel
not numbing and using bad harmful ways to numb
so lets try this new way this freedom
by stormie
@stormieandpaws
Oh wow. This reminded me of my "hole". So descriptive, I can relate to exactly the feeling here.
Similar to you, I remember feeling that I was in a hole, walking round and round, trying to find a way out, and just making it deeper in the process. I didn't have the words for the hopelessness and helplessness I was feeling, but my brain sure found a good way to describe it.
I remember someone saying that you will start to notice times when you are not in the hole, and those times will become increasingly frequent and longer in duration, until one day you realise that you haven't even thought of the hole for ages.
Thank you for causing me to reflect that that is exactly what happened- I haven't thought of my hole for ages.
I will throw that rope for as many times as you need it. Or if you like, on the days when you don't have the strength to take the rope, we can just sit and chat, so you are not on your own down there. Take your time. Your feelings are are valid and deserve to be experienced and heard to the full.
And one day, maybe, we can celebrate just the memories of deep dark places together.
@Clio9876
for us with this move 8yr ago things a lot better now. the darkness always has a light within it we found too. as within the places that are dark we learn to seek the light also to reach out to others too. for us as we talked last week with another friend. we came to see it not that we not know what we feeling it more that we fear to allow our shelf to label the feelings. we feel if one labels the emotions then it make them real if they go unlabeled then in away they not real. not sure that make since at all.
we also have wrote long time ago about the hole without a floor as when one get to bottom think they on a floor the bottom drops out and one goes falling deeper into the bottomless pit. so we get what you saying too.
but yes for us it to stop fighting what we feeling and allow the feelings to come. to allow them to be labeled too
@stormieandpaws
I totally understand not wanting to name a feeling as a fear of making it real. I had to go through that too, after I had first established that what i was experiencing was feelings, and which feeling it was. Its amazing, I had no idea what anger or love or many others felt like. And then, yes, I had to get over admitting that I was angry.
But the feeling that the floor is falling away beneath you, that sounds horrific. Unbelievably frightening. Am I right I understanding that this was a few years ago. If so, I'm glad you aren't experiencing that any more.
I'm glad you see there is light in your darkness and I wish you as much of that as you need.
@Clio9876
thank you as your the first to really get what we mean by afraid to name the emotions as then they become real. we still working on that part. but see we always been able to see anger and allow that one. it kinda what we saw and heard in action all our life. we also was told it ok to be angry even by our abusers. they were angry a lot of the time. so we thought it was only emotion allowed and being angry allowing it to show gave one power and control over others. but seeing we not use it that way we was seen as weak too. truth is we only took angry out on self not other people.
but yes the pit and the bottom falling out been few years ago that part got better after we moved away from abusive family. so now it mostly like a fear of allowing self to say how we feeling as that make the emotion real and within that give power to the feelings. we talked to therapist about this yesterday for first time about the fear of labeling the emotions as that would make them real. she said she willing to work on this with us. so maybe posting the poem and you posting back was more helpful then even we thought so thank you :)
@stormieandpaws
That's interesting that anger was the one you felt was allowed. For me it was the first challenge. I vividly remember the struggle of writing "I'm angry with my mum". Despite the fact that I was in the privacy of my room, and had no intention with sharing it with anyone, let alone my mum, I still couldn't write those words. It just felt so wrong.
I'm glad writing about the poem and chatting about it led to you being able to discuss it with your therapist. I'm sure they aremuch better placed to help you with it than me.
@Clio9876
well in our home dad showed only anger any other emotion was weakness so mom was seen as very weak she cry at drop of a pin so growing up it was ok to like show anger slam doors etc but not to cry or even laugh out loud but for us we took the anger out on self due to we did not want to hurt others
so anger was what covered up all other emotions for us it was what we was taught too our job was to make sure no one upset mom so she not cry dad use to tell us that was our job from young age sadly mom used it angest us a lot too
so it was easy for us to say we was angry at dad but was very hard to say was angry at mom even to admit she abused us was hard but she did. but saying it helped us feel more like we be free too
now if we only can get over fear of sharing our emotions and showing them but that one more step in healing journey too
@stormieandpaws I loved this, it was awesome. Thank you for sharing. 🤗
@CalmPaintingPanda
your very welcome for us to write is very healing. many times we write what we can not just come right out and say. so that mostly what hidden within our poems and other writings.
@stormieandpaws I also love to write. I write in my journal when I am upset about something. I hope you will be okay soon. Sending you lots of ❤️🤗
@CalmPaintingPanda
for us writing is away to work through things so we write like here and in journals too. it one of the big ways we keep from drinking and self harming.
